Separation is Murder

Part 3

Hayl, Qwean Klore!

Across from the roadhouse, the Monster across the street, was humming a country tune, as he packed his rickety old pickup full with his luggage.

M.A.T.S: Well, Poopsie are you ready for your BIG vacation?

Poopsie: Rooo?

M.A.T.S: We're gonna go visit uncle Nowhere, and spend a few months on his Monster Dog Ranch. You remember the ranch? That's where we met. (Flips out an old photo) AWWW you were such a cute little bulldog. You never know, you just might find the poodle of your dreams when we get there heh heh.

Poopsie looked around at the free roaming lawn, and comfy mutt-house.

Poopsie: (Grumble)

Knowing there was no fighting it the bulldog grabbed its dog dish, and favorite chewy bone, and jumped inside of the truck.

M.A.T.S: Awww you're so cute when you're excited Poopsie.

The dog rolled its eyes, and took a nap.

As the Monster packed his remaining bags into the truck, he placed himself behind the steering wheel, and started up his truck. He glanced over at Poopsie, petting his companion's fur.

M.A.T.S: We'll get Beetlejuice for breaking your leg. I'm at my last straw with that ghost.

The monster across the street backed up and headed to the middle of Nowhere.

Meanwhile not so far away in the opposite direction, Betelguese, and Claire stood motionless in the shadow of one of the largest sandworms Betelguese had ever seen. From behind one of its spikes on its narrow head waddled a smaller creature with four eyes and stripes (Much like the sand worm) wearing a necklace of worm teeth.

Betelguese and Claire both gave the exact same confused look, and tilted their heads in curiosity at the same time. The creature slid down the long body of its mount and landed in front of the two bewildered beings that were staring at it.

The creature pointed angrily at Betelguese and shouted some incoherent words at the sand worm.

The sand worm wrapped its tail around Betelguese, and lifted him into the air.

Bg: OH NO YOU DON'T! She's MY hostage! Err err, let go of me!

The creature nodded to the sand worm.

Bg: That's more-

The sandworm tossed Betelguese into the air and smacked him into a home run with its tail directly towards the roadhouse.

Claire hugged her knees as the four foot creature made its way towards her.

Creature: Mogago bo teet la loo.

Her fear ran down her spine as he got closer holding out his tail-like arms.

The fear was so overwhelming that she couldn't find the lung power to scream through all of her crying and confusion.

The creature wrapped her up in a silky material and effortlessly carried her to the top of its mount, then rode off into the desserts of Saturn.

Claire: (Mumbled through fabric) Like what kind of place is this! Am I like, in Africa!

Betelguese crashed into the living room of the road house and nearly creamed Jacques as he danced with some beautiful skeleton girls.

The entire party of ghosts and ghouls stopped in their activities as they watched the very reason they were partying, crash the party.

Bg: (Mumbling into the floor) Ok, now I'm really mad.

Jacques looked around, deciding if he could stand the embarrassment of helping "Beetlejuice" in front of all the people who despised him.

Bg: Ok, my face is only imbedded into the linoleum, don't everyone help me up at once.

Betelguese grew out his stripped spider legs, and pushed and pulled himself free from the body-shaped hole he had created. The grim ghoul gathered his surroundings, read some of the banners, and frowned.

Bg: So, having a party without me huh? No no, that's ok, I'm not offended or anything.

The ghost brushed off pieces of linoleum and dirt off his jacket as everyone backed away as he walked in a circle. He tucked in his spider-like legs and stood in an observing pose. He could smell the fear and embarrassment seeping from everyone in the room. He smirked.

Bg: SO! Is everyone enjoying themselves? Havin a ROCK'in old time?

Is the B-man too much for ya? Ok, I gather I'm not well-liked, HELL! I'm not even surprised! I can recognize half of you Turd-stains, just by the pranks I pulled on ya. Good times, good times. So, the ultimate revenge eh? Not bad, not bad, party in the VERY house that I concocted the schemes and pranks that you all fell victim to. I gotta hand it to you all. You really know how to rub in your hatred for a guy. And I couldn't feel more touched. It may be a party to celebrate me moving on and a bit farther away from you all, but it's still a party dedicated to me. SO, let's all start over, and get to know one another, Mono-e-mono.

The crowd looked at one another awkwardly.

Bg: Whadda ya say? (Evil grin).

Betelguese looked around the room.

Bg: No takers? Well that's ok. You're partying because I'm SO terrible to you all, right? (Crowd nodding) Well I'll give ya something to party about. You think I'm terrible now? I'll show ya JUST how terrible I can be!

Betelguese grew into a spider-like creature and reeked havoc among the party goers. Soon after, he split into two creatures, broke from the roof of the road house, and trampled into the Neither world.

Meanwhile in Saturn…

Grandma Prunejuice rowed her little floating row boat with determination.

Beetlejuice however, felt like a dried up sponge, as he lay sweating from the many suns of Saturn.

Bj: Aren't you even the slightest bit tired? I'm getting tired just from watching you not get tired.

GPj: Don't be such a ninny, why I can row for days. I use to hunt sandworms for weeks at a time, with no rest and no food. And I still hunt sandworms, but for different reasons. I use them as ingredients for my spells, and potions. They have very potent essences in all of their body parts.

Bj: Whatever…when can we eat.

GPj: When we find an oasis, I know of one around here. But as a precaution, don't mingle with any strange women there, and certainly don't speak to any Savages you see there. Ignore every thing there but me and the water.

