A BROTHER'S CRY

By GrumpyMagrat & Magratconvert

Disclaimer: We don't own the Thunderbirds. Not now, not ever.

Chapter Twelve – The Brothers Informed

The sickroom was heavy with emotion. Gordon buried his head in John's shoulder crying uncontrollably. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. What have I done? Oh God, I am sorry."

John held Gordon in his arms. He was trying to calm Gordon down by rocking him gently and talking softly to him through his own tears. "It's ok, Gordon. Let it out. I'm here for you. You did good. Just let all that hurt out."

Alan left his bed and wrapped his arm around Gordon. Leaning his head against Gordon's back, Alan joined in the rocking motion. He also tried to calm Gordon. "Please Gordon. Please don't blame yourself. I want to help you. Please let me help. I love you, Gordon." Seeing his brother in so much pain, Alan could not keep his own tears from falling.

Virgil sat in his chair. He desperately wanted to comfort his younger brother but he found himself at a loss of what to do. John and Alan had basically enveloped Gordon between them while whispering words of comfort. The high intensity of emotion in the room brought tears to his own eyes. So he was surprised when he looked at Scott.

Scott sat in his chair stoically. He seemed detached from what was happening in the room. In fact Scott looked angry. He was looking everywhere around the room, but at the drama being played out on his brother's bed. He never did handle emotional outbursts well. Usually, he let John or Virgil handle emotional victims, but now it was his own brothers that were emotional. He really wanted to leave but he figured that his dad would not be happy if he did.

Jeff moved to stand beside his son's bed. He was battling his own tears. He placed one hand on Gordon's shoulder and softly smoothed Gordon's hair with the other hand. He didn't say anything. He just stood there giving his support as his son poured out his grief and pain through his tears.

When Gordon's tears finally subsided, Alan and John released Gordon. He laid back against his pillow emotionally spent. He waited for his family to say something. He had feared their disapproval for weeks, but as he looked around the room, he could see that he had been selling his family short. John and Alan had been openly crying with him. He could still see the unshed tears in his dad's and Virgil's eyes. Only Scott seemed to still be angry. Gordon really couldn't blame him, especially after what he did to Alan. Scott had appointed himself Alan's protector when their mother died and he still tried to protect him as much as possible even though they are both now adults.

Jeff took Gordon's hand. He was searching for the words he needed. He needed to explain. He had kept his secret hidden for too long. Maybe if he had explained it earlier, Gordon would have been willing to talk about things.

"Gordon, sons, I am going to tell you something. I've been keeping a secret from you. It is hard for me to talk about it. So please let me say this without interrupting. I will answer any of your questions when I am done. Alright?"

Jeff looked around at his sons who all looked confused, but they nodded their heads. "Ok, good," he said. "Gordon, you got really upset the other day when I asked you to talk to Dr. Shipman." Gordon's eyes clouded over, but he didn't interrupt. "You left before I had the chance to explain. He is not an International Rescue operative." Jeff hesitated for a second. "The reason that Dr. Shipman knows about International Rescue is because he is my therapist."

The room was deathly quiet as the brothers tried to comprehend what their Dad had just told them. They couldn't believe it. The great Jefferson Tracy just couldn't be seeing a psychologist. He runs his own business. He heads up International Rescue. He is always in control. It just didn't make sense.

Virgil was the first to gather his thoughts. "Dad, how can you be seeing Dr. Shipman? You hardly ever leave the Island?"

"We do our sessions by a secure vid-phone." Jeff answered.

"How can you be sure that it is secure?" John asked.

"Because it is one of our communication units. I set it up personally. It only goes through Thunderbird 5's communication arrays. The unit here at the house will only connect to Dr. Shipman's unit and vise-versa. If anyone tries to hack into it, an alarm sounds." Jeff explained.

"Why?" Scott quietly asked the question that was in everybody's mind.

"Excuse me, Scott. What did you say?" Jeff asked, not hearing his son's question clearly.

