Back to, back to, back to...life!

Yeah, I'm still alive! Ain't that just great!

Well, school kept me kinda busy, so I had to do without writing for some time, but now, there are only three exams left and I'll be done with it for this semester. Yeah!

And I wanna thank:

nighttime writer: let me tell you: at least I know where this is going! So don't worry, this story is headed somewhere and it'll become obvious within the upcoming chapters.

Paulsgirlygirl: at the time I wrote that chapter, I didn't know who sent hr the shoes, either, but now, I thought of it. Big surprise there!

LettyTheRacerGirl:this chapter is going to answer at least one of your questions.

Kate: what's up with you? Why aren't you answering my mails? Are you alright?

stardina: short but extremely appreciated.

RiNgLeS: Well, I just wanted people to be able to relate to the siblings somehow, so...I don't know, I just can't imagine them to be all coddles, ya know? Siblings are just not like that, at least not always, I'm speaking from experience.

kady: you could just forget my story by reading another? sniff teardrop

Christiana Anderson: here I am!

A big THANK YOU to all of the others who have reviewed, too, of course!

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Wanted: Comprehension

"So",Roman raised his eyebrows in annoyance, "are ya finally gonna tell me what the fuck is going on, or shall I beat ya up right now instead!"

It had already occured to him that something was wrong with Brian the moment, when he had seen his friend stepping out of the apartment building onto the sidewalk. Something was just not right with the blonde...

"Nothing's going on",Brian declared, yet, he did not meet the other man's eyes while doing so, hoping that, this way, his lie would stay unnoticed.

But, OF COURSE, Roman thought, he denies it! Stupid punk ass!

"Oh, yeah, right!"Dark vivid pupils glared at the blonde. "Ya look like shit, coz nothing's going on! Do ya think ya can fool me, man? Me, of all people! So, tell me now or tell my fist after I'm done eating!"

Brian managed a soft chuckle at that last comment. No matter how frustrated Roman Pearce was, he would never put anything above his food.

It was 10:53 p.m. now.

The men were sitting at a little table in a Mexican restaurant near Miami Beach. They had arrived there about one and a half hours ago, so they were almost done with eating...at least Roman. Brian had hardly touched neither his food nor the bottle of Mexican beer in front of him. His thoughts were somewhere else.

"It's just...ya know",he gestured with his hand through the air, as though trying to find the words he was searching for just by taking them from the oxygen, "it's...", he sighed, "it's Lilly."

So far, he had not told anybody about him grounding his younger sibling, especially not Roman due to the black man usually taking the girl's side...and Brian had a certain feeling that this time would not be any different.

"What's with her?"His friend asked while chewing on another bite of his peperoni burrito. "Ya not good with her staying at home? I swear, one o' these days, I'ma drag her ass outta there and make her drive. Everybody's telling me she runs it, man, so I wanna see it for fuck's sake!"

"No, it's not like that",although, in mind, Brian had to admit that, under normal circumstances, he would have agreed with the other man. After her grounding was over, he would make sure that he saw her driving and racing again.

"We just...", he shrugged before sighing, "we were, kinda, arguing when you called me to come down. So...I dunno, it was just...I don't know...strange, ya know, bro?"

"Why would you people argue? Ain't ya supposed to be The Great O'Conner Team?"Roman's laugh died as soon as he had taken a look at Brian only to witness how serious the blonde was about this topic. "So, why did ya fight?"

"Well, ya know that she's been a little edgy, lately",the young man managed an ironic slight smile while regarding the half-empty bottle of beer in front of him, "so, she didn't take it all too well that I grounded her for having driven when she knew exactly that she wasn't to. So, now, we're...",he puckered his lips, "not really at war, but fucking damn close to it."

"You did what?"It took Roman by much surprise to hear his friend saying those words, thus he let the fork in his left hand fall onto the plate, still being covered with one quarter of a peperoni burrito.

"It's no fair ya ground Kitten for something I did, man! I told her to drive me, man! This is...how could ya do such thing! Hell, she's sixteen and I tell ya, man, she wasn't even drunk!"

"Rome",Brian ran a hand over his face and over his short hair. He still had to get accustomed to the fact that he had gotten it cut. "I am her brother. I am supposed to raise her. I am supposed to be like a father for her. So, I am supposed to punish her, if she's done anything against the rules I set up for her. She told me she had had two beer that night. She's actually not even allowed to drink when I'm not around. Okay", he lifted his shoulders, "I could have coped with that. I know what Highschool parties are like, so she might have even earned some respect from me for not having gotten drunk, but she drove, Rome, and I cannot let that slip, cause if I do that now, what will be next? A tattoo? A piercing? Drugs? What Roman, tell me what? I just don't want anything to happen to her only because I close my eyes. Not even this one time."

