Feedback is welcome.
This is Chapter 3 - sorry it's been a while coming, I have let life interfere with my Jayne ponderings …
Chinese translations:lan diao la ji: rotting trash
Ren ci de Fo zu: merciful Buddha
Ai ya: damn, oh my
Attraction
Bethany, on Aurora 7. A little town, made up like a Tuscan village, or, she corrected herself, what she imagined a Tuscan village on Earth That Was would look like.
There were narrow cobblestone lanes, wide stone-paved boulevards lined with leafy green trees, quaint little stone houses with tile and terracotta roofs, green parks filled with flowers and fountains. The terraformed moon was quite small, and the biggest industry was mining and stone quarrying (hence the lovely stone paths and homes). There were also fruit orchards and vineyards, fields of corn, barley, rice, and wheat. They did quite well here, Selene thought. Didn't need to rely on the Alliance for food rations, everything they needed was right here.
She decided they should bed down in a villa on the edge of town, near the farmers' fields and with a view of rolling hills and orchards. It was mid-morning, and she was out to check out open-air market at the town's centre, which beckoned her. As she wandered through the stalls piled high with sun-ripened fresh fruits, carved stone figurines, barrels of spices, and bolts of rich fabric, she considered her predicament. This was the fourth world they had been to in just under three weeks, and no sign yet of the Tams. She knew from his profile that Jayne was considered an expert tracker, but it seemed that they missed catching up to the Tams by mere days at each opportunity. She was no fool; Selene sensed he was stalling or leading her in circles, but she couldn't put her finger on the reasons why. She hoped that the small, thin, slightly dirty child she had given a few coins to earlier that morning to follow her travelling companion would report back something useful to her when she returned to the villa.
Selene wasn't sure what would calm her sense of unease. She had spent the last few weeks getting to know Jayne Cobb, and finding that his profile and criminal record only described a part of the man. He seemed quiet, almost a little shy around her, yet sometimes the most inappropriate, rude, and distinctly uncultured things came out of his mouth, with no apology or explanation. He was obviously lacking formal education, but he wasn't stupid. He was indeed an excellent tracker, he could read people's responses pretty well—he would be good to have on side in a fight (as long as he didn't pull a weapon prematurely!); he had a wry sense of humour and, she was beginning to suspect, he had fierce loyalties which he was not going to sell out. She just needed to find out to whom Jayne Cobb was loyal.
She had some other business in town: checking her accounts; getting a new compression coil for her shuttle; sending a quick note to her friend, Ban-Wei. She found herself just wandering, taking in the warm ambience of the town, for hours.
Selene returned to the villa in the early afternoon with a basket of fresh fruit: cherries, apricots, peaches, apples, and some assorted berries. The child was sitting on a bench outside the villa, swinging his feet (which didn't reach the ground). As he saw her approach, he jumped down, and eyed the basked hungrily. After he told her what she needed to know, Selene sent him on his way with some coin, two apples, a peach, and a handful of strawberries.
She went upstairs, put the rest of the basket and its contents in her room. She drew a cool bath, as the day was rather hot for her, and sighed as she lowered herself into the lukewarm water. She knew she would have to head out again soon, but she was chewing over the information she had just received from the child. She found herself hoping she wouldn't have to kill Jayne Cobb….
It was mid-afternoon as Jayne stood outside the villa on the edge of town, looking out over wide fields and orchards, smelling the clean, loamy air. It was a sunny and warm day, blue sky, puffy white clouds. This world was a far sight prettier than most places he got to see. Better than the place he came from, anyways. He hoped Kaylee had been able to pick up some strawberries at that market he passed in town centre.
He missed Kaylee most of all these past couple weeks. She was always smiling and cheerful (although that wore on a fella's nerves from time to time!) and she never thought he was a bad man. He smiled a little, thinking that he had never had a little sister, and didn't even realize that's what she was until he didn't have her around no more. He found himself missing the others as well, he had never been part of a crew like that, where they actually seemed to care about one another. They even seemed to care about him a little. Well, he didn't know when he might be seeing them again, given his current situation.
