Chapter 15

Sara stepped off the elevator, her hands in her purse, searching for her keys, though she knew she really didn't need them. When she bumped into someone, she looked up quickly. And gasped.

"Grissom." Her voice cracked and she desperately wanted to cough, but instead just cleared her throat.

"Hi." He smiled a little and took a second to look her up and down. "You look wonderful, but you're heading in the wrong direction for the party." He took her elbow and steered her back into the still open elevator doors. Surprisingly it was empty.

Trying to say something, anything, she stared at his face in pure shock. She could see the sweat beading from his hairline and his chest raising up and down fast enough to tell her he had just run down quite a few flights of stairs.

Not really conscious of her actions, her hand slowly reached up to touch his cheek, close to his ear. She pulled her hand back just as he flinched and turned his head to look at her hand. "You run a marathon?"

Grissom puffed out an exhausted breath and chuckled, his left hand covering hers to wipe her fingers. "Something like that."

Silence hit them and their eyes seemed to stay where they were. Grissom smiled again, but Sara broke away and looked down at their hands, still in front of them. She slowly pulled her hand from his and stepped away from him, noticing that she was almost leaning against him.

"I heard you had arrived." He spoke casually, moving to lean against the mirror wall to look directly at her. "Greg told me you were leaving. Something about work?" He inquired.

Sara nodded. "Yeah. Things to do, you know?"

"Oh." He looked down for a moment. "You didn't say hello, or anything… I…" He shrugged, knowing she could see him in the mirrors reflection. "I wanted to see you."

"Well." She smiled faintly, though she didn't feel like smiling at all. "I couldn't fathom why I was here in the first place." She glanced at him briefly in the mirror. "Not being part of the lab any longer, nor the LVPD. It didn't seem…" She sighed and confessed, but only a small portion of her true reason. "I felt uncomfortable."

"It is rather crowded." He nodded. "Not really the best place for a large amount of people, but it's working out."

Sara dropped her head slightly to look at her purse and hands. She fished for her keys again, just to do something as another silence hit them.

Grissom pushed away from the side to check the level they were on and realised the elevator wasn't moving. He reached out to his right and pressed the button for the floor they were heading for. When it didn't do anything, he raised a tidy eyebrow. Pressing the button again, he tilted his head in contemplation.

"What's wrong?" Sara asked from behind him.

"The elevator isn't moving." He informed her.

She looked around, as though she could see through the steel walls, then listened and moved her feet. Once she was fully aware that they were not moving, she turned back to Grissom and watched as he removed the emergency phone from the wall locker and waited for someone to pick up.

"Yes." Grissom answered the person who picked up on the other end. "I'm stuck in elevator four between floors 34 and 35." He turned and looked at Sara. "Two." Waiting a few seconds, he nodded to the instructions being given. "Thank you."

"How long until they get here?" She asked the minute he replaced the phone.

"About 15 minutes." He answered, unbuttoning his tux jacket.

Sara watched his hands as he finished the last button. Her mind was quickly travelling down a route not safe and forced herself to turn away to block out the images.

She cleared her throat and stared into the far corner, just right of his polished black shoes. "Guess we wait."

Grissom slipped his jacket off and pulled out a white handkerchief simultaneously. He wiped at his brow and neck. "Think of it this way," He suggested. "We have 15 minutes to talk."

"Great." Sara breathed, trying not to be heard, but realised it wasn't good enough when his head turned towards her.

"Sara." He began, taking a step forward to stand beside her, looking at her reflection rather than at her directly. "I think I understand why you left. And I completely understand."

Sara stared at his blue eyes in the mirror. "You understand? What?"

Taking a breath, he sighed. "Yes, I have a date for the party, but that doesn't mean any-"

"Grissom." She interrupted him gently, closing her eyes to wipe her sight clean of his blue eyes looking at her. "I'm uncomfortable as it is, so please, don't continue."

Stunned by her admission, he pressed on anyway. "It doesn't mean anything. The reason by all this," He referred to the party. "Was Conrad's Promotion and Cavallo's Retirement. Sophia has been moved to nightshift. She didn't have a date and she asked me. I didn't have a date, so I accepted."

