7/17/05

Author's note: Hey, look, I didn't forget about the story! I just had to take a couple of days off to read the new Harry Potter book, but I'm back! We still have a couple more chapters to go (on this story, not HP), so please bear with me. Thanks!

GRAVE CONSEQUENCES

Chapter 7

Late the next morning, Nick was awakened by the hollow rumbling from his stomach and the tantalizing smell and sound of frying bacon. Emerging from his bedroom, still pulling a t-shirt on over his head, he found Catherine in his kitchen, making breakfast. It smelled wonderful and he abruptly remembered that, between the stress of the flight and the queasiness from the sleeping pill, he hadn't eaten anything all day yesterday.

"Wow, I didn't know you could cook," he said, as he entered the small kitchen and leaned a hip against the counter, watching the woman work. "That smells great."

"I have a great many talents you know nothing about," the red-head replied with a mysterious smile. "Of course frying bacon and scrambling eggs doesn't require a whole lot of skill, but thank you anyway. By the way, there's coffee made."

"Oooh, will you marry me?" he asked, grabbing a mug and moving toward the coffee maker.

Catherine chuckled. "Sorry, been there, done that. Not going there again."

Glancing around, he noticed a couple of plastic grocery bags still sitting on the counter. "You went grocery shopping," he said.

"Had to, there was no food in your house."

"Thank you. I'll pay you back."

"Eh, don't worry about it. I didn't buy that much. And don't get too comfy. We're leaving as soon as you've eaten and taken a shower."

"We are? Where are we going?"

"To the lab. Sara and Grissom both got stuck pulling doubles and they want to see you. You also need to check in with Ecklie and make an appointment with Janine."

"So, do you have anything else planned for my day?" he asked, a bit sullenly.

"Oh, you are so cute first thing in the morning," she said cheerfully, pinching his cheek just bit harder than was strictly necessary.

He couldn't help, but smile. He always found it so hard to stay miffed at Catherine. She had the uncanny knack for saying just the right thing to make him feel like a spoiled, selfish brat. He supposed it had something to do with the fact that she was a mother. He wondered if this was some ability that women developed during pregnancy.

She allowed him a half hour to enjoy his breakfast before she started pestering him to get in the shower and Catherine Willows was nothing if not persistent. At last, Nick was forced to admit to her that he really didn't think he was ready to face going back in to the lab yet.

"Nick, unless you're going to quit, you have to go back some time," she said gently, laying a hand on his arm. "The sooner you deal with it, the better. It's not going to be any easier tomorrow or the day after. Warrick told me that you spent almost the entire day yesterday sleeping. That needs to stop. You can't hide from the world by sleeping all the time. You need to get out and face it."

"You sound like my sister Allison."

"Well, she sounds like a smart lady. Now, go take a shower, Nick. Or are you going to give me a hard time?" she asked, giving him a hard look, her hands on her hips.

"Uh, no ma'am, I like my boys right where they are," he said quickly, passing a hand surreptitiously over his crotch.

"Good answer."

Nick's feelings of apprehension began to increase dramatically the moment they stepped through the doors of the police station. His heart rate had sped up considerably, a feeling he was becoming aggravatingly familiar with, and he felt slightly light-headed. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to keep moving and simply followed Catherine. He honestly wasn't sure where they were going, because they weren't headed for the wing where the lab was located.

Leading him down an unfamiliar hallway with offices on either side, Catherine stopped at a particular door and knocked. Nick noted a plaque on the door, bearing the name 'Janine Geller' and felt his stomach clench. He really did not want to deal with the psychologist right now. After a moment or two, the door opened to reveal the same round-faced woman who had briefly visited him in the hospital. She smiled warmly at the two investigators.

"Catherine, how nice to see you. And Mr. Stokes, you're looking very well."

"Thank you," he mumbled uncomfortably.

"I hope we're not disturbing a session or anything," Catherine said. "I just wanted to bring Nick by so he could make an appointment."

"Excellent! No, you're not interrupting anything, please come in." The woman opened the door wide and stepped back to allow them entry.

The room they stepped into was small, but homey-looking. The long couch had several pillows scattered across it and a folded quilt laid across the back. Several potted plants crowded along the sill of the office's single window. The desk was cluttered with stacks of folders, an odd assortment of small toys and several super-hero action figures.

Picking up a small replica of Wonder Woman, Nick commented, "Spider-Man was always my favorite super-hero."

"Well, that makes sense. He was a science geek, after all. Personally, I've always been partial to Batman," Janine said, picking up a six-inch representation of Gotham City's Dark Knight and holding it up. "I'm not sure what that says about me... perhaps that I have a thing for billionaires who dress up in black latex..."

