A/N: Okay, here's part 2, in all its insane goodness! And believe you me, it IS insane. And to those of you who noticed the absence of a very important character in Chapter 1, don't worry; He'll be appearing in this one!
And if you haven't seen/read Lord of the Rings, this may not make too much sense to you. But you should still find it funny, so I'd recommend reading, even if you might be a bit confused at times.
Dedication: To CrazyPika, for being a great friend and for encouraging me to write more of this literary fiasco otherwise known as a "fanfic"
Disclaimer: No, I still don't own Pokémon …or Legsie. Woe is me. Oh: I don't own the film "Pirates of the Caribbean" also. Wish I did though; I love that movie so much…BUT WHY IS RUM GONE! Erm, yeah.
-- LEGSIE! --
After the recent total and utter obliteration of the Lair of Insanity's Kitchen, the houses' residents were being forced to cook their food elsewhere… which, when you take into consideration the Pokémon who live in the house, can only mean trouble.
"Sianne…"
"Go away! I almost have it!"
"Sianne… really, I can light the fire in less than a second…" Hlìn the Charizard said, looking pitifully at the scene before her.
"No! Must… create… fire… through… rubbing… sticks… together!" Sianne the Raichu was sitting in the living room desperately trying to make a fire by rubbing two sticks together, creating only a pile of sawdust. Her friends Blaise, Sarah, Bansra, Hlìn and Wilber were watching with mixed expressions of pain and amusement.
"Sianne? That's what you said an hour ago and you haven't gotten anywhere!" Sianne's best friend, Sarah the Marshtomp pointed out, hoping to eat her lunch of noodles before it was time to go to bed.
"I'm making progress! The sticks are warmer than they were!"
"But me or Hlìn could easily light the fire! Why do you feel the need to make it yourself?" Blaise, a Quilava recognizable by her "Flame of Moltres" T-shirt, sighed.
"I'm being independent!" Sarah said happily, not really taking the hint.
"And Sianne… that is GREEN wood! You're never going to make a fire out of that!" Hlìn said, on the point of yelling.
"Watch me!"
"Grrr…" Hlìn just glared at the twigs, which had been practically reduced to little piles of dust and then could take it no longer.
"Hey! Look over there!" She pointed out of the window and everyone turned to look. Hlìn seized the opportunity and spat a tiny ember onto the tip of one of the sticks, which caught fire.
"I don't see anything…" Wilber, the very pudgy Pidgey said, straining his eyes to see anything vaguely interesting out of the window.
"Me neither.." said Bansra, who was a very young and very asthmatic Linoone with pink bows on her ears, "and my eyesight's normally very good…"
"It was… um… a really big Swellow!" Hlìn said quickly. "Hey! Look Sianne! You've made fire!"
"Wow! So I have! I rule! I've created fire! My name will go down in all the history books! I can see it now…'2006: Sianne the Raichu creates fire', I'll be so famous… OW!" Sianne was so taken up in her fantasy she failed to notice that the fire had burnt the entire twig and then burnt her paw. She dropped the twig instantly and waved her hand around, trying to cool it down. Sarah quickly used Muddy Water to put out the fire and then to cool down Sianne's hand. Bansra and Wilber went and got a propane gas camping stove from the basement and brought it up to the living room. Five minutes later, they were cooking food and roasting marshmallows on chopsticks.
"This is fun!" Wilber said, munching happily on a millet spray.
"Yeah, almost as cool as a real barbeque!" Blaise agreed, cooking her mushroom and tomato kebab on her head flame.
"Sarah, you're dripping marshmallow on the carpet." Hlìn pointed, "But since the carpet is in near tatters after all those objects rampaged through here yesterday, I doubt it matters."
Bansra, who was happily eating ice cream from the tub with a spoon, noticed the odd look Wilber was giving her. "What?" she asked, glaring slightly at the Pidgey.
"If you only wanted to eat ice cream, why on earth have you been standing around here for the last two hours while Sianne was 'making fire'?"
The small Linoone looked up, realization dawning on her. "I really have no idea," she confessed, "but it was fun."
"One marshmallow left!" Sarah yelled suddenly, leaping for the bag.
Sianne turned her head and saw it; the last marshmallow, sitting in the bag, in its pink, fluffy marshmallowness. The world seemed to enter slow motion.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Sianne yelled, also leaping for the container.
