Disclaimer: I do not own Bishoujo Sailor Moon or any of its characters except for Kazuki/Akira/strange people who I made up randomly on the spot. The original manga rightfully belongs to Takeuchi Naoko.
by Enchanted Ice Star
Everything was still. The silence was as welcoming as a warm wool blanket on a harsh winter night. The gentle wind whipping through my now wild and free hair was only contained by the helmet I wore over it. And his warmth, radiating gently, soothed the bitter frost that had formed within my soul throughout the evening.
I never felt so grateful to someone. He had taken me away from a place that would have suffocated me. He had taken me away from all my expectations and worries. If only for a little while- I was still so grateful.
"Are you cold?" His voice rose above the roar of the engine. He drove quickly, my heart pace quickening and yet it was not out of fear. I felt alive, ready to join him in his wild pursuit, slicing through the streets as if we were in some sort of an invisible chase. We were a blur of colours, a glimpse of form. No one could stop us. No one could see us. We were free.
I glanced down and noticed I was still in my black dress, but I did not feel cold. My hands tightened around his waist and I could not help but notice how tiny it was for a young man like himself. "I'm fine," I answered, feeling myself relax against his back, cheek pressed to the cool material of his trench coat.
I felt him smile. It was strange. "Am I going too fast for a lady like you?"
My eyes twinkled. Oh, I wish he could feel the awe-inspiring joy I was suddenly experiencing. I was like a baby bird finally able to fly with my own two wings after gruesome days of jumping off a branch only to crash to the earth pitifully. The stars never looked brighter, beautiful diamonds amongst a dark velvet sky. The emptiness of the streets made it all the more surreal. It was like we were in our own world.
Our world.
"Not at all," I murmured and shut my eyes. "Thank you, Haruka."
He turned a corner smoothly. "Why?"
I wanted to tell him then. Everything. My insecurities, my doubts, my relentless battle with my own stubborn pride. But I couldn't. Why would he care? We were just two people who had crossed paths. Perhaps I was just another pretty face to him. Another girl in the long line awaiting for his attention. Strangely, that thought stung my soul. I didn't want to be another pretty face. I wanted to be...more. My words caught again, and I could only swallow and open my eyes.
"For letting me ride with you," I explained. "I'm sure there are many out there who wish to do so."
"You flatter me Michiru," his voice held amusement. "I might get a fat ego because of you."
I smiled to myself, "Oh? And you don't have one already?"
He chuckled and turned to look over his shoulder. He looked dashing; windswept blonde hair falling into dancing teal eyes. "Ouch," he pretended to look hurt before smirking and turning his attention back onto the road again. "I'm just confident, especially when I'm behind the wheel," he paused. "Like you, when you play the violin."
He pulled up by the shore, the horizon stretching out into a black nothingness. I took a breath and only then did I realize how cold it was.
Haruka got off swiftly and helped me off. He frowned. "And you said you weren't cold," he stared at the goose bumps forming on my bare arms and before I could protest, he had swiftly taken off his long navy trench coat and placed its comforting weight around my shoulders. He grinned. "Better?"
"Of course," I pulled the jacket tighter around myself, inhaling in his enticing scent. I noticed that he was wearing the Mugen maroon school blazer underneath and wondered why he hadn't been suffocating out of pure heat. Shrugging it off, I turned to catch his gaze, searching for an answer. "Why did you come by my house Haruka?"
He blinked and looked skyward, as if suddenly embarrassed. I smiled mischievously to myself before tilting my head, a hand underneath my chin. "Did you have something to say to me?"
"No," he answered awkwardly.
"Homework problems?" I prodded.
"...No," he was looking slightly flustered now.
I smiled, very amused. I decided to pop the question while leaning slightly over towards him. "Did you miss me?"
He snapped his head towards me, our noses inches apart. He clearly looked surprised by my blatant question. I giggled and leaned back again, rocking on my heels and mimicking his action of looking up into the night sky. "What?" I asked out loud as if oblivious, wanting to relish in my brief interlude of freedom.
I saw him shift his weight out of the corner of my eyes. Was he uneasy? This was definitely entertaining. Tenou Haruka, rendered uneasy and flustered! I laughed to myself before he cleared his throat. "That's an awfully straight forward question coming from Kaioh Michiru."