"I'm just going to leave that alone," he said with a smile.

"That would probably be best."

Nick smiled again. Maybe this therapy thing wouldn't be so bad after all. This Janine seemed all right. At least she seemed to have a sense of humor and that was always a good thing.

Rifling through the paperwork on her desk, Janine uncovered her appointment book. Flipping through the pages, she found her spot and looked up at Nick, smiling, "I can see you tomorrow afternoon at 3:00."

He felt a flare of panic... tomorrow? Oh, no, that was way too soon... "Uh, I don't-."

"He'll be there," Catherine said firmly, smiling broadly.

Knowing better than to contradict his boss in front of a colleague, Nick kept his mouth shut and flashed a tight smile at the psychologist.

"It's a date," Janine said, making a note in her book.

"Great, well, we'll see you tomorrow," Catherine said quickly, before Nick could change his mind and try to back out of the appointment. "Say good-bye to the nice lady, Nick."

"Bye."

She hustled him out of the office and, once they were back in the hallway, started leading him back the way they had come.

"Where are we going now?" he asked.

"To see Ecklie."

He groaned, "Why do I have to see Ecklie? I know what the man looks like."

"You need to let him know that you're back in town and that you've made an appointment with Janine."

"Couldn't I just call him and tell him all that?"

"Yes, I suppose so," she said with a chuckle, "but you're here, it would be rude not to go and see him in person. It'll be all right, Nick, I promise. Ecklie's actually been fairly human since the incident. I don't know, maybe it shocked him into growing a conscience."

As they walked through the halls of the police station, toward the lab, Nick was aware of the many stares of the officers and detectives they passed. He could hear the faint murmurings of their whispered voices and he could just imagine what they were saying. 'Hey, isn't that the guy that got buried alive and munched on by ants?'

He picked up his pace a little, forcing Catherine to jog a couple of steps to catch up. She must have been aware of the whispering as well, since she didn't comment on the increased pace. Rounding a corner, just a little too quickly, Nick almost ran headlong into the solid frame of Jim Brass.

"Hey, Nicky, you're back!" the older man said, smiling broadly. "When did you get in?"

"Uh, yesterday morning."

"You are staying, right? I mean, you're not here to turn in your resignation, are you?"

"No, why would I do that?"

"Oh, well, Gil got a phone call from the Texas Rangers and we were worried that you were gonna jump ship on us. You know, go work with Chuck Norris."

"Oh, that... Yeah, that was entirely my father's idea."

"Ah, well, father's are allowed to try and look out for the best interests of their children."

"Yeah, whatever..."

"Well, you're looking good. Are you going to see Grissom?"

"Yeah, and Sara."

"Good, they could both use a break."

"Yeah, I'll see ya," Nick said and continued down the hall.

Catherine started to follow after the younger man, but the detective stopped her with a hand on her arm. "How's he doing?" Brass asked quietly. "He seems a little skittish."

She shrugged. "It changes minute by minute. And yeah, he's a little touchy."

"Well, that's to be expected, I suppose."

"Yeah, he's coming in to see Janine tomorrow."

"Oh, that's good. I don't mind admitting that she helped me get through all of this. Anyway, keep me posted and let me know if there's anything I can do to help."

"No problem, thanks, Jim." she said, squeezing his arm.

Realizing that Catherine was no longer with him, Nick stopped and turned around to look for her. Seeing her still speaking quietly with Capt. Brass, Nick gave a sigh. He knew they were talking about him. He didn't need to hear the conversation to understand the quick, concerned glances they were casting his way. He was getting really tired of being on the receiving end of those looks. He turned away from Catherine and continued down the hallway as soon as she rejoined him.

As they approached the doors to the lab, his uneasiness increased. He wasn't sure why. The people in this wing were his co-workers and, in many cases, his friends. Why should he be uncomfortable about seeing them? Because they saw you at your worst, he thought to himself. They saw you break down and fall apart. They'll be looking at you with pity.

He slowed his pace and eventually came to a stop, facing the double doors across the lobby from the reception desk. Catherine gave him a minute, before slipping an arm over his shoulders and squeezing gently.

"It's okay," she said softly. "Everyone just wants to see you, to know that you're all right. It'll be fine."

He flashed her a tense smile and nodded. With a slight push, she propelled him through the doors and into the lobby. The next several minutes were a blur of faces, as people emerged from labs and offices to give him hugs, slaps on the back and mouth inconsequential words of encouragement. And while Nick was grateful for the sentiments behind the actions, several times he had to bite back the urge to tell these people to get the hell away from him. He was starting to feel trapped and claustrophobic.