Since his capture by the slavers, he had communicated with Mal only twice, the first time only days after the incident with the feds on Selene's shuttle. He managed to give her the slip for a coupla minutes on Priam, while she was asking some questions in a bar, by tellin' her about a nasty gastro-intestinal problem he felt he was about to have. That gave him about five minutes to run out the back, across the street, and into a cortex unit with a vid-link, and contact Serenity. Cap'n even looked happy to see him on the grainy vid screen. He told them his situation: that he was alive but in the custody of a bounty hunter tracking the Tams. He told them he would next be on Periphas, Wyvern, and then Bethany. Serenity had obliged by getting to each of these worlds first, then leaving a few days before he and Selene were to get there.
It had been around noon today when he felt the coast was clear for him to risk contacting his shipmates. He had checked in with Mal to learn the ship was returning to Persephone for a few days for some maintenance, and to sell some of the fresh produce they had picked up on Bethany. He would have to steer Selene clear of there for at least a week, and Mal had let it be known in one of Bethany's best waterin' holes that he was taking a shipment of fruit to Celadon. That was where he should be takin' her, but he wanted to stay in this place for a least another couple days, not just to be sure that Mal'd have time to finish the business and repairs on Persephone, but also because this place was so very fine. Besides, this running around in circles would only distract the bounty hunter for so long. It was not a permanent solution, but he was depending on Mal for that. So far, they didn't seem to have any ideas on how to handle it.
Thinkin' on Selene, he had to admit that he didn't know what to make of her, really. She was smart, good in a fight (that idiot in the bar on Wyvern sure was sorry to have grabbed her ass!), kept him on a short leash, but seemed to trust him enough to let him carry a weapon, and to let him out of her sight for a spell. He was a little surprised that he felt a twinge of guilt, lyin' to her, leading her in circles. But he didn't owe her, really, why should he feel bad about lyin' to a killer?
Jayne wasn't used to thinking things through so thoroughly. His brain seemed to go in circles, trying to figure out this woman. He had known dozens of men sooner kill ya than look at ya, and she wasn't like them. She seemed remote, a little sad even, but she could be real scary sometimes because she seemed so cold, like when she threatened him back in the shuttle. He didn't know why, but he had no doubt at all that she was capable of hurting anyone who got between her and her reward. That shoulda made her like him, but that wasn't it neither.
Then it just dawned on him; the preacher woulda called it something like an epiphany: Selene didn't, and wouldn't, hurt anyone she didn't have to. She didn't enjoy hurting and killing, and the only ones to feel her dark side were scum-sucking, baby-eating, cat-raping sons of bitches. She had no taste for wanton violence.
But her determination in hunting down River and Simon Tam, that would mean she believed they were the worst kinds of scum. It also meant that she thought he, Jayne Cobb, was too. Jayne was used to being the big bad scary man, but something about this woman made him go all quiet and thoughtful, and he didn't want her to be scared of him, or think he was the worst kind of lan diao la ji. Why was that? She was very pretty, but it was something else. He wanted her to trust him. And not just for the mission, not just to keep her away from the crew of Serenity. It was like, even when she was trying to scare him (and she was right capable of that when she felt the inclination), he saw something inside, something a little fragile, that he wanted to protect.
She looked at him kind of funny too, like she was looking for something there. He noticed it especially when she thought he wasn't paying any attention to her. Her eyes were always on him. He kinda wanted her to see the best parts of him, which is why he went quiet; saying something stupid was Jayne's special gift to the universe, after all. But it unnerved him sometimes; no woman ever really looked at him like she did. Made him self-conscious.
It confused him, she confused him. Jayne thought maybe he should just stop thinking about it altogether, and enjoy the view.