I frowned almost instantly. My gaze lowered, away from the heavens and towards the dirt ground beneath my strapped heels. I felt alone again. Different. Abnormal. An alien. The sea before us howled, as if noticing my distress. "Am I not suppose to be straight forward?" I asked in a barely audible voice. Why was I scared to ask such questions? I had a right to know why the world placed me on such a high pedestal.
"What?" Haruka was confused. I turned to look at him and his eyes suddenly looked worried. It was the most emotion I had seen from him in all the short time I had known him. He reached out and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Michiru?"
It was a bad night, I decided. Just a bad night. The dinner party my parents were holding had its toll on my already weakened spirit. I was so tired, and I suddenly felt very old. Beyond my years, ancient, weary. I wanted to float on my back in a mirror of water, forever, and forever, and forever. It would be so wonderful. Soothing. Relaxing. My paradise.
I could not contain it anymore. How can you contain all the oceans in the world in a small jar? It is impossible, is it not?
Somehow, I felt exactly like that. Contained, ready to burst.
I started shaking.
I felt his grip tighten on my shoulder.
"Gomen," I whispered.
It seemed like the perfect time to cry. Except, of course, Kaioh Michiru had no tears. I wasn't support to cry. That would make my eyes puffy and my cheeks stained. It would ruin my perfectly applied make-up. But of course, those were thin bare lies. In reality, Kaioh Michiru simply did not have anymore tears to shed.
I had spent them all long ago. During the slow, interminable nights sitting at the dinner table- alone, neglected, empty. During my aimless walks down the many hallways of the mansion, searching, wanting, reaching for any being willing to hold me, to tuck me into bed, to tell me sweet stories- yet I always turned up empty-handed. Tears had been my only companion then.
But that was then. I didn't want to burden Haruka with my silly worries. He was right. Should I not be grateful for all the gifts that had been bestowed upon me? But why couldn't I? With wonderful gifts come great costs. The price was that I had to maintain them all my life. I couldn't though. I wasn't unbreakable.
"Michiru," he said in an equally gentle low voice, but I heard confusion laced between his tone anyway.
I couldn't stand it anymore. I wanted to breakaway. I wanted someone to tell me that I could. That I had wings. That I could fly. I needed something, anything, to ensure my own sanity. I sharply pulled away from him and squeezed my eyes shut, not noticing the droplets of water forming within them. "It's so hard," I finally struggled to say, my voice sounding strangled even to myself.
The brief happiness I had felt on Haruka's motorcycle was short lived as reality came crushing upon me again. After this, I would go back, step into my home again, and into the mold of perfection. It was such an unbearable thought.
"Michiru, look at me please."
I looked at him.
His gaze held worry, confusion, affection. He brushed a strand of my hair away from my face, his touch burning my skin. "I don't understand what's wrong," he confessed, looking ashamed, but then he looked at me with such honesty and trust. "I can't do much but I can listen. Imagine that," he smirked.
I looked away, embarrassed. What was wrong with me? But that little bit of myself left screamed for release. My deepest desire was simply to be, was it not? Then why didn't I allow it? Why couldn't I bring myself to show who I truly was? Not an optimum of perfection, but just Kaioh Michiru, sixteen year old human.
I sat down on the grass, not caring if my dress got dirtied. What mattered?
"I think one day, I'll go crazy because I'm like a puppet," I said slowly, softly, cautiously. "Strings can only hold me up for so long...but then they'll break...and I'll fall," I added tentatively.
Silence. He sat down beside me, an air of casualness around him that seemed to radiate the strong confidence that was everything Tenou Haruka. "I'll catch you then," he said simply.
I smiled to myself, a sad look in my eyes. "If you say so. You do realize that's a promise?"
"It is?"
"Mmm hmm," I nodded, relishing in the gentle warmth from his nearby body.
Silence again. Then, slowly, he placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me towards him gently. He looked awfully serious, his gaze unreadable yet his gaze almost penetrating and hard. "Maybe it isn't my place to ask, but I'm never one to not say what I want to say," his gaze never wavered. "I simply don't understand you. Why are you so unhappy?"
So direct, so straight-forward, no beating around the bush. I wasn't prepared for such a bare, naked question so I sat momentarily stunned. If his question had been as simple as that, I decided to humour him. I would not try to weave my way out of it, I would not lace my words like my mother. I looked at him, determined. "I cannot stand the life I live. I cannot stand the people around me. I cannot stand the expectations, the praise, the hopes, everything placed on my two shoulders."