Both the Marshtomp and Raichu grabbed the bag at the same time, and tried to yank if off each other, tugging this way and that with all their might. Eventually, however, the bag couldn't hold out any longer and ripped right down the middle, sending the marshmallow flying into the air, rotating slowly before beginning to fall to the ground.
Sarah made a jump for it, but Sianne was quicker. She leaped onto the coffee table, off her friends' head and grabbed the marshmallow in mid-air, landing safely on the sofa with it clasped in her paws.
"My precioussss…" she hissed, stroking it lovingly. Sarah, having recovered from having her head jumped on by a slightly overweight Raichu, shook her head and whirled around, seeing Sianne stroking the marshmallow. She made another leap for it, but Sianne saw her in the corner of her eye. The Raichu held the marshmallow between her teeth and leaped upwards, narrowly dodging Sarah, who landed on the sofa. Sianne grabbed the light fixture and swung from it a couple of times, building up momentum, before letting go, soaring through the air, and landing on the navy chair in the corner of the room with a "Tada!" She threw the marshmallow into the air, balanced it on the nose for a few seconds before eating it in one gulp.
Sarah glared at her friend before turning to her noodles and kebabs and eating them instead. Hlìn shook her head and sighed at how this had become normal behavior within the house. Sianne gave her "peace" sign to everyone, marking her victory and turned to eat the rest of her salad. It was gone.
"Ack! Who took my salad?" Sianne yelled.
"What?" Bansra asked through a mouthful of raspberry ripple ice cream, "Why would anyone have taken your salad?"
"I don't know, but it's gone!" Sianne looked around to see if she has misplaced it, "It just disappeared!"
"Eat up Geraldine! It's good for you!" came a voice from nowhere.
"Wha?" Sianne said in utter confusion. "Where'd that voice come from?"
"I think it came from upstairs." Blaise said, putting down her empty kebab stick and going to the door. "The thing is, the voice mentioned a "Geraldine". I just hope it isn't-"
"KADABRA!" Sarah yelled fearfully, pointing at the ceiling.
Kadabra was not technically a resident of the Lair of Insanity. He was the nuttiest thing since sliced bread and drifted around as he pleased, the LoI being his favorite place of residence. He was rarely seen out of the company of his sidekick, a dilapidated Lotad doll that he had nicknamed Geraldine.
Kadabra was sitting cross-legged on the ceiling, defying all laws of physics using his psychic powers, trying to feed his Lotad doll pieces of lettuce.
"Salutations, mortals!" Kadabra said, not looking up from his plushie, "Doth I be a cretin I spy yonder?"
"What the heck?" Wilber murmured. Hlìn nodded in agreement.
"Give me back my salad!" Sianne screamed as loudly as she could.
"Salad? I know of no salad! I'm just a little teapot, short and stout, here's my cottage cheese, here's my-"
"Chuuuu!" Apparently, Sianne was bored of this conversation and decided she wanted her salad back now. So she did what any self-respecting mentally unhinged Raichu would do; she used Thunderbolt. Unfortunately, at that precise moment, Kadabra teleported out of the room, leaving for a brief nanosecond, a Plot Hole in the room. When Sianne's electricity hit that tiny Plot Hole, something physically impossible occurred; the lightning drew the first random person it came across out of their dimension and into the Pokéworld. Now, as fate would have it, that particular plot hole led directly into Middle Earth. The lightning came out of a time and space portal, traveling at the speed of light, and tore around Middle Earth looking for someone to take back with it into the Pokéworld.
Meanwhile, just outside Isengard, Merry and Pippin were celebrating their recent victory over Saruman with the Ents when Gandalf, Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas came riding out of the forest. They had just begun talking about Frodo, Sam and the Ring when suddenly the sky darkened over and clouds completely obscured the sun. The sound of thunder could be heard and everyone looked up at the sky. Then, Sianne's bolt of lightning tore down from the murky sky and hit Legolas straight in the chest, knocking him off his and Gimli's horse and onto the floor. Of course, this was not Middle Earth lightning, or else Legolas would have been Elf flambé in less than a second flat; but Pokémon lightning, which only causes the victim to become a charred back colour and have their hair stand on end, when they would typically be totally fine in the next scene. Gimli and the other leapt off their horses to check that the Elf was still alive. He was still breathing, but unconscious. Just as his friends were getting over the shock of Legolas being struck by lightning and surviving, he disappeared completely into the inexplicable plot hole that led straight to the Pokéworld; into the living room of a large house known as The Lair of Insanity, to be exact.