After her bath, Selene went looking for Jayne. She found him still standing, appreciating the view, about 100 feet from the villa walkway. She watched him from the walkway for a bit, as his back was to her, and allowed herself to appreciate the moment — the sun, the slight breeze, the smell of the rich earth. She closed her eyes and stretched out her arms, and stepped onto the green grass, eyes still closed. She felt the longish grass tickle between her toes (she had found a pair of sandals in the market and bought them on impulse — along with some rather feminine garments that she could use when she had to employ her "companion" disguise) and took a couple of steps that way. Living on a ship in space could be an adventure, but a place like this, this was heaven.
Jayne had felt someone watching him, and turned to see her there, eyes closed and walking with her arms out like she was floatin' or something. She looked so beautiful right then, so much a part of this world, the joy on her face made him ache. He turned away quickly, before she could open her eyes and catch him staring.
Selene opened her eyes, and saw Jayne still turned towards the distant fruit orchards. She walked down towards him, and came to stand at his right. He glanced over only briefly to acknowledge her presence, then went right back to staring into the distance. Selene believed she understood his silence, as she too felt overwhelmed by the natural beauty surrounding them. So different from the ship…. She seemed to be in a dream. "It's so beautiful here", she said. Jayne didn't argue with her; in fact, he didn't say anything else at all. He looked over at her, and watched her. She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the sky, feeling the warmth of the sun, and breathed in deeply. "Do you ever just stop to appreciate how real air feels, like on a planet and not on a ship? It is full of scent and life, like a living thing". Her thoughts were drifting, and she lost track of where she was, and who she was with. "The sun blazes with a tingling warmth, a kiss of fire; the wind dances across your skin, through your hair, a lover's caress…".
Now Jayne thought he was really in trouble. Her voice, soft and low, wistful, and the things she was sayin', and her smelling of apples, these things were conspirin' to make him feel all woozy next to her. The way she closed her eyes and held out her hands out just a little, like the sun and the wind were really touchin' her like she said, it reminded him a little bit of River, just not so crazy. But a little crazy. It was strange, he was both excited and scared at the same time. He swallowed, and continued to say nothing, just watching her. He knew well enough that anything he said would shatter this moment, and for some reason he didn't quite understand, that was the last thing he wanted to do.
Selene's eyes fluttered open, and she saw Jayne was staring at her, but not like he thought she was a raving lunatic. Something else in his eyes. Their gazes were locked, and she sensed a wave of confusion, lust and desire, emanating from him. She blinked, breaking the connection. That was unexpected. She frowned a little, as it occurred to her that she truly must be losing her mind. What the hell was that? Not only did I just let down my guard right next to a very dangerous man, I just babbled about sun and wind, and caressing. Ren ci de Fo zu, did I just say those things out loud? Then she stammered, "Oh gosh, you must think I'm quite mad" in that carefully cultured voice she used when she needed to be in control.
Jayne blinked. He managed to say, "Yep", and he grinned a little lopsidedly. Selene laughed, a nervous giggle really, as she was still a bit spooked by what she had felt from him. Weird. This merc was surprising her and that was dangerous in her line of work. She had to keep it together, regain control, and focus on her next steps.
"I was just going up to rest before dinner. Have you found anything on the Tams?" All business again. Good, she thought to herself.
Jayne was a little relieved that the professional bounty hunter Selene was back. He knew how to act around her. "Nope, not yet, but there's a tavern or bar just down from here, called something like "Turtle di Strato", might be a good source of information. It's fancier than some of the others in town, but".
"Then I suggest we prepare ourselves for a good dinner this evening. Why don't you get cleaned up and we'll head over there at sundown? I believe that's about 7, standard time."
Jayne nodded, and together they turned back towards the villa. They walked in silence. As they entered the small entryway and approached the staircase leading to the second floor bed chambers, Jayne motioned for Selene to go before him (since when was he all gentlemanly anyhow?). Their rooms were across the hall from one another. Selene unlocked her door, then turned, saying "I'll knock on your door just before 7. That's a couple of hours".
