Name of the Rose

by changclaire5

A late night encourter changes everything Snape has ever known.

Title:Name of the Rose.
Author: changclaire5
Pairing: Snape/Harry
Rating: PG
Summary: a late night encourter changes everything Snape has ever known
Archive: Please ask first. Thank you.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Rowling, not me, and I'm not making any money off of this.
Author's Note: I've got this little scene stuck in my head for over a week and then all of a sudden I had the urge to write it down. So I did. I'm not a writer and I don't have a beta, so all mistakes are mine. I just want to get it out of my system, and to see if somebody would like to take this story on. As I said, I'm no writer! Still, comments and suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

It's almost midnight. Harry hasn't come back from his weekly get together with Granger and Weasley yet. The rooms feel a bit empty, a bit cooler than usual with only me in them. I suppose I've grown accustomed to Harry being constantly underfoot in these dungeon rooms. Three years is certainly long enough for old habits to die and new habits to form. I shy away from that line of thoughts though – I don't want to think how much I've changed for Harry.

Maybe I should go prowl the corridors as I used to do. Yes, that sounds like a good idea. I haven't done this for ages, not since shortly after Harry moved into my dungeon rooms. He keeps me around those rooms as much as he can, not that I have much to complain about it. However, those dunderheads others call students can certainly use a little more fear of authority at present, especially when the final show down between the dark lord and the order is on the horizon. After all, sometimes all it takes is one insubordinate soldier for one side to fall.

I put on the robes on top of my dressing gown and walk out of the door. The corridors are dark and empty, just the way I like them. I head for the astronomy tower. That used to be one of my favorite spots to catch students after curfew. Those fools never learned a lesson. I disguised myself and dampened my footsteps so that no one will notice me until too late. I walk leisurely, enjoying the solitude intensified by the endless dark corridors that I know by heart and the occasional snoring portraits. I've missed this. I decide to do this more often, maybe make it a weekly event when Harry goes out for his little reunions.

I'm coming close to the great hall when I hear conversation ahead. I slow down even more. It's unlikely some imbeciles of students would risk talking loudly in such a high-traffic area. But then again, it's after midnight, so they might feel safe to do so. More fool them. I draw near, almost gleefully. This seems to be an easy catch and a good start for the night.

"…….Miss Weasley tonight, Harry?"
"Yes, Albus…"
There's a long pause. I can almost see Dumbledore's twinkling eyes on Harry, waiting for him to continue. I guess the old man wants to chat a bit with Harry.

I feel a little disappointed that Harry is back already. I'll have to cut the walk short. Harry sounded a little tired, so I probably should go to my potions stockroom first and fetch some energizing potion for him. Just a tiny dose to easy the fatigue, but not enough to remove drowsiness. A backrub would not go awry either. He's been tiring himself out lately, with the preparation for the final strike getting more intense everyday.

I am turning back already when I hear the next sentences burst out of Harry.

"I'm so tired of this, Albus, having to lie through my teeth everyday that I love Severus, and then sneak around every week to see Ginny. All I ever wanted is to be with Ginny, no one else! …… She cried tonight, Albus. She said she'll wait for me forever as long as I continue to love her. But she shouldn't have to wait! This is so unfair to her! And to me! To Severus as well!"

There's a long pause, as if Harry's trying to collect himself. "I want it to end, Albus, this farce has been gone on for too long."

"My dear boy, I am so sorry that you and Miss Weasley have to have such a heavy burden put on your shoulders. I understand your sacrifice…"

"Do you?" Harry cut in sharply.

"Yes, Harry, more than I should like to think." was Dumbledore's sad reply.

"……"

"but…...?"

"Yes, there's always a but, isn't there? But, Harry, we all agreed that this was a good way of ensuring Severus' loyalty to the order. We needed the intelligence only he can obtain. We still do, in fact more than ever, when the final strike is only two weeks away. We need to know every move Voldemort's force is making. Even small last minute change can affect the outcome of the battle. You know that, Harry. We NEED Severus to be completely loyal to us."

"Yeah, I know. But he's been good. I've never seen a hint that he's having second thoughts! And for all I know, this bloody fraud of a relationship probably has nothing to do with any of this."

"Severus is a true Slytherin, Harry. And I think you know it better than I do. I don't doubt that he first offered to spy for the order because he believed Voldemort's ways were fundamentally wrong. But a Slytherin's mind is a hard thing to predict. They are cunning and selfish people, Harry. During the war, any mishap, any failure on our side could have tipped the scale for Severus, let him conclude that he stands to gain more by serving his old master instead of the order. The only way to ensure his loyalty is to make the price too high for him to turn. And that price is love, Harry, your love to be precise. If it's anyone else he loves, he may still defect to Voldemort, either taking that person with him, or believing that once they win, he can regain that person's love somehow. But he will lose you and your love if Voldemort wins this war. You see that, don't you, Harry?"