Cerberus: Roargghh?

GPj: And Cerberus.

Bj: (I could float faster then this old barge), let the lion pull us.

GPj: We're in no rush. I have a Time Lanturn keeping us in real time here, which is why we seem to be going so slow, because as you know Saturn time is dramatically sped up.

Bj: Let the lion pull us Grandma, he's bored. His bored moans are beginning to irritate me!

GPj: FINE! If it'll stop you're obsessive whining! Cerberus, MUSH!

Like a bolt of lightning, Cerberus pulled the small rickety boat through the sandy winds like a bullet through water. Beetlejuice relaxed in his seat at the back of the boat.

Bj: Ahh, this is much better, now we're cruisin.

The boat transformed into a small cruise-like ship at his remark.

Grandma Prunejuice rolled her eyes and folded her arms a tad insulted.

GPj: You know, In my day, I could out sail a sandworm in its prime, I could win a race against any vehicle in my boat. I could hunt the biggest monster in the Neither world in this little boat.

Bj: Yeah that's great Grandma.

Beetlejuice put some sunglasses on and relaxed.

As Prunejuice looked at him a complained about youthful people, she went silent as she noticed something out of the focus of her vision.

GPj: Cerberus go faster you molasses-made monster!

Grandma Prunejuice focused her eyes on the object behind the boat.

GPj: I don't think we're moving at a faster speed, that rock back there isn't getting any farther away. Cerberus, are you running back wards? Pick up the pace!

GPj: That rock is gaining on us. I don't like this…Beetlejuice! Get the spears ready.

Beetlejuice snapped out of his nap, and turned around.

Bj: Gulp. Grandma, that's not a rock. It's a fin.

GPj: You're losing your edge on things son, I've lived out here for four hundred and ninety years and never saw a fin that big!

Bj: It's your newest neighbor, and I'll tell you this, he's not coming to bring us welcoming cookies!

GPj: We're going have to undo this time spell if we're to fight him, or even out run him!

They both looked back as they armed themselves with harpoons. The time spell's force field dissipated, and the sandy winds struck at the backs of their heads. The large fin sank into the sand.

GPj: Where is it?

Suddenly the boat and Cerberus were violently tossed into the air. The boat reverted back to its row boat shape.

Grandma balanced the boat out as it rode the sandy waves made by the giant creature. She glanced up at the beast's angry mouth full of crooked teeth as it pushed its way out of the sand in an attempt to put them at a complete stop.

GPj: GREAT GHOST OF AHAB!

Beetlejuice landed on Cerberus holding on for his afterlife.

Grandma Prunejuice used a harpoon to attach herself to the gigantic beast and climbed up to its head. The beast wriggled it pain and landed on its stomach. Prunejuice stood proud at the top of the titan's head as if she was riding the mast of a huge ship. She looked down at her grandson who lay stomach down, on Cerberus.

GPj: GO! Ride Cerberus to your friend! I'll take this white whale down! HERE! Take the time lantern with you. And come visit me more often, I enjoy our visits!

Cerberus cried out for his master.

GPj: Take care of my grandson for me Cerberus! He's not too bright!

And with that she stabbed the top of the Shark's head with her harpoon causing it to writhe under the stress.

Cerberus bolted towards the 7th sun of Saturn where he could see a small oasis on the horizon. As they rode off, Beetlejuice looked back with some concern for his Grandma. The shark turned onto its back and sank itself into the sand, along with Grandma Prunejuice. His features softened as he watch his only Grandmother sink into the harsh sands of Saturn…fighting.

His expression turned to determination, as he tried to turn his attitude to that of his grandmother's.

Bj: Faster! We'll stock up on water. Then I'll feed my other half to you!

Cerberus licked his chops, and gained some speed.

The monster across the street pulled up to a ranch that looked more like a state prison, with barbed wire, and tall steel walls.

M.A.T.S: Sure has changed since we were here last Poopsie. Looks like Uncle Nowhere, struck at rich with his breeding after all.

They stopped at the gate and waited for the intercom to talk to them.

Voice: Who goes, I say who goes there?

MA.T.S: Well tar nation! Uncle Nowhere! It's yer Nephew!

Uncle N: Well why didn't you, I say, why didn't you say so! Come on in Cowboy!

The gate unlocked and opened as the gears creaked and waned. The monster across the street drove down the narrow dirt road down to a crooked log cabin with a giant tree jutting from the middle of it. The monster got out of his truck and was welcomed by his uncle. The Monster from the middle of Nowhere, was a bit taller then his nephew, and was definitely more built with muscle then his nephew. He wore a tattered bullet-hole filled hat, and had a tattoo on his arm that had the initials M.D.B. for "Monster Dog Breeding." He lightly chewed on the end of a wheat stalk as he spoke.

Uncle N: Well if'n it ain't my FAY-forite nephew! Welcome back, I say welcome back to the ranch!

Poopsie jumped down from the trucks seat to greet Uncle Nowhere.

Uncle N: Aww you've grown SO much since I last saw you! So, how is the little-

The monster from the middle of Nowhere, glanced at Poopsie's leg that lay a bit limp inside of a cast.

M.A.T.S: Remember when I called you about Beetlejuice recently? Yeah, he broke my Poopsie's leg. I need a dog that won't fear Beetlejuice and his antics so Poopsie can relax.

The monster's uncle smiled evilly.

Uncle N: I got quite the selection then. I've made millions from my new dog breeds, and their racing abilities, I have many breeds to choose from, especially for pesky neighbors. But we can do that later, let's sit down and reminisce over a nice large serving of Buckalo.

