Disclaimer: Firefly and her crew are not mine, all hail Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy etc.
Feedback is welcome, and thank you so much for the kind remarks thus far!
This is Chapter 4 - quick on the heels of Chapter 3, I have been feeling inspired.
Chinese translations:
Mei miao: wonderful
Sha zi: idiot, fool
Zui: evil
Lao tian, bu: oh god no
Tian sa de e mo: goddamn monsters, wicked demons
Lan Shai Ri Yun: Blue Sun Halo
Jayne made a short trip into town to make the necessary arrangements, and they left Bethany a few hours later. Selene said next to nothing as they readied her ship, broke orbit, and set in their course. She then relinquished the helm to Jayne and locked herself in her shuttle for the duration of the 22 hour trip to the rendezvous point on Persephone. Jayne didn't dare bother her, although worried thoughts swam through his mind.
Cap'n had been very suspicious of meeting with the bounty hunter, and as Jayne suspected, he was a mite cheesed with Jayne for having a sudden case of honesty with her on Bethany. Mal always expected trouble, and this time, Jayne really didn't know what to expect. The Captain, Zoë, Kaylee, all of them were his crew, like his family, and he didn't want to put them into harm's way, but his instincts told him that Selene wasn't out to try to hurt them. He realized he was really starting to care about Selene too, and even though she wasn't speaking to him, it was like he still felt her presence in his head. He somehow understood she had been shattered by something, and he wanted to help her to glue herself back together, but he didn't know how. Although it was as much a mystery to him as it was to Mal why she wanted to meet the Captain, he believed that whatever she had planned, she wouldn't do harm to anyone on board Serenity. He just hoped Mal would keep his cool and not do something rash.
Selene emerged from her shuttle-cocoon as Jayne brought the shuttle around a shallow orbit around Persephone. They were to land at the edge of the main town, as the rendezvous point, as Jayne had advised, was in the marketplace in the centre of the town. Selene was dimly aware of the sound of Jayne's voice, reminding her that the captain, Mal Reynolds, specified she was to be unarmed for their meeting. She listened through a fog, numb and tired. Jayne's confession on Bethany had brought too many memories to the surface, too quickly. She needed to know that what Jayne had told her was correct. This might be the only way to find out for sure, she thought. She looked down at her civilian clothes, and realized she had strapped on her knife automatically when she had dressed. She undid the leather holster, and handed it, knife and all, to Jayne. "Hold onto this for me, will you? I don't want to leave it here, and I need to know it's safe".
Jayne looked at the leather straps and fine steel knife in his hands, and then back up to her. Her eyes betrayed her fatigue, and even resignation, but she held her head high. He locked his eyes with hers. "I'll be returnin' it to you soon", he promised. He tucked it all very carefully into the shoulder bag he had packed with some of his necessities for taking along. Selene smiled wanly. He would have given anything to see the brilliant flash in her eyes that used to accompany her smile, or her temper, anything but the expression that made him ache to look upon her.
"What's the drill?" she asked him, as her slight smile faded.
…
Jayne and Selene wandered the lanes of the open market side by side, without speaking, for over an hour, without any sign of Mal, or anyone else from Serenity for that matter. It was nearing the middle of the day on Persephone; the sun beat down mercilessly on the dusty earth. Jayne felt a rivulet of sweat resolutely trickle down the middle of his back. He had just suggested some refreshments as they passed a stand selling fresh fruit juice, when he spotted Zoë about 30 feet from him. She had obviously been watching them for a time, he thought. Mei miao, Mal didn't even trust him enough to meet with him square, like they had planned. Zoë nodded to him before turning away, and walking towards the edge of the market, where the town's main docks were located. Jayne grabbed Selene's hand, pulling her along to follow Zoë. As Jayne threaded his way through the crowds, Selene's hand still clasped in his, she allowed him to lead her without resistance as she watched the people and stalls of goods like they were images on a vid-screen. Not real, not to be believed. She felt a slight noise in her head, familiar, like that thought belonged to someone other than herself. She frowned slightly. Jayne looked back at her, noticing her far-off, unfocussed eyes. She seems to be on auto pilot, he thought.
