Chapter 4

Standing around the coffin, they all listened to the priest. Catherine's family stood on one side and friends stood on the other. The lab personnel took up most of that room. All stood in black, as customary for a funeral.

Sara kept her eyes averted most of the ceremony as she could feel people watching her. She was standing between Warrick and Greg, while Nick took up Greg's side with Jacqui and Bobby.

As Lindsey placed a brightly coloured red rose on her mother's coffin, Sara had to close her eyes and turn her head away.

Flexing her right hand in the confines of her pocket, Sara pinched the top of her jacket to cover her neck, hiding her scars. She turned her head back to see Lindsey's grandfather holding his granddaughter.

"You ok?" Warrick asked, touching her arm.

Sara twitched and pulled away, nodding slowly.

Just when everyone was leaving, Lindsey broke away from her grandparents and ran up to Warrick and Nick to give them a hug. Sara watched for a moment before the young girl wrapped her arms around Sara's legs.

Shocked by the action, Sara barely recovered before the little girl ran back to the open arms of her grandmother.

Though the tears were brimming her eyes earlier, they were now rolling down her cheeks. Sara stared at the grave as two men lowered the coffin into the 6ft deep grave. The gravestone that stood at the head of the grave was black marble with white engravings stating the deceased and those who would miss her.

Time seemed to get away from her as she stayed in the cemetery. Her heart was pounding as the last of the soil filled the hole.

… …

"You ever thought about finding the right guy in Vegas Sara?" Catherine asked over coffee.

They were sitting in the diner across from the lab after a particularly busy shift. Catherine had offered to buy as they were working the case together and had just put the bad guy in prison.

Sara smiled and shrugged. "Guess so. Why'd you ask?"

"Well, you moved from Frisco. You've been single ever since you started at the lab. Apart from that time you spent with Hank" Catherine lifted her shoulders and offered her friend a smile. "I would have thought a young woman like you would have found someone by now."

Sara stared into her cup of coffee intently, twisting the ceramic in her hands. "We can't all have what we want Cath."

"Yeah, but the crap Hank put you through." Catherine shook her head. "You can find better men out there and they won't treat you like he did." She sipped her coffee, watching Sara from across the table carefully.

"I guess I'm still looking." Sara smiled slightly. Turning the tables, she picked up her cup and raised it to her lips, acting as though it didn't bother her in the least. "At least one of us has a guy, Cath." She finished her coffee in one final swallow before continuing. "You got Grissom."

"Yeah." Catherine looked at her curiously.

… …

"Sara." Nick approached her slowly, calling her name softly. "Hey, you ready to head over to the hotel now?"

Sara shook her head and turned watery eyes to him. "I'm going to stick around for a while. I'll see you guys later."

"You sure? I can stay, keep you company." Nick offered.

She smiled. "It's ok Nicky. I'll get a cab when I'm done. Tell the others I'll see them back at the wake."

"Ok." He went to hug her, but stopped short when he watched her step back and turn away from him. He placed his hand on her left shoulder instead. "Bye."

Walking away from the grave of her fallen friend and colleague, Sara wondered around the graveyard. Her mind was torturing her aimlessly. So many thoughts, so many different outcomes and none would bring Lindsey's mother back.

She knew what she had to do, but she wasn't sure if she could do it. After years of waiting for him to make a move, she watched him walk straight into the arms of another woman. If only she'd pushed forward and made another move, this wouldn't have happened.

The what ifs were painful enough without the images of the explosion and the scene of Lindsey haunting her.

All she wanted was to be happy. To have a family with a man who would be faithful and love her. She knew that her dream wasn't going to come true after Catherine and Grissom started dating. His heart wasn't hers and she had to learn to hide her feelings even more. That meant being a friend, but only when he needed it.

Best friends stick together. Workaholic, private, best friends are only there when you need a fast active mind that is on the same level as you. In this case, Grissom and Sara would be ideal. They didn't visit each other nor did they do things together. It was professional all the time.

Grissom and Catherine had worked together for nearly fifteen years and nothing happened between them, but Sara should have seen it. The interventions with Eddie, the long talks in the break room and the easy conversation. It was all in front of her and she didn't see it coming.

What she had to do was go back home and get ready for a new life. After all that has happened since she arrived in Vegas, she never thought she'd end up back at the beginning, alone and wanting someone else to share life with. Now she knew that wasn't going to happen. Not after this, not with the way she looked now. No one would ever look at her the same way and no one would ever get close to her again.

… …

"The scaring on you arm and hand will heal, Sara, but it will take time to completely fade. When you've healed enough, we can talk about skin grafting for your shoulder and neck." The doctor at the burns unit explained.

"But I'll never be normal again?" Sara asked.

The doctor sighed. "All I can tell you is that, in time, the scarring will fade, just not completely."

Sara nodded and lowered her head to look down at her arm, the skin all pink and stretched. "Thank you doctor."

"The grafting will be an option in a few months Sara." He assured her.

… …

"Hey." Grissom's voice broke through her thoughts.

Sara turned, looking over her shoulder. "Aren't you supposed to be with Lindsey and Catherine's mom?"

He nodded. "I was. Um, Nick said that you needed a lift."

She sighed and turned away again. "I told him I would call a cab."

"I'm here now." He offered, still unsure how to act around her.

She nodded and started walking slowly. "I just wanted to be on my own for a while."

"I've noticed you've been alone for over a week now." He said lowly, following behind as he watched her.

"I needed time to think things out." She looked over her shoulder at him again. "A lot has happened."

It was quiet for a long time as Sara walked and Grissom kept pace. The silence was both tense and calm. A lot had happened and it was all preying on Sara's mind, giving her a headache and making her tired. She still needed time to recover and sleep was always the best medicine.

They reached the road and Grissom's car was parked a little way down the asphalt.

"I can drive you to the hotel if you'd like. I know the others want to see you." Grissom offered, stopping to find his keys.

Sara turned to him. "I could barely get through the funeral; I can't go to the wake too. People were staring at me here, they'll stare there too."

Grissom's heart stopped as he watched tears roll down her cheeks. He stood firm and looked down, nervous. He wasn't any good at comforting people. He looked up and sighed as he reached into his pocket for a Kleenex. He stepped closer to gently wiped the tears away, but Sara turned her face away and stepped back, shaking her head. "Don't." She whispered painfully, wiping her face with her left hand.

"What's wrong?" He asked, unsure why she didn't want his attempt at comfort. He knew he wasn't great at it, but at least he tried.

She shrugged and put on a brave smile, trying to push all thoughts that touch raised in her. It wasn't the time and it would never be. "Nothing. Maybe you're right. I should make an appearance."

He nodded and walked her to his car. He needed to talk to Catherine's mother before she took Lindsey home with her.