"Have ya said that to her, too?"By now, Roman had forgotten about his meal and was leaning back in his chair, his muscular arms folded in front of his chest. He eyed the blonde man suspiciously. Somehow, he knew and felt that Brian was right – from his point of view – but, of course, from Lilly's point of view, he was completely wrong. The girl had merely tried to help Roman, yet, Brian had seen her breaking the rules.

This one's tricky, he had to admit to himself.

"Pretty much, yeah",the man gave a half-nod with his head, "I told her what she has done wrong and then, I grounded her till Wednesday. I should've actually made it Friday, but with vacations and everything, Wednesday is long enough, I guess."

"Why did ya argue, then?"Roman kept on questioning.

"She's mad at me for the grounding, I'm mad at her for not understanding",Brian sighed, "both of us had to blow of some steam, so...we argued."

"Don't worry, man",Rome reassured his friend when lifting his beer up to his lips to take a sip, "by the end of the week, ya'll be good again. And then, we'll get our baby a ride, now that's one for sure!"

"If ya say so, bro",Brian repeated his friend's action by swallowing a small amount of beer himself. He could even make himself smile at the thought of him and his baby being good again soon, yet, although he supressed the memory of their fight, it still would not leave him alone, because this arguement had been different than any other they had had in a long time. This time, Lilly had openly shown that she had been scared...scared of him hitting her...just like their father.

Flashback--------

It was a little after half past eight in the evening, when Lilly looked up from her drawing only to scowl.

She was thirsty and she did not have anything to drink in her room. So, if she wanted something cool and liquid, she would have to leave her room...and Brian might cross her way, but she did not want to see him, right now. Actually, the blonde girl did not feel like seeing him for an entire week, nonetheless, it would probably last another thirty minutes until Roman would come to pick Brian up...and actually, Lilly did not feel like waiting for so long, either, thus she got up from her bed, abandoning the drawing that had not helped her in the slightest kind of way to distract herself from her misery.

Hopefully, she thought while standing in front of her full-length mirror, he doesn't even acknowledge me, so that he doesn't notice these darn reddened eyes of mine!

Lilly had set her alarm clock for quarter to eight, yet, she had already woken up at seven and she had begun to cry because of all the frustration that had been built up inside of her.

Why's he treating me so unfair! She had buried her head into her pillow, careful not to make any sounds catching her brother's attention. Why can't he accept anything I do? Why does he always put his word above anything else! Why can't he accept, just for once, that he ain't right about something! It's always the same! He's Brian O'Conner, Bullitt, King of the fucking Streets of fucking Miami, he canna be wrong...yeah, right! Damnit, why am I even crying because of that jerk? I...I...arghhhh...I need a smoke!

After having smoked, Lilly had text messaged to Mouse when and where he would have liked to meet before going to Phoenix and her best friend had suggested they would see each other at 10:30 in front of a bar, about half a mile away from the club, called Ciula. It was their usual meeting place whenever they went to Phoenix. At first, they would have a drink or two at Ciula and then, they would do a little jog over to Phoenix to warm up their muscles for dancing.

Brian was just about to put on a dark red, short-sleeved button down shirt when he heard how a key was being turned in its lock and how a door was being opened.

The lioness leaves her cave, he mused wrily, while casting a sideway glance into the direction of the hall. He had left his door opened to a little extend, so that he was able to have a look onto his sister's door.

About two hours ago, he could have no longer distracted himself by doing anything like playing Need for Speed or watching TV, his thoughts had been too occupied with his younger sibling. He could not stand it, when she was mad at him, no matter if he knew that he was right! It was right to have punished her, he had done the right thing, so why could she simply not understand that!

Still, two hours ago, Brian had stood in front of his sister's door and knocked on the white-varnished wood, only to receive no answer. Of course, he had knocked again, but there had not been a single sound, not even a grumbled voice telling him to leave her alone.

Brian had suspected his baby to be asleep when she had not reacted to a third and final knocking.