"Why can't you?" He asked bluntly.
"Because. I cannot fail."
"Why can't you fail?"
Another straight forward question, and yet, I was once again stumped. Perhaps I was losing brain cells. No one could ever make me at lost for words, confused, questioning my own answers. I was usually so certain...but Haruka wasn't in the range of normal. My eyes narrowed as Haruka's gaze hardened, his grip on my shoulders tightening to bring me back into reality again. "No one expects you to be perfect. I think it's more--"
"Yes they do," I snapped in a rush, pulling away from his touch. "How can you talk so easily about it? Somewhere in there, you even expect me to be something. Something worthy, something good and wholesome and perfect."
He stared at me.
I couldn't stop though. The lid had popped open and I was wild. "Of course I'm thankful that I have talent, that I have achieved the things I have in life. But I don't know," I took a sharp breath. "I don't know why. I'm like a bottomless pit. I can get everything in the world but nothing will ever fill me up to the top," my tone dropped, soft, almost raspy. I was thirsty. "Maybe because everything is so external," my eyes widened at sudden realization. "Yes, that's the word. External. Everything is just out there, around me, spinning, taunting, never a part of me."
He was still staring at me.
"But there's nothing..." I trailed off, plucking a blade of grass from beneath my palm. "Nothing...inside."
I was now making a quick grass ring swiftly with my hands, frustrated, motivated, tumbling down the mental stone steps in my head. I felt strands of my aqua hair tumbling around my shoulders as I leaned slightly forward. "But I always try so hard to make it feel like it all matters," I couldn't help but laugh at my lame attempt. "That at the end of the day, everything is a part of me and that if I were to die right there and then, I'd be happy. But it never works," another blade of grass was broken under my touch. "The violin can help me sort out my emotions, but it cannot give me the warmth, the happiness I desire. My paintings can portray my inner landscapes and dreams, but the colours I place on canvas can never throw themselves back at me and into my black and white life," I dared myself to return his gaze, unwavering, suddenly brave. "But if I motivate myself, knowing that I can't disappoint anyone, knowing that I cannot fail...maybe there is some sort of a...reason that I need to do everything...that I need to exist."
He suddenly stood up, his posture stiff as he looked down at me. "So you live to please other people?"
I stood up along with him, suddenly startled at my own openness. I had shown him my heart and soul, and yet, his expression was one of frustration. The way he had put it, it seemed so...
"That's very meaningless," he continued, voicing my inner thoughts.
I suddenly felt like it was a blow to my pride. I had shown him myself, really, myself, and here he was, reprimanding me? I did not understand. "Can you think of something else that is meaningful?" I shot back, my tone as cold as his.
His gaze wavered, but then he quickly answered, "You are truly lost if you believe there is nothing more."
I frowned, "And you believe there is something more?"
"If you have the strength to find it," his voice was slightly hesitant, but he spoke his words strongly nonetheless. He finally softened his gaze, teal eyes reflecting the dim light of the moon. "I just want...to help I guess," he kicked at a pebble below his feet.
I let my guard down, my shoulders slightly sagging in relief. I smiled briefly, clasping my hands in front of me. "Thank you," I said in all honesty.
"No really, Michiru," his voice was so serious again. "I don't know why but I have this undesirable will for you to find meaning in your life because you deserve it," he said this so vehemently, as if he were almost angry. "Promise me you'll try."
I was shocked once again. I had never been shocked so many times in the span of half an hour. This was definitely a new record, but Haruka could not tell how shaken I was by his ability to make my composure waver. Yet the sincerity shining in the depths of his teal orbs told me something. They reached out and shone light into the dark abandoned corners of my life. I reached out, placing my own hands over his surprisingly smooth fingers and gave them a gentle squeeze.
"I'll try...if only for you."
When we pulled up by my home, within the shadow of the looming mansion before us, I could not help but feel disheartened. I carefully took off Haruka's jacket and laid it gently on his lap as I quickly shook my hair out from underneath the helmet. A waft of his wonderful scent filled my very soul again and I felt a strange fluttering sensation in the pits of my stomach. Strange, I thought quietly. I was getting the butterflies. Kaioh Michiru never got butterflies. She gave butterflies.
