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Heart Of Ice
Chapter Five
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"Cloud, I don't underst–"
"There's nothing to understand!" Cloud smiled as he clutched her hand, feeling the warmth spread from her fingertips to his. "You touched me, and I can breathe and move again!"
"But, why?" Tifa nearly whimpered. Cloud's excitement seemed feverish, and the stinging cold of his skin was starting to make her hand numb.
"It doesn't matter why!" he said happily. "It just works, and..."
He trailed off as he watched her, and his smile started to fade into worry. She looked scared and winced a little in pain, and then he noticed that her hands were shaking.
"Tifa, what's wrong?" He asked concernedly. He reached up with his other hand to touch her face, but she involuntarily jerked back.
"C, Cloud, I'm so sorry, I, I didn't mean to..." Tifa stammered, shaking with the chill of his touch.
Cloud looked at his hand that still held hers, and then let go. His body suddenly seized up and he choked on the warm air he had just been breathing. His muscles twitched painfully as the cold rushed upon him again, as if he had just fallen through the ice of a frozen lake.
Alarmed, Tifa screamed and pressed her hands to his chest in an attempt to hold his convulsions down, and he gasped again.
"What the hell is goin' on in here?" Barret yelled as he burst through the door, Vincent in tow. They stared at the scene before them– Cloud gasping for air and Tifa standing over him, her hands on his neck.
"We heard you scream, Tifa..." Vincent said after a moment of silence. "Is something the matter?"
Cloud relaxed against the bed, taking deep breaths as the shuddering subsided. His body couldn't take the sudden switches from freezing to burning. Tifa's hands were still on him, and he instinctively reached for them and grasped her wrists tightly. Tifa whimpered before she could suppress it, but Barret was staring at Cloud and didn't notice.
"Cloud, you're sweatin' bullets, man." He walked over to the bed and pressed his palm to Cloud's forehead. "Damn! And you're warm, too!" He smiled shrewdly and winked at Tifa. "Just what were you two up to in here?"
Vincent, on the other hand, was silently watching Tifa and her efforts to hide winces of pain. He looked from her bitten lip to Cloud's hands holding hers for dear life and began to understand.
"Cloud, let her go," he said quietly, moving toward the bed.
"N, no..." Cloud whispered, squeezing his eyes shut as he held her tighter still.
"LET HER GO!" Vincent bellowed, grabbing Cloud's wrists with both his human and clawed hands. Cloud cried out in pain again and Vincent felt the younger man's hands seize up and freeze beneath his own.
"So it seems..." Vincent murmured.
"No!" Tifa screamed. "It's hurting him again!" She quickly went under Vincent's arms which still held Cloud's hands and she reached for his face. She rubbed her thumb over his lips and cheekbone as he gasped for life again.
Barret watched as Tifa's tears mixed with the thawing drops of sweat on Cloud's forehead and trickled down his face.
"You're hurting her," Barret murmured in sudden understanding. Cloud's eyes were still squeezed shut as he feverishly shook his head. He was in shock from the sudden temperature changes and acted like a man in the throes of a high fever, falling in and out of reality. He pulled his hands away from Vincent and wrapped his arms around Tifa, who was lying on his chest. She squeezed her own eyes shut against the pain and pressed her face to his skin, feeling its stinging cold bite at her flesh.
"But she's hurting him," Vincent replied thoughtfully. "Every time she pulls away, it nearly kills him."
"So what's she supposed to do, huh?" Barret cried angrily. "Just lay there and take it? It's wrong, man. She shouldn't have to do this."
"If she doesn't, Cloud will die," Vincent said bluntly. "If anything, it is only pain for her, but life and death for him."
"That ain't true, man," Barret said, his anger ebbing away. "Maybe it's transferrin' the cold to her, and takes her warmth to him, you know?"
"Perhaps..." Vincent contemplated. "That does seem to be the effect of the spell, but why only Tifa?"
"What do you mean?" Barret asked, looking back at where Cloud and Tifa lay silently, Cloud stroking her hair while her fingers continued their rhythmic stroking over his face. They looked peaceful enough.
"It only works when Tifa touches him," Vincent continued. "You touched him earlier, when you were trying to make him warmer, and I just touched him moments ago. He is only alive when she is near."
"So you think that damned Ice Ho enchanted them both?" Barret said, scratching the stubble on his chin.
"Yes." Vincent said definitively. "The spell made some kind of connection between them, or..." Vincent paused, realization dawning on him. "Or perhaps it was created because of a previously existing bond..."
Barret stared at Vincent blankly as the cloaked man began to pace.
"Cloud said that the witch told him something," he went on quickly. "What was it he said? Something about his heart being frozen, well that was certainly literal enough..." He paced some more and then stopped abruptly. "Then Tifa said that the witch told her something as well, something only to her... something about 'her life being frozen like him,' or maybe without him..." Vincent looked over to where the woman lay slumped over Cloud, who was now sleeping peacefully. Tifa hadn't tried to move, though she was most definitely awake.
"Tifa," Vincent walked over to her and kneeled next to the bed near her face. She watched him expressionlessly, but wrapped her arms closer around Cloud.
"Leave him alone," she said in a choked whisper. "If I can help him, I will. I don't care what happens to me."
"I know that, Tifa," Vincent said softly, feeling a strange twinge of familiar pain in his heart that he thought he had long since forgotten. He realized that watching her there, defending the man she loved even though it hurt her reminded him of another beautiful woman who had sacrificed herself through pain for love. He swallowed hard and shook the painful memories from his head. That was not going to happen again. He reached out with his human hand and stroked Tifa's long dark hair that glowed auburn in the firelight.
"You need to help him," he told her. She nodded, listening. "The Ice Witch, she told you... she must have said something more about you and Cloud..."
"She..." Tifa closed her eyes and remembered. "She told me that... my life... was as 'frozen as his heart'... and 'to look beyond the ice'..."
Vincent nodded. "You understand, don't you?" He stood up and looked over the couple. Tifa was still looking at him. She nodded.
"It's up to you, Tifa... No, both of you..." Vincent corrected himself as he started toward the door. "You both have to 'seek beyond the ice.' The threat of the Snow Witch seems to have gone for now, as the blizzard has subsided. The rest is up to you two."
Vincent silently walked out the door, leaving a very confused Barret in his wake. The giant man shook his head and decided not to ask questions, since all this enchantment business was stupid and he didn't know what the hell was going on anyway. He finally decided to follow Vincent's cue and go into the other room and have more of that hot whiskey than play mind games with riddles back here.
"Okay, Teef, you heard the man," he said with a nod to her. She nodded silently back. "You patch things up here or whatever, and I'll go get drunk in the other room." He winked at her before exiting the room and closing the door behind him.
Now that the only sounds in the room were the crackling of the fire and Cloud's deep, steady breathing, Tifa felt suddenly terrified. Her heart thudded hard in her chest at the prospect of what she had to do. She had to tell Cloud... how she felt.
"'Beyond the ice,'" she thought to herself. "The ice... of our own self-consciousness, our fear... anything standing between us... I have to finally..."
This moment that she had been avoiding for so long because she was so terrified to broach her comfortable limit. No matter how aggravating the distance had been, it was much preferred to this intensity, the making or the breaking...
Tifa squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "This is not a selfish matter anymore! This isn't about my own feelings anymore! This is for his life, his happiness..." She sat up a little, careful to keep contact as she slid her arms from around his body until only her fingertips were grazing his chest. He stirred and a frown creased his peaceful face, and his arms tried to find their grip around her waist again as he slept.
"Even if... he doesn't feel the same way..." Tifa murmured to herself as she watched him. "It's only the barrier we have to overcome. Mine will be the confession, his will be... the... the..." Acceptance or rejection? She wondered. Tifa swallowed hard. She didn't like feeling so vulnerable.
But the time had come. Her fingers were so numb they had stopped shaking and she could only tell she was touching him by the fact that she could see him so peaceful. She leaned closer to him, carefully, as if she were trying to avoid disturbing the air around his face that would wake him up, and she kissed him. Her lips lingered on his, feeling his warm breath on her skin. She pressed lightly before pulling back and found his eyes watching her intently.
Tifa desperately wanted to look away, to pretend like she hadn't just done that and could go back to blissful obscurity again. She almost forgot herself in her wave of embarrassment and got up to leave, but Cloud grasped her hands and held her as she half-stood, half-sat over his bed.
"O, oh," Tifa stammered, unable to look at Cloud. "I, I'm sorry, I almost forgot. I didn't mean to leave..."
"Tifa," Cloud said quietly, eyes still watching her intently. He had just woken up to her kissing him, and he had to make sure that he wasn't still dreaming. "Tifa, look at me..."
Tifa slowly turned her head, her eyes wide with fear as they met Cloud's piercingly blue stare. She was surprised to see the soft, concerned look on his face as he tugged at her hands, motioning for her to sit down again. She gently positioned herself as far on the edge of the bed as possible, and looked away again.
Cloud sat up, the blankets falling off of his bare chest to his waist. He didn't stop looking at her, even when she refused to look at him. He watched as she closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip– a nervous habit that she'd had since they were kids. He looked quickly to where he held her hands and saw that they were pale and ice cold in his own warm hands. He remembered again what he was doing to her, and he loosened his grip.
