BeetleJuice or BeetleGuese?
Pent up ... make-over PART I
Jacques and Ginger walk out of the Roadhouse carrying stained boxes full of junk.
Ginger: With Beetlejuice livin all the way in Hermit Huts I'll be able to practice my dancing without any "constructive" criticism.
Jacques: I can not believe Be-attlejuice is moving out! I shall miss 'iz antics. He truly brought life into deez bones.
Ginger: Oh please, you've been prayin for this day to come since he moved in! We're lucky you didn't blow our cover when you practically begged to help him move his things out. Don't tell me you're getting all sentimental! You aren't backing outta our long awaited, and well planned party are you?
Jacques: 'ew am I kidding? I wouldn't postpone dis partee for de end of de Needareworld.
Jacques slammed the last box on top of the pile of heaping junk once known as BJ's putrid room, and with a soft moist squish the trial of packing BJ's things was done.
Jacques: Dere … all packed and readee to buggare off.
Just then, Doomy came roaring around the corner with Beetlejuice at the wheel. Doomy came to a screeching halt.
Doomy: Onk Onk! (Insert musical horn effect)
Beetlejuice got out of his possessed car and breathed in the horrid black exhaust.
Beetlejuice: Oh yeah! We still got it Doomster. Ok Lydz we're here.
Lydia crawled out of the Ghoulish car holding a paper bag.
Beetlejuice looked at the heap, then at Jacques, then at Ginger.
Beetlejuice: It's show time.
Ginger: OH MY! Lydia are you ok!
Ginger ran over to Lydia attempting to comfort her.
Beetlejuice: Oh yeah Lyds wasn't feelin great today so I thought she could use some fresh Neitherworld air (snort).
Ginger: The only THING this air doesn't affect is YOU Beetlejuice.
Lydia: (sniffle) Wow, you two sure got BJ packed quickly … AND organized.
Beetlejuice: Hey … you're right…
Just as Ginger and Jacques began to feel appreciated by Beetlejuice they were soon horribly shot down by his next remark.
BeetleJuice: We can't let the neighbors see this!
Beetlejuice began dumping all the boxes out into garbage bags and threw them all over the place.
Ginger & Jacques: Sigh.
Beetlejuice: A minute longer and I could have had my reputation tainted!
Lydia let out a giggle.
Beetlejuice: Speaking of… ugh (shiver) organized, did you find any-
Before Beetlejuice could finish his sentence Jacques handed a dirty jar filled with an assortment of bugs to BJ.
Beetlejuice: OH WOW! You filled my old toe-nail jar up with bugs! It must have taken you hours to find all these guys and trap'em in here!
Jacques: Actually, all we 'ad to do is dump your box of celebrity arm-pit hair into your toe-nail jar and left it open all day.
Beeltejuice: Awww stop, you're gonna get me all choked up.
Ginger: I'm going to go throw up and then practice my dancing. It was an annoyance living with you Beetlejuice goodbye.
Beetlejuice: Awwww stop.
Ginger expressed an emotionless face and walked into the Roadhouse.
Jacques attempted to fake a smile of gratitude.
Jacques: Oh! And we got a gift for you to Lydia!
Lydia: Oh Jacques, you shouldn't have, this isn't exactly a goodbye.
Jacques: Well with Be-attlejuice gone me and Gingare will be able to concentrate on our careers and will be very busy until we find anodare roommate.
Lydia: OH Wow! Ghost-hymers best selling book on the Neitherworlds' view of what's normal.
Jacques (whisper): It will 'elp you judge Be-atlejuice's be'ahvior
Beetlejuice: Cry' in shame.
Beetlejuice looked over his shoulder to investigate a familiar whistling to see that the monster across-the-street was doing his gardening. Beetlejuice walked across the street and walked behind the unsuspecting monster with a green smirk. Poopsie growled from her Mutt-house. Beetlejuice quickly poofed into the shape of a bathtub and smiled with his large green teeth. Poopsie whimpered and hid in the shadows of her Mutt-house.
M.A.T.S.: Beetlejuice, stop scaring my Poopsie!
Beetlejuice: Isn't it kinda pointless to have a dog if it can't fend off smoldering freaks like me? (Snort)
M.A.T.S.: Grrr. Beetle JERK! Ahem … What do you want?
Beetlejuice: I strutted my stripes over here to let you know that your flowery-ness and custom-shampoo you use won't be making my mornings so … flowery anymore.
M.A.T.S. looked up from his gardening and turned towards Beetlejuice.
M.A.T.S.: You mean you're movin on outta my hair like a Tick on fire?
Beetlejuice's shoulders sulked a little and he gave an un-amused and slightly insulted gaze.
Beetlejuice: Yeah, sure … I'm movin to Hermit Hut's.