M.A.T.S: BUCKALO! That's a mighty fine meat! Are you sure I'm not imposing?

Uncle N: No worries, I breed those too. I got plenty of, I say plenty of Buckalo for us to eat it every night if we want. That's where I made a lot of rich and powerful contacts that helped me breed the dogs I have today.

The Monsters entered through a horse shoe-shaped door into the living room.

M.A.T.S: Sure have a lovely house.

The house was basically one huge room, with a giant tree trunk in the middle serving as a bar. The walls were covered in the heads and skins of countless animals, and beasts.

M.A.T.S: Gettin a lot of huntin in I see.

Uncle: Yeah. Life is good for me an Gravedigger.

M.A.T.S: Gravedigger? A new dog?

The two monsters sat at the kitchen table and sipped from mugs filled with brew.

Uncle N: Yeah about a year after you got Poopsie I began breeding something other then Bull dogs…Hell hounds.

M.A.T.S. cupped a hand over his mouth as he nearly choked on his brew.

Uncle N: Come Gravedigger, I got a family friend I want you to meet!

The Monster from across the street, peered into a dog house shaped hole in the far end of the house. Thin glowing yellow eyes opened from a dreary slumber. The eyes blinked and rose in the darkness as the animal stood up. The soft pounding of its foot steps drew closer to the entrance to its Mutt-hole, and the light began to shine on its face revealing sharp thin fangs that lined its entire mouth. As it came further out into the open room, the light revealed a ram-like skull with two rhinoceros-like horns coming from out of the top of the skull, which was mounted onto the top of the dog's menacing head. As he walked further more, the light revealed his full size. Hunching over as it walked it was likely around 6 ft tall. As It came into to full view, it had rib-like bones coming from its body in different places, hoofed hind legs, and a devilish tail that was engulfed in flames. It sat down obediently putting its full height at about eight feet. The beast had a permanent grin of teeth as it peered at its master's nephew.

The Monster from across the street quietly gulped as the Hell hound made its way to its master.

Uncle N: You could take one of these with you. Gravedigger studs excellent litters.

M.A.T.S: When you say powerful contacts, are we talkin who I think we're talking about?

Uncle Nowhere could only smile with happy guilt. The Monster's nephew gulped down his brew.

M.A.T.S: Are they all this…big?

Uncle N: Is that a problem?

M.A.T.S: Well, I have a small home and a small yard, I regrettably need something smaller.

The Monster from the middle of Nowhere rubbed his stubble with his studded gloved hand.

Uncle N: Hmmm. Well, we could breed Poopsie with one of my female Hellhounds. And get an equally aggressive dog at more then half the size.

Gravedigger glanced over at Poopsie and widened its grin. Poopsie tucked into the arms of the monster from across the street in fear.

Uncle N: And maybe we could put some of the bite back into your dog.

M.A.T.S: HOT DIGEDDY! Poopsie, we're finally gonna get that mangy ghost where it counts!

Poopsie: Broark broark!

The next day, the two monsters walked along the open fields of Buckalo, and to the stables where the Hell hounds were kept.

Uncle N: I suggest this'n here. She's my best breeder.

M.A.T.S: She sure is purtty compared to Gravedigger. What's her name?

Uncle N: Enigma.

Enigma looked up from her slumber and took a quick glance at them, then went back to sleep. Poopsie looked at Enigma, then at the monsters, a bit confused.

Uncle N: It could take a month or so to get them acquainted, why not stay here for awhile? I could use the help, and company.

M.A.T.S: Well hot damn! Sure! I miss helping you out on yer ranch! How bout it Poopsie? Yer gonna have a puppy!

Poopsie imagined the ole mutt house and sighed.

M.A.T.S: Then it's settled, we'll stay here with you Uncle Nowhere.

Back in the Neither world…

Within a few days the Neither world was in ruins, burning to the ground. Betelguese had taken over the mayor's castle, and summoned his own minions (Betelgoons) to wreak more havoc among the world of the dead using portal relics hidden in the mayor's giant safe filled with dangerous artifacts. He even unleashed a few new monsters into the Neither world. Betelguese writhed in glee as he watched the Neither world crumble at his feet.

Bg: It was all too easy. I suppose I could thank Beetlejuice for storing up so much anger and aggression…I haven't felt so powerfully filled with juice since that time I convinced the Pagans That witches were all evil! . Not even Satan himself can stop me now. Beetlejuice is being digested, in the stomach of a sandworm somewhere, and Lydia has no means of coming back here. All of my enemies are helpless now. But, I should probably make a few allies while I'm head of everything now. All I have to do is go to Beetlejuice's old friends, and beg them for forgiveness, tell them that an evil Beetlejuice kept me prisoner, killed Lydia, and eventually I defeated him, sent him to Saturn, and I'll use my new powerful artifacts to defeat the monsters I unleashed, everyone will revere me, and I will be legally elected as mayor of this revolting underworld. And once that's all done, with my new "mayor" powers, I'll give them all what they want. They will never question me or my power. And if Beetlejuice ever returns, everyone will think he is the evil "me" trying to come back. I'll make sure of that.

Betelguese imagined his plan unfolding perfectly.

Bg: Why am I so AMAZING!

He shut the window shutters and headed downstairs.
Bg: It's show time.