"You going in there or not?" Haruka questioned, his eyes dancing.
I wanted so badly to drown in his teal orbs, to feel nothing but his warmth. Yet my life never went by my wishes. I was always swept away and up on my own two feet by outsiders.
"Want me to carry you to the door then?" His eyebrow was raised in question.
I laughed airily, amused. "That does sound rather appealing-"
I didn't get to finish my sentence until I felt the solid earth beneath my feet being swept away in one fluid motion. Once again, I felt the warm contact of his arms holding me as he took long strides towards the double front oak doors. I blinked up at him in surprise, but he merely looked down at me with a smile, his long sandy blonde bangs falling into his eyes as he did so.
"I didn't know you were so lazy," he commented teasingly.
"What if my parents see us," I hissed softly, though I had never felt happier.
He smirked, "Want me to ring the doorbell now?"
"No!" I leapt out of his arms and back onto my feet, slightly disheveled but I knew I was absolutely glowing. This was what Haruka made me feel. Daring, different, alive. I was willing to take risks when he was my breath of assurance. I glanced at the intimidating front doors, despising its smooth polished front and the glinting silver doorknobs. "I guess I better knock. I didn't bring my keys."
He simply nodded along with a quick gesture of his hands. "Go ahead."
I stared. "And you're going to stand there?"
He nodded slowly as if it were the most obvious thing to do.
I managed to contain my desire to gape at him, keeping my expression neutral though slightly flustered. "You do realize my parents are...are picky when they come to who I am around with," I didn't know how to put it. How could I say that my parents didn't want me to have anything to do with Tenou Haruka? I couldn't simply tell that to his handsome face.
He still looked somewhat perplexed at my behavior.
I sighed and decided once again that I would simply be honest. No faking. "They don't want me around you, Haruka."
His teal orbs widened slightly, then softened as if in understanding. Something within my soul squeezed in sadness to see the strange emotion swirling in Haruka's eyes. I couldn't quite place it, but I felt that he felt something deep, stirring, and equally sad. I reached out but he took a few steps back, a small smile on his lips. Though, this time, his eyes were not sparkling.
"Of course," he answered, trying to sound gracious. "Miss. Kaioh can't be around nasty people like me."
I frowned, "Haruka..."
He winked though, surprising me. He did a strange sort of a salute before turning around. "Ja ne, Michiru! Don't worry about it," he turned to look briefly over his shoulder. "If I were your parents, I wouldn't want you taking risks either."
"I thought you told me to find meaning in life," I couldn't help but say in a rush, sucking in a quick breath as I continued, "and what if I've already found that meaning."
He stopped all of a sudden, stiff and almost as rigid as a board before his motorcycle a few metres away. I wanted him to turn around, to let me see his face again, but he remained facing away. The silence of the night was utterly deafening and I longed for him to break the silence.
Finally, he spoke up slowly, "You trust me."
I tried to hide my look of confusion, wondering why on earth he had said such a strange statement. It wasn't even a question either. He had said it so steadily. I tilted my head hesitantly to the side. "You sure sound confident," I noted, trying to lighten the suddenly tight atmosphere.
He turned abruptly, his eyes intense as he caught my gaze and held me there. "Maybe I don't deserve it," he said loudly, trying to sound indifferent. He did that apathetic smirk of his again, a somewhat smug look on his features before he shrugged. "Sometimes things aren't all what they seem to be."
This time I was sure I could be confused no more. What on earth was he saying? Seemingly, he had been the one to wake me up after years of sleep, he had been to one to open my once tightly shut eyes to the real world. Why was he suddenly being so...distant? Saying things as if they were in a completely different language?
I didn't understand.
He seemed to sense my confusion as his gaze once again fell and he turned away, mounting his motorcycle smoothly. "Never mind Michiru," he said, but somehow I heard the uneasiness in his tone. Was he afraid? Was he doubting something? I wanted to know. "Good night," he started the engine.
I watched as he started to leave, but quickly called out, "I don't know anyone else in the whole world that deserves my trust."
But he had already sped off into the night.
"Michiru."
I jumped, startled at the deep voice behind me. I turned to see my father at the door, an unreadable expression on his strong features. I quickly gathered my composure and stepped into the house, looking somewhat sheepish. I was hoping that one of the maids would have answered the door and then I could have quietly snuck into my room. My parents would never notice anyway. They were much too busy.