Sianne opened her eyes and looked up to the ceiling to see if she had crisped Kadabra enough. What she saw was totally unexpected, however; she saw an unconscious person with impossibly blonde hair suspended in mid-air by a string of electricity. The electricity faded and the person fell to the ground, and the plot hole above him automatically sealed up. Hlìn, Sarah, Bansra, Wilber and Blaise saw the person materialize into the living room and they ran over to his lifeless body and began checking if he was all right.
The person was very similar to a human, save for his strange pointy ears. He wore green clothes, had a quiver full of arrows on his back and when they rolled him over to check his pulse, Sianne screamed.
"LEGSIE!" she shrieked at the top of her lungs. All the other Pokémon stopped checking for signs of life in the humanoid and covered their ears, as Sianne's screams had a tendency to go above the normal amount of decibels a person or Pokémon was used to.
"What!" Hlìn said, after checking her sense of hearing was still working.
"Look! It's Legsie! I can't BELIEVE this!" Sianne began running around in little circles, apparently out of happiness.
"Legsie?" Hlìn repeated in disbelief. The Charizard moved a clawed hand to her temple. She felt a headache coming on.
"That's Sianne's word for Legolas, though…" Sarah pondered.
"Legolas as in Lord of the- Huh?" Blaise was interrupted by a small cough from the person, who was still slightly carbonized from Sianne's Thunderbolt.
"What…? Where am… ACK!" The person suddenly noticed he was sharing a room with a fish with arms and legs, a fire dragon, a weird raccoon with even bluer eyes than him, a really fat bird, a rodent-thing with its head on fire and an extremely delirious electric mouse that was still dancing around in circles. And he was very afraid.
"I can't believe this! It is Legolas!" Blaise said in total disbelief, "But that's impossible… he belongs in Middle Earth!"
"Who? Where's he from?" Wilber asked, utterly confused.
"I don't get it either…" Bansra agreed. Wilber had little interest in books or movies, and it was decided that Bansra was too young to watch such violent movies, so the Pidgey and Linoone had no idea what was going on. Actually, nobody did.
"Who… what are you?" the person they had (save for Wilber and Bansra) decided was Legolas, asked.
"Oh no. Exposition time." Hlìn said expressionlessly. "I'll make this short. We're Pokémon, immensely fun creatures from an ϋber-fun computer game that possess special powers. And are we right in assuming you're Legolas?"
The Elf shook his head in disbelief, trying to take all of this in; "How do you know who I am?"
"Duh. We've seen the films at the cinema! Great films!" Sarah said, waving her arms around for emphasis.
"And the books; they're great too!" Hlìn added.
"They made a book of it?" Sarah asked, confused.
"LEGSIE!" Sianne yelled again, making everyone jump, especially Legolas, who was still coming to terms with the things that had just happened to him.
"Um… maybe we could make you a cup of tea or something… Do you take sugar?" Blaise asked, unsure of what to do.
"I'll just have some Lembas if that's okay…" Legolas replied faintly.
"Some what?" Wilber asked, still wondering how everyone knew this weird blonde guy and sensed that he was being left out of something. Bansra was also confused, but returned to her ice cream. Ice cream made everything better for her.
"Sorry Legsie! You're in the Pokéworld now and we don't have Lembas!" Sianne said happily.
"Oh… just tea then," and as an afterthought he added, "and why do you keep calling me Legsie?"
Hlìn leant over to him and whispered into his pointy ear something that sounded like "The Raichu is insane. Don't try making sense out of anything she says; we gave that up a long time ago. Just go along with it."
"Right."
There was a long pause, with nobody knowing quite what to say. Until-
"LEGSIE!"
-once again broke the silence.
"Will you stop doing that? My name is Legolas!"
"How exactly did you get here anyway?" Blaise asked, suddenly aware that nobody knew how Legolas materialized into their living room.
"I am not really sure." Legolas said, trying to think about what happened by Isengard. "There was just a bolt of lightening that hit me and I blacked out and found myself here… I wonder how I will ever get back to Middle Earth…"
"I think…" Hlìn said slowly, "I think that when Sianne used Thunderbolt and Kadabra used Teleport, the teleportation left a gap in time and space and somehow the lighting managed to break the barrier between our two worlds and dragged you here."