M.A.T.S.: OH BEETLEJUICE! This is the NICEST thing ANYONE has ever done for me!
Beetlejuice's eyes twitched from the very thought of it. His skin almost turned green and his hair began to fade into a dead white.
Beetlejuice: Now why'd you have to go and say a thing like thaAAT!
Before Beetlejuice could finish the monster gave him a big fuzzy hug and lifted him off the ground.
Beetlejuice sprung out a hundred arms to push the monster away and screamed at the top of his lungs.
Beetlejuice: AAAAHHH! YUK! SO cuddly! That TEARS it! (BJ tore himself in half)
Beetlejuice glared over at Poopsie. And began to have a thought of such evil measure that he hadn't had in what seemed to be ages. Suddenly, he heard a voice from his head and time seemed to pause.
Voice: Come on, you know you want to… you've been DYIN to do it since you met the mutt. We'll show that Texan reject whose boss of this Neitherworld.
The sky grew dark and BJ's eyes seemed to glow a greenish-yellow as he smiled a sinister smile. Beetlejuice quickly transformed into a CAT-apult and launched Poopsie into the blood red sky.
Poopsie: YYYYIIIIiiiiiiiieeee!
Everyone could only watch as Poopsie was shot into the air like a novelty rocket. The monster's jaw was agape and his toothpick rolled into the back of his throat. He then coughed it up and ran towards his companion.
Beetlejuice: That was the single most refreshing deed I've done all day.
Poopsie then landed on the narrow highway near their homes.
Just then a TANKer truck came down the hill and right towards the little dog.
M.A.T.S.: POOPSIE LOOK OUT!
Poopsie looked up and jumped out of the way and right off the highway cliff.
Beetlejuice: Curses.
M.A.T.S.: Whew.
Then everyone realized Poopsie just jumped off a cliff.
All (but BJ): Poopsie!
Poopsie landed in the sand desert below the road.
Poopsie whimpered and got up. She tried to climb the walls, but her limp was keeping her from jumping onto little platforms formed within the cliffs.
Everyone looked at Beetlejuice with angry faces. Then the sky returned its normal color, and Beetlejuice seemed to snap out of his trance.
Beetlejuice looked at everyone.
BJ: Uh oh.
The monster ran over to the cliffs edge and began climbing down.
M.A.T.S.: I'll get ya Poopsie! And then I'm gonna FRY Beetlejuice's BRAIN on a skillet and FEED it to you!
Voice: Uh-OH.
BJ: Uh-OH. COME ON LYDZ! We gotta run!
Lydia: BEETLEJUICE! I can't believe you did that to that sweet creature!
BJ: SWEET!
Lydia: I'm not going anywhere until you make things right!
With that said she folded her arms.
BJ: But Babes! Some peoples' after-lives are in danger!
Lydia gave a careless glare.
BJ: OHH. Fine.
Beetlejuice floated over and as he leaned over to see the monster bringing up his dog-like friend, then he heard that voice again.
Voice: NOW's your chance to put that lovey-dovey beast on the line.
Beetlejuice thought about it but before he could hesitate, his arms turned into a line and fishing hook. They scooped the two hairy beasts up and dangled them over the dessert.
M.A.T.S: BEEETTLEJUUUICE!
Beetlejuice looked around confused, then over at Lydia.
Lydia: Beetlejuice what are you doing?
BJ (in a quiet voice addressed to himself): um, nothin … actually.
Suddenly Beetlejuice heard a cry that sent shivers down his spine.
Sandworm: RRReeeAAAAIIIRRRRGGGGH!
As the beast jumped out of the sand and opened its jaws Beetlejuice nearly dropped the monster and its pet into the worm's ghastly jaws.
BJ: YOW!
The worm snapped its jaws right under the monsters boots as Beetle juice lifted them higher into the air.
M.A.T.S.: AAAHHHH!
Poopsie: YIPE! YIPE! YIPE!
Beetlejuice withdrew an amused smile.
Voice: Now dangle them a bit.
BJ: ok …. HEY! Who keeps talking to me!
Just then Lydia grabbed his arms and reeled the monster and his dog in before the sandworm could lunge again.
M.A.T.S: thank you little lady Lydia.
After he bowed to Lydia, the monster smashed Beetlejuice's head into his body with just his yellow hair sticking out.
M.A.T.S.: I'd stay and pulverize you but Poopsie is a little sensitive and needs to recover. (In a cute voice) Doesn't he, oh yes he does awwww.
Beetlejuice: At least with my head smashed in I don't have to see him and his mutt get all cute.
The monster entered his house and made a phone call.
M.A.T.S.: We'll get that Beetlejuice won't we? (Cute voice) Yes we will!
Phone rings on other side of the line.
Lydia looked at BJ's head smashed in.
Lydia: Ok I guess that's good enough. Lets get you moved in I have school tomorrow. Ms. Shannon is having us do a portfolio on made-up animals.
BJ: MMF UUMMF FUMMLE MUFF?
Lydia looked over at BJ trying to fix his head and laughed.
Lydia: I never can stay mad at you when you use your Beetle charm.
BJ: WHTMMF VTTLEF CHUMMF?
Lydia: Ha-ha ha ha!
Meanwhile back at the Deetz home:
Delia: Lydia! Its time for dinner!
Delia called out like a robin singing into the morning.
She looked up the stairs at Lydia's room.
Delia: Lydia? Honey? Are you feeling any better?
No answer.
Charles: Aww poor pumpkin must be feeling awful.
Delia: I'll get something fixed up for her and take it up to her.
Just as her parents left the staircase, a bright flash lit up the upstairs hallway for just a second.
Lydia: What a sick day.
BJ: Well babes, I'll see ya tomorrow after school, unless you wanna be sick again.
Beetlejuice gave a sly wink.
Lydia: No thanx Beej, I have to do this project on a made up animal by tomorrow.
BJ: just pick something from the Neitherworld toots.
Lydia: Wow that was insightful coming from your part.
BJ: Don't get used to it.
Lydia let out a short laugh.
Lydia: Ok see you tomorrow Beetlejuice (Raising one eyebrow)…Beetlejuice BEETLEJUICE!
And with that Beetlejuice zapped out of sight.
Lydia began getting her art supplies out when Delia came into the room.
Delia: Well looks like you are feeling better. I made you some chicken soup!
Lydia: Thanx Delia, I think I'll be feeling better by tomorrow. I have an important project to do tonight.
Delia: Ok I won't disturb you dear. See you in the (In melodious tone) MMOOORNING!
Lydia rolled her eyes after Delia left the room.
Lydia: What to make. I could use something from the Neitherworld, but that wouldn't be quite original. Hmm. But a spin off of something from there could work.
Lydia worked through the night with ideas spouting everywhere.
Lydia: Finally finished.
Just then.
BJ: That looks like a mutated sandworm. I find it offensive.
Lydia turned to her mirror and saw Beetlejuice glaring through at her project.
Lydia: Good then Ms. Shannon will like it. It's a Sand-shark.
BJ: A what?
Lydia: I used an Outterworld name and mixed it with a Neitherworld design.
And I'm thinking of submitting these ones too.
Lydia pulled out a diorama portraying what looked like the Neitherworld deserts. Stacked with different versions of sandworm-like monsters.
Lydia: A Sand-shark, a Sand-leech, and a Sand-snake.
BJ: ugh, did you have to make them so big next to the sandworm?
Lydia: It's not like their real or anything BJ.
BJ: Still don't likem.
Lydia: Goodnight Beetlejuice.
BJ: Later babes.
Beetlejuice faded from sight. Lydia put her project next to her door and back-pack. She climbed in her bed and before she went to sleep, she glanced at her desert diorama.
Lydia: Still, they do look pretty cool. If BJ wasn't so afraid of sandworms I wonder if we'd be able to discover anything else in those abstract deserts.
With that said she blew out her last candle and went to sleep.
Meanwhile at Hermit Huts Apartments. (Hermit Huts Apartments are imbedded high into the sides of a series of cliffs above the Neitherworld deserts. With snaky narrow roads leading to each domicile.)
BJ: Pfft! Their just sculptures BJ no reason to fear the un-existent. Sandsharks humpf!
As Beetlejuice went to sleep he heard that voice again.
Voice: But imagine the fun we could have if we brought those sculptures to life during class, and made them life-size?
BJ: ….. Who is that? So familiar.
Voice: Don't tell me you've forgotten me? Has hanging out with that babe really made you so soft? I mean look at you! You have Frriiieends eewww!
I remember the good ole days when we actually terrorized the public. Some of the best times were over at the Maitlands.
BJ: Hmmm.
Beetlejuice looked around.
BJ: Where are you anyway? I don't recall having a sidekick.
Just then Beetlejuice's brain hopped out of his skull.
BJ: AAAAAHHHH! You! You got away once but you're stayin in my head for good this time!
BJ's Brain: Well unless you do something about your friendly behavior, I'm out.
BJ: Well we are in a new Neighborhood. We can MEAT the neighbors. Tomorrow.
BJ's Brain: That's a start.
And as easily as he slipped out, he slipped right back in Beetlejuice's head.
BJ: that explains a lot.
BJ's Brain: (Thinking) Sleep peacefully now for everything you know is going to change when I get a hold of it all. Mwah ha ha ha ha HA!
2 B continued … Next Pent up Make-over part II