Ok, it's not my best and I've had to re write it twice already after losing all my work on the computer. It's long, so enjoy. It's a sad chapter though.
Chapter 12
Pushing his hands through the closing elevator doors, Grissom managed to trigger the sensors that reopened the them. "Hey, you ok?"
"Sure." Sara nodded, reaching to push the button again.
"No, you're not." He sighed, moving to lean against the wall beside where she was standing, stiffly, with her hands stuffed back into the confines of her pockets. "I'm sorry." He said with a hint of true apology.
Sara huffed, seeing right through his lie.
Grissom looked at her with a stern glare. "It's true."
"Yeah." She turned so she was leaning sideways against the wall, avoiding him the best she could in the confined space.
His good cop, bad cop plan crumbled, realising that forcing her to come back to the world was a very bad idea. He'd been sitting at the table, trying to engage himself in conversation, but his thoughts were mostly on Sara, whom was silent almost the entire lunch.
"I didn't mean to upset you." He said sincerely.
She nodded, but still avoided him.
"Sara." He whined, "Please."
"I know what you're trying to do." She said forcefully. "You don't know what it's like-"
"Then tell me." He demanded gently. "Tell me what's it's like. Tell me why you won't take that glove off.
Tell me why you button up your shirt, all the way. Tell me, please, why are you trying to hide the scars."
His tone gradually got more demanding, pushy even. He was only trying to break down the barriers she was so far building with great strength and swiftness. It was starting to make him look back, his own walls were weak as it was and Sara was somehow the reason why they were still wobbling. The only way to get into her head and help her would be to make himself vulnerable as well, though, at the moment that was pretty easy after all that's happened.
Sara's eyes clouded over as she let the words sink in. "I'm ugly." She would have closed in on herself and hidden if she hadn't heard the pain in his voice when he spoke.
"Oh honey." He moved closer and showed her just how the scars didn't bother him one bit, by taking her hands and pulling them apart from there tight clamping hold and gently stepped close enough to pull her against him. "Have you been thinking that this whole time?" He asked her softly, resting his cheek against her ear as his arms held her against his chest.
Her fingers were gripping the fabric of his shirt at his biceps and her eyes were filled with tears are she took in his warmth and let it fill her chilled soul. "I am." She whispered brokenly against his neck, trying not to think that he was so warm she could melt just standing there in his arms.
Grissom pulled back from her and cupped her face tenderly, brushing the tears away with such lightness her heart ached. His blue eyes were dark and intense as he looked into her eyes one minute before focusing on her neck.
Sara closed her eyes and turned her head away just as she brought her hand up to cover up where her collar had pulled from her skin. Before she could reach her neck, one of Grissom's large hands enclosed around her wrist to stop her.
"Don't." He commanded quietly, keeping his eyes on her neck as he released her hand and gently pulled back the collar and lightly let his index fingertip glide over the rough skin. "Does this hurt?" His eyes snapped to hers quickly. "Am I hurting you?" He asked worriedly when she drew in a laboured breath.
She shook her head ever so slightly, her eyes still closed, trying her best to ignore the flutter in her stomach and the immense ache now returning to her heart. Of all the lectures he could give her, he had to touch. Didn't his mother ever teach him never to touch things that were icky!? Who was she kidding? He's an Entomologist. He loves icky things.
"Beauty is only skin deep Sara." He told her in his deep tone. "These are only scars, scars that heal, that fade-" The pad of his thumb replaced his index finger, to gently stroke along the tiny scar lines where the telltale signs of moving her neck had caused nearly hidden overlapped scarring.
"They won't go away completely." Sara whispered sadly, her eyes opening to lock onto his. When she did catch his eyes, she could see a certain, tender, look in them. Something had just happened and she missed it.
The elevator door's announced it's arrival with an electronic ding before opening to reveal their floor.
Grissom broke away first, but slipped his hand into hers, her right hand, and led the way to her room. He watched her pulled her key card from her pocket and unlock her door before opening the door himself and walking inside, still holding her hand.
Once the door was closed behind them, he turned to her and sighed. "Take off your shirt, Sara."
Somewhat shocked by the request, she wrapped her arms around her midsection in protest.
Grissom smirked, well, almost. There was no amusement in this, but the thought that he was positive just flashed in her mind, was only partly true. He amended. "I know you've got a vest on underneath Sara. I just want you to take your shirt off. That's it."
Sara stared at him, then shook her head. "I don't think so Griss." Though if it was any other day in any other timeline, she would have gladly taken her top off for him, but not this timeline. Not after all that's happened.
Sighing heavily, he sat down on her bed, looking up at her. After a moment of contemplation, he stood, only to move towards her slowly. "Sara." He said her name almost in a whisper as he placed his hands on her arms. "Trust me. I'm not going to do anything that's inappropriate. I promise. I just want to show you that it's nothing to be ashamed of."