Perhaps sensing his growing distress, Catherine intervened. "Hey, do you know where Sara and Grissom are?" she asked one of the day-shift technicians, who had come to join the mob.

"Yeah, Sara's in the garage and I'm pretty sure Grissom's in his office," the woman answered.

"Okay, well, we gotta get going," Catherine said, to the group in general and, taking Nick's arm, she began leading him down the hallway toward Grissom's office.

They only got a few feet before they came to a stop again. In order to get to the night shift supervisor's office, they had to walk past Ecklie's. They found the Assistant Director standing in the doorway of his office, his arms crossed over his chest, watching them expectantly.

"I wondered what all the commotion was about," he said evenly. "It's good to see you back, Stokes."

"Uh, thank you... sir."

Ecklie's eyebrows went up slightly at that last word, but he made no comment on it. "Could you two please step into my office for a moment?"

The two investigators followed the older man into the small office and seated themselves in the two chairs that sat across from the desk. Ecklie walked around the desk to take his own seat. He cleared his throat for a moment before speaking.

"You may not remember much of my visit to the hospital, it was fairly soon after the, uh... but I explained to you that you would have to receive counseling before you could return to you duties..."

"Yeah, I remember," Nick said. "I just made an appointment with that Janine woman."

"Oh, good, I'm glad to hear that. She's a good woman. You'll like her."

I'm not sure how you think you would have any idea what I would or wouldn't like, Nick thought sullenly, but kept the comment to himself. Regardless of how supportive this man may or may not have been during the crisis, Nick still couldn't forget that four years ago Ecklie had been ready to have him arrested for a murder he didn't commit.

"Well, there's also some paperwork that you're going to need to sign that pertains to your medical leave, but it can wait until you return to duty..." Ecklie's voice trailed off. He seemed to have something more to say, but apparently couldn't decide how to say it. "Listen, Stokes, I know I haven't always been particularly supportive of the night or swing shifts, or you in particular, but... well, I just wanted to say that I am glad that you're all right."

"Thank you," Nick said warily, wondering what the catch was.

"Well, that's it. That's all I have to say... Just tell Janine to keep me posted on your progress and to let me know when you've been cleared for duty." Without another word, the man returned to his paperwork, dismissing them from his mind as well as his office.

"See, that wasn't so bad," Catherine said smugly, once they were back in the hallway.

"Yeah, you were right. I just have one question. Have we managed to track down the aliens who are controlling Ecklie's brain?"

She chuckled. "Come on, let's go find Grissom."

As they proceeded down the hallway and drew closer to the night shift supervisor's office, Nick's stress level increased even more, as did his already rapid heart rate. It wasn't the idea of dealing with his former boss that was causing this spike in his anxiety level, it was the knowledge of what he would find in the man's office, jars of dead things, insects tacked to boards, framed and displayed like family portraits, the ant farm, and worst of all, that damn, gargantuan, hairy-assed spider.

He stopped abruptly in the hallway, about ten feet from Grissom's office. "I'm sorry, Cath, I can't do this," he whispered.

"Nick, Honey, it's just Grissom... I mean, you faced Ecklie..."

"I know, he's not the problem. I can't go into that office. There's too many... things, with too many legs... I can't go in there."

Her expression softened with her understanding of the situation. "Okay, don't worry about it. Why don't you head on into the garage and see Sara. I'll bring Grissom in to you."

He nodded and ducked his head, embarrassed once again at this display of weakness. Why the hell can't I get my shit together? he asked himself for the hundredth time. "Thanks, Catherine, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, don't worry about it."

She watched him turn and head back the way they'd come, to take a different path to the garage, one that wouldn't take him past the windows of Grissom's office. With a sigh, she continued on her way. She gave a couple of raps on the door with her knuckle as she pushed it open. She wasn't worried about disturbing Gil. She had called him before she and Nick had left his house, so the man should be expecting her. He looked up from his desk as she entered.

"Where's Nick?" Gil asked, seeing that she was alone.

"He's in the garage with Sara. Why don't you come and join us?"

"I'm right in the middle of something. Just bring him by here when you two are done with Sara."

"Uh, he won't come in your office, Gil."

"What do you mean? Why not?"

She glared at him. "Look around you, Gil. Do you honestly think, after everything that Nick's been through, he's going to be comfortable sitting here chatting with you while surrounded by the entire insect world?"