Weeks had gone by, and Kyle was convinced that he had examined every girl at school that had so much as a black hair on her arm and still none even came close to resembling…her. He sat at home with the lights off in his Christmas pajama-pants alone in the kitchen, exhaustedly propping his head up over a bowl of cereal he made an hour before, and never touched. The more he thought about her, the more he began to doze off. Finally the lights in the kitchen flicked on, and Kyle's head slipped from his arm and planted face first into his soggy cereal. He quickly sprung up fully awake and looked around as the thickened milk dripped from his eyebrows.

Endri: It's 2:30 A.M. What the hell are you doing in here at this hour?

Endri opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of vanilla-orange soda as he observed Kyle.

Kyle: Um…

Endri: You're half naked with soggy cereal in your hair, is there something you're not telling me? (Smirking sarcastically)

Kyle: Well… I, uh.

Endri's face went serious and full of annoyance as he deduced what was going on.

Endri: Oh God, what's her name?

Kyle: I, I don't know.

Endri popped the lid to his soda off as his eye brows lowered with disappointment.

Endri: Don't tell me you're obsessed with that girl in your dreams?

Kyle: Ok, then… I won't.

Endri paused and glared at him silently for a moment.

Endri: Should I even try to argue with you?

Kyle: Probably not.

Endri: Ok then, goodnight.

Endri began taking off his coat and shirt as he turned around the corner and headed up stairs to his room.

Endri: And wipe that milk off your face, you look like a melted wedding cake!

Endri shut the door to his room up stairs leaving Kyle in the silence of the house. Kyle thought for a second and peered to the stairs realizing Endri had just come home. He wiped the cereal off of his face with a hand towel hanging from the oven, and darted towards the stairs. He tip toed to Endri's room and listened from behind the door.

Endri: You know, you couldn't sneak up on a def turtle if it was raining. What do you want?

Kyle: You asked me what I was doing up so late? So where have you been? I thought maybe you were home asleep when I got here today.

Endri: I was out big deal.

Kyle: Anything productive?

Endri: Yeah I went to the pet store.

Kyle: We don't have any pets.

Endri: Was being sarcastic. I went out for fun, to get my head cleared.

Kyle: How come you get to stay out late?

Endri: Because I pay the bills and keep you alive.

Kyle: Hey I pull whatever weight you let me pull around here, I'd get a job if you'd let me.

Endri: You know why I can't let you get a job. It puts you in records, and files, and makes us easy to find.

Kyle: So then up my curfew, I deserve it.

Endri: Got any trust worthy friends?

Kyle: I don't have…any at all, just you.

Endri: And what would you do with a longer curfew?

Kyle: I don't know go to the club the kids at school go to.

Endri: That closes to ages 20 and under after midnight, which is your curfew. I win so no deal.

Kyle: Fine, where did you really go?

Endri: …

Kyle: It's hard to be best friends with someone who's so secretive! (Waiting) Fine! Goodnight! Hope she did the trick for you at a fair price!

Kyle went across the hall and opened his bedroom door and Endri was standing there infuriated. Immediately before Kyle could react, Endri had his hand around Kyle's throat lifting him from the floor.

Endri: Listen you little ungrateful S#! You KNOW that's not what I'm out doing! You KNOW I would never pull such a stupid stunt and put us in jeopardy! You KNOW that anything I do benefits us both! And you should KNOW that I deserve some time to unwind after the s# we just went through moving here!

Kyle: (choking) I…Know, ack.

Endri calmed down and loosened his grip on Kyle. A bit surprised at himself.

Endri: I'm-

Kyle: No…cough…just… go to bed, I apologize.

Endri: Kyle-

Kyle: Get away from... (Wheeze) … me.

Endri Walked to his room half angry at Kyle and half at himself for getting out of control. Not knowing which should bother him the most.

Kyle sat on the carpet trying to get his lungs to function properly again, and attempted to stand up and shut his bedroom door.

Kyle: Fu-(SLAM) -er.

Two weeks later…

Charles sat in a chair next to Lydia's bed waiting for her to wake up.

Charles: Pumpkin? Sweet heart, wake up.

Lydia: Beetlejuice?

Charles: Um, no it's me.

Lydia: Oh, hi daddy.

Charles: It's been weeks. I think you should go to school. Maybe it will help clear your mind of things.

Lydia grumbled into her pillow.

Charles: Your mother and I are very concerned, and it would make us feel better if you'd get out of this room, please?

Lydia: …Ok, I'll do it for you.

Charles: Thanks pumpkin. I don't think your friend Betty would want you to mope all day over her anyway.

Lydia: You're probably right.

Charles: We have eggs and toast ready. I'll drive you to school in Delia's car.

Lydia: Thanks daddy.

Lydia sat up in her bed with no make-up and her hair was matted from bed head ten times over.
Lydia: ugh, I don't think I can do this without you Beej. How am I going to take an exam without a striped pencil? Or ride home on my bike without a bike horn to talk too? Who will I sit with at lunch with out Betty? Who will put spiders in Claire's back pack? …How will I ever find something in my day that makes me smile like you do? How will I ever find a friend like you? Who am I kidding? I can't do this with out you. But I promised daddy.

Lydia sat back on her pillow with one hand on her forehead and thought for a moment.

Lydia: Ok…I'm up.

Lydia went though her closet of hand made and customized clothes she had made for herself over the years trying to pick something out to wear for school.

Claire woke up in a bamboo-like thrown, hovering above 50 of the little creatures who were all chanting in her direction.

Claire: Like, what is going on? What do you ugly little things want from me?