"I asked why. Why do you need a therapist? You are the most in control person I know. What possibly could have happened that made you seek help?" Scott said.

"International Rescue happened, Scott. I spent years dreaming of it and designing the equipment. I was so proud when we went into operation. We had successful rescues, and the world was singing our praises. It felt good. My dreams were paying off. Then the incident with the Sunprobe happened. I almost lost you and Alan not to mention Tin-Tin. I seriously contemplated shutting down International Rescue right then. It sickened me to think that I could lose any of my sons any time that they were called out to a rescue. When I lost your mother, I thought nothing could be worse. Life, though, showed me that losing my sons would be worse than anything I have ever experienced. I love all of you boys more than anything. Maybe I don't tell you enough, but it's the truth."

"Dr. Shipman has helped me work through these fears. I keep regular monthly appointments with him and I also have 'emergency' sessions when I am feeling overwhelmed. International Rescue would not be in operation today if I didn't have Dr. Shipman to talk to. It is important for all of you to understand that there is no shame in asking for help even with our emotions. We are only human. I am sorry that I gave you the wrong impression."

"I have been talking to him about what has been happening. He has cleared his schedule for the next week. I am going to bring him to the island where he has agreed to talk to anyone who wants to meet with him. It is not an order. This has to be your choice, although, I will encourage all of you to take advantage of the opportunity. I can tell you from personal experience that it helps. Also, I want to assure you that if you do talk to Dr. Shipman, anything you say will be in strict confidence. He would never break that confidence. I want you to feel free to talk about anything without fear of repercussion."

"On a separate subject, I've decided to leave Thunderbird Five on automatic for a while. We are going to be short-handed down here with Alan and Gordon both being on the injured list."

"But Dad…" Gordon started to argue.

"No Gordon," Jeff said. "You are on the injured list until Brains says that you are back to one hundred percent."

Silence reigned again in the room. Jeff looked at each of his sons. They all seemed to be in a state of shock.

"Are there any other questions? Or anything that you want to say?" Jeff asked.

Scott got up and left the room. He couldn't stand it anymore. The more he tried to figure out what was happening in his family, the more things seemed to be spinning out of control. This bombshell that his dad had just dropped was the last straw. He needed some time alone.

"I'll take that as a 'no' on his part for right now." Jeff said. "How about the rest of you?"

The four remaining brothers looked at each other, but it was John who spoke. Shaking his head no, he said. "I think right now we are kind of in a state of shock. Maybe we will have questions later."

"Ok, my door is open at anytime." Jeff replied. "I am going to fly over to the states and get Dr. Shipman. Think about what I said. I love you boys." He hugged his four sons before he left the room.

"Oh my God," Alan said after his dad left. "Am I the only one who feels like the world just turned upside down?"

"No, Alan." Virgil answered. "I think that it is going to take awhile to understand all this. Although it does make me feel better to know that our safety is so important to him."

John noticed that Gordon seemed to be tired. "Yeah, I know what you mean, Virg. Why don't we go talk about this somewhere else." John crooked his head toward Gordon hoping that his brothers would also notice. They did and nodded to let John know that they understood.

"Hey Gordon, you look like you could use some sleep. So we are going to leave." John said, but he was still concerned about how Gordon was handling all this. "Gordon, look at me. Are you ok?"

"Yeah John, it's just been a very emotional day. My mind is just spinning. I'm not sure that I could sleep right now." Gordon admitted.

"Do you want Brains to give you a sedative?" John asked.

"I think that would help. Thanks, John."

John stayed in the sickroom until Gordon fell asleep. He then joined Virgil and Alan, who had been finally released from the sickroom. They sat in the lounge silently, each one trying to reconcile their own thoughts and feelings. Emotionally drained, they fell asleep and that is how Scott found them an hour later.

TBC

Author's note – Here we go. Two chapters in one night. The next chapter should be up sometime tomorrow. Hope to catch you then.