"Right", said Jayne, not looking at her. He went into his room and closed his door, and heard her door closing as well. Time for a bath, he thought. And some clean clothes. "Fergus Mitchell" still had some credits in his account, and he had used that at a tailor's shop in the Bethany market, where a wizened old man measured him and sewed him up some new, fine clothes. Finer than anything he'd ever had before, Jayne figured, and he really didn't know why exactly, but he wanted to look nice for Selene. He opened the package, and saw the old man had sent him a small bottle of some sorta scent along with the clothes, something Jayne did not usually indulge in himself, but he guessed it wouldn't hurt none to try a little…
Selene waited until she heard the water running, then slipped out of her room, down the stairs, and out of the villa.
Selene found the postal centre easily, and once she flashed the attendant her (very forged) Taxation Evasion Officer badge, he was very helpful. He told her that the man matching Mr. Cobb's description had been in that morning, and used the cortex vid-phone for 2 1/2 minutes. Selene was pleased that the attendant kept records, and recordings (although technically that was a breach of Alliance regulations, as she reminded him when he looked like he wasn't going to let her view it). Using her very well honed powers of persuasion, she was able to get the attendant to allow her to watch and listen to Jayne's call to the captain of Serenity. What she saw disturbed her even more than before she had Jayne followed. This captain, Malcolm Reynolds, he didn't strike her as a cutthroat. He actually seemed a good sort, not unreasonable, what was he doing, protecting two very dangerous and murderous fugitives? There had to be a story here that she was missing, Selene knew, but she was feeling very tired and her head was starting to hurt. Time to get back, and think about how she was going to deal with Jayne Cobb. Not killing him. At least, not yet.
At a few minutes before 7:00, she knocked on Jayne's door.
She had snuck back into the villa, tip-toeing up the stairs, and heard him cursing at something as she slipped into her room. She had cleaned up again, put on some make-up and her pretty new sandals, and one of the feminine dresses she had found in the market. It was a silky, sheer, sleeveless red dress, the bodice snug at her chest, leaving her arms bare, keeping close to her body to her hips, then flaring out in handkerchiefs of sheer silk down to her ankles, layered to allow them to float when she moved, giving tantalizing glimpses of her long legs up to her upper thigh, before they settled down around her again. The dress would be pleasing to him; she knew she looked good in it. Her aim was to confront him tonight, and what better way than if he was off his guard?
She fought an internal battle, however, as she tried to ignore her other reason for choosing the red dress. The image of Jayne's eyes, the way he was looking at her that afternoon, and the desire that emanated him kept intruding on her thoughts. Much to her dismay, she found herself wanting him to desire her. Dammit Selene, she admonished herself as she applied her makeup, you can't afford emotional entanglements. Especially with a man like this one.
She had taken lovers from time to time. None lasted very long. And never a bounty. Never a business partner either - well, this was the first time she'd had a business partner, and since she knew he was not being straight with her…. She knew herself well enough to admit to having a soft spot for bad boys, but in this particular situation, this little character flaw could be very dangerous indeed. Jayne Cobb was in a position to betray her, he was not who he claimed to be, and… well, that was kind of the point: she felt like there was more to him, and that she had to know what that was. She reminded herself to keep it together, and to remember what she came for, as she knocked on the door a second time.
Jayne answered the door in a grey, mandarin-collared shirt, which appeared to have been tailored to fit across his broad chest and shoulders, and narrowed to his waist. It was linen, Selene thought, probably one of the best fabrics she had seen in recent memory, it looked soft yet resilient, and she actually had to stifle the urge to touch Jayne's arm to feel the fabric. The shirt was perfect on him, he was clean, he smelled like warm spices, maybe cloves and cinnamon, and he wore clean grey pants that hugged his thighs in a way that, if Selene hadn't already been a little flushed at her reaction to him, she certainly would be now. Jayne was staring at her just like she had planned, all right, but she was staring at him just the same.
"Well, you look … shiny. The two of us seem to clean up just fine", Selene managed to say. His eyes were so blue. He smelled yummy. "We should, um, go". She said.
She stepped back and turned away from him, started to go down the stairs, and heard Jayne close the door and follow her. Get a grip, Selene, think about how this guy could murder you in your sleep and focus!
