excel/ilpalazzo 30 kisses: Who Needs a Sincere Heart if You Want To Be a Bad Girl
Author: daringu
Rating: All PG-13 to R, as Excel says, for things that are "mmmfffmm"
Notes: these are manga based!
18: say ahh...
Elgara was drunk. Again. Excel would have been able to guess even if not for the rosy-red blush on her cheeks and the five sake bottles in the trash after she, Excel, had come home after a long and strenuous day of serving Lord Ilpalazzo.
Hyatt, of course, was passed out in a puddle of her own blood in the bathtub. With her clothes on and no water in the tub. Excel wondered about that one as she decided any use of the toilet would have to wait and admonished Elgara, who was on all fours on the ground -
"Drinking sake is bad and degenerate! It's also wasting our hard-earned money, and-"
Elgara's sweater was drooping off her shoulder again and she had that look in her eyes that scared Excel. Back, troops! Excel's brain ordered to her legs, and they scooted backward.
"This situation is very familiar! As much as Excel appreciates your efforts, Elgara, she would like to emphasize that she is ruthlessly Ilpalazzosexual and has never ever had homosexual inclinations!"
"Guess what?" Elgara asked, her voice a low rumble and her words slightly slurred.
Excel abruptly stopped waving her arms. "What?"
"Lord Ilpalazzo kissed me earlier."
Excel's jaw dropped open and she nearly had to fight back tears. Surely her devoted Ilpalazzo would never do such a thing! It was...forbidden! (Except for the case in which he really wanted to kiss someone else, which she couldn't imagine because Hyatt was mostly dead, and Elgara was a shameless drunken whore. Really.)
"So," Elgara said, crawling forward and beckoning Excel down to the ground, "-I know you wanted to kiss him, right?"
Excel Delegations designated Elgara "Piece of Poop" status and therefore decided with Elgara's newfound status as poop Excel wouldn't have to address her, because why would anyone need to talk to a piece of poop? She felt a tug on her shirt, though, and then cursed herself for looking down.
"You know, it would be an indirect kiss," Elgara said, and Excel's eyes automatically went wide. Almost subconsciously she found the little evil elves inside her body making her bend down slowly. Why was she forced to such desperate measures because of her love for Lord Ilpalazzo? Why?
Elgara pulled the collar of Excel's shirt slowly down until the two were face to face.
"Now say ahh..." she said, still slurred.
Ten minutes later Elgara announced she had been most definitely lying, and was promptly beaten into unconsciousness by Excel.