Grissom glanced around the office and gave a slight shrug, conceding the point. "Yeah, I get it." He sighed. "This is going to be a problem, isn't it? I mean, it's not as if we don't encounter bugs in our line of work. If Nick can't even come into my office..."

"Yeah, I know. We'll just have to hope that Janine can get him through it."

"Okay, just give me a minute and I'll meet you in the garage."

Walking into the garage a few minutes later, Catherine found Nick and Sara leaning over the engine of a '98 Pontiac Grand Prix, discussing the cracked radiator.

"Hey, Sara, he's not supposed to be working," the older woman called out in mock indignation. "He's still not cleared for duty yet."

"Oh yeah, right, 'cause looking at a radiator just might be too much for my delicate mental state and push me over the edge," Nick said dryly. Despite the fact that both women knew he was joking, the comment didn't strike either of them as particularly funny and an uncomfortable silence settled around them.

The awkwardness was shattered as Grissom entered the garage, seemingly oblivious to the tension. He smiled warmly at Nick and stepped forward to shake the younger man's hand.

"We're glad to see you back, Nick," he said. "So, what, the Rangers don't pay as well as Vegas P.D.?"

Nick smiled. "No, that was never going to happen. That was my father's work."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. The lab wouldn't be the same without you."

"Uh, thanks..." Nick mumbled. Did Grissom just give me a compliment?

"So, have you seen Janine yet?"

"Tomorrow afternoon."

"Good, the sooner you get that out of the way, the sooner we can get you back in the lab. We've been very short-handed and we need you back."

"Grissom!" both Sara and Catherine cried out, almost in unison.

"What?"

"Way to make Nick feel guilty for taking some much-needed time off," Sara said. "Just because you have no feelings and work non-stop, doesn't mean Nick should have to. Some of us are actually human."

"Yeah, what she said," Catherine agreed, giving Gil a light smack on the shoulder.

"I wasn't trying to make him feel guilty. I was just stating a fact. We are short-handed..."

"Gil, just... hush," Catherine said, with a sigh. Turning to address the younger man, she said, "Nick, don't pay any attention to Mr. Insensitivity, here. You take as much time as you need."

"It's okay, but thank you anyway, Ladies," Nick said, laughing. He did, in fact, feel guilty about leaving the team understaffed, but he'd been feeling that emotion long before Grissom's comment. He found the fact that both women had come to his defense so quickly quite touching though and it eased his conscience somewhat.

Nick paced around Janine's office, picking up random objects then putting them down again, all the while studiously avoiding eye contact with the psychologist. Janine watched this with a mixture of amusement and annoyance. While she found his fairly obvious attempts at distraction humorous and even somewhat endearing, it wasn't getting them anywhere.

He'd been here for almost a half hour and yet they hadn't discussed anything of any real substance. They had briefly talked about his family and his co-workers, but that was all. Whenever Janine tried to bring up the subject of the abduction, he found a way to change the subject or simply shut down, refusing to speak at all, as he was doing now.

"I know what you're doing, Nick, and it's not going to work," she said at last.

"Excuse me?" he asked, pausing in his circuit of the room to face her.

"This session is only an hour long. You're thinking that if you can put me off for the entire hour, you can put in your mandatory counseling time, without actually having to talk to me. Am I right?"

He said nothing.

"Well, it doesn't work that way," she continued. "There isn't some minimum requirement. I decide how many sessions it takes for you to be ready to return to duty. If I say it's going to take a hundred sessions, then it takes a hundred sessions. And I'll tell you right now, I'm certainly not going to clear you if won't talk to me."

"I have been talking to you. What is it you want to hear?"

"I want to you to talk to me about the abduction."

He groaned. "Why? Why does everyone want me to talk about it? What good is talking going to do? It's not going to change anything! It's not going to magically make my nightmares go away!"

"Nightmares? Tell me about them."

With a resigned sigh, he flopped down on the couch across from the desk, where Janine sat. Taking a deep breath, he said, "I'm in my box-."

"You mean the Plexiglass coffin?" Janine interrupted.

"Yeah."

"Okay, go on, I'm sorry."

"I'm in my box, lying at the bottom of a deep pit. I can see my friends, my co-workers, standing at the top of the pit, looking down at me. There's a priest, but I can't see his face... but I'm pretty sure the priest is Grissom..."

"Why do you say that if you can't see his face?"

"I don't know, maybe just because he's not standing with the others, but I know he's there... I'm aware of his presence... so, he must be the priest."

"All right, go on."