She looked back at him to see that his eyes were down, looking at the floor or his shoes, who knows. What she didn't know was the reason why she was at the party at all. "Why invite me?"

Grissom's head came up slowly and his body turned towards her, giving her his full and undivided attention. His eyes shifted from parts of the mirrored walls, the railing at hip height and parts of her face. It was all very distracting. He finally answered, though it was vague. "Would 'I wanted to see you' be a good enough reason?"

"Not really." She replied instantly, turning away.

Raising both eyebrows curiously for a moment, only to frown after a second past. "Not really? I guess you're not happy I invited you then?"

"Of course I'm happy." She snapped, turning back towards him.

"Then," He shrugged. "What's wrong?"

"Despite that fact you could have called me, or emailed," She shrugged helplessly. "Nothing's wrong."

"Sara." He said firmly, though he tried to tone it down a bit. "I didn't want to intrude on your life now you've got settled. I thought you'd want to be left alone."

"Alone?" She scoffed. "Yeah, sure." Her voice was mocking and her eyes watched as he carefully pushed his jacket over the wall railing like a towel on a towel rack in a bathroom.

Grissom stepped forward to take her hand, but stopped himself. "What's happened to us?" He asked himself, turning his back to her.

Sara stood close to the side, brushing against Grissom's jacket. She sighed, her thoughts and her right hand was focused on his black jacket. Her fingers brushed over the lapel and over the buttons.

He sighed and moved to stand in front of her, leaning against the rail with his hands stuffed into his pockets. "Everything changed Sara. Everything." His voice was soft.

"I know."

Hands getting restless in his pockets, he reached for his jacket, halting her fascination. "I-I tried to call, and email, but I didn't know what to say."

Her hand slipped from the soft fabric as he pulled the jacket from the rail and held it by the collar in his fingers. "Sara-" He whispered as he took a step closer, trying to see her face and get close to her. He had been thinking a lot lately. The weeks apart felt like an open wound that refused to heal.

After days of trying to forget and push the thoughts from his mind, he had given up without much of a fight and picked up the phone. But he didn't dial her number. Something was holding him back and his gut told him it was wrong. What he felt that night in Colorado was need and comfort, nothing more.

Well, that was what he kept trying to drill into his brain, but it didn't work and every minute of everyday since, he couldn't get her out of his head.

The elevator shook suddenly, causing Grissom to sway forward and crash into Sara. They were backed up against the mirrored wall when the elevator started moving again. Sara's eyes fixed with his as soon as the weight of his body pressed against hers.

"I know what happened can't be taken back," Grissom's gruff voice spoke close to her face. "And I'd never want to," His eyes strayed down to her lips and back to her eyes slowly. "I just wish I could do something about it."

Sara's brow knitted in confusion. "It?" She sighed, thrown back in time. "First this, now it? God Gil, make up your mind already. I'm not getting any younger." Her voice hit a teasing pitch briefly and Grissom spotted it quickly before he let his lips brush across hers.

The elevator stopped, it announced it's arrival on the ground floor and the doors pulled open. All this happened before anything further than one single kiss could be shared.

"Ah, I see you found something to do Mr Grissom." Came an amused voice.

Grissom turned his head to see the maintenance man he had spoken with on the phone. His head turned back to Sara for a moment. "Can we talk? Somewhere else?" He asked, letting his hands linger on her a little longer.

Sara was caught between two worlds. She felt too much for this man to be left alone with him for long periods of time. On the other hand, she felt she had to let him talk to her. Like it was some obligation from the explosion. After all, she had lived and his girlfriend had died. How much more debt was she to give before the whole thing could be forgotten?

The maintenance man cleared his throat. "Anytime."

Looking into her eyes for one more minute, he took her hand and guided her out of the elevator. "Thanks." He nodded to the man.

Grissom slowly escorted Sara through throngs of gamblers and groups of people, towards the front of the building.

"Where would you like to go?" Sara asked, nervous that this was going to turn into a similar night that Colorado did. She didn't want to wake up to see him walk away and act like nothing happened. It broke her heart the first time, she didn't want it shattered beyond repair.

"How about your place?" He suggested, handing the parking attendant his ticket. "Did you drive?"

"Um, no. I took a taxi." She looked out at the busy traffic and tried to push the very thought of being abandoned again, but in her own home where she would have to walk around as if nothing happened.