Jayne, for his part, couldn't speak. He was afraid that he didn't have the right words anyway. She called him shiny. But she looked exquisite. Not like when she was pretending to be a companion, better. Softer. More real. Her hair, which over the past couple weeks she wore in a ponytail or a braid, was loose, curling in soft auburn waves down her back. The scent of apples had hit him like a brick, damn that was a fine smell for a woman to have, he thought.
They walked side by side down the stone path to the taverna, without talking, each deep in his or her own thoughts. They reached what appeared to be an old barn, with a heavy wooden sign bearing the name "Locanda Della Torta di Strato". Selene looked over at Jayne, smiling. "Turtle di Strato?".
Jayne shrugged. "Never learned to read fancy; the name made no sense to me".
"It means cake, a layered cake, I think. Strange name for a tavern, either way". Selene pulled open the over-sized, heavy wooden door. Jayne was right behind her, and they squinted into the darkness.
The tavern was really more like a fancy restaurant, not overly crowded, but there were enough people there to make it feel busy. The guests appeared wealthy, and were very well dressed. Selene and Jayne were appropriately attired for the company. The meaning of the tavern's name was explained in the décor. The centre of the room was a tiled dance floor, surrounded on three sides by a row of tables, and then three tiered levels of more tables. A stage housing a small group of musicians anchored the fourth side of the room. They were playing what sounded like a soulful cross of Spanish flamenco, French village, and Chinese classical music.
Selene and Jayne were seated at a lovely small table on the top tier, very intimate. Selene sighed as she saw the menu; the prices matched the ambience. They were served quickly, and she had to admit that the food and wine were excellent, perhaps even worth what she was paying for them. She was also a little puzzled by her dinner companion's talkativeness. She had never heard him say so much in one sitting before. For his part, Jayne found himself telling Selene stories about his childhood, and his mother, and brother Matty. She seemed to be interested in those stories, but she said nothing of her own upbringing. In fact, Jayne was left thinking, he knew next to nothing about where she had come from, or who she was close to.
Selene at one point excused herself to speak to a barmaid who seemed to remember a girl who looked like River with a group saying they were headed to Celadon to broker some fruit for a local co-op of farmers. Jayne similarly spoke to a cook who said much the same. Of course, Jayne knew he would. Mal had made sure to tell anyone in earshot when he had been there.
Sipping on a glass of locally made dessert wine after dinner, Selene watched the couples on the dance floor, swaying in time to the music, and tried to school her thoughts. She knew she had to confront Jayne about lying to her, warning his shipmates about her, and keeping her from her bounty, but she wasn't quite sure how to go about it. She had never been this mad and upset at someone she didn't want to go off on before. The way he talked about his family, there was something she wasn't getting here, and that wasn't like her. She tried to see every angle but when it came to this merc, she couldn't figure him out. Damn it, the whole situation, she couldn't figure anything out.
Jayne saw that his dinner companion was pre-occupied, more so than he had ever seen her. He watched her closely throughout the dinner, but she didn't seem to notice. He had drunk about five glasses of very fine wine, and was feeling a bit blurry around the edges. That would be what he would blame if this went wrong, he said to himself. He leaned across the table to say what he had been aching to say for at least ten minutes. Unfortunately it didn't come out of his mouth the way it sounded in his head. "Would you, uh, I mean, you look like you'd like to, um… , there's dancin' and I ain't got much practice but if you would do me the honour, uh, do ya wanna dance or what?", he finally sputtered. Selene, broken out of her reverie by Jayne's clumsy proposal, smiled, and did not tease him at all, just said, "That would be lovely, Mr. Cobb" and pushed her chair out from the table, and stood. Jayne could not believe his luck, or maybe it was her graciousness, even when the words came out all wrong, she had still accepted him. He stood up quickly, and offered his arm, as he had seen Mal do with Inara, and Kaylee showed him how to do when she made him learn how to dance, a few months back. He hoped he could remember what she had taught him — he had been just hopeless until Kaylee got him to relax and "feel the music". He had never had much use for music before, but when Kaylee explained it, it was like listening to his heart beat, and the dancing became not about where his feet was, but feeling where he wanted his body to go.