Now, the moment that she was actually coming out of her room, he was given the chance to talk to her, but when seeing her, he felt himself hesitate. Maybe this was not the right time to sort things out. He would be leaving in about half an hour together with Roman and he knew from experience that proper talks needed more than thirty minutes. First, both of them would beat around the bush, avoidig the topic making them so angry at each other until one gave a comment that would cause the other to begin the accusing. Second, there would be lots of accusing and shouting and probably insulting until they had no energy left for doing so. Third, they would both sit down somewhere, regaining their strength and while this was taking place, they would always glare at each other until the glaring became glancing. Fourth, one of them would say something, no matter what, and this would be the start of a long, long talk, when they analyzed what exactly was going on. The fith and last part of their fighting was usually a very comfortable session of cuddling. The most interesting part of those fights was that, eventually, neither of them really apologized, yet, the other one knew that one was sorry. Unfortunately, at times, the third part could last several days. Several days of just not talking to the other and lots of glaring.

Shall I approach her now or tomorrow? Brian wondered. Tomorrow, I'll have more time for the matter and she will have calmed down by then, I hope. So, tomorrow it is. Tomorrow, I'ma talk to her. When Brian heard the sound of footsteps within the hall, he could not suppress the urge to take at least one look at her to reassure himself that she was alright. So, he finished buttoning up his shirt and turned casually around to straighten the covers of his bed. Of course, this way, his eyes accidently swept over to where his little sister was just about to enter the kitchen.

She was wearing one of the outfits she usually put on for sleeping or lounging: an old white, belly-bearing tank top and some Christina Aguilera 'Dirrty' panties. That was what Brian called those damn tight fitting panties his younger sister took such great a liking in.

Although, he rolled his eyes, ever since she 'grew' some, pretty much everything is 'tight-fitting' in that fucking way no big brother appreciates. Fortunately, she ain't walking around in thongs like that, cause if I should ever see that...well, I'd probably never be able to look at her ever again without having this horrible picture in mind.

However, there was something within the pose of his baby when she was walking into the kitchen that did not seem right. Her body language might tell him to stay away, yet, her face...the moment the girl turned to her left to enter the kitchen, the light coming through the kitchen window cast shadows over her trades which made her appear like she had been crying. But as soon as Brian had noticed it, she had already vanished into the kitchen area.

Maybe I should check up on her, he bit his lower lip while his feet began to carry him through his door frame into the hall, I just have to be careful. So, how to get this started?

By now, he was standing in front of the door leading into the kitchen that, even though being little in size, still offered more space than necessary for two people.

Lilly had taken a bottle of Pepsi out of the fridge merely a couple of seconds ago, when she heard somebody coming out of his room into the hall only to stop right in front of the kitchen entrance and...nothing. He did neither say anything nor move, he just stood there.

Slightly irritated by her brother's behaviour, the blonde girl opened the drawer within which was an opener.

"Hey",she finally spoke, her voice even and low, however, to Lilly, this appeared to be better than her brother watching her and her denying that she knew.

"Hey",he blurted out, rather surprised by her beginning the talking, "I was just wondering",he scratched the back of his head in need for an idea, "if you have...seen my green shirt? You know, the one with the white seam? I can't find it."

"No, I haven't seen it",she responded, sighing exasperatedly on the inside. At times, he really sucks at inventing stories.

"Okay, well, I just wanted to know...",Brian looked at his watch, "so...I'll be leaving in twenty minutes or so...go eat with Rome and then, some races...I don't know when I'll be back, so...is that okay with you? I just don't want you to worry, 's all."

"Course, it's okay with me",Lilly answered while walking past him into the hall, the opened bottle in her left hand, when some words escaped her mouth she had actually meant to keep to herself, "it's not like you're sixteen and I could ground you."

"Care to repeat that while looking at me?"The man narrowed his eyes, sensing how the girl tensed.

Good for her, his mind told him, anger dwelling up inside of him due to his sister not understanding and now daring to talk to him in this way.

Holy fucking shit! Lilly could not suppress the sudden shiver that went down her spine by the sound of Brian's voice which indicated him holding back his fury. So, maybe, she should not have said that and be done with it, but no...

Now it's happened! Oh well, we would have yelled at each other sooner or later. Now, it's sooner. Just stick to your points, girl. Then, she turned around.

"I said that it was not like you were sixteen and I could have grounded you", she took in a defensive pose when seeing him glaring at her. Lilly even managed to raise her chin a little as though challenging him.

