A BROTHER'S CRY

By Grumpymagrat & Magratconvert

Disclaimer: We don't own the Thunderbirds. Not now, not ever.

Chapter Seven – A Brother Hides

When the Tracy brothers arrived at the breakfast table the next morning, they found Gordon already there. He was washing some breakfast dishes. Scott looked at him quizzically, but Gordon answered before Scott could even ask the question.

"Hi guys, I've decided to go out to the lagoon today. I won't be back for lunch, so I packed one. I'll be back before dinner." Gordon grabbed a backpack and a large thermos that was sitting by the door and headed out.

Alan ran to catch him. "Before you go Gordon, I have a message for you from John. He wants to talk to you. He says that you guys haven't talked in a couple of weeks."

"Ok, Alan, I'll give him a call when I get a free minute."

"Do you want some company? I can be ready in five minutes."

"No, I really would prefer to be alone today. It's my first outing since being injured so I would just like to be by myself. It's therapeutic to me. You understand, don't you Alan?"

"Of course, I do. I'll see you at dinner." Alan sincerely hoped that the trip to the lagoon would be beneficial to Gordon.

When Gordon returned from the lagoon, he seemed to be in a better mood. Alan's mood also brightened until he noticed that Gordon still didn't eat much at dinner.

The next morning Scott found Gordon in the kitchen enjoying a cup of coffee. "Hey Gordon, your up early. Do you have plans for today?"

"Sure Scott, I was going to head back to the lagoon today."

The klaxon sounded and Scott took off running. Gordon finished his coffee and headed to the lagoon. He sat on the beach just staring out over the water. He had hoped that being in one of his favorite spots would help him settle his emotions. It wasn't working. In his mind, he knew that he was not responsible for Jennifer's paralysis, but his heart needed to be convinced. Even he was getting scared at his lack of emotional control. He really was beginning to hate himself. He is a Thunderbird. He is supposed to be a professional, but he just couldn't seem to let it go. It was eating him alive. He knew it. He just couldn't stop it.

Because of back-to-back rescues, it was another two days before Alan had a chance to talk to Gordon.

"Hey Gordon, How are you doing?"

"Fine."

"How are things down at the lagoon?"

"Fine. It's peaceful out there. It's a good place to think."

"I talked to John earlier. He really wants to talk to you. It is not like you to go for a long period of time without talking to him. He is getting concerned. We all are."

Gordon knew that if he talked to John, John would see right through his false bravado. Although he would never admit to Alan why he was avoiding John.

"There is nothing to be worried about. I am working through this. After all, it has only been two weeks. Please Alan, just give me some space."

Gordon saw the look of pain that crossed Alan's face. He realized his tone was a lot harsher than he had intended. He wanted to apologize but couldn't get his mouth to work. Silently Alan turned and walked away.

"John, I am really scared. He thinks that he has us fooled, but I know that he is losing weight. He is not sleeping much either. I've heard him wandering the halls in the middle of the night. What should I do?" Alan asked his older brother.

"First of all, you need to calm down. If you get all worked up, you can't help Gordon." John told him. "Why don't you talk to Scott? He is down there and Gordon can't avoid him like he is avoiding me. You know, it is possible that he is working through it like he says."

"If you could see him, you would know better. I have to go." Alan disconnected the vid-link in a huff.

John did not know what to think. Alan seemed really concerned about Gordon. John also knew that in the past Gordon always came to him with his problems. Why wouldn't he this time? Maybe he should talk to Scott himself. No, he would let Alan talk to Scott. If Scott doesn't listen to Alan then he would call him.

The next two days Alan followed Gordon down to the lagoon. He watched as Gordon just sat on the beach. Alan couldn't understand how he could just sit there for hours on end. It was driving Alan crazy just watching him. Alan was more determined than ever. Something had to be done.

Gordon was somewhat relieved when a call to a mudslide kept his brothers away from the island for fifty hours. He felt bad that there was so much destruction and four people lost their lives, but at the same time he was glad that his brothers were gone for so long. Even when they got back, they all headed for their rooms to sleep. Not seeing his brothers for almost three days seemed like a real blessing to Gordon.

Later that evening, after his brothers got up, Gordon decided to hide in his room. He sat on the window seat staring at the stars. Maybe he should talk to John. It seemed to help with the nightmares in the past. Would John understand? Nobody else seems to understand his feelings or the fear that has resurfaced. His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Assuming it was Alan, he stayed quiet, hoping to be left alone.

The knock came again. This time a voice accompanied it. "Gordon, it is Virgil. I know that you are in there. Please open the door."

Gordon sighed. He knew that Virgil would not leave without talking to him. Placing what he hoped was a convincing smile on his face he opened the door.

"Hey Virg, is something up?"

"No, I just thought that maybe we could talk."

"Sure, anything in particular?"

"I was hoping that we could talk about the rescue. I know that you are still bothered by it. I want to help."

"Let me guess. Alan has been talking to you. I'm fine. He just doesn't want to accept it. What did he say? I'm sure that he painted this picture of me going off the deep end. How crazy did he make me sound?"

Gordon was now in full rant mode. Virgil was stunned. Very rarely did anyone ever see Gordon angry like this.

"Gordon, stop. Calm down."

Gordon glared at Virgil. "Maybe you should go."

"Alright, but first I want to say something. Alan has not talked to me. I noticed that you still seemed upset. Usually when I have a bad rescue, I talk to Scott. I just wanted to give you the opportunity to get it off your chest." Virgil started to leave but stopped at the opened door. Turning back to Gordon, he said. "Think about this Gordon. Both Alan and I have noticed a change in you. Maybe you aren't as 'fine' as you think." With that Virgil left the room.

Gordon could feel the anger coursing through him. He picked up the coffee mug that was sitting on the desk and threw it at the wall. He watched as it shattered and cold coffee ran down the wall. He was shaking. He felt like he was going to explode. He had to do something. So he headed to the gym to work out. Maybe some time with the punching bag would help work out the anger.

TBC

Author's note – Hi, guys. Two chapters in one day. Hooray. We are getting close to the end with the writing, so hopefully we can post more often.