One of the creatures with a bigger head, and more prominently dressed, stood in front of the rest of the crowd to address her.

Savage Chief: Oh gu-rate and poworfool wun, we huv dun oz yoo Far told.

Claire: Like, come again?

Savage Chief: Wut myty furm huv yoo choosen thiss era? Wut naym huv yoo choosen far yoorsulf oh qwean ov Saturn?

Claire: Oh, you like want to know who I am? What am I thinking? How could you NOT want to know who I am? I'm totally like, Claire Brewster.

The Savage Chief turned to his people with raised arms and in his funny accent announced to his people the new reign of their reincarnated queen.

Savage Chief: ULL HAYL! QWEAN KLORE! Thu ULLMYTY BREWER!

Claire: Queen! Well, it's about time someone around here figured out how to treat me.

Savage Chief: Just oz yoo far sah en yoor myty passt lyfe, we woold fynd yoo et a purtol frum anover woarld exackly free hundrayd yurs frum thu tyme ov yur death. I bestoo yoo wiff yoor past riches and myty artiflackts of Past, present, and future! Leed uss agayn en anover prosperous roole!

Claire: Yeah, like, whatever, what is there to eat around here?

Savage Chief: Yess! Feest fur, yoo weel need yoor strayngth en thu arayna. Wee Huv fownd mayny beestses fur yoo to encownturr. Yoo weel gu-row large in powor agaynst yur foallen foes.

Claire: Like, Come again? You're making your queen fight monsters?

Savage Chief: Yoo enstruckted thet evury reincarnaytion, you shoold fyght beastess to gayn yur strayngth.

Claire stared wide eyed at him in disbelief.

Claire: Not a chance in hell!

Savage Chief: Doo not bee soo moadest, yoo must bee bludd firsty frum yoor wary sloomber. Yoo must fool-feel your laws and truditions to apeeze the Sand Keeng.

Claire: Well I obviously didn't know what stress and physical labor could do to your hair back then.

After a bountiful feast, Claire and her thrown were lifted up and carried to the royal changing tent.

Claire was quickly dressed in a tight leathery dress made from sand worm skin, and her hair was cut significantly shorter for the sake of battle. They also equipped her with a long horn on her forehead so she would resemble her followers. They put dark makeup around her eyes to give her the power of intimidation over her foes, equipped her with a blade on a stick, and carried her into the arena where a gigantic cage sat on the other side.

Hundreds of the Saturn Savages cheered and whistled as the cage handlers poked and prodded what ever lurked inside of the covered cage.

Random Savage: I sayee she ates et en wun byte.

She Savage: No wayee, she weel joomp en ets thu-roat and ate ets ensydes lyke last tyme.

Claire could over-hear the many expectations of her subjects and gulped in disbelief.

Claire: Like, this is TOTALLY NOT sociably acceptable!

Silence struck the crowd as the beast growled from inside its cage. The pins from the cage locks were removed and the crowd waited for the creature to bust through the cage gate. Claire tried desperately to figure out how to hold the spear-like weapon assigned to her. The creature roared loudly, and the cage door slowly fell to the ground revealing darkness inside the cage.

Light hit the creature's head as it slithered from the cover of the cage.

Claire: Like, you have got to be totally kidding me!

Sand Snake: SSSSSssthhhh.

The crowd gasped at the sight of this new creature.

The gasp caught the attention of the snake and Claire attempted to throw the spear at the monster. The spear landed two feet in front of her, but she was glad that she didn't get the animal's attention.

Crowd: KLORE, KLORE, KLORE, KLORE!

The sand snake sniffed at the metal fence that was distancing him from the other creatures, and then looked down at Claire who immediately shrieked. The sand snake lunged in for her and Claire cringed and held out one hand.

Sand Snake: SSSRRAAAAGGGHHH! YYYIIIIISSSSTHHHH!

Claire peered from behind her shoulder to see the snake flopping around in shear pain. Looking at her hand she was holding down the button to her pepper spray that she pulled from her purse out of reflex.

Claire: I guess those boring self defense classes like, really paid off.

The snake slithered back into the cage and curled into a nervous coil whimpering.

The crowd fell silent for a moment of awe, then cheered dramatically.

Savage Chief: Hayl Qwean Klore! Brewer ov paynfool madgick!

It was then that Claire's ignorance of her dumb luck became an inflated evil ego.

A few days later…

Cerberus plopped under the shade of a crooked palm tree, panting.

Bj: Good boy, I'll get you some water.

Beetlejuice slipped off of Cerberus' back, and dragged his feet over to a watering hole. Carrying the time lantern he thought and paused.

Bj: You're gonna have to follow me, or for you It'll become hours before I bring you water.

Cerberus dragged his body with his fore legs and plunked his face into the watering hole.

Bj: Save some for the road home guzzle gut.

Beetlejuice sat up against Cerberus' side and looked at the lantern as he drank from the flask.

Bj: It's a shame this thing doesn't slow down time around us, that way we'd be going really fast. It sucks having to travel so slowly, even though when you think about it, were getting there faster then if we didn't have this thing with us. It's so darn hard to navigate in this waste land when everything outside that bubble is moving so freakin fast. Ah what do you care? You don't even understand half of what I'm complaining about.

Suddenly the lantern's light began to flicker, and the bubble began to fade.

Bj: This stupid thing has been flickering on and off all day, it's really starting to bug me.

The lantern's light finally extinguished and failed to rekindle itself.

Bj: Uh oh.