"Yeah, I know all of this of course. And I know I agreed to do this. Still….."

"I understand, Harry. It's hard for both Ginny and you to have to wait so long. And the order is indebted to you both for your brave sacrifices. The only comfort I can offer is that it won't be much longer now. Please just bear with this for two more weeks, Harry. Once the final battle starts, you will be free to be with whomever you truly desire. And I will not stand in your way anymore."

"…………all right, Albus. We've waited for three years. I guess we can wait two more weeks." Harry sounds a little dejected, a little defeated.

"…….Well then, good night, my dear boy, sweet dreams."

"Good night, Albus."

"Oh, Harry."

"Yeah?"

"Please be gentle with Severus when you finally tell him, all right? In fact, it might be easier on him if you just pretend to break up with him."

"Okay. We don't want him to go join Voldemort in the last minute after all, now do we? Good night."

They separate, Harry comes my way, passes me by and goes on to the dungeons, already yawning. My disillusion charm holds so he doesn't notice me. I smell a faint but familiar freesia perfume clinging on his robes, as usual. I always assumed it's from Granger, as she tends to hug Harry every time they meet. Now I know it's from Miss Weasley.

I realize I'm now sitting on the floor but don't remember how I came to be in this state. Shock, I tell myself. I want to go to some place where I can think without being disturbed, but my legs are not obeying orders. So I give up and continue to sit where I am, my back to the wall of the corridor, arms hugging the knees. The coolness of the stone walls seeps through my robe and the dressing gown, and I shiver sluggishly.

I don't know how long I've sat here, I'm not even sure I didn't fall asleep, so blank was my mind. But eventually, I feel strength return to my legs. I stand up, and continue my walk to the astronomy tower.

Dumbledore knows me well. He should, seeing as I confessed to him my entire pitiful life story when I first crawled back to him from Voldemort's service. I just never imagined those information would be used against me one day. I should have, in hind sight.

I told Dumbledore my sodding childhood with only a half-crazy house elf to care for me, and a library full of dark arts books to entertain me. My parents were gone half of the time and fighting each other all the time. I told him of my lonely school years, with the reputation of a budding dark wizard, I was feared by most of the students, picked upon by a few righteous fools such as the marauders, and never befriended by any. I told him my reason to join the Death Eaters: in return for my service, the dark lord promised to care for me. And I also told Dumbledore why I left the dark lord: I realized that he lied to me.

So the Headmaster recognized my ultimate undoing would be love, didn't he? 5 points to Gryffindor, for brilliant deduction. Oh, and 5 points from Slytherin, for foolish confession. I want to laugh, but my throat feels closed. And what am I laughing at anyway? I can't think of a thing, so I cease.

I see no one on my way, and astronomy tower is empty. It's probably too late for couples to still linger up here. I feel somewhat relived. I want to be alone. The brisk night air is refreshing; I breathe deeply, and relax a little. I move to the edge and look down, Hagrid's hut is sitting dark and quiet on the ground. All is peaceful.

I think of the three years I had with Harry. They are good years. Harry came to me after graduation. He told me he'd loved me since his sixth year. I didn't believe him of course. I knew I'd never been a lovable person. But he's stubborn, and he's attractive. And Albus was very supportive of this relationship. So eventually I let him court me. I think I fell in love with him two months after that. Harry has been ever the gentle lover. I feel cherished for everyday of these three years. He cared for me when I came back from Death Eater meetings wounded and shaken. He told me he loved me at least once a day. And he brought home odd romantic little presents every month on the 13th, as that's the day when we first made love, he said.

Yes, these three years are good. I sometimes felt I was the luckiest bastard in the world to have the love and trust of such extraordinary wizards, Dumbledore and Harry. Sometimes though, I thought this could not last, things so good simply could not be true. I didn't want to be proven correct, not in this case.

The sky is turning a little gray, dawn is coming. I remember that there is a Death Eater meeting scheduled this evening. I should save my strength for that. So I turn and walk back to the dungeons. Harry is asleep, a dark lump on his side of the bed. I retrieve a vial of the dreamless sleep draught, swallow a heavy mouthful, remove the robe and dressing gown, get into my side of the bed, and fall asleep almost instantly. I'll decide what to do when I wake up.