"Taking my shirt off construed as inappropriate in my book Grissom. And the answer is still no." Sara broke away from him and walked towards double doors that opened onto the balcony.
"Hey, if it makes you feel any better I'll strip my shirt too!" He joked, trying to ease the tension that had settled around them since the elevator.
A nervous tick appeared on her face and she couldn't help by let out a short laugh as she opened the balcony doors.
"I'm serious though Sara." Grissom continued, moving out onto the balcony. "Let me help you."
She glanced at him as she leaned over the railing.
"I won't hurt you. I promise." He whispered against the warming air now filling the tension that started to appear around them again.
Taking one last look at her surrounds, Sara moved back inside and as she walked across the room, she slowly unbuttoned her shirt, really slowly.
Grissom appeared at the double doors and leaned against the open frame. He watched her back as she fumbled nervously with the buttons. Though his words could be looked at as intimate, his only wanted to help Sara get her life back, then perhaps he could start getting his own life back.
But the instant her shirt came off, his whole helping his friend monologue fell out the window and all he could see was flesh and bone. All very down to earth primitive emotions hitting hard and hitting low. Before Sara even turned, he was behind her, his hands touching her arms, neck and shoulder blades.
Though the fire barely touched her back, the scarring clinging to her sides could be seen in the semi darkness of Sara's room. Grissom's hands skirted around the edges of her vest before gently grasping her shoulders and turning her to face him.
As he continued his exploration, his voice rumbled from deep within his throat as he spoke. "You said the scares will fade and that the doctor will recommend you for skin graphs in a few months." He was basically just repeating what she had told him, but he needed to fill the building silence between them.
"Or I could be scarred for life." Sara said self-depreciatingly, turning her head away to keep from looking at him. His eyes were focused on her body and it was becoming her undoing. She may feel and look ugly, but the feeling for this man were still there, no matter how much she tried to bury them.
"Sara." He called her name. "Look at me." His eyes caught hers as she turned her head back to him. "Do you trust me?"
Sara's eyes were crossed between indecision and fear. After all, there had been those times before he started dating Catherine that could have been looked at as flirting. Nothing came of it and the trust line between them had been blurred a great deal over the recent years. But now, he was pushing his broken heart and lost loved one away to help her. How could she not trust him a little bit?
His fingers caressing her collarbone broke through her waging thoughts. "What scares you most? What has you hiding from everyone?" He reached down with his other hand and started to remove her glove.
The feel of his warm palm pressed against hers caused her to shudder. Through her befuddled thoughts, she opened her eyes to see his watching her. She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't find the answers to his questions and slowly closed it again in defeat.
Raising their hands, Grissom gently spread her fingers with his and laced them. "Are you afraid that people will stare and talk?" He asked her. "Because I didn't think you were the sort of person that was bothered by gossip."
His challenged tone hit her hard and she pulled away from him. "This is different!" She snapped, and struggled to get her hand free from his. "Let go Grissom." She told him, unsuccessfully trying to get free.
"Why?" He questioned quickly. "So you can run away?"
Sara turned back to him. "I'm not running, that's your MO, remember?" She broke away from his hand when his grip weakened.
Struck with the proverbial stick, he frowned. That, he wasn't expecting.
Seeing what she had just done, she tried to fix it, apologising and approaching him. "Oh god, Grissom. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry." She had completely forgot about her current state of dress and turned the table of comfort in his direction. Both knew instantly what she was referring to and it was a low blow on her side.
Grissom shook his head slowing and took in a shuddering breath to relax. He felt her hands on his arms and then his chest, trying to comfort him. It was a shock, being thrown back in time to before everything had changed. The flirting, the obvious attraction between them, but that all ended when he turned around and rejected all her advances and later moved on to another woman, that woman being Catherine.
The heavy pain in his heart came back and his thoughts were swamped with Catherine and their time together. It had been like any other relationship, even the arguments. Then his thoughts threw him a curve ball and images of her burnt body flashed before his eyes and sent him reeling backwards, almost losing his footing.
Sara grasped his jacket and held him still.
Regaining his balance, he moved forward a step. He raised his arms to move around her and hold her as his face buried itself into her neck and tears quickly fell.
"I'm so sorry Gil, I didn't mean to say that. I never meant to-" She sighed heavily and wrapped her arms around him, holding his shaking body against hers. When she heard him sniffle a few times and shift in her arms, she gently ran her fingers through his curls to sooth him.
It was one thing to face her own demons, but his were more important to her. He had lost Catherine because she hadn't done her job properly and called in to tell him that she had taken the case. If she had radioed ahead, none of this would have happened and losing Catherine would only be a nightmare to him and not a constant horrible tragedy that ripped his life apart.