Suddenly a couple of spears struck into a tree next to Beetlejuice's face.

The savages pushed their way from out of the bushes. Upon looking at the ghoul, their eyes widened and they instantly became hostile to Beetljuice.

Bj: OW! WATCH WHERE YER POKIN THAT THING!

Savage warrior: Ragakk! Ragakk!

Bj: Your mother!

The savages didn't understand him, but the tone of his voice told them it was an insult, which they didn't take kindly to.

Later…

The Saturn Savages danced around a pole with a bon fire burning at the base with Beetlejuice tied to it.

Bj: Random natives, ya know I hatem.

The Savages stopped dancing as the Savage Chief approached Beetlejuice. The Savage Chief had a larger horn on his head then the rest of his people, and a large swollen throat gland, much like a frogs, but floppier.

Bj: Hey, I have a friend who knows a really good witch doctor who can shrink that head of yours down a bit for a pretty good price.

Savage Chief: ENUFF! Yoo ure thu wun who held our qwean husstedge.

And now yoo seek to steel hur bawk? Wee shull see how she reakcts to your fase wunce we let hur deside yoor demiz.

Bj: Hey! You got the wrong guy! I don't know any queens! Just let me go! I have a friend to save! Don't touch me!

The creatures put the fire out, and carried Beetlejuice attached to the pole over to their royal court yard. They placed the pole back up vertically with Beetlejuice facing in the direction of their queen.

Savage Chief: Gu-rate Qwean Klore, we breeng yoo an entroodurr.

Klore stood up from underneath the giant fanning palm leaves and walked forward to get a better view of her prisoner. Klore looked Beetlejuice over with a disgusted sneer.

Queen Klore: How could you let such a filthy person into my kingdom!

Savage Chief: I em surry your qweanlynuss. But hee iz the mann thet huld you husstedge when we fownd yoo.

Klore glared down at Beetlejuice.

Queen Klore: Like, now I remember. I totally applaud your efforts to come and kidnap me again, but your long search ends like, right now, I will feed you to my newest monster. I call it, the ocean-less shark.

Beetlejuice glanced up at Klore, and went pale.

Bj: CLAIRE!

Queen Klore: I was once known as Claire, but my followers have like, awakened me, and shown me who I really am. I am Queen Klore, the mighty Brewer.

Bj: uh, yeah sure, look, I'm not here to kidnap you, in fact I don't recall ever kidnapping you, I'm stuck out in this waste land of a dessert and am trying to get back to Lydia. I could take you home too if you help me.

Klore thought for a moment and then snapped her fingers, causing two chained up sand worms to come to her. She cuddled their snouts as she devised her next actions.

Bj: That is by FAR, the scariest thing I have ever seen. Claire, and sandworms. She could win the ghost with the most contests with that act.

Queen Klore: Like, silence you! I think you are lying to me. I will feed you to my Oceanless shark now.

Shortly afterwards, Beetlejuice was strung up onto a wire and hung above a pool of sand.

Beetlejuice wasn't even thinking about his demise at this point in time, but about Lydia, and if she was even alive. If she was alive, how long has he been missing from her? If he ever gets back, what will she say? What will he be able to say? How old will she be if he ever makes it back?

Bj: I probably failed her. She's going to die a lonely old woman, and never know what happened to me. What if she's forgotten about me?

Queen Klore: (Ugh, WHAT is he babbling about up there?) Like, WHERE is the monster?

Klore folded her arms as bait was thrown out to lure the creature.

Queen Klore: This better work or I will throw one of you worthless peasants out there!

Bj: HEY! PRINCESS! WHY AREN'T I DEAD YET!

Klore gasped and placed a limp-wristed palm on her chest.

Queen Klore: HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! I WILL SEE TO IT THAT YOU ROTT IN A JAIL CELL AFTER THIS THING LIKE, DIGESTS YOUR REMAINS!

Bj: You call this a torture! It's more like a 5 star hotel if you ask me!

Queen Klore: WHAT is taking like, SO FRIGGIN LONG!

Silence filled the area for a moment.

Queen Klore: Chief, like, you DID CATCH the shark right?

Savage Chief: No dowt myee qwean.

Queen Klore: SO like, why is HE still alive?

The sand began to shift and everyone present leaned forward with anticipation.

Suddenly an old withered hand reached from under the sand. Soon after, another one grasping a harpoon, surfaced.

Grandma Prunejuice dug her way from out under the sand, stud up proudly and screamed.

GPj: WOW! Wrap that thing up in a doggy-bag, I'm taking it home! I've never had to fight a monster from inside its belly before, that son of a fish put up the best fight I ever-

Prunejuice paused and looked around. She slowly brushed some of the sand off from her blouse.

Bj: GRANDMA! UP HERE!

GPj: You stupid boy! I told you not to talk to the natives!

Bj: They speared me!

GPj: You savages! You want something worth your while to torture! Then come and get some.

Queen Klore: Like, arrest that old hag!

GPj: HAG!

The creatures charged right for her in large groups. Prunejuice pushed a button on her harpoon releasing a scythe-like blade, and started be-heading the creatures one by one.

Bj: Whoa, Ninja Granny.

Suddenly an earth shattering voice penetrated the area causing everyone to fall on their backs.

Woman: ENOUGH!

Savage Chief: Et kan't be.

Savages: Qwean Shakalaka…(gasp)

An almost stick-figure thin woman striped in white and grey from head to toe, with a large thin and curly horn protruding from her head, stood hunched over from her announcement, her hair was frizzled from the long travel in the dessert.