"You went out," my father stated matter-of-factly.
I slipped out of my heels, wondering why I couldn't just return my father's hard gaze. Was I frightened he would be able to see the things I was hiding? I took a breath and managed a quick smile. "For a night walk," I explained lightly. "I needed some air."
"You should have told someone," my father said slowly as he followed me up into my room. "We were all worried about you."
"Where is everyone?" I suddenly noticed the absence of the noisy guests, though I was glad.
My father seemed slightly annoyed. "They left already," he explained as he watched me sit down on my queen-sized bed. I felt the mattress sink under my weight and I suddenly had a feeling of foreboding. Call it my sixth sense, but usually it was always accurate. I dared myself to face my father's gaze, and yet when I fell under it, I felt as if I had done something horribly wrong.
"Who was the young man by the door?"
I stiffened involuntarily. So he had seen us, Haruka and I. How? The windows? Most probably. I could not contain all the rushing thoughts in my head as my door cracked open again, revealing my mother clad in a sky blue night gown that set off her beautiful aqua hair. She entered the room, taking a look at my father before they both exchanged glances.
"A friend," I managed to answer, catching my mother's gaze and praying that she would somehow get me out of the strange situation. But deep down I knew it was futile. My mother and father were always on one side of the line while I stood alone on the other.
I saw my father's gaze harden and my mother frown. It was in their eyes again. Disappointment. It pulled at my heart strings, making my insides churn unpleasantly as I knew I had disappointed them again. And yet, in the depths of my despair, I knew I had done nothing wrong. I had simply been happy- for once in my life. I had been honestly happy with Haruka by the ocean side. It had been the most magical moments of my life.
My mother came and sat down beside me, running her smooth hand through my hair that was slightly tangled by the wind. "Michiru honey, please," her voice was slightly strained. "Just tell us where you went."
"I went on a walk," I repeated firmly.
My father visibly twitched. "Michiru, princess, I don't believe this. What is happening to you?"
I gave him an indignant stare. "Father, I don't understand this. I merely went out for a walk. Is that wrong?"
"Michiru!" My father's voice had risen. "You are my only daughter, my beloved daughter. I don't understand why you would lie to me."
My mother's hand found its way to my own and she squeezed it tightly, giving me a reassuring look that held no emotion. I felt utterly cold as reality sank into my bitter soul again. "Michiru, your father and I only want what's best for you. I'm sure you remember...our earlier promise," she eyed me carefully. "No more Tenou Haruka, remember?"
Her voice was gentle, but she was my mother and I knew her like the back of my hand. Her voice held no warmth, just words formed into a gentle prodding stick, trying to make me say things I didn't want to say. I swam into the depths of her blue eyes, so like mine and yet so different. Yes, I remembered my promise. No more Tenou Haruka. I would cut all ties with him. But I couldn't...it wasn't like throwing away garbage.
And what if I...I didn't want to?
"I bumped into him while I was circling the block," my voice came out before I even registered what I had said. I took a strangled breath and looked at my father who seemed strangely blue in colour.
"God! Look at her Midori!" My father gestured towards me with a hand, all the while pacing around my bedroom. "It's only been a while and look how we're losing her already."
My mother shook her head gently, her eyes downcast. "Michiru, you don't have to lie to us. We're your mama and papa."
My eyes widened slightly. Why were they so determined I was lying? I knew I was, but...but the idea that they were so vehement about my words being anything but real...I looked away guiltily nonetheless, but something along the lines of anger flared within my usually calm soul. "I only wanted some air. It was so suffocating in the dining room and I just couldn't stand it in there anymore..."
"Was Akira not good enough company?" My mother asked inquiringly. "Michiru, I swear you're going to grow up to be an old spinster if you're so picky with men. You've never accepted anyone when you have a whole long line-up of suitors--"
"Midori, this isn't about Michiru's future husband," my father cut in, his voice stern. "This is about our very own daughter lying to us," he said it in such a low voice that I nearly recoiled in surprise, but didn't. I held my place, stiff and with a straight back.
"Of course," my mother's voice softened to almost a whisper as she stared intensely at me. "You're an intelligent girl Michiru. I know you understand. This isn't very difficult to grasp..." my mother got up and retrieved something from the corner of the room. I watched her questioningly until she stood in front of me with a strange piece of polished wood...which I slowly recognized as a piece of my old violin.