"Do you think I'll ever be able to get back?" Legolas asked anxiously, wanting to get back to the others to fight the Orcs, hit on Gimli and such like.
"Maybe. If we can convince Kadabra to do as we say, we may be able to get him to Teleport you back to Middle Earth, but reasoning with Kadabra can be… difficult." Hlìn said.
"Until he comes back, can we watch a movie?" Bansra asked from the sofa, the ice cream tub now empty, and she now wanting to do something.
"Yeah, but we'll have to watch the one in Terra's room, I think that was the only TV in the house not wrecked by the Giga-objects yesterday." Blaise pointed out, "And we'll need to rent a movie, I think all the ones we own were destroyed as well. Ah well; we can order them off Ebay again."
"I'll go down to the video rental with Wilber and we'll choose a movie. Is that okay with everyone?" Hlìn said.
"Sure." Blaise agreed, leading Legolas upstairs, who really did not think that now was the time for movies.
"Hmm… which one to pick…" Hlìn muttered, flicking through the rows and rows of DVDs. "Seen anything good, Wilber?"
"There's "The Matrix", though I think we all saw that at Dannichu's last birthday… And "The Lion King" and "Spirited Away" are here, but we've all seen them as well."
"There's "O Brother, Where art thou?", but I made you all watch it last year… they have "Return of the King", but everyone except you and Bansra have seen that, and it will probably make Legolas homesick… how about this one? It looks good!" the Charizard said somewhat triumphanty, holding up the DVD.
"Hmm…"Pirates of the Caribbean"? Never heard of that before. It does look good though." Wilber agreed, peering at the case.
"Should we get it?"
"Yeah, why not? Let's get some popcorn and fizzy drinks as well!"
Sarah, Blaise, Legolas and Sianne went upstairs to the fourth floor, past the other houses' inhabitants' rooms. Legolas gave a slightly fearful look at Daigree the Sneasel's door, as it had large chunks carved out of it, as if someone had slashed it with sharp claws.
"Do you think Kerri will want to come and watch it with us?" Blaise asked as they stopped outside the Absol's door.
"Yeah, Kerri likes movies. Shall I go and knock on Nwacha or Agni's as well?" asked Sarah.
"There's no point; they've gone to visit their parents at the Gardens today. Becky's not here either." Bansra informed them.
Blaise went and opened Kerrigan's door. The fashion-obsessed Absol was sitting on her bed, writing in a pink fluffy diary. How precisely the quadruped managed to manipulate the equally fluffy pink pen in her claws to form the cursive handwriting Kerrigan was producing was totally beyond the Quilava. "Kerri?"
"Oh, hi Blaise. What is it?" Kerrigan said, closing the diary and setting it on her desk.
"We sent Hlìn and Wilber to go and rent a movie, we don't know what they've chosen, but would you like to come and watch it with us?"
"Sure, that sounds great! Will it have any hot actors in?"
"I have no idea…" Blaise said, rolling her eyes as she and Kerrigan exited the heavily perfumed room.
"Who is…" Kerrigan began, but trailed off before finishing her sentence, instead staring at Legolas with a scary look in her eye.
"Oh; we have a new friend." Blaise explained, indicating to the very confused Elf a few feet away. "Sianne and Kadabra managed to teleport Legolas from Lord of the Rings into our living room about ten minutes ago and he'll be watching it too, I hope you don't-"
Kerrigan squealed and dashed along the hallway as fast as her finely manicured paws would carry her. She saw Legolas standing with Sianne, who looked very peeved as the nutty Raichu was bouncing around, screaming "LEGSIE!" repeatedly. Kerrigan squealed again and ran over to him.
"Wow! I can't believe I'm really meeting the Legolas! The way you are in Return of the King, it's just so cool, especially when you just slide down that Olliphaunt's trunk, and in The Two Towers when you swing right onto the horse, and when you…"
"Kerri! Stop drooling over Legolas and come upstairs; Hlìn and Wilber are just coming with the video!" Blaise said, leading Bansra, Sianne and Legolas (who looked very happy to be away from the scary dog with a blade coming out of its head that seemed to be madly in love with him) up to Terra's room in the attic. Kerrigan saw that Legolas was leaving and immediately followed him. They reached Terra's room, the only room in the attic, save for Dracoru's, and knocked.
