The famous guitar solo starts and the lights come up on the cargo bay, where our cast are assembled.
Mal is centre stage on the ground level, wearing his brown coat, gun and holster like normal. Inara is standing half way up the stairs to his right. Her stunning black dress and scarlet shawl fall around her body elegantly. Kaylee is sat on the catwalk her legs hanging, dressed in her overalls with the teddy bear, hair in pigtails, just up from Inara. River is stood at the bottom of the steps below Inara wearing her summer dress, baggy jumper and boots.
Book is at the bottom of the steps on the other side, as normal. Jayne is leaning on the railing on the catwalk. His t-shirt reads, "Once More With Feeling My Ass." Simon is half way up the stairs in his usual shirt and vest combo.
Wash, in a mad Hawaiian shirt and Zoë are standing behind Mal, backing him up like always.
Mal starts to sing, really going for it.
"On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitis
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy, and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night"
He looks up at Inara who smiles fondly at him.
"There she stood in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then she lit up a candle
And she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say;"
Kaylee, Zoë, Wash and Jayne sing the chorus with him. River providing the echoes (in brackets).
"Welcome to the Hotel California,
Such a lovely place
(Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face.
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year
(Any time of year)
You can find it here."
"Her mind is Tiffany twisted
She's got the Mercedes Benz
She's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys
That she calls friends," Jayne manages to make the line about friends sound like the dirtiest thing in the world. Inara gives him a roll of her eyes.
"How they dance in the courtyard
Sweet summer sweat," Kaylee sings sweetly, looking over at Simon.
"Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget," Simon smiles back.
Book sings while looking to Mal.
So I called up the Captain
Please bring me my wine
He said,"
"We haven't had that spirit here since 1969," Mal sings the reply.
River dances a lazy ballet step across the floor and sings dreamily, "And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say;"
All the men sing the chorus in harmony with the girls doing the echoes. "Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely Place
(Such a lovely Place)
Such a lovely face.
They're livin' it up at the Hotel California,
What a nice surprise
(What a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis."
Mal sings, "Mirrors on the ceiling
The pink champagne on ice
And she said;"
"We are all just prisoners here
Of our own device" Inara sings sweetly looking at him
"And in the master's chambers
They gathered for the feast" Wash sings this, trying to steal centre-stage from Mal. Zoe pushes him back and sings,
"They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can't kill the beast."
Mal reclaims his centre-stage, and sings dramatically, "Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before
Relax said the night man
We are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave."
Guitar finale and the cast take their bows. Wash and Zoë run forward first, hold hands and bow, Wash with the biggest cheesiest grin. Then Book comes and bows sedately. River comes forward and does a proper ballet bow, right down so she's practically sitting on the ground, all pointed toes. Jayne stomps forward, looking surly at all the theatrical refinement and does a small bow, very reluctantly. Kaylee and Simon come forward together. Simon bows elegantly, then gestures with his arm to Kaylee who does a very pretty attempt at a curtsy. Inara comes forward and curtsies gracefully. Mal runs forward, bringing her a bunch of roses, which she takes as well as a kiss. Mal bows deeply, his brown coat hanging round him.
The entire cast wave to the audience who are on their feet in rapturous applause.
Black out.