When he spotted Serenity, Mal standing on her ramp, waiting for them, Jayne slowed a little. He realized he couldn't see Zoë anymore, and concluded only seconds later that was because she was right behind them, instructing Selene to drop the merc's hand and put up hers. Jayne realized then that Selene had been gripping his hand, harder than he had noticed. So, at least she wasn't completely checked out, he thought. Selene raised her arms, put her hands on top of her head, everything that Zoë ordered her to do. Zoë led her like that onto Serenity, into the cargo bay, and away from the curious eyes of market shoppers and the traffic at the docks.
Mal looked furious, Jayne could see his mouth set in a hard line and his eyes were cold. As Zoë secured Selene's hands behind her back, Mal finally moved, storming over to Jayne. "Care to explain why you're getting' cozy with the hired killer, Jayne?"
Jayne took a deep breath before he responded. Keep calm, he told himself. "It's not like that, Mal. She caught me callin' you, like I said, and then I told her why I was tryin' to protect Serenity and Simon and his moon-brained sister, and she got all quiet, and asked to meet ya. You can see she doesn't have any weapons on her; she gave me her knife. I… I think you can trust her, Mal, that's all."
Mal did not look convinced. "Jayne, what I can see is this: it is plainer than day to me that you have spent the last few weeks being in close proximity with a pretty lady, who has turned your sha zi empty head inside out one way or another. She is an assassin, Jayne, it's her job to get close to her target, by any means necessary. And you cracked open like an overripe melon and told her just how to find us. If that weren't enough, you arranged a meeting with me to make it even easier for her to get close to the Tams. Do you ever get any use out of your brain, because any stray thoughts trapped in there must be getting awful lonely by now."
Jayne could feel his anger rising, and he getting ready to yell back at Mal, or hit something, but instead he looked over at Selene. She was far enough away not to hear what Mal had said, but she was watching them closely. He kept his eyes on her as he breathed deeply to steady his voice, which still came out low, a bit strangled. "Look at her Mal. She's trussed up and unarmed. She told me she would agree to any condition you set to meet with her". He looked back at the captain. "She ain't a bad person, Mal. I know enough from bein' around 'em and maybe even bein' one myself, that she isn't zui. She didn't get me to bring her here by trying to seduce me or nothing. Wouldn't have been difficult if she wanted to; she's a fine lookin' woman. All I know is, I trust her. I can't tell you why exactly, and its not like I'm the most trusting of guys usually, but that's the way I feel. She's not like a cold-blooded killer or anything…".
Mal wore a sceptical look at the words pouring out of Jayne, who didn't seem to notice, as he went right on talking. "Sure, she ain't above lyin' when it serves her purpose, but overall it seems she is tryin' to live her life up to some kinda standard, like she is tryin' to do some good in the 'verse. She kinda reminds me of you and Zoë, that way. Anyhow, something I said to her about the Tams gave her a reminder of something else and she wanted to meet with you. I believe she's just here to talk, Mal. Can't you just hear her out?"
Mal's expression had gone from sceptical all the way to incredulous during Jayne's little speech. He regarded Jayne's slightly pleading expression, and then looked over the assassin he had gotten them all messed up with. There was something there, for certain, 'cause Jayne didn't use that many words about other people, and he didn't look at them like he had looked at her. Yep, he was soft on her, that was for sure. What interested Mal, though, was her demeanour towards Jayne. Was it possible that she might be soft on him too? When she was being led up the ramp by Zoë, she had looked at Mal like a bounty hunter should, assessing risk, looking for weakness, sizing him up. Now, as Selene watched Jayne, it was completely different, like she was actually concerned that Mal might keelhaul him for bringing her. That confused Mal almost as much as Jayne's overtalking. Jayne was usually one to hit first and explain himself later, and the fact that he didn't rise to Mal's insults was only one indication that something had turned in the big man. Mal just hoped it wasn't his loyalties. He made the decision then to find out just what was going on, from someone who might make more sense that Jayne Cobb.
"Zoë, would you bring our guest to the infirmary please, and I'll join you shortly". Zoë nodded her assent, and began to lead Selene off to the rear of the cargo bay, towards medical. On their way, they were suddenly face to face with Book, leaving his quarters. Selene's eyes went very wide, before she nodded to him, saying "Shepherd" in greeting. Book for his part seemed equally surprised, but was unable to respond as Zoë, said "'Scuse me preacher, this one's on her way to the infirmary".
"Does she need medical attention?" asked Book, when he found his tongue.
"Not yet", responded Zoë as she pushed her charge in front of her.