Mohambo: I am called Mohambo now. I was reborn as I specified, where were YOU!

Savage Chief: I uh, she, thu, thaym we ure, whuz.

The Chief pointed nervously at Beetlejuice and Claire.

Mohambo: You mistook this HUMAN to be ME? She doesn't even have a real horn!

Mohambo threw Claire's fake horn into the sand and pushed her down, immediately turning towards the Chief.

Mohambo: I have the right mind to throw you to my sandworms! I have been traveling for days! Riding sandworms until exhaustion from oasis to oasis trying to be rescued, but you were too busy entertaining a HUMAN!

Savage Chief: I, I, I

Mohambo snapped her fingers twice and the two sand worms leapt from the bushes and ripped the chief in half.

Bj: I think that's our queue to make like trees and leaf.

Beetlejuice turned into a leaf and drifted from his shackles and next to his grandma, then poofed back to his regular self.

Bj: As much as I might regret this, we gotta take the "Ex- queen" with us.

GPj: (Grumble)

Prunejuice rolled her eyes at the thought.

Prunejuice whistled and Cerberus jumped from the bushes.

GPj: Let's go girly!

Mohambo: Don't let them escape! We can't let them reveal us to others!

Claire: Like, what the hell?

Beetlejuice snatched Claire as he jumped onto Cerberus' back.

GPj: MUSH!

The trio rode off into the sandy wind and disappeared into the horizon.

Mohambo: I won't forget this! I'll make you ghosts PAY for your intrusion! I don't care how many sandworms it takes, I will see all of you ghosts in inexistence!

Meanwhile back in the "New" Neither world…

Bitey scurried along the underside of what used to be Doomy. Looking for a way out of the garage-like area he was in. The little bat was beginning to feel his stomach shrivel from lack of nutrition.

Bitey: Squee…

It had been nearly 3 months since he was stored in here with ex-Doomy, and about a week since he finished all of the edible things in here off, including the bugs and rodents. Then he thought if the big people could make this thing go, then maybe he could figure it out. Bitey climbed into the driver's seat and looked at all of the knobs and levers trying to make sense of it all. Then an epiphany struck the little bat. Bitey quickly jumped to the top of the windshield looking for anything that could be considered even the slightest bit edible for him. Peering into the dark corners of the garage he spotted a can of liquid that resembled a pitcher of juice that read "Gasoline". Not being able to read the can, he scurried down to it and chugged the entire canister of vile liquid.

Bitey: BLECK!

The creature began to swell and then glow. He quickly waddled over the vehicle and bit into its back fender ejecting every last essence of the fluid into the car. He stood back waiting for the possibly violent results.

The car glowed in the dark for a brief moment. Then the car began to move a bit, like it was looking around. Bitey sprinted to the car hood to see if it worked.

Bitey: Squeek?

Doomy: HONK!

Bitey: Squee! Squeeeee!

Doomy: Honk honk!

Bitey: Squeek!

Doomy: MEEEP MEEEPP! VVRRROOOMMM!

The car started up as the bat creature jumped onto the steering weel. After a few moments, Bitey looked around waiting for Doomy to go forward.

Doomy: Honk MEEP-meep.

Bitey looked around and saw the garage opener, reached for it and pressed the big red button. The garage door slowly lifted revealing the orange Neither world skies which were in the process of blackening completely from some evil source.

Doomy thought about Lydia and Beetlejuice and began to get angry as he thought about Betelguese. Bitey became startled and let go of the steering wheel as soon as it turned into fur. Doomy quickly transformed into his wear-dragster form.

Doomy: RONK, ROOOONK!

Bitey fastened his seat belt and prepared for the worst motion sickness of his existence.

The dragster darted through the narrow winding roads of the Neither world heading for the road house.

It had been about two weeks, and just like the other 13 mornings, the ride to school seemed to be longer then the last, and even more awkward and ear numbingly silent then the morning before. Kyle could spot the school entrance and ironically gripped his backpack with excitement that this part of his day was about to end.

Endri: Just hold your horses. We have to talk.

Kyle groaned inside of his head. He knew this was going to be sappy, as was the tradition when it came to having heart-to-heart talks with Endri. Not only that, he was going to be late for the one class he enjoyed, P.E.

Kyle slowly took his gaze from the window, and turned towards Endri.

Endri: Look me in the eyes…look, I'm sorry I grabbed you like that the other night. It was hasty and wrong of me. Not only that, I crossed a pact that I made, way back when I found you. I told myself I would never let anything harm you, and I found myself becoming that thing that I swore to protect you against.

Kyle almost hated the thought of forgiving him, but it was a good explanation.

Endri: But, on my defense, you promised me along time ago, that you would never bring up that part of my past again. We had forgiven and forgotten about that dark chapter in our lives. So in a way, we're even. We both broke a promise.

Kyle nodded which looked more like pointing his head at the floor.

Endri: I don't deal with those "sort" of women anymore. You showed me that I didn't need that false satisfaction years ago. I honestly went to the pet store the other night, and looked around to clear my mind and entertain the existence of something other then my problems. So, forgive me?

Kyle looked Endri in the eyes then back at the school as the bell rang. He refrained from looking back at Endri, not to seem cold, but because he was holding back a choking feeling in his throat, and looking at Endri would make it worse.

Kyle: Yeah, forgiven. I was wrong to say such things in my fit of jealousy.

His tears subsided as he felt some humor. He turned towards Endri as he opened the door.