"Officer Kenji called while we were halfway through dessert," my father explained stoically. "He said the man you pointed out yesterday was indeed one of the men that attacked Tenou."
My heart beat quickened painfully as my father continued, "But it wasn't the attack near the library."
I stood up on instinct, trying out of futility to match my father's dominating height. "I can explain--"
"There is no need to explain!" My father shouted. I nearly jumped. My father never shouted. My whole family was...was composed, polite, well-mannered. They never spoke to me in such a way and the very prospect sent all my composure out the window. I felt my hands shaking in an alien fright I never felt. I was never frightened. I never had to feel frightened.
"I can't believe this," my father threw his hands into the air out of sheer exasperation. He suddenly looked a lot older, and I could not help the overwhelming guilt that washed over me. I was the cause for his distress. I was the cause for their disappointment. The two most important people in my life that I constantly strived to prove myself to. The two people that I strived to be perfect for. Their perfect little girl. "You hit a man with your violin."
But an unfamiliar flare of indignation was burning inside of me. Everything wasn't as blatant as they put it. I had reasons for my actions. I had my own thoughts, my own will, my own desires. "I was trying to protect Haruka!"
"Haruka!" My mother's voice was shrill.
My father nearly gaped. "Haruka! Oh, and now you two seem to be getting along quite well right after you tell me that you won't be near that being ever again!"
"Father!" I was surprised at the tone in my voice. It had been full of anguish, frustration, just a voice of a little girl trying to prove to her parents that she could fly now. That she wasn't perched inside a golden-barred cage any longer. "He was going to get killed! I'm sure you would do the same thing as me if a man was being brutally hit right before your very own eyes!"
"But your violin," my mother added in a hushed voice, her eyes brimming with tears.
I couldn't stand the shimmering droplets in her eyes. I had caused them. But I hadn't meant to. I had disappointed them. But I was merely trying to live. I had ruined everything. But I had nothing at the beginning. Nothing to ruin.
"Officer Kenji came over to show us your...violin," my father said in a low voice. "They won't press charges on you because they do understand it was out of self-defense."
I wanted to jump up and down and say 'See! See! I told you so!' but found it very uncharacteristically childish. I refrained to only a very noticeable nod and managed to say, "I can buy myself another violin. I won't make you pay for it."
"Michiru!" My father's eyes flared. "This isn't about paying for a new violin!"
My mother sobbed.
My heart wrenched.
"This is about your reputation! This is about our reputation! All our guests saw the police coming to our house! What would they think?"
"You explained to them, did you not?" I asked in a whisper.
"That you hit a man brutally with an instrument!" My father was shouting again, his composure long gone. The air of perpetual intelligence and wisdom in his eyes fading to simple madness. "I thought I taught my daughter well! I thought I taught her to choose her friends wisely! To be around people that would not put her in danger! To make wise decisions!"
"It wasn't Haruka's fault," I spilled, not sure how to contain the situation any longer. I was so confused. So angry, so sad, so lost that I couldn't quite understand the sudden hole I had fallen into.
"Why are you defending her, Michiru?" My mother's voice was so quiet, so disappointed.
"Mother..." I fell in front of her feet, wanting to cry but feeling my pride get the better of me. "I didn't mean to break my violin. I didn't mean to get attacked. I was only walking home with Haruka..."
"Tenou is not the type of person you want to associate yourself with! That attack should have been enough proof for you!" My father's voice was so loud, so forceful. "But no! My intelligent and bright daughter simply decided that everything was alright and even went on a walk with this dangerous person! Michiru! What has happened to your common sense!"
"He makes me so happy, father," I choked, surprised at the alien stinging sensation in my eyes. It couldn't be. Was I feeling tears? Was I going to cry? But I never cried. What was happening? I had been so happy moments ago. With Haruka, my salvation. And here, it was like another world. I was in hell again. What happened? I had lost my wings. I was falling. Why wasn't Haruka here to catch me?
Didn't he promise...?
"You wouldn't understand," I continued, my voice indignant, wanting them to understand. "I've surrounded myself with people that I think you will accept. I surround myself with people you call 'intelligent' and 'mature' and 'well-mannered' when inside I just want a friend. Someone that really understands me. Someone that doesn't expect me to be perfect."