This exchange was not noticed by the two men left in the cargo bay, as they were deep in their own discussion. Mal turned back to Jayne. "You, go to your quarters and stay there." Jayne opened his mouth to protest, but Mal wouldn't even let him start. "I don't wanna hear it, Jayne. I need to hear what she has to say without interference from you. And if she's hypnotized you to take over the ship at her command, I don't want to find out about it by surprise. Go, now. Or I'll have the doctor give you a smoother and get you out of my hair for a spell". Jayne was seething, but did what he was told. He felt utterly torn, between worrying for Serenity and the Captain (even though he wanted to punch that smarmy look from his face) and worrying about Selene. He wanted to understand, to know what haunted her, and he hated that he couldn't be there for her now. She still trusted him a bit, he figured, and now she was alone out in the 'verse once more. He felt like he had failed her. Again.
"Where's Mr. Cobb?" was the first thing the pretty assassin said to him when he got to the infirmary. Mal felt his suspicion of her having brainwashed Jayne was justified, now more than ever.
"Confined to quarters. He won't be joining our little chat".
Selene was reclined on the examination table, strapped down (Zoë wasn't taking any chances with another assassin) and her arms still pinned behind her. Zoë stood to her left and slightly behind her, and Mal approached Selene on her right. They assessed one another for a few seconds. She spoke first. "It's not his fault, I asked him to set this up, and he didn't sell you out. He wouldn't. He's been leading me in circles for weeks. But I suppose you know all about that aspect. What you don't understand is why I wanted to meet you. I would have liked Mr. Cobb to hear this as well, because this is not a story I relish telling, Captain Reynolds." She paused, steeling herself for what was to come. The memories, the stories, the feelings, the questions. She swallowed before she spoke again.
"You know I have been hunting Simon and River Tam. You know Mr. Cobb was linked to the Tams by their arrest on Ariel. I … acquired Mr. Cobb to lead me to the Tams. I expected to either turn him to my purpose willingly with the promise of monetary reward, or to extract the information of the Tams' location forcibly from him. Events transpired which led to my re-evaluation of our … professional relationship; I offered him a partnership, and he accepted. Well, technically, he didn't actually accept; he pretended to do so when instead he led me away from you, alerted you to my plans, and kept me occupied and away from my target. It took me a little while to figure it out, because Mr. Cobb does not behave like … well, he didn't seem like the kind of man his profile made him out to be". Selene paused. She sounded like she was babbling. Focus, she thought. He needs to see you as sincere, not crazy.
"The warrant on the Tams sets out a number of their alleged crimes, warning anyone who comes in contact with them that they are to be considered very volatile, dangerous killers, and are not to be trusted. So my curiosity was naturally peaked when I discovered that Jayne, well, in fact you, Captain Reynolds, were harbouring a pair of psychotically murderous siblings. I confronted Jayne with what I knew about his contact with you, and he confessed a rather jumbled array of facts and stories about how this situation with the Tams and you came to pass. However, only one thing he said chilled me to the bone: the Academy. Jayne… Mr. Cobb mentioned that Simon Tam had stolen his sister from the Academy." She paused.
She sensed the presence of others listening just around the corner. Simon Tam was probably among them, other crew members there—definitely "the preacher", someone else too. She felt something familiar, like a tickle in her head. She was being read. River Tam? The Academy, she repeated in her head.
Bad place. The words came into her head as clear as if spoken out loud. Definitely River Tam.
I know — can't let them find you again.
Two by two, hands of blue, the voice sing-songed in her head. Selene shivered. Mal watched her, as she her eyes seemed to lose focus, and then her body convulsed, and her eyes rolled back into her head. Before he could call for the doctor, she seemed to be overcome by some kind of seizure; she shook, her eyes alternating between wide open and wild, to rolling and sliding back into her head; she cried out. "You're in terrible danger, the Tams, they are in danger, it will seek you out, find you, it wants her back…". Selene realized with dread that she was out of control; the thoughts were tumbling into her head from River, mixing with her own dark memories, and they ran like a torrent from her lips. She was trying to swim through, but she was drowning, sinking, the old paralyzing fear coming back "lao tian, bu, please please please help them, get them out of here now, they're coming, they're too close, get them away, get me out of here, just go, go, let me go".