Selene accepted his arm and together they stepped down from the tiers and onto the dance floor. It was an old-fashioned waltz; other couples of various levels of skill and experience whirled around them. Selene was a bigger girl than Kaylee, taller anyway, built more like Zoe. Jayne put his arm around her waist, resting one hand at the small of her back, and clasped her left hand in his right. Her right hand rested on his chest. He had never been this close to her, felt her body underneath his hands, like this. He was unsure which was making him more dizzy: the wine, or her nearness. He was completed intoxicated.
Selene, having seen Jayne's discomfort at asking her to dance, realized her opportunity to ask her questions, as he was obviously off his guard. But as Jayne put his hands on her, Selene found herself struggling again with her dual desires, of being very attracted to a good-looking, good-smelling man, and wanting to rip his head off for lying to her. At the moment, her attraction, aided by some very fine wine, was winning. But her suspicions, his secrets, they nibbled at her mind and would not let her completely relax.
He guided them around the floor rather well, she thought to herself. Again, unexpected. This man is just full of surprises. And that made Selene even more uncomfortable. Her experience with surprises was that there were many more unpleasant ones than there were good ones. This man appeared to deliver both. As she struggled with herself, Selene kept her eyes downcast, avoiding Jayne's gaze, although she could feel the heat of his eyes on her. She breathed deeply as she finally looked up, expecting to see lust there, but instead saw and sensed something else - admiration, respect, and tenderness. She found herself wanting to believe what she saw there in Jayne's eyes. She tried to steel herself, let her eyes say nothing, she needed to find out what the hell he was playing at right now, before things went too far.
Jayne saw something flicker in her eyes, when they finally met his, like pain or suspicion, but then a door seemed to close and her eyes, blue as the sky outside that afternoon, became unreadable once again. He was astute enough to realize that something was not altogether right with Selene, but he didn't have too much time to think on it.
Selene's right hand, resting on Jayne's chest, began to move up to his shoulder, down his arm, as she leaned in close to his ear. Her touch was electricity coursing through his body. All thoughts about what might be bothering her were zapped out of his thoughts. Selene's hand trembled slightly, and she tried to keep herself steady. She had pulled this manoeuvre a hundred times before, she thought, what the hell was wrong with her? Jayne's shirt was very soft, a part of her brain appreciated the fine cloth, while another part was achingly aware of the tight corded muscles underneath her fingers. Jayne's hand which held hers gripped hers a little tighter, and he pulled her closer to him. Their hips were touching now, no space between them, and there was no mistaking the desire that was radiating from each of them. Selene closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, a part of her realizing that she had to take control now, or risk losing it forever. She spoke, huskily, into his ear.
"Jayne"
"Mmm?"
"Tell me about the call you made today".
Jayne was jolted out of his reverie, and she felt his body tense up in response. He attempted to hide it. "Whadya mean, darlin'?" he said softly, into her ear, keeping his grip on her tight. She winced a little because his grip on her hand had become vice-like.
Selene's voice went from a soft tickle to a sharp stab in Jayne's ear. "You know what I mean, Mr. Cobb. Don't try to play me". She didn't have to act imperious, she was mad, really mad, her desire evaporating in the heat of her anger.
Jayne pulled away from her and held her a little away from him, so he could see into her eyes, and register the seething anger there. His expression reflected his disappointment, perhaps guilt, Selene didn't know what else. She was getting too mad to think straight, if he didn't say something soon, she was going to pull her knife on him. Only she'd left it in her room. Damn! This was going all pear-shaped because she couldn't get a grip on her hormones. That's it, she thought, the madness ends here. Why am I acting like a love-sick schoolgirl when this man is standing between me and my bounty? Why is he protecting the Tams, why is the crew of his ship, Serenity, protecting them? What in the name of all that is holy is going on?