"Come in!" came Terra's voice from behind the door.
They all entered, Legolas was completely taken aback by the Flygon's bedroom; it had weights in one corner, a treadmill in another, with javelins, footballs, hockey sticks and all other kinds of sporting equipment scattered everywhere. In the center of the room, next to the bed, there was a television with a dance mat plugged into the Playstation 2, and Terra was effortlessly getting all "perfects" on Dance Dance Revolution. As soon as the song finished, she turned her PS2 off and turned around to face them. "Hi!" she said, before noticing Legolas, who was trying to hide behind Sarah. "Hi, who are you?"
"Terra, this is Legolas, from Lord of the Rings; Sianne managed to teleport him here from Middle Earth." Blaise explained, giving Terra and Legolas a moment to acknowledge each other. "Is it okay if we use your TV? The other one was destroyed when we had the rampage of Giga-objects rushing around."
"Sure you can use it!" Terra said in her fast voice, "I was just about to go out and do my lunchtime dash around Hoenn! Later!" The Flygon promptly jumped out of the large open window to her left and flew at about a hundred kilometers an hour out of sight.
"I really wish she wouldn't do that." Sarah sighed, gazing out of the window. "Such energy is just unnatural."
A moment later, Hlìn flew in the window, Wilber holding the DVD and riding on Hlìn's back.
"Hey guys!" Wilber said, leaping off Hlìn's back and walking over to the PS2 on his stubby legs, "We got "Pirates of the Caribbean", is that okay?"
"I've never heard of it, but I'm sure it'll be great." Sarah said, pulling a pile of towels over in front of the TV to sit on. "You guys are good at picking movies."
Everyone else made themselves comfortable. Legolas deliberately sat as far away from Sianne as possible to avoid her shouting "LEGSIE!" the entire film. However, the second he turned and breathed a sigh of relief of having gotten rid of the crazy Raichu, he saw another Pokémon right in his face.
"Hi sweetie!" Kerrigan smiled, "There's plenty of room on this cushion for two!"
Not wanting to annoy the Absol (he took another glance at the shining back blade on Kerrigan's head – though he doubted she had ever used it for anything but to tie bows on, he didn't want to take his chances), he went and sat on the cushion with her. Bansra snuggled into the bed while Blaise and Wilber sat on the bed as well. Hlìn just sat on the floor while Sianne dashed downstairs during the opening commercials and brought up the beanbag from upstairs and sat it next to Sarah, who had broken out the popcorn.
"This is a great film!" Sianne declared about halfway through.
"Yeah, it's ten times better than I expected!" Blaise agreed.
"I didn't think it would be this good either." Hlìn admitted, pleased that everyone liked the movie.
"Hey, Legolas; I've just noticed… Will looks a lot like you!" Sarah said suddenly.
"Yeah, he does!" Blaise said, "I knew Will reminded me of someone!"
Kerrigan looked from the screen to Legolas a couple of times. "No way – Legolas is so much cuter!"
Legolas kept himself from saying anything by keeping his eyes on Kerri's blade… always on the blade…
The rest of the film passed with no incident, save for Bansra getting very scared of the skeletons, but everyone was disappointed when the film ended.
"That was so good! I want to watch it again!" Sarah announced.
"For a human movie," Wilber said, stretching his small wings, "that was pretty good."
"Yeah! It was great!" Sianne agreed, taking the beanbag downstairs.
"What should we do now?" Bansra asked, ejecting the DVD and putting it back in its case. "I reckon we should go look for Kadabra. You wanna go home anytime soon Legolas?"
Legolas was inching way from Kerrigan, who was trying to hold his hand. Aside from not wanting to be adored by a dog with a huge blade on its head, Kerrigan's claws were very vicious looking, even though they were covered in nail varnish. "Yes!" he said instantly.
"Aw, no, Legsie can't go yet!" said Sianne, coming through the door from downstairs.
"He can't go! He likes me too much! Right, Legolas?" Kerrigan said happily.
Legolas nodded feebly, once again looking at Kerrigan's blade.
"Well, unless he wants to spend the night on the sofa, we'd still better find Kadabra and make him Teleport Legolas back to Middle Earth." Blaise said, who had taken Legolas' "subliminal messages" that he wanted to get home. "If you were a totally mental Kadabra, where would you go to?"