Mal was fully convinced that the girl had just lost her last nut. Simon, clearly having disobeyed Mal's order to stay clear of the infirmary, rushed around the corner and immediately put together a potion of muscle relaxants and tranquilizers, same as he had to give to River at the beginning, and injected it into Selene's upper right shoulder. She screamed, a fearful sound that echoed through the whole ship, and finally her shaking began to subside. Her eyes closed, but she continued to emit a low whimpering sound, tears streaming down her face. Mal looked over at Zoë, and their thoughts were the same. Either this woman was a very, very good actor, or she had just had some sort of complete mental meltdown in front of them. Mal took the doctor aside, asked him what he thought was going on.
Simon considered his unwilling patient. "Captain, that was just the way River was at first".
"Could she have just faked all that?" Zoë piped in.
Simon shook his head slowly. "I don't think so. She's either been through something, or… oh my God, River!" Simon had caught sight of his sister, standing at the entrance to medical. The others turned to look. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her hands were clenched in fists at her temples. She didn't come in, but spoke from where she stood, her voice was distant, disembodied, and not quite her own.
"There, there, it's okay now. It's just a bad dream, it's over now". Selene's eyes opened, focussed with some difficulty, and managed to regard River through her drugged stupor, before she lost consciousness, whispering back, "Never be over".
When she awoke, Selene saw she was no longer strapped down or restrained. Her head felt as though it had been overstuffed with a mixture of cotton and nails. Her body, when she tried to move it, felt like it had been wrapped in the same substance. She groaned, and turned her head. River Tam. Sitting there watching her from her perch on a countertop. Simon Tam next to her, but he was facing the other way, his back to Selene. She knew them, not just from the photos on their warrants. River Tam had been at the Academy. Simon Tam had got her out. She felt River on the edge of her mind again, quietly, no pouring out of memories or fears, just a gentle question, pushing slightly. Wake up.
Simon Tam turned, "You're awake. You might want to lie still for a bit, the effect of the drugs I gave you might be slow to wear off". Simon checked her pupils and seemed satisfied with the result. He was all business.
"Are we off Persephone?" she managed to ask.
"Yes, Captain gave orders after your … episode that we should leave immediately."
"My ship…"
"Is safe. In our cargo bay. It was a tight squeeze, but Wash managed to do it. He and Kaylee were already en route to check your ship when you first came aboard Serenity. The Captain wants to meet with you again when you're ready." He handed her a glass of water.
Selene forced herself to sit up, and took a sip from the glass. She coughed. "I'm ready now", she croaked. She attempted a smile at Simon. River giggled, and Selene caught her eye. "Maybe a little later" Selene ventured, smiling at River. She finished her water. Simon did not smile, and regarded her coldly.
"The reason you're not still restrained is because River says you're trustworthy. For some reason, the captain believes her". Simon's arms were crossed over his chest, like he was holding in his fury. "I don't. You were sent here to capture us and turn us over to those who would kill us. I don't believe your purpose has changed one bit since you began this mission."
Selene turned her head to face Simon. "Dr. Tam, let's get a couple of things straight: I wasn't sent, I'm not on a mission. I take orders from no one. I'm freelance, I choose my targets." She looked back at River. "And I can choose to stop chasing them. My mind was changed". River smiled. Simon looked puzzled by this exchange between the bounty hunter and his sister.
"Simon, leave her be. She can help me. She's … I want her to stay, she can be one of us now". Simon raised his eyebrows at that, and took a step towards River, saying "Mei-mei, I don't think …". River ignored him and got down from her perch, brushed past him, and approached the table where Selene lay.
Selene's eyes were so heavy, even with the drugs wearing off, she was still exhausted. She tried to focus on Simon and River, but finally she allowed her eyes to close. She felt River touch her hair, stroking it from her forehead. It was soothing, River's presence near her and in her mind. But she was missing something, someone. Jayne. Where was he? Was the captain still angry with him? Her eyes flew open and she was looking into River's eyes then, her voice in her head.
He's around, he's worried, but he won't come in here. Rest now. It'll all be okay soon.
Selene closed her eyes again. She was so tired. She stretched her mind out one last time, and saw Jayne watching River stroke her hair. He was right there, but she couldn't hold on to consciousness for another moment. She struggled against the exhaustion, she had to talk to him. Rest, River insisted. Selene finally acquiesced.
A few hours later, the crew gathered in the mess, around the big dining table. Selene was looking more like herself, confident and in control. She sat in the middle of the starboard side of the long table, Jayne stood in the middle of the port side. He was keeping the table between them, staying in front of her, wanting to be close but fearing his reaction to her. Maybe Mal was right, he had been hypnotized or something, she was in his head somehow, and that was the cause of all the weird feelings he had been having.