Jayne, his hands still holding her, seemed to read her silent questions, when he finally spoke, "Let's go out back, I'll tell you everything". Those words hit Selene's anger like cold water. She expected him to be cagey with her, and now it was her turn to stutter, "alright then" as he turned towards the back of the bar, her hand still in his, and led her outside. Bethany orbited a gas giant, ringed, and now that planet loomed in the eastern sky. The reflected light made the earth around them glow. Jayne let go of her hand, and turned to face her. Selene stood, arms folded on her chest, cold, remote, and in control. Nothing in her demeanour betrayed the part of her that had trembled in his arms while they danced. The part of her that wanted him still.
Jayne took a deep breath, kept his eyes on hers, and told her everything. Everything. From the Tams arrival on board Serenity; the stories they had about the Academy; what they had done to River's brain; her fear of the men with blue hands; his betrayal of the Tams on Ariel; the screams of the federals on Ariel, as whatever came for River dispensed of them; their escape; his punishment; his attempts at redemption. Then, his communications with Mal, keeping her from Serenity and the Tams, lying to her. All of it. Throughout, he kept looking into her eyes, willing her to understand, to see that he was telling her the truth now, even the stuff that showed him off in none too good a light. Her eyes betrayed nothing. But she seemed to grow very pale.
Selene was stunned. The Academy. She had not expected to hear those words. Her skin was cold, though the night still held some of the warmth of the day, it was as if the blood in her veins had frozen solid. Jayne was still talking, but she ceased to comprehend. She held up her hand, and simply said "Stop". Her eyes were focussed off into the distance behind Jayne's shoulder. He could've sworn she looked like she might cry. But she seemed to win some internal battle for emotional control, and when she finally spoke again, her tone told him she would brook no argument from him over their next steps.
"I want you to arrange a meeting between me and your captain. Whatever terms he needs in order to feel comfortable. As soon as possible." She said nothing further, turned from Jayne, and began walking back towards the villa. Jayne was all sorts of confused, by her reaction and by his as well. She just walked off. Didn't pull a weapon on him or anything. Just expected him to do what she asked and walked away. The thought occurred to him that he could just leave, be offworld before morning, before she realized…. He wasn't used to having people trust him. She had trusted him, and he had let her down. He got it. His heart was heavy in his chest as he realized he had probably screwed up everything with this woman. Damn, why the hell did he care about her feelings anyways?
Okay, he thought, this could be a new opportunity, to earn her trust again. But he didn't think Mal was gonna be too understanding of him bringing around a bounty hunter and killer for some tea and cookies. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't leave her, not like this, not after what he felt in there. Besides which, he had no doubt that she could hunt him down again if she wanted. That wouldn't help the Tams or the rest of Serenity's crew. Jayne sighed, and followed Selene back to the villa, keeping her in sight. She was about 50 metres in front of him, but he didn't try to catch up. He knew enough to know that she didn't want him around right now.
When Selene got back to the villa, she was vaguely aware that Jayne was behind her a ways. She went straight up to her room, washed her face, and changed out of the fancy dress. She heard Jayne's footsteps on the stairs, and went completely still. She heard him pause outside her door, but he didn't knock. She held her breath, in her head willing him to leave her be. She allowed her self some bitter satisfaction with herself when she heard him doing just that, turning to his own room, entering it, and closing the door behind him.
Only then did the tears come, she hadn't cried in so long, she had forgotten how far down she had buried the sorrow, grief, and fury of the past years. She sobbed loudly into her pillow, hoping that no one else could hear her.
But Jayne did hear. After cursing his cowardice for a few minutes, he had opened his door, determined to talk to her again, to explain himself more if he had to, but mostly to try to get to the bottom of what he was sure both of them had been feeling back at the bar, while they danced. He heard, and was paralyzed by the intensity of her grief. He stood outside her door for a long time, until he finally heard her calm down, her sobs quieted, and he thought she had fallen asleep. He went back to his room soberly, knowing that it wasn't just him that caused that outpouring. Something else, something in what he said must've triggered it.