Kyle: Heh heh, but you know how moody I get this time of month.

Kyle looked at Endri with a smile, and left the vehicle. But instead of Endri laughing, or giving it any gesture, his face went monotone and his eyes widened slightly, as Kyle's remark reminded him that he had forgotten about something entirely. Once Kyle was out of sight Endri peeled out in the jeep.

Endri raced back home with his face nearly up against the windshield as he drove at dangerous speeds through the suburban neighborhood.

Endir: HOW COULD I FORGET! Ah man! With all the crap I had to do to move us here, it's no wonder I completely spaced it!

Endri spun the jeep into a 180 spin and parallel parked it on the front lawn.

Endri: Damn damn damn!

Endri ran into the house and locked the door behind him.

Samantha: You have to relax your head, errg! LACEY! Are you even going to try this with me!

Lacey: Oh, um, sorry Sam. I was just…thinking…of…happy, things, like, cats, and…chanting.

Samantha: Who do you think you're fooling? You're thinking about Kyle, AGAIN! If you want the courage to talk to him at lunch, I need you to concentrate with me, and finish this spell.

Lacey: OK. Black as night, um… line?

Samantha: Just do the humming thing. I'll chant. Black as night, things of fright, turn our wrongs into rights. We-

Teacher: Girls, I need you to stop talking amongst yourselves and pay attention to the lesson. I said you could sit on the bean-bag chairs if you would listen.

Lacey: Sorry.

Samantha still sat in chanting pose and rolled her eyes, as Lacey put her hands in her lap and sat upright facing the board.

Samantha: Son of a-

The lunch bell rang out the new hour and the students from Ms. Shannon's trailer marched in a single-file line to the cafeteria.

A few of the senior jocks whistled and howled at the girls in uniform, as they marched to lunch.

Ms. Shannon smacked one across the lips with her yard stick as she passed by, causing the boy to fall on his back.

Jock's friend: Holy Sh-

Lydia walked to the back of the building just as the lunch bell was ringing wearing her tight jeans with spider webs drawn down the legs in permanent marker. She wore her hair half covering her face so that she'd have less chance of being noticed by others to avoid social interaction. She didn't feel like talking to anyone but Beetlejuice. She was alone in the world as of today, and intended on carrying on just the same as before she had met Beetlejuice. But then it was all ruined as she neared the corner.

Lydia: ACK! Oof!

Kyle: whoah- ugh!

They had both walked along the wall in their depression, and crashed head first into each other at the corner.

Kyle: I'm so sor-

Kyle looked at the girl as he reached for a book to help her re organize her dropped items and paused in fright, and surprise in her presence.

Lydia: I'm SO sorry, I wasn't paying attention, I-

Lydia looked at the be-fumbled boy sitting in a mud puddle staring wide-eyed at her.

Lydia: Are you ok?

Kyle: …

Lydia: Hello?

Kyle: …

Lydia: You're that boy who works for the F.B.I. …

Kyle: …

Lydia: Ok, well nice seeing you again. Bye.

Kyle: …

Lydia turned to look at him as she walked into the cafeteria.

Lydia: That was weird.

She stood in line and thought about Beetlejuice as she ignored the lunch ladies questions.

Lunch lady: You want mashed potatoes? … whatever.

Sitting down at an empty table, she pulled out her sketch book and began doodling in it as she took a bite of her pizza slice. Her privacy was quickly interrupted.

Bertha: LYDIA!

Lydia jumped out of her daze a bit startled.

Prudence and Bertha walked to her table with their trays.

Prudence: Why weren't you in class today?

Lydia: I only came to school because my parents were worried about me moping around, I didn't feel like playing the whole school girl bit today.

Bertha: I'm sorry about Betty Lydia.

Prudence: We heard from Ms. Shannon.

Lydia: Thanks guys. But if you don't mind, I'd like to be left alone for awhile.

Bertha: Um, ok

Prudence: Of course Lydia. Come say hi when you feel up to it.

Lydia: Thanks for understanding.

Lydia watched them join their own new click of chess club members and algebra team mates.

Lydia Drew a little man with long hair, and then colored black stripes on his suit.

Lydia: What happened to you?

She began to day dream about him and their past adventures trying not to cry.

Suddenly she felt something much like an epiphany but more subtle, it felt like she had a blip on her Beetlejuice senses, assuming she had such senses.

She quickly gathered her things and walked as quickly as she could to the ladies bathroom. After checking all of the stalls, she sat in the far handicapped one. Swallowed the lump in her throat and took a deep breathe. Her heart pounded at the thought of those words.

Lydia: Though I know I should be weary, still I venture someplace scary, ghostly haunting I let loose! Beetlejuice…Beetlejuice…gulp…BeetleJUICE!

She flinched her eyes waiting for a flash or a teleportation. The bathroom seemed to darken. She watched as she imagined the room becoming a bathroom in the Neither world. But to her dismay, the darker atmosphere was only in her mind. Nothing happened. She pulled her legs up onto the toilet as her head collapsed into her palms, sobbing.

The bell rang causing Kyle to wince.

Kyle: Wha-

Looking at the others filing into the school building, he smacked his forehead.

Kyle: I'm so- STUPID!

He frantically pulled himself from the puddle of half-dried mud, and ran for the doors, hoping she would still be eating.

Kyle barged into the cafeteria looking around frantically.

Kyle: Damn it! Not now!

He almost sprinted for the hall way when something stopped him. He replayