A BROTHER'S CRY
By Grumpymagrat & Magratconvert
Disclaimer: We don't own the Thunderbirds. Not now, not ever.
Chapter Nine – The Brothers InterveneWhen Gordon reached the lounge, he found the rest of his family, minus John, waiting for him. He got the distinct impression that this was one family meeting that he was going to hate.
Jeff spotted Gordon standing at the door. "Come on in Gordon and have a seat."
The only seats available were the two chairs in front of his father's desk. Gordon felt like he was being put on display. It was a feeling that turned his stomach, but he sat anyways. His suspicions of the topic of this family meeting were confirmed when his father sat in the chair across from him instead of behind the desk like usual.
"Gordon," his father started. "I have called this meeting because your brothers and I are concerned about you."
Gordon interrupted his dad. "I should have known. Alan had this fixation that I am losing my mind. First he sucks in my brothers. Now he is dragging you in too. So let me guess. This must be some form of 'intervention.'" Is Kyrano off packing me a bag to take to the 'looney bin'?" He did nothing to keep the anger out of his voice.
Jeff was startled by Gordon's reaction. "Gordon, please. Ever since that bad rescue, you seem to be withdrawing. Alan obviously noticed first, but now that he has pointed it out, we all can see the signs. We want to help you. I hope that you will let us."
Gordon stared angrily at his family. "You all say that you want to help me. You ask me what you can do. But you don't listen when I say that I want to be left alone. I have to work this out myself. I am out of here." Gordon stood and headed for the door.
"Gordon!" Jeff thundered. "Sit down." Jeff could see the defiance in Gordon's face. Softening his voice, "Please," he said. Gordon reluctantly sat back down. Turning to the other three boys, he said. "I would like to speak to Gordon alone, please." The boys got up and left the room, but Jeff knew that they weren't far away.
Jeff pulled his chair closer to Gordon's and sat down. "Gordon, I know that I am not handling this well at all. I know that you say that you want to work it out alone, but you aren't. The more you are alone, the worse you get. You look so tired and you have been losing weight. You are angry and defiant. This isn't you. Please talk to me. Let me help you."
Gordon looked at his dad sullenly. "You wouldn't understand."
"I know that you feel guilty over…" Jeff started to say when Gordon jumped up and started to rant.
"That is just it Dad. You don't know what I am feeling. You have no idea in the world how it feels to be paralyzed. To wake up and not be able to feel your own legs. To have doctors tell you that you will never be able to walk again. To have to face the rest of your life in a wheelchair. To face the pity in people's eyes when they see you. I do though, Dad. I know exactly what Jennifer is feeling. I lived it. I went through all the emotions: anger, denial, and fear. I know how in one instance your whole life can change. I still have nightmares of waking up in the hospital. I was terrified. To know that I am responsible for another person going through that is unbearable."
Out in the hallway, the three brothers finally understood. "My God," Alan said. "Why didn't we make the connection before? Can you imagine the memories that have resurfaced?"
Scott just stared at the ceiling while Virgil stared at the floor. They both were calling themselves any number of fools for not making the connection.
Meanwhile back in the lounge, Jeff was trying to talk to his son. "Gordon, what happened to Jennifer was not your fault. You did what you could. Some things are just beyond your control."
"I should have never left her alone in that cave."
"You didn't have a choice. You needed to get the others to safety."
"All I know is that she was awake and able to move her legs when I left her, but then she was paralyzed when I returned. I made the decision to leave her. It was my responsibility. I made a mistake and she paid the price." Gordon's voice drifted to a whisper. He sat back down and buried his head in his hands.
Jeff reached out and put his hands on Gordon's shoulders. Quietly he said. "Gordon, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I will do anything I can to help you. However, there are two things that I want you to do for me. Can you?" Gordon silently nodded his head. "Good, good. Ok, the first thing I want is for Brains to give you a complete physical. I am concerned about your weight loss and your sleeplessness." Gordon raised his head and looked at his Dad but didn't say anything. "The second thing is that I want you to talk to Dr. Shipman."
"Who is Dr. Shipman?" Gordon asked.
"He is a psychologist that I…"
"A shrink!" Gordon exploded as he jumped up from his chair. "I don't need a damn shrink. I am not crazy! I just need some time."
Gordon continued his angry rant while Jeff sat there. He had never seen Gordon this angry.
"I told you. Nobody understands me. You don't understand." Gordon began pacing around the room. "A shrink! I can't believe you Dad. Just how in the hell am I even supposed to explain all this to a shrink? 'Well Doc, I am feeling guilty as sin because I screwed up and an innocent young woman ended up in a wheelchair. Don't ask me any details because the who, when, where and how are all top secret.' That really will get me a one-way ticket to the psych ward."
"Gordon, it wouldn't be like that. Dr. Shipman already knows about International Rescue."
"Oh great, an International Rescue operative. Are you sure you want to do that? It wouldn't look good if it got out that one of the Thunderbird pilots has lost his mind."
"Gordon, calm down."
"Calm down. Calm down." Gordon yelled. "I am so tired of people telling me what to do and what to feel. I know that you all think that I am crazy. I know that you are just looking for a reason to get rid of me."
"Gordon," a shocked Jeff said. "You are being paranoid. We don't want to get rid of you. We love you. You are an important part of this family. You are a vital member of International Rescue."
Gordon interrupted his Dad. "Right, International Rescue. That is what is most important here, isn't it Dad?" Gordon walked over to the desk and picked up the picture of the five Tracy boys in the IR uniforms. "That is what you are really worried about. It's not me that you are worried about. It's International Rescue. I screwed up on a rescue, and the whole world knows it. There is now a chink in the armor of the great International Rescue. Well, you know what Dad? You can shove IR up your ass! I QUIT! Do you hear me? I QUIT!" He threw the picture as hard as he could against the wall. The glass shattered as it hit the wall and fell to the floor. "I quit International Rescue. I quit this family." With those final words, he stormed from the lounge and ran directly into his three brothers.
"I know that you guys have been out here listening. Well, be happy guys. After tomorrow, you will never see me again." He then disappeared around the corner.
Scott, Virgil and Alan went into the lounge to check on their father. They found him holding the broken picture with a single tear slowly making it's way down his face.
"Dad, are you ok? Is there anything that we can do?" Scott asked.
"I'm ok Scott. I think the best thing to do is for everyone to get some rest. It has been an exhausting day."
"But what about Gordon?" Alan demanded.
Jeff sighed. "Gordon is too worked up right now. He can't leave until tomorrow. Hopefully by then he will have settled down and changed his mind. If we keep after him tonight, it will just drive him farther away. So just let it drop for tonight. Ok?"
"Do you think that he will really leave?" Virgil asked.
"I certainly hope not." Jeff said looking back down at the picture he was holding. "How could he think that I care more about International Rescue than him? Do any of you feel that way?"
The three boys shook their heads, but it was Scott who spoke. "None of us feel that way, not even Gordon. He is not himself. It was the guilt and the anger talking. We all joined International Rescue willingly because we believed in the values that it promotes."
"Thanks, Scott. I needed to hear that. Go ahead and get some sleep. I need to make one phone call and then I am heading to bed."
After the boys left the lounge, Jeff sat at his desk and dialed the number to Dr. Shipman's private line.
TBC
Author's note - Well, here is the next chapter. We said that it would be up shortly. We hope to post again tomorrow.
Personal note from Magratconvert - In this chapter the term 'looney bin' was used. It was not intended to be derogative toward Psychiatric hospitals or anyone who has stayed there. It was only used to convey the depth of the depression that Gordon had fallen into. Before anyone says that I don't understand, I want to state that I spent two months in-patient and one month out-patient in a psychiatric ward for depression. A lot of what Gordon in going through, I have pulled from my own experiences.