"Anyway, they throw dirt on me and walk away. I keep trying to call to them, but they can't hear me. They're leaving me to die. But then, suddenly Grissom is in the pit with me and he's trying to calm me down. He tells me to lie still... He called me Pancho..."

"Excuse me?"

"It was a memory. He used that name the night they found me. I was panicking and he was trying to calm me down. He called me Pancho."

"Is there some significance to this name?"

"It's just a silly nickname that my father used to call me when I was a kid. I don't even know how Grissom knew about it... I never really thought about it before just now."

Noting the troubled look on the young man's face, Janine said, "Does this bother you, that Grissom used that name?"

"Yeah, it does... I mean, it's one thing for my father to call me that, but Grissom shouldn't..."

"Why? Does it mean something?"

"The name came from an old black and white television show, a western, that I used to love when I was a kid. The Cisco Kid?"

"I'm sorry, I was never a fan of westerns," Janine said, with an apologetic shrug.

"Well, the Cisco Kid was basically just like the Lone Ranger. You know, misunderstood hero? Anyway, he had this goofy sidekick named Pancho. Now Pancho wasn't a particularly bright guy and he was kind of a screw-up. Cisco was forever having to rescue him from one jam or another. Basically, he was comedy relief. He existed on the show solely to make Cisco look good."

"Ah, I get it. Kind of like Batman and Robin, the Boy Hostage?"

"Exactly."

"And you're thinking that because Grissom called you by this name, that he thinks of you as a... 'screw-up'?"

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time," Nick said softly.

"We need to talk."

"Oh?" Grissom asked, looking up from his paperwork to find Janine standing in the doorway of his office. "We didn't have an appointment, did we?"

"No, this isn't about you... well, it sort of is. It's about Nick."

"Come in and sit down."

Closing the door behind her, she seated herself in the chair, Grissom had indicated.

"So, what's this about?" the investigator asked.

"I'm not really getting anywhere with Nick. He's made it very clear that he doesn't trust me and he doesn't want to talk to me. And until he does, I can't help him."

"What does this have to do with me?"

"Well, I can't get into any specifics, doctor-patient confidentiality and all, but one of the things I did manage to glean from our conversation, is that he has a great deal of respect for you. I think you should talk to him."

"Me? I'm not a psychologist," Grissom said with a laugh.

"Oh, I don't know. I think you have a pretty good grasp of the subject. You've certainly observed people enough. I think you'll be fine. I'll help you."

"This is not a good idea, Janine. I'm not a people person. We've discussed this. I'm not sure what would even possess you to make the suggestion."

"I think Nick is feeling a little insecure right now. He's just been through a terrible ordeal and he's unsure of how this affects his place, in the lab, in the world at large. Now, as I said, he respects you tremendously. I think he feels that respect may not be mutual."

Gil sighed. "This again... I thought he and I had put all this behind us."

"Well, that's the thing with this kind of trauma. It tends to open up old wounds. So, this feeling of his actually does have some merit to it?"

"No... I mean, yes... I know where he got the idea from... Four years ago, I told him that I didn't think he was ready to work a case involving a dead body alone. He took it very personally. I didn't intend to imply that he was... incompetent, just that he wasn't ready. Since then, I have allowed him to work such cases alone and he's done fine. I think my words helped to spur him on, to make him a better CSI. I mean, just last year, I recommended him for a key position, and over Sara, no less."

"Oh, was that supposed to make it up to him?" Janine asked dryly.

"What? No! I didn't recommend him to appease his ego. I recommended him because I thought he was the right person for the job. He's made tremendous strides in the past few years and he's better with the human element than Sara is. I thought that was important."

"Did you tell him any of this?"

"Well, no, I thought the recommendation spoke for itself."

"You know, Gil, sometimes people actually do need to hear the words. We're human. We're weak, humor us."

Hearing the sarcasm in her voice, he said, a bit defensively, "See, this is why I shouldn't be the one to talk to Nick. I don't get people."

"Yeah, but is it from a lack of understanding or a lack of trying? That particular excuse has become quite a crutch for you, hasn't it? You know what, Gil, never mind. I know a couple of excellent therapists at Desert Haven Trauma Center, maybe one of them can help him. I'll try to talk Nick into checking himself into the center." She stood abruptly and started for the door.

"Janine, wait..."

She waved a dismissive hand at him as she left the office, her disappointment an almost palpable residue lingering in the air. Gil sighed heavily. He was not accustomed to the feeling of having disappointed someone and he hated it. But most people knew better than to even try and ask him to deal with something potentially emotional. It had disaster written all over it. What was Janine thinking?

To be continued...