Chapter 5

There was a certain calmness around the place as people wondered around, talking, catching up or giving their respects to Catherine's family.

Finding a quiet spot by a window, Sara kept to herself. She didn't want to seem rude and leave, like she wanted, but stayed, feeling like an outsider. She didn't want to be here, though she tried to hide that fact.

"Sara." A small voice called her name.

Turning around slightly, Sara saw Lindsey watching her, holding a bear against her chest. Smiling gently, Sara knelt down. Though she barely knew the little girl, she knew she had to do or say something. "Hey Lindsey. You ok?" Her voice was soft, but strained.

The girl nodded and walked towards her. There was still slight tears on her cheeks and her face was pinked. "I'm ok." She looked down at her bear before looking back up curiously. "Why are you over here by yourself?"

Sara shrugged and glanced at the bear, slowly reaching out her left hand to caress its ear briefly before drawing it back. "What's this little guy's name?" She asked, ignoring Lindsey's question. She was too young to understand it wouldn't be far to confuse her.

Lindsey smiled a little with a small sniffle. "His name's Elmo." Her eyes looked up from the bear. "Grissom gave him to me. I named him after Elmo on Sesame Street." She pulled the bear closer and snuggled her face to it.

"Lindsey." Catherine's mom called from the crowd.

"I gotta go." Lindsey sighed. "I will see you again, right?" She asked worriedly. "Nicky and Warrick said you got hurt too. You need to be looked after." She glanced back at her grandmother quickly.

Sara's heart burst and tears sprung to her eyes. "I'll be fine sweetie." Standing up and turning back to the window, she brushed her sleeve across her cheeks.

"You ok?" Grissom asked as he moved to stand next to her. He turned to see Lindsey walk with her grandmother to another room.

Of all the people, Sara thought as she wiped her eyes again. Sara nodded and turned to him. "Oh, you know… I'll survive. Just not what I expected that's all."

Grissom nodded and leaned against the wall a few feet from her. "I heard what Lindsey said, and she's right. You were injured in the explosion. You should be getting more rest." He glanced down at his drink in his hand. "So, if you need anything, you know, just call me…" He looked up and straightened up. "Or Nick or Warrick." He quickly added.

"Thanks, but I'm ok." She sighed and turned to look around the room. "You think anyone would notice if I slipped out and headed home?"

"I would." Grissom answered softly, but then sighed and looked around too. "They are all pre-occupied."

Sara stared the floor, cursing herself. She was at a wake and the deceased's boyfriend was trying to comfort her. He was only trying to be kind, for the sake of others in the room. It was only a matter of time before someone saw the light of what happened. That's why she was going to get out while everything was still quiet.

She offered a fake smile before stuffing her hands into her pockets. "I think I'm going to go home. I'm tired."

"Sara." He called as he followed. When she reached the door, Grissom held it open. "I'll call you if I get the chance ok. We need to talk about getting you back on shift."

Sara nodded, though she couldn't help but feel a sense of loss when he mentioned work. Something she would need to think some more.

"Could you say sorry to Catherine's family for me? Tell them I'm sorry that I couldn't stay and I'm sorry for their loss. Could you do that for me?" She asked, almost pleading so she could leave and get as far away as she possibly could.

Grissom hesitated at first, but agreed. "Take care Sara."

"Yeah, you too." She stopped at the fresh hold and turned slightly, not looking at him. "Griss, I'm sorry for your loss too." She stood for a second longer before looking up to catch his downcast eyes.

… …

"Have you spoken to Grissom?" Sara asked.

Catherine looked up and nodded. "Sure."

"And?"

Catherine squinted in the sunlight. "What?"

Sara shrugged innocently and looked around the driveway for more blood traces. "No reason."

"Sara, something wrong with you and Grissom?"

Looking back at her colleague, Sara sighed. What harm would it do to just inquire? "He's been really snappy towards me lately. I thought he was just tired or I did something wrong on a case…"

"Oh." Catherine nodded. "He broke off another breakfast, right?" When she got her answer, she smiled and patted Sara on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it. You know he's no good at this relationship stuff."

Sara scoffed. "Yeah, and that's what's odd. He's dating you, not me. And I'm the one being cancelled on." She looked up, offering a teasing grin, though she didn't really feel what she was putting on show. "He spending extra time with you or something, or has he got a second job somewhere?"

Catherine burst out laughing, not seeing that Sara was faking interest. "No second job." She grinned, chuckling lightly. "You know he's got that seminar coming up?"

"I forgot about that." Sara remembered him saying something about a seminar up state somewhere.

"He's been planning for it and was trying to juggle you and me at the same time. Guess he stressed himself out and found time for me, but forgot about you." Catherine laughed again.

Sara stared at the blood evidence on the concrete. Strange how Catherine would always say what's on her mind. "Tell me what you really think, Catherine." She mumbled to herself as she swabbed the blood.

… …

First week came the explosion aftermath. Two weeks of hospital and clinic appointments as well as a funeral. The next three weeks consisted of more check ups and much more sleep. The days seemed to flash by in an instant and the nights were restless and usually consisted of a nightmare or two about the explosion.

A month and a bit recovering and Sara had spent most of it thinking. She needed to start afresh, but her mind was fighting with her. Whether to stay in Vegas or go back to San Francisco was a tough decision.

With all her time thinking and recovering, it wasn't long before someone came looking for her.

"I'm not sure I want to even go back, Nick." She looked up at her friend. "It's not even that, really. I don't think I can."

"But Sara, this is your life, remember? The lab, the thrill, the excitement of closing a case." Nick threw in his Texan charm, trying to win a smile or a brief glimpse of the old Sara.

"Nicky, please, listen to me." She pleaded, sitting forward to stand. "After what happened, I realised that being a CSI was holding me back from living my life."

Nick didn't seem convinced, though his panic meter just kicked up a small notch. "You aren't leaving, right?"

Sara sighed. "I-I don't know." She combed her fingers through her hair nervously. "I'll think about it, but I can't promise anything. I just don't want to go back to work yet. I'm not ready to face the field right now."

"How about you stick to the labs until you feel better?" He suggested, eager to get her back to work where he could keep an eye on her, where they could all keep an eye on her.

Thinking this over quietly, Sara knew she'd miss the job and that it would eat away at her if she didn't at least try it out. She knew she couldn't just leave and her medical pay was running out. She'd need to work before making any definite decisions.

"Ok." She relented and Nick grinned, jumping up to hug her, but Sara stepped back and held out her hand to pat his chest. She unconsciously moved her right arm behind her. "Does Grissom, agree to this?" She asked hesitantly.

Nick shrugged, squeezing her hand. "I'll talk to him. You coming into work tonight?"

Sara nodded. "Sure. Guess it's better than sitting around here."