He had disobeyed Mal's order when he heard her scream, stormed out of his quarters and raced down to the infirmary to see what kind of wicked torture the captain had subjected her to, ready to tear him apart if he had hurt her. He found the infirmary crowded by the rest of the crew, surrounding her, and found he couldn't make himself push in. Instead, he contented himself with watching her from a walkway above, through a small window on the side. He saw River stroking her hair, taking care of her. When he finally made the decision to go in, the crowd had left and Selene was asleep again. Simon looked at him more strangely than usual when Jayne's big frame blocked the entrance to the infirmary, his eyes locked on Selene, but still hesitating to get near her. "She gonna be okay, doc?" Simon nodded and said that he thought so; she hadn't had a seizure, more like some kind of mental overload, and it hadn't done any permanent damage. River was looking at him strange too, but that girl always looked funny to Jayne. And then she had to speak.
"Scared".
Jayne shifted his gaze from Selene to River. "I ain't scared of her".
"No", River continued, her hands still on Selene's forehead, her eyes wide. "Scared you'll lose her".
Jayne snorted at that, although his eyes betrayed his discomfort with River's suggestion. "Just came to return this". And with that, Jayne pulled some folded leather from the waistband of his pants, and dropped it on the counter. Simon picked it up; it was a leather belt and knife, folded together. River spoke again, her eyes still locked on Jayne.
"It's hers. Her mother gave it to her. She asked him to keep it safe". Simon looked at River, then Jayne, and finally down at Selene. Jayne was distinctly uncomfortable and flustered. What was it about this woman that had both Jayne and River, two people he found less alike to one another than, well, anyone he could think of, protective of her? Even before River was sent to the Academy, she tended not to trust new people. Jayne seemed to mistrust everyone, which is what made him valuable to the ship - he was like a mean, scary guard dog. A man-ape gone wrong. Interesting….
Jayne was all kind of spooked, like a deer in the headlights, his momma would've said, while River continued to stare at him. Simon finally spoke. "I'll return it to her when she wakes up". Simon's words snapped Jayne back into reality. He nodded at Simon, turned and stalked out of the infirmary. That girl seemed to have been able to pull his thoughts right from his head. Not right, he thought. Man's thoughts should be his own. And in front of the doc, too, gorammit. He decided it was definitely time to lift some heavy weights, to try to get rid of the jangling in his nerves.
…
He still felt uncomfortable a few hours later when Mal called everyone to meet in the mess. When he came in and saw Selene, he saw Simon, River and Inara there too, and put himself across the table from her. She was looking right at him, he could feel it, but he wouldn't meet her gaze.
Selene was watching Jayne, wanting an opportunity to speak with him alone, without everyone watching. When she awoke and River gave her the knife, she knew he had been there, but why didn't he talk to her, and why wouldn't he look at her now?
She sighed, and turned to River; River whispered something aloud to her about when the party would start. Selene knew the two of them could easily communicate with each other without words, but they had agreed that with the others, for now, they would talk out loud. They chattered together while the others entered, Zoë and Wash together, Book, then Kaylee.
Jayne saw out of the corner of his eye that Selene wasn't looking at him anymore. He kept his head down, so she wouldn't notice him watching her now. He saw how easily she and River seemed to talk, how easy River was with Selene, when River didn't tend to take to new people. Or anyone, really.
His brow furrowed, thinking there was something these two had in common, more than he understood. Sister, the word was in his brain. He looked up fully then, and River was looking right at him, and just then he knew she spoke the word in his head. His eyes went wide, but River just looked away, humming slightly to herself as she sometimes did. Crazy, moon-brained girl, he thought. What is she doing prying into my head? Or was that just my imagination? What did she mean by "sister" anyways? Just then, Mal came in to join them, and all the crew was present.
"Well, Ms. Nolan, I believe you have a tale to tell. River's told me that we need to trust you, and though I'm not of a mind to do so, the girl seems to know people, and that's good enough for me to hear you out. So, here we are now. Entertain us."
Selene grimaced more than smiled. She looked at the faces gathered around the table. To her right, River and Simon Tam, the Captain, Zoë, Wash the pilot, Jayne, the preacher, Book, next to him were Kaylee the mechanic, and next to her on her left, Inara the Companion. Her gaze went back to the preacher, she nodded to him; he nodded back. Mal observed the greeting that passed between them, frowned slightly, and made a mental note to follow it up later. Selene began.