"Well, Sianne's the closest we have to an insane Kadabra. Will an insane Raichu do?" Sarah said, watching Sianne's reaction.
"You evil pie." Sianne said, shooting a spark of electricity at Sarah, who was completely unaffected, being a Ground type. Then the Raichu looked up. "Okay… I'd go to… Totodile's sweet shop!"
The Pokémon were used to Sianne's weird "sixth sense" which she had acquired since having her brain messed up when Dannichu tried to stop her evolving, and began making their way to Totodile's shop. Legolas assumed that what they were doing was relevant to his getting home, so he just followed, all the while trying to keep away from Kerrigan.
"Urgh… I wish Terra and Dracoru were here…" Sarah said wistfully.
"Why?" Bansra asked, happy to be outside. The Linoone loved the outdoors, but in the summer the air was too full of pollen and in winter it was too cold for her weak bronchial tubes. Luckily, most of the time when she went out she was accompanied by her best friend Rebecca the Jolteon, who would carry her home if she got too weak. However, Rebecca and her siblings had taken it to visit their parents today, so Bansra was hanging around with Sianne, Hlìn and the others.
"My feet hurt! I want to have a ride straight to the shop!" Sarah moaned, glaring in envy at Wilber's wings, despite the fact he had to beat them about two hundred times a minute to keep his overweight body airbourne. "The only Pokémon that could fly are you, and you can't carry your own body weight, and Hlìn who could never carry all of us!"
"Oh, some on Sarah! Walking's not all that bad!" Blaise said, walking along happily while talking to Hlìn, "Why don't you race Sianne or something?"
"She always beats me…" Sarah moaned again, but ran ahead to catch up with Sianne, who was using her tail as a skipping rope. They watched as Sarah accidentally trod on Sianne's tail, which immediately caused the Raichu to unleash a massive Thunder attack, mercifully Sarah was immune to the attack; they both ran out of the crater caused by the electricity and Sianne dashed after Sarah into the distance.
"Those two…" Hlìn shook her head, glad that the house had not just been destroyed by their antics, as had happened so many times before.
Half an hour they had all arrived outside Totodile's shop, Hlìn was carrying Wilber who was on the point of passing out through all the energy he had used walking so far.
"Never… again…" he wheezed, before closing his eyes and falling asleep.
"Okay, let's see if Sianne's prediction was true!" Bansra said, opening the door of the shop.
Totodile's Sweet Shop was owned by a trainer Totodile who was plagued constantly by amnesia, and his assistant, an indescribably clumsy Espeon by the name of Charity. The shop was located atop a tree on Fortree, but never sold particularly well as many people were reluctant to buy from a shop run by Pokémon (especially Pokémon like Totodile and Charity). In fact, it was completely unknown how they managed to get permission to open the shop to begin with, nor how they passed any kind of health and safety checks.
The door opened to reveal Totodile at the counter of his shop trying to count the money, but not getting any further than "three". While there was no sign of his maladroit assistant, there was a Lotad doll sitting on a pile of aniseed balls and a Kadabra in a corner eating sherbet lemons by shoveling the little sweets into his mouth using his spoon.
"See! My built-in insanity detector never fails!" Sianne said proudly.
"Um... can I help?" Totodile said, looking up from his coins, oblivious to the fact there was a Kadabra in the shop eating all his merchandise.
"Why yes!" Sarah said instantly, dashing over to the counter, "I'd like some chocolate buttons, some Wine Gums, some sherbet strawberries, some jelly spiders-"
"Sarah!" Blaise said, "We're here to get Kadabra, not sweets!"
"Awww…" Sarah said, disappointed. Bansra's ears also drooped a little, and she put the raspberry sweets she wanted to buy back on the shelf.
"Kadabra?" Hlìn asked, walking over to the nutty Pokémon.
"Yeeeeees?" he replied twisting his head around, but not his body, looking extremely freaky.
"Um, can you do us a favor?"
"Maybe, maybe not! Maybe, maybe not!" Kadabra suddenly shouted in a very high-pitched voice, waving his hands to and fro in the air.
"Well, it's very important. We need you to teleport Legolas here back into Middle Earth for us. Is that okay?"
"Give me time… I must discuss this with my manager!" Kadabra grabbed his Lotad doll and huddled into a corner, making whispering sounds. Five minutes later he stood up.
"My associate and I have decided to comply with your needs -- we WILL invade Bolivia."
"What?" they all shouted.
"We want you to teleport Legolas home, not invade Bolivia!" Hlìn cried in desperation.
"Pies? Pies are weak. They are the cancer of the planet and we… we are the cure." Kadabra continued, still oblivious to all the other Pokémon, who were nearly in tears with frustration.
"Kadabra; please!" Blaise and Hlìn begged at the same time.
"If that is what you wish." Kadabra said, impersonating Entei from 'Pokémon 3', but looking sincere about it. Or as sincere as you can be if you are a mentally deranged Kadabra.
Legolas was not sure whether to be happy or sad about this. On one hand, he would be going home, back to Gimli, Gandalf and the others. On the other hand, it would mean trusting himself to a cracked yellow thing with a gigantic moustache who could teleport him ANYWHERE in the known or unknown universe. Weighing out his chances, he glanced across at Sianne, who was bouncing around repeating the word "Legsie" to the tune of "The 12 days of Christmas" and Kerrigan, who was still trying to hold his hand.
"Great!" he said. "When can I leave?"
"Now is good." Hlìn said, turning to Kadabra. "You Teleport him anywhere but Middle Earth and you get barbequed. Okay?"
Kadabra scratched his head with his spoon "Oui."
"You speak French?" Wilber asked in surprise.
"Ja!"
"And German?"
"No, not really. I merely guessed those two random words and one just so happened to be the French word for "yes" and the other the German. No DUH!" Kadabra said.
There was stunned silence for about five minutes. Even Sianne fell completely silent and gaped at Kadabra.
"What?" Kadabra said, irritated.
"That… is the first thing we have ever heard you say that made ANY sense!" Hlìn said, still in complete shock.
"You- MY BRAIN! MY BRAIN!" Kadabra screamed, running around the shop (Totodile was still at the counter, trying to count his money), clutching his head, which made it hurt even more as he was stabbing his spoon into the back of his cranium. "SANITY OVERLOAD!"
Legolas was watching the whole scene in disbelief, personally thinking that we wouldn't leave this mad Pokémon in charge of his Lembas, much less his life.
"Kadabra... are you all right?" asked Bansra timidly; afraid of what Kadabra might do next.
"Why yeeeeeees, I am. Mr. Cunningham, something wooooonderful has happened. A-no. A-no. Yeeeeeees. A-no. Yeeeeeeees. Right awaaaaay. Goodbyeeee."
"What's wrong with him? I thought for a brief, fleeting second he had actually gone halfway sane." Sarah said with a sigh.
"I don't think that's physically possible. I think there's something built into his brain that blocks all sanity from him." Hlìn said, "That's why he never listens to anything we say and never speaks a word of normality." Hlìn paused a moment and realized what she had just said. "Wow!"
Sarah took in all of this whilst watching Kadabra begin to march back and forth in front of Legolas, who had tuned whiter than a sheet, "That would explain much."
"TEN-HUT!" Kadabra yelled, saluting and stamping one foot, making everyone jump.
"Okay, so Legolas, are you ready to go? All you need is to let Kadabra Teleport you." Hlìn said, turning to Legolas.
"Um… what if he Teleports me somewhere else?" Legolas said, scared of the answer.
"Don't worry; if he does that, we'll kill him." Sarah replied cheerfully.
Legolas looked more worried about that would happen to him if Kadabra decided to Teleport into Teletubby Land rather than what would happen to Kadabra, but decided to remain silent.
"Okay Kadabra? Just Teleport Legolas into Middle Earth and then you Teleport yourself back again-"
"-Or do us a huge favor and don't bother coming back-" Blaise muttered, recalling the time Kadabra had filled her room entirely with rubber ducks.
"-And we'll get you a HUGE supply of Wine Gums! Sound good?" Hlìn said, praying her bribe would work.
Kadabra walked over to Legolas and poked him in the head with his spoon. "Just remember," he said, "There is no spoon."
"Oh no!" Sianne yelled, dragging herself away from the Nutri-Grain bars on the counter and noticing Legolas was about to leave, "You can't go, Legsie!"