My mother simply stared at me.
I pushed myself forward though. I couldn't stop now. "Haruka came into my life and I finally saw some meaning," I looked away, at the small fibers of carpet sprouting from the ground. "I've never felt so human in my life, don't you see? He made me feel." I forced my gaze upon my father's fierce eyes. Why couldn't they understand? Why couldn't they see how hard it was for me to breathe anymore?
"Michiru..." my father's gaze finally softened.
My mother stood up stiffly, "God!"
This time I could not hold onto the thin strings of my composure any longer. Did mother just curse? That was utterly impossible. Midori Kaioh never cursed. She was the optimum of the perfect lady. She was the model business woman and wife.
I looked at my father fleetingly, not bothering to hide the fright swimming in my eyes. He bent down, his face inches away from mine. Suddenly, the soft gaze in his eyes didn't seem so comforting. It held a strange look in them that made me want to run...I didn't understand this feeling.
"Michiru," my father echoed. "Tenou...Tenou Haruka...you do realize...?"
What was he trying to say? Why were the both looking at me with such surprised expressions on their usually calm faces? I gripped the ends of my dress, my knuckles turning a ghastly white. "Realize?" I managed to say shakily.
"I don't believe this!" My mother shrieked, the tears now flowing down her perfect smooth cheeks. "She's lied to my daughter! She's deceived her!"
Suddenly, a dawning feeling was starting to set in the back of my mind. But I refused to believe it. It couldn't be what I was dreading. What I was thinking...
"Michiru," my father said yet again, his voice suddenly sounding not so friendly, not so welcoming. "Tenou Haruka is a woman. You do know that, don't you? You speak of her so tenderly that it makes me wonder..." his voice trailed off, but I wouldn't have heard the rest anways.
The first part of his sentence was enough to last for a century or more.
I couldn't believe this. What was happening? Moments ago, I had been sitting on the cool wet grass without a care in the world, a wonderful young man sharing my worries with me. He had taught me to be everything I desired to be. He showed me freedom.
But...
Tenou Haruka is a woman.
Officer Kenji's voice echoed sharply in my head.
"Tenou sure is lucky that you found her in time."
Found her in time. Found her in time...
You trust me.
I thought I did. I know I do. I didn't know anymore...
Maybe I don't deserve it.
Did you really mean that? Was this what you meant?
Sometimes things aren't all what they seem to be.
No. No. This wasn't right. Everything was just a fabrication of my silly imagination. I was hallucinating. I was dreaming. I was simply too tired and wasn't thinking straight. The distant echo of Haruka's motorcycle was still ringing comfortingly in my head. His handsome face, his beautiful teal eyes, his dashing blonde hair. No. No. I was simply losing it.
"I don't believe you," I said steadily to my mother, then turned to my father, daring myself to get up from the carpeted floor of my bedroom.
"Please leave," I managed to say, though my voice was but a distant sound to my own ears. "I need to go to bed," I continued, wondering why my parents were glancing at me so strangely. "I have school tomorrow," I offered as an explanation and pulled my bed covers back.
I didn't see my parents leave. I merely heard the door click and the two of them muttering hushed words to each other. I didn't care what they were thinking. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to hear it.
I sat down slowly in bed, still in the silly black dress.
"Haruka...Haruka..." I shut my eyes tightly. "I need you to tell me...tell me everything..."
Everything couldn't be true.
I would talk to him tomorrow. And then he'd tell me what a silly misunderstanding this all was. Then he'd sweep me off my feet again and carry me away.
Yes...yes, I would talk to him tomorrow.
And everything would be okay again...
AN: Mild cliff hanger neh neh? Finally Michiru is given a head's up on the whole Haruka-is-actually-a-female thing. Oh my. That can't turn out well, can it? Especially when Michiru has just confessed to "him" that "he's" the "meaning in her life". -cough- I love being cruel to characters ;) Okay, random explanation for Michiru's mother name. Midori means green and I just think the Kaioh's should be a really...green family. Haha...right...okay then. Oh, and for those wondering why sometimes the interaction between Haruka and Michiru are more "upright", well, look at the anime. When they first got to know each other, they weren't all tight and stroking each other's hands right away. In fact, Haruka was sometimes quite rude. Anyhoo, hope you enjoyed this chapter!