"Twenty-five years ago, I was taken from my family to a school, the Academy, it was called. By now, through your experiences with Ms. Tam, you know it wasn't a school. My family did not have the benefit of such information, and they sent me there willingly because of the great opportunity it would afford me. When the Academy recruiters arrived, and tested all the children, they told my parents I had done very well, so well in fact they would take me on a full scholarship. On the surface, it really did appear to be a great deal for me: to be educated with the intellectual elite; my parents didn't have to pay—they couldn't have, they were merchants, owned a small supply store on Radiant Sky." Mal nodded, he knew Radiant Sky, a small world settled by farmers and miners. In the very armpit of the 'verse, unfortunately.
Selene continued. "I was in the Academy proper for six years. There was a school, but it was secondary to the experiments, and the training. I was tortured and trained into becoming an assassin. From what I understand, I had a number of abilities naturally suited to being a killer, that's what their first tests were designed to find. My brain was cut into, and I was fed cocktails of drugs, pills, hallucinogens, what have you, in order to make my mind more … malleable. My natural abilities were heightened, strengthened. Upon "graduation", I was sent on missions. Bombings. Kidnappings. Murders. Assassinations. I had been perfectly programmed, and I behaved exactly as they expected. I'm sure some of this sounds familiar to you, River". Selene paused as River nodded. Simon looked incredulous as the further details of what his sister must have gone through were revealed by this assassin. But it certainly might explain some of River's more … bizarre behaviours.
"We were supervised, controlled, kept in line I guess, by men called handlers, always travelling in pairs, always wearing blue gloves. They were … made by the Academy. Where their hands used to be is all robotic. There are places in the 'verse, places where they cut off the hands of thieves. Years before I arrived, amputees had come to the Academy, a centre of healing, they were told, looking for help. The Academy enslaved them and experimented on them. They changed the way their brains processed information. They created a creature no longer quite human: handlers.
My life as an assassin went on for a number of years. Then one day, something happened, and my programming began to fail. I asked too many questions, I didn't kill a couple of my targets. I contacted my family, tried to reconnect with them. They hadn't seen me since I left for the school. They told me about letters I had apparently written to them, telling them that I didn't want to see them anymore. I don't remember ever writing such letters, although with the brain experiments and the drugs, I could have. But in my heart, I don't think I actually wrote them. I escaped from the Academy's compound one night, ran back to my family. In response, the handlers brought in a team, kidnapped me and took me back for "retraining", and slaughtered my family." Selene stopped, and swallowed. The rest of the table were in shock. Their faces were full of the horror that she felt. Wash muttered "Tian sa de e mo" under his breath.
"The "retraining" wouldn't stick. I pretended to go back to the way I was, but every day I watched them, waiting for an opportunity to get away. That came during my yearly medical examination, about nine years ago. I subdued the doctors, broke free, stole my entire medical file, destroyed their computer database, and killed my handlers. I headed for Persephone, where there was a doctor I had heard about who worked with survivors of brain experimentation and torture. I thought he could help me. I stole funds, commandeered a ship, and got myself to Persephone. The doctor was real, and he was able to implant a neuro-chip which allowed me to be back in control of my own brain. Part of the programming, the parts of the brain they cut into, makes one extremely susceptible to the handlers' call, and the chip blocks those signals. It means I still have most of the skills, but the handlers no longer control me."
"They tracked me for years. Every time they came, I killed whoever they sent, handlers, trackers, bounty hunters, and sent them back to the Academy in pieces. I murdered eight blue hands that way. I have killed others when the need arose; I got work where I could. I am trained as an assassin, after all".
She looked around at the others, seeing their discomfort. She levelled her gaze at Mal. "I have a code, I only hunt those that exist on the pain and suffering of others. I can't say that has always been the case. I killed many people in the years before my … emancipation. I have terrible dreams; images pop into my head, and I don't even know if they're memories or dreams, or if they were my own or implanted there by the Academy. It was hardest at the beginning, when I first broke free. Every day, I would have a vision or a memory, the cruelty and the terror of it felt like I was living inside a nightmare."
Selene looked right at Simon then. "What they were doing to River, at the Academy. They were trying to make her like me. A killer. Assassin for Blue Sun Halo. And they will want her back."