Jayne knew about being emotionally vulnerable and being hurt, he had spent most of his life avoiding situations which could lead to those sorts of things happening. No friends, no confidants, no sweetheart. A lonely life. He thought about all that when he went back into his room. Since being on Serenity, he had been starting to open up. He felt pretty close to Kaylee, like a sister she was, he wanted to protect her; he felt a kind of fierce loyalty to the Captain and Zoe, since they had been in a few battles together and one or both of them had kept his back every time (even after he screwed up, betrayed the Tams, and Mal almost keelhauled him for it); his workout buddy, Book, the preacher, he was a stand-up guy; Inara, well she didn't pay him much attention, but she wasn't mean to him unless he was being a pig (which was not infrequently — he liked to try to get a rise out of her); Wash annoyed him, but they had some laughs together from time to time; the prissy doctor Simon had patched him up more than once, and seeing how much he cared for that loony sister of his, River…. Together, they kinda felt like a family. They were cobbled together from so many different places and experiences, and yet, they trusted each other and relied on each other more than any crew he had flown with. Being away from them for this long, the truth of it finally hit home for Jayne: they were as much his family now as his ma or Matty, more so perhaps, since they knew who he was, the things he had done, and they still accepted him. Welcomed him, even. Mal had been glad to see him when he called up, relieved that he was okay. He knew Kaylee would give him a big hug when he next saw her (much to Simon's chagrin) and that made him smile.
He got it, then. Somehow, Selene had no-one like that. She didn't speak of family, nor friends, not even in the long hours they had been stuck together over the past few weeks.
When she did talk, she told him about books she had read, stories and legends of the old countries and nations of Earth That Was. Sometimes she would tell a funny story about some moron who had insulted her in a bar, or a fight she had been in, but no further back than a couple years. At one point, she told him about how she had found him: that she had broke into a police storage facility on Ariel where she found Jayne's wanted information a couple of months back. He had not been listed as a high priority, but the reward was large, which peaked her interest, so she dug a little further and found the info on the Tams. That's when she hatched her plan to bypass the middleman (the Alliance) and get him to lead her directly to the Tams for the bigger payday. He found her clever, and engaging when she spoke.
But she never told him anything about people close to her, or home, or family, nothing that was near and dear to her heart. Something had happened, he thought, turned her into who she is now, and he had no clue what that was. Except that it caused her all that pain when she was confronted with it.
The thoughts continued to spin in his brain for hours, so that sleep, when it came, was fitful and short.
He woke at sunrise, dressed quickly, and went down to the villa kitchen for some coffee and a basket of buttery biscuits with homemade preserves. He brought the basket up the stairs, and knocked on her door.
Selene answered, already dressed in her usual clothes, but looking exhausted, drained, like the light had left her. Jayne could feel his heart ache at the sight of her hurting so much. He wished that he wasn't so useless with talking, that he might get her to tell him what was going on with her. He had never seen anyone look so… defeated. Beaten. Tired, right to the soul.
Selene was all those things and more. She was preoccupied with her pain, but she registered Jayne's concern for her, saw the food and smelled the coffee, and appreciated his kindness. She invited him in, smiled slightly, thanked him robotically, and heard herself offer him some of the fruit from the basket she had purchased the day before. Ai ya, was that really only yesterday, she thought, it felt so many miles away from now. She ate, silently, and Jayne respected her silence. He topped up her coffee from the refill pot when it got low, and stirred in some fresh milk every time. She didn't seem to notice that her cup never got empty, but he still did it, watching her.
When she had done eating a few bites of biscuit, some preserves, and some apple he had cut up for her, Jayne asked her if she wanted to come with him to call Serenity, but she declined. She became ever more remote, saying "Make whatever arrangements you see fit, Mr. Cobb. I will adhere to whatever deal you have to make to your captain to secure his trust." And with that she excused herself, and lay down on her bed with her back to him. Jayne knew he had been dismissed and left, heavy-hearted and wondering how this would ever be fixed.