As he drove them towards the university, Sara couldn't help but think that she was being presumptuous and petty. It was a relief the first time. That's all it was. They were both hurting and both reeling from a conversation they would never have had if things were like they were. It wasn't like he was going to confess a love that was never there.

No matter how much she tried, she loved him, but the thought of never having that love returned, hurt beyond words. And the possibility that they could be friends after what had happened, the explosion and Colorado, was very much not going to succeed.

Before long, Grissom was pulling into a parking space reserved for visitors. "Which is yours?" He asked, looking out of the window at the line of fancy ground level buildings.

"Oh er, that one." She pointed at a door lit up by a lamp hanging on the wall above it. "Number 6."

They sat for a few minutes before Grissom made a move to climb out. Sara followed and took the led when the met in front of the car. She checked the road in both directions, though it was late, it was still Vegas, the city that never sleeps. Making it to her door, she reached into her purse and pulled out her keys.

Hesitating at the keyhole, she took a steadying breath. "It's not really tidy." She excused. "I've been trying to study and mark." She let them in and flipped the light switch on the wall as Grissom passed her into the hall. "Just hang your jacket over the chair."

Checking her watch against the wall clock, Sara began to get fidgety. She had been trying to make conversation, but it ended after a few exchanges. A coffee times two was already out of the way and they were sitting in the living room with the TV on mute. They had been sitting for around 35 minutes and it was becoming more unnerving than the first ten minutes.

Feeling his eyes on her in the dim lighting, Sara tried not to look at him, but it was difficult when he moved closer to her and touched her hair.

"I don't know about you," He said throatily. "But this kinda feels like my first date."

Sara's head turned towards him and her eyes looked into his.

His fingers played with her hair. "Sitting in the living room at the end of the date, sitting at the opposite ends of the couch, avoiding looking at each other."

"Griss," She sighed breathlessly. "Why did you invite me? What's the real reason?" She bravely asked. Though she was feeling anything but brave right know, she needed to know what his intentions were. She was standing on dangerous ground and didn't know where she stood with him, like always.

Still playing with her hair, his fingers drifted to the nape of her neck. His voice was soft, but deep, sounding very close to her ear. "Truthfully. I really wanted to see you." He pressed forward and placed a kiss to her neck.

"No Griss. This isn't right." Pushing up from the couch she shook her head, picked up their cups and returned them to the kitchen.

It took him a few minutes, but he soon followed her and blocked the entrance. "How's this wrong?" He asked, confused, but knew by her reaction that she was emotional and emotionally invested in anything that happened between them. He had noticed that a long time ago, but never let himself believe it.

Shaking her head, Sara rinsed out the cups. "Griss, you're still in mourning. You can't do this. I know you think you want this, but you don't. Not really. It's a release, that's all it is to you." She turned and looked at him with a soft look, though she was hurting tremendously on the inside. Trying to hide her true feelings was a lot harder than it looked.

"Sara-" He said her name gently, almost tenderly. "Don't think that. Please."

"I have to. For both our sakes." She told him quietly and looked down. "Catherine, wouldn't want you doing this. She would want you to get on with life. Move on to better things. Stop living in the past. Move on. She would want that for you."

The mention of her name struck a nerve and Sara tried to say something, but knew it wouldn't do any good. She knew they were in love while it lasted. Catherine had penetrated the walls he had built and she had found a way to love him and be his friend. Sara didn't know how to penetrate that wall, because she had tried for years.

At first, she had felt bitter that he had let someone else into his life, but not her. When she found out about their relationship, she knew that she wasn't the one for him, because he had not chosen her, he had chosen Catherine. It was a poisonous sting with no cure. There would be no happy ending with Gil Grissom. No riding into the sunset and no closing scene with dimming lights and them in each other arms. It wasn't going to happen.

Sara just had to come to terms with that while she helped Grissom come to terms that she wasn't going to let him ruin his life and be sorry for his actions after it was over. They may have shared something that night in Colorado, but whatever it was, it was left there.

Stumbling back to the present, Sara looked up to see the doorway empty. A sinking feeling hit her stomach and she couldn't help but feel guilt and pain at the same time.

… TBC …