Mal was frowning, what was she talking about? He had never heard of this Blue Sun Halo. Selene heard his question before he spoke it, turns out a few others were thinking it too. She continued, "Blue Sun Halo is know mostly by its Mandarin name, Lan Shai Ri Yun. It is the military and political wing of Blue Sun Incorporated, which, as I am sure you are aware, is the largest corporation on most of the colonized worlds. They operate on an agenda that is sometime in congress with the Alliance, but really they are a law unto themselves. The Alliance governing counsel is full of Blue Sun lackeys, members of the Boards of Directors of various arms of Blue Sun, but their influence on Alliance policy pales in comparison to their ability to shape events on all worlds to suit their needs. If you name five, ten, twenty prominent assassinations in the last ten years, I can promise you that most if not all of them were carried out by Blue Sun Halo."
Selene paused, and looked directly at Mal then. "Including John Flemming of the Governing Counsel". Mal's eyes went cold, and his lips pressed together in a tight line. He looked around the table, only Zoë and Book seemed to be aware of who this person was. When he spoke, he answered the unspoken questions in the eyes of the others. His voice was sharp, betraying his struggle to keep his temper.
"Counsellor Flemming was sympathetic to the Independents". His face was grey. "Ten years ago, before the war started, he gave his support to a group of farmers on one of the outer colonies, who wanted to sell their crops on the open market, and not be forced to sell it at an artificially low price to the Alliance. He was killed in his home a few days later; most folks said it was bandits, although there were whispers about him being killed by spies for the Alliance. His death caused those who had any sympathies towards the Independents to shut up about them, and throw their support to the Alliance. The outer planets were kept in servitude to the Alliance, resentment continued to grow, along with the Independence movement. It polarized the known 'verse, made the war between Alliance and Independence almost inevitable".
"His family was supposed to have been killed too, by those same bandits", Selene said, slowly and soberly. "Those were my orders".
Selene let her confession seep in. She knew Mal was going to have a very difficult time in accepting this, but she needed to have it all out in the open. There could be no secrets now.
It was Zoë who next spoke. "You killed him?" Selene nodded to her, and turned back to Mal.
"He was to be the example, the warning. For those that disagreed with the goals of Blue Sun, to have all the settled planets under Alliance control. This is what would happen to you, to your family. I remember him so clearly, and his family too. He had a wife, teenaged girl, a baby boy, a dog. All of them huddled together. My orders were to kill them all."
Jayne had been giving Selene his full attention as she told her story, but when she paused, he looked to Mal. He had heard the barely restrained anger in the Captain's voice in telling of Counsellor Flemming's death, and felt the undercurrent of the want to do some violence emanating from him. He was worried Mal would try to hurt Selene, and Jayne felt he could not let that happen.
Sure enough, Mal looked as if he wouldn't need an order to kill her now, if he could. Selene met his murderous gaze with calm eyes, her voice remained low and modulated.
"I followed my programming. I killed the counsellor. There was no agreeing or disagreeing with the programming. I just did it. But when I turned to his family, that's when it happened. The first crack". Her eyes clouded a little, as she visited the memories she had tried to hard to purge from her conscience. "Counsellor Flemming was dead, his blood seeping across the floor. His wife was sobbing, she was clutching the baby and huddled over him. The dog barked and barked, and then suddenly stopped. That's when I saw her, the teenaged girl. She didn't move or cry, she had her hand curled around the dog's collar, to keep it calm. She met my eyes. She didn't speak, and yet I could hear her in my thoughts. She told me I had other choices, and then she showed me images of her life: her parents, friends, home, her school, memories of kissing a boy, playing with the dog. When I blinked, the images were gone, and she still held my eyes. That's the first time I met one like me, like I had been before they took me away and experimented on me, changed me. She was a natural reader".
"She provided me a crack in the armour of my programming. She showed me the door in my mind, where, if I went through, I could choose my own actions. And then she left my thoughts, and let me choose. She risked her life and the life of her family to do that. I could have turned away from that door and followed my programming, kill them all right there, or go through the door. When I ripped that door from its hinges, and I made my first choice in years, to spare them and defy my handlers. To stop killing. I told the girl to run, to take the others away from there. She did, and I hear they survived." Mal nodded, the family had survived. But had been unable (or unwilling) to tell the investigators any details about those who had been responsible for the death of the counsellor.
Selene continued. "My life, my conscious being began that day. I started to disobey orders, and ask questions. I still carried out assignments, but only if I was satisfied the target was worthy of death by my hand. In the months following the death of Counsellor Flemming, only the most evil beings were ended by me. Soon after, I ran away, back to my family. We only had a few weeks together before the handlers came for me. I was naïve, I thought they would just let me go, since I wasn't working up to my old standard, they wouldn't want me at Blue Sun anymore. I was wrong. And for that, my mistake, my naivety, everyone and everything I cared for was destroyed. My family were tortured and killed. My home was levelled. Friends, relatives, casual acquaintances, slaughtered."
"That's why I've come here. You all need to understand. What I was. What they did to me, and made me do. What they'll do to her." She looked right at River, who nodded.
"They didn't finish. Dr. Tam, Simon, got her away from them, but they want her back. She's a natural reader, probably the most powerful one they've ever seen. She could read people long before they tampered with her. Now she's even stronger. Can feel them coming. Like I could. Like Counsellor Fleming's daughter could. They will make her into a killer, efficient, and soulless."
Selene looked around at all of them, her eyes settled on Jayne, but he wasn't looking at her, he was watching Mal. She saw that his body was tense, but as she watched, he relaxed a little. She followed his gaze and looked at Mal. He was not looking at any of them; his eyes were focussed on a spot on the table. She could see the murderous rage in his eyes fade a little, as he began to comprehend what she was getting at. Selene continued, talking directly to Mal now, who looked up again, into her eyes. "With these new warrants, bounty hunters from all over the sector will be looking for Mr. Cobb, spurred by a ridiculously large bounty. When they capture him, they will turn him in to the Alliance, where they or Blue Sun agents will torture or dissect him or whatever they need to do to get to Dr. Tam and River. They'll get their information, and the handlers will come for her. They already have a network of spies, and they may already know about your ship. Because, they were on Persephone before we left".
River nodded, she had felt their presence too, even though they were far off. She had tried to tell Simon, but her words wouldn't work and he didn't understand. She had poured the information into Selene, who overloaded under the weight of River's panic and her own tortured memories.
The rest of the crew absorbed all this silently, for several moments. Mal was first to speak. "What can we do?"
Selene shook her head. "I'm not sure. I didn't have a plan when I came to you, only … I needed to know if they … the Academy, were back in business. I hadn't heard of another like me in … well, it's been a long while. And to see if she needed help, or information on how to get past the programming." She spoke directly to Simon, "I can direct you to the doctor who helped me." Simon nodded, stunned. Selene looked at River, and then around the room. "And also to warn you all, anyone who travels with her, they'll be ruthless. They'll kill you all when they come for her. They killed those federals on Ariel, just for being in the same room as her."
Mal considered Selene for a moment. He looked around the table. All these people depended on his decision now. The woman had just admitted being an Alliance assassin, or Blue Sun Halo, whatever, and killing many people. Including a political assassination that was the catalyst for a war, one in which he had lost a good number of friends. So much death. And yet, she offered them a possible explanation and solution for River, and a warning, which very likely was real. It was obvious that Jayne trusted her, though his judgment was suspect, and River … since Jubal Early, he had respected her ability to handle herself. She seemed to stick to Selene, trusted her. Selene had confirmed what they had all suspected, that River was a reader, and potentially a dangerous assassin. Like Selene. That could mean she was manipulating them all for her own amusement, Mal thought. He didn't think that was likely, somehow, she seemed too forthright, too … honest somehow. And River likely wouldn't be fooled by an act. He was a little nonplussed to think that Jayne might actually have been right about her; she was trying to survive in the universe, just like the rest of Serenity's inhabitants.
He finally spoke. "Alright, there isn't much more to say, except this. We should think upon what we heard here today before deciding on our next move. I am inclined to believe Ms. Nolan here, as my gut is telling me to, and I usually follow what my gut tells me. The rest of you, I'm sure, will not hesitate to inform me of the error of letting my digestion guide this ship". He looked pointedly at both Inara and Zoë at that comment, both of whom failed to rise to the bait.
"However, River here trusts her, and that gives me some comfort. Nonetheless I don't fancy our chances up against these handlers, even with two trained assassins on our side." River looked up at him and smiled. A little creepy, that. "We fly to Halcyone for our next job. I would love for someone to come up with a brilliant plan by the time we're done there. No doubt we're being followed, so let's try to look inconspicuous". Mal looked at Wash. "Fly subtle", he instructed.