"Where. The. Fuck. Is. Your. Problem!"Brian suddenly yelled at her. "You broke the damn rules! Hell, you've admitted it! So, why, why can't you act like you're old enough to understand that this grounding is justified!"

"Yeah, right", she rolled her eyes, evidently pissed, "and you're the fucking judge, or what! Listen, I don't accept this soddin' grounding cause it ain't justified, cause all I's doing was preventing Rome from having a damn accident! His arm's sprained and he had more drinks than me, so, tell me, who's the better driver in that situation, who? I doubt it was Rome!"

"Don'tcha dare talking to me like that!"Brian shouted at the top of his lungs, anger taking over his body, causing him to move his hands wildly. While doing so, he accidently knocked the bottle of Pepsi out of his younger sister's left hand, the glass clashed loudly onto the panelled floor of the hall, and Brian stood there, in front of the girl, breathing harsh and obviously angry, his right arm stretched high up into the air as a consequence of him not having stopped its motion after having brushed against the bottle with it.

That was the moment when it happened.

That was the moment when Lilly flinched.

That was the moment when she was scared of him due to him reminding her of their father.

Lilly folded her arms over her belly, shut her eyes and started to shiver, awaiting the upcoming beating.

Please, Daddy, don't, I'll be better, I'll work harder, please, don't, please, Daddy, please, she heard herself in one of the many memories she tried to suppress so very hard. Her father had thrown his bottle of vodka to the ground to have his hands free...free for hitting her.

Although knowing that this was her brother standing in front of her, that he would never go so far to even raise a hand against her, she would always become afraid of him when he yelled, also, if the yelling was not even because of her but something else. Brian was quite an impressive figure: 6'3 and a half tall, rather muscular…………..he could be very intimidating, especially if he was angry and for a girl that had once been beaten up by her father on a regular basis…………………Lilly hated it so much! There was no reason to be scared of Brian, yet………………..she was not shaking like she had always done it with their father, but she got silent, fearing to cause an outburst by chosing the wrong words.

Brian just stared at her, frozen in place, before he slowly lowered his right arm and tried to take his younger sibling's left upper arm gently into his right hand, yet, once she sensed the contact of skin, Lilly got suddenly aware of the surroundings again, thus she turned around and ran into her room in a break neck speed.

Inside of her room, she immediately locked the door and went out of her window to sit on the steps of the fire escape, trembling hands pressed against her forehead being covered in cold sweat. She cried like she had not done it in quite some time. She cried because she was angry at her father for doing this to her, she cried because she was angry at Brian for grounding her, but most of all, she cried because she was angry at herself for letting all of this happen.

I could have prevented it, the blonde told herself, I should have, I should have!

"Lilly!"Brian banged his palm against the locked door. "Baby, let me in, please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, please, open up, I'm sorry, believe me, I'm sorry, baby, please!"

He could not think of anthing else to say than that he was sorry. He had just crossed a line he had never intended to even come close to: he had scared his baby sister...just like...

Just like him, his mind told him as the young man put his forehead against the white door, no longer banging onto it but waiting for any kind of reply. However, he did not hear anything, not a single sound came out of the room he was standing in front of.

"Please, forgive me",he breathed out, feeling tears dwelling up in his eyes, "please, don't think of me like that, please, don't."

Innerly, Brian wondered whether or not he should go out with Roman this night, after all, his baby might need him to talk or to embrace her and to reassure her.

Everything he wished to do was to find a way to take away her memories and to replace them with something else, something better………………..something that would not make her be scared of him or any other yelling man. He just wanted to kill their father for having done this to her, but then again, he could not do that………………Lilly would not want him to, she would never allow him to bathe his hands in blood or guilt because of her, simply because she did not consider herself to be worth it. A fact that hurt him more than anything he had ever experienced……………..except maybe for the time when she had been bulimic, although, in retrospect, this had also only happened due to her low self-esteem.

Brian did not notice for how long he had been standing there, leaning against the door, when suddenly the door bell rang.

Roman, he felt himself torn back into reality and remembered that he had actually wanted to go out with his friend, but I cannot do that now, can I? My baby needs me, right now, I cannot leave her, but then again...c'mon, O'Conner, you know your sister better than anybody else. She ain't gonna come outta there. She'll just keep herself locked up until she feels ready to deal with what just happened. So, if I stayed, I wouldn't see her anyways and tomorrow? Well, maybe tomorrow, she'll come out again, so that we can talk, but not right now...hell, I really fucked this up!

Again, the door bell rang, this time, a little longer.

Some part of his mind advised Brian to stay, yet, some other part told him that it would be a waste of time if he did, because Lilly would certainly not leave her room again this night.

Eventually, the feeling of being useless became predominant; he could not stand it, thus, the blonde man decided to spend the night with his friend and racing.

Brushing his right palm against the surface of his sister's door, Brian sighed heavily before leaving.

End of Flashback--------

"Whad up?"Julian regarded his friend suspiciously as she flinched when hearing somewhere to there left some glass clashing. The entire night, the girl had been tense, snapping her head around once there were people yelling or, just like now, glass clashing to the floor.

"None, jus...dunno",the blonde turned her head to give him a half-hearted smile, "gotta deal, y'know?"

"Talk bou?"He offered her a warm smile while pulling her close to him in order to reassure her that he would not leave and listen to her.

"May, lae",Lilly rested her head against the young man's chest, seeking his protection from the feelings of irriation torturing her, "shou' go home."

"Lone?"Mouse raised his brows, the worry in his eyes and voice so obvious that he made the girl smile.

"M big",she stifled a laugh, "can go ba' lone."

"Course",her friend replied, but standing up from the pillows they had been sitting on, nevertheless. Without Lilly, he did not feel like staying and in her present form, he at least wanted to make sure that she arrived safely at her car.

Gently taking the girl's hand, Mouse began to guide them out of the club.

Lilly sighed. She had actually planned on having some fun this night, yet, her previous encounter with her older brother had changed all of that. She had merely left the apartment to distract herself, nonetheless, it had not worked. Wherever she was, she could just not forget what had happened and how it had touched her to know that, after all of those years, she would probably never be able to let go of the memories haunting her.

Fortunately, she thought while looking at her hand clasped into Julian's, I got him as my friend.

The entire time they had spent together, Mouse had not tried to push her into talking, he had merely observed her and used each chance to make her feel secure.

Evidently, he had noticed that something was wrong with her.

Well, she rolled her eyes, it's not like there was much on tonight anyways.

After having left the bar to get tot he Phoenix, the teenagers had been rather surprised to find it merely half-filled. Usually, there were people everywhere and both of them had either to fight or to use some connections to get a proper seat on the many pillows, blankets and matresses all around the main dance floor. Of course, there were also some chairs and tables, but in general, Julian and Lilly avoided those, knowing how uncomfortable they happened to be.

The girl glanced at her watch once they had arrived at the main entrance: it was 1:57 a.m..

Several steps let up onto a parking space that belonged to the empty warehouse in which the Phoenix was situated. Of course, it was an illegal business, thus, nobody dared parking his car here, otherwise people might become suspicious. So, both of them had parked their cars about two thirds of a mile away from the warehouse.

Lilly welcomed the cool breeze surrounding them due to it soothing her somehow. She looked over the empty streets and the abandoned sidewalks, remembering that Moue had once told her that he would have never let her walk this way alone during the night and if she had tried to, he would not have allowed it.

The entire way to their cars, neither of them spoke. They did not have to. Julian knew Lilly would need some time before she would talk to him and he accepted this, while Lilly knew that her friend knew.

Finally, they had arrived at their cars.

The young man guided the girl to her '98 Mitsubishi Eclipse. Actually, it was not her car, but one Tej had not sold, yet, thus, he had given the blonde the keys, so that she could use it whenever she needed to.

Lilly had figured out along time ago that Tej had not really finished this sentence, but had wanted to add "whenever you need to get away for some time." And each time she used it for driving to the clubs or to the beach in order to surf, she could not be more grateful for this gift.

"G'night",Mouse said as she sat down on the driver's seat.

"Night, Mouse",she smiled shakily at him before closing the door and starting the engine. Lilly waved her friend a last goodbye and then, she drove back to the apartment.

So, now, I gotta bring the car back to Tej's, then, I gotta climb up the damn fire escape, get into my room, change, pray that Brian isn't home, yet, so that I can shower and...no, that's it. I already got my clothes for ballet packed and I cleaned the floor from the remains of the Pepsi bottle, suddenly, the girl yawned, fuck, I'm tired! Better switch on the radio before I fall asleep!

Once the music filled the inside of the car, Lilly relaxed a little. She would deal with her emotions concerning the argument with her older brother later. She was too tired to do this, right now.

Unfortunately, she was also too tired to notice a car following her...

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Thanks for reading!

Please review!

Djaly