"Why?" Blaise asked
"Because I need to carry on calling him 'Legsie' until he either destroys me or mentally destroys himself from trying to restrain himself from destroying me!" she said in a "duh" tone.
Everyone looked at each other, trying to make sense of Sianne's sentence but then turned back to Legolas.
"Good… GOODBYE!" wailed Kerrigan, breaking down into floods of tears and hugging Legolas, who was trying to inch away from her a politely as possible "Will I ever see you again!"
"Come on Kerri. You can see him on DVD anytime you want, but Legolas needs to go home now." Hlìn said, attempting to pull the Absol off of Legolas, but then signaling to the others to help. It took the combined forces of Sarah, Hlìn, Blaise, Bansra and Wilber to yank her off. Sianne watched the whole thing whilst chewing on a blueberry Nutri-Grain.
"Okay Kadabra. Remember. Middle Earth. Got it?" Blaise said sternly.
"Yesserie!" Kadabra said happily.
"You okay Legolas? There's nothing to scared of." Wilber said.
Legolas' expression said clearly that there was plenty to be scared of, but nobody really noticed.
"You ready to Teleport, Kadabra?" asked Bansra.
Kadabra did a sheep impression. Everyone assumed that meant yes.
Suddenly there was a flash of light and both Legolas and Kadabra disappeared in a flash of white light.
"Well they've gone somewhere. All we can do is hope." said Bansra the Linoone blankly, staring at where Kadabra and Legolas used to stand.
"LEGOLAS! Where are you!" Pippin yelled, on Treebeard's back, looking all over Isengard for the Elf.
"It's useless Pip." Merry said, turning to his friend, "I think he's gone for good. He's been gone for over twelve hours now, and he just disappeared. Poor Legolas…"
There was a sudden flash of light and an Elf and a Pokémon materialized right beside them. Pippin screamed and fell let go of Treebeard and began falling to the ground. The Ent caught him and sat him back on his back.
"Legolas!" Merry shouted, leaping off Treebeard and running over to the Elf. Pippin followed and then called Aragon, Gandalf and Gimli over, "Look! Look! He just came back!"
Legolas blinked a couple of times and then looked up to see his friends standing over him.
"Legolas!" Gimli shouted and picked him up off the floor "Where on earth did you go?"
"I… I really don't want to talk about it." Legolas murmured, still registering that he was back home.
"Long live limburger!" Kadabra yelled, realizing that nobody was giving him any attention.
"ACK!" Merry and Pippin both yelled. Aragon drew his sword, Gimli raised his axe and Legolas went to grab an arrow from his quiver when he realized that Kadabra had brought him home.
"Stop!"
"What is it Legolas? There is an Orc here!" Aragon cried, "… albeit a very strange-looking one."
"It's not an Orc! He helped me get home!" Legolas decided not to tell them that it was also Kadabra's fault that he was teleported away in the first place.
"But why-" Gimli began
"Fare thee well, noble citizens!" Kadabra shouted and teleported back to The Lair of Insanity where everyone was waiting anxiously for his return.
Back in the Sweet Shop, a loud crash was heard and Charity emerged from the back room with jelly worms all over her big ears. "What'd I miss?" she asked.
"I don't know." Totodile said, not looking up. Hlìn and the others paid for some Wine Gums for Sianne and a packet of raspberry-flavored boiled sweets for Bansra and exited the shop as quickly as possible.
Kadabra appeared in the Lair of Insanity's living room, where Hlìn, Kerrigan, Sianne and Sarah were sitting in suspense of whether or not he had teleported Legolas to the right place. Blaise, Hypello and Bansra had gone upstairs, probably preferring not to know.
"Greetings." He said, holding forward his spoon.
"Did you do it? You took him to Middle Earth, right?" Hlìn asked urgently.
"Indeed, indeed. And I am forever in your debt."
"I think that means yes… you have to listen really closely." Sarah said, leaning closer to Kadabra.
"NEITHER A BORROWER, NOR A LENDER, BE!" Kadabra yelled, making Sarah reel backwards, protecting her sense of hearing.
Hlìn sighed. She looked around the room, and Kadabra was reciting Shakespeare, Sarah was panting heavily and moaning "My ear…" repeatedly, Kerrigan was sitting on the sofa, sobbing into a teen magazine with a centerfold of Legolas in, and Sianne was swinging from the light fixture. She sighed again. Ah, the normality.
--End of part 2--