"Tifa," he began softly, keeping his gaze on her frozen hands. "I, I'm sorry for doing this to you. It... must be hurting you."
"No, Cloud," Tifa shook her head but still couldn't look at him. "I'm fine. This is for your own good."
"Then why won't you look at me?" he nearly pleaded.
Tifa couldn't think of anything to say. The desperation in his voice... Did he have any idea of how she felt? She slowly lifted her head and met his gaze. He looked hurt and concerned, and opened his mouth to say something but closed it again and swallowed.
This was it, Tifa thought to herself as her heart beat madly in her chest. He's going to say it, he's trying to think of how to let me down without hurting me, because we're just good friends and nothing more...
"I'm sorry!" they said at once. Tifa just stared at him as Cloud continued.
"I'm sorry, Tifa, to put you through all this..." Cloud said, now unable to look at her as his gaze rested on a fold in the blanket. He looked sad but determined, and Tifa watched him in fear.
"It's just that... I'm scared to let go." Cloud shook his head, angry with himself. "I feel horrible, forcing you to hold on to me and it's only hurting you for my own gain." His eyes suddenly set in determination of what he would say next.
"I need your help to do this, though." He looked up at her then, catching her off-guard with the sudden intensity of the sadness burning in his eyes. "I can't go on like this. Just... just tell me to, and I'll let go..."
"Cloud, no!" Tifa nearly cried as she gripped his hands tighter. "You can't! You'll die!"
"What else can I do, Tifa?" Cloud asked her earnestly, just as desperate as she was. "If this is the only cure, then how can we go on living? I can't do this to you..."
"I don't care, Cloud!" Tears were running down her face again. "I'll hold on to you forever if I have to!"
She choked on a sob, realizing that this was the closest she could ever get to telling him how she felt, how she would give her life and happiness for him... Cloud reached up with one hand that Tifa still clutched and he brushed away a tear from her cheek. The cold felt like it burned through her flesh but she didn't try to move.
"I love you, Tifa," Cloud nearly whispered, his face inches from hers. "I love you enough to know that I have to let go."
His voice cracked and shook on his last words as he leaned back and let his fingers slip from her hands. His body went rigid and shook as the paralyzing cold enveloped him, stabbing shards of ice through his veins. All the warm breath rushed out of his lungs as they refused to expand again, as if they were filled with freezing water.
Tifa watched for one horrified moment that seemed an eternity as she was completely numb and unable to move. Suddenly, she reached out and threw her arms around his neck, kissing his mouth as if she could breathe life back into him.
"Cloud!" she cried. She was sobbing so hard she lost sense of the world around her. Everything was so numb and cold. Then, as if the tide had broken over her, she was enveloped in warmth. Strong arms surrounded her and pulled her out of her numb reverie. She came to her senses and saw Cloud smiling beneath her. He was holding her close to his chest as he lay on the bed, and was stroking her hair.
"Tifa," he said, warmth radiating from his face. "Tifa, you saved me."
Tifa hastily pulled herself up but kept one arm on his chest. Cloud smiled and sat up, pulling arms away from her. "No!" she cried and desperately threw her arms around his neck again. She buried her face against his neck as he laughed.
"Tifa! Don't worry!" he said, pulling her back in front of him. "Look."
He gently pushed her arms away, and when her shaking hand finally pulled back and hovered over his skin, she gasped and looked up at him. He was still smiling. "See? You've cured me."
"C, Cloud..." she stammered and tried to smile as she wiped away her tears. "You're really okay!"
"It was true, what that Ice Witch said," Cloud said as he reached up to brush Tifa's hair away from her face. "That my heart was frozen... You brought me to life."
Tifa swallowed hard as Cloud cupped her face in his hands. "I love you," he said. "I'm sorry that I waited until I thought I was dying to tell you that." He smiled sheepishly and looked away. "I was just... kinda worried that... you, know... that you wouldn't..." The heat radiating from his cheeks could have either been his de-thawing or his embarrassment as Cloud pulled his hands away. He scratched the back of his head like he always did when he was nervous. Tifa laughed a little and placed her own hands on his face.
"Cloud, I love you. I'm sorry that I waited until you said it first to tell you that." Cloud looked at her and smiled in relief.
"Whew!" he sighed contentedly as he wrapped his arms around her again. "After all this time, I feel like I can finally breathe again."
"Well," Tifa smiled softly, lightly stroking his face. "Hold your breath for just a little while longer..." And she leaned in to kiss him again.
Disclaimer: I did not create/publish/sell Final Fantasy VII, its characters, locations, plots, etc. It all belongs to Squaresoft.