She had told herself in the hospital that she would never ask for forgiveness or expect it because she was the one to blame. If she could be so cruel as to throw her own failures in his face, then she didn't deserve any kind of forgiveness, not from him, not anyone.
Thinking back to the time of friendly banter and teenage flustering in the lab, Grissom knew then that what had happened to end things between them had been his own fears. Fears of a rejection from a pretty girl who was still young and alive. He hadn't thought about it in so long and he didn't think that it had meant so much to Sara. Mentioning it now must have been a slip because he knew she'd never intentionally hurt his feelings.
Feeling her hand in his hair, touching his scalp, his eyes opened and closed slowly, taking in the sensation and letting his emotions completely run away with him, because at that moment, he couldn't think about the past any longer, it was too painful a memory.
"Sara." He sniffled, trying to draw strength to forget, for one night, that he was in a living nightmare.
When she sensed a change in the tension, she became very nervous. "Griss? You ok?" She asked, pulling back to look into his damp eyes. "I'm sorry… I-" She sighed, letting her hands drop from his shoulders. She hoped he had caught her apology, on more than one level. The way she had acted years ago, the way she had been since and the explosion, she was sorry for it all, but knew not to expect anything.
Clearing his head, his only thought was to forget and the only way he could think of that was to do something he had dreamt about so long ago, but hadn't since. He knew that deep down he was about to do a very bad thing in terms of taking advantage, but he knew that if he did this, if he let himself just forget for a while, that he could show her that she was still pretty, then he could start the healing process himself.
Before she could go anyplace, his hands were reaching for her face and his body was close to hers. The shock and the worry in her eyes was clear for him to see. "Grissom?"
"Ssh." He whispered close to her lips, his eyes still held tears and she was still standing in her vest and jeans.
Closing her eyes the moment his lips touched her, she felt a tingle of what she felt for him seep into her soul, but the second time their lips touched, she knew it was wrong. He was upset and it was her fault. "Griss, stop." She sighed quietly, knowing he wasn't thinking rationally. When her eyes opened and held his, she could see something in them, but not what she had hoped. On some level she knew he probably wasn't even seeing her anymore. His emotional state was probably manifesting Catherine and she just happened to be in the same room.
Soft blue eyes closed and his lips were on hers again, and this time she had to struggle to pull away. His warmth was seeping into her, filling her. "This isn't right." She groaned helplessly, turning completely away from him.
"No." He sighed. "Maybe it isn't right. But maybe it's what we need right now, Sara. Maybe it'll make this all go away-"
"It won't." She stated firmly. "We're both upset, both angry and both very vulnerable, but we can't sleep together." She shook her head. "We just can't." Her thoughts were once again in the past, thinking about the time she had been willing to give up everything for him if he'd asked. The times she had dreamed about sharing a bed with him, sharing their days together… He hadn't wanted her then, so why would he now if he was thinking about someone else?
Grissom moved to stand behind her. "Remember when I said that beauty was only skin deep?" He asked, taking her shoulders in his hands to hold her still, his fingers lightly dancing over her skin.
"It won't change a thing Gil, please stop this." She pleaded harshly, turning angry.
He wasn't going to give up on her. "I'll stop this, but only when you start believing that what I'm saying is true. Beauty, without a doubt, is standing in front of me and I'll prove to you that no matter what others say, there's only one person you need to know the truth. And that's you Sara."
Caught in his grasp again, she sighed heavily, her shoulders dropping in defeat. It was like going around in circles. His pain, her pain, his pain and then hers again. It was a cruel world.
Gasping suddenly, at the warmth moist lips against her neck, Sara closed her eyes. As his assault on her neck began, her right hand moved to cover his on her shoulder. No matter how much she tried, she couldn't turn around and say no. He was pushing, yes, but he was the one saying they needed this. Seduction should be one of his fortes, because he had it down to an art.
Turning very slowly, she felt his lips glide across her skin before meeting hers in a soft joining that was hesitant at first, but gradually faded into, dare it be said, longing and loving. Never had she been kissed so tenderly before.
Breathing the warm air coming in from the open balcony doors, she turned her head, unconsciously nuzzling the nose pressed to her cheek. His body was still wrapped around hers and his face was held in the crook of her neck, his breathing deep and shallow.
"Gil?" She whispered, trying to judge if he was sleeping or just relaxed.
Moving closer to her, his arm tightened around her waist, his face softly brushing her hers. "Beauty is truth, truth beauty. That is all you know on Earth and all you need to know."
His soft words were breathed on a whisper close to her ear, tugging at her heart strings and making her curl up to him some more as they both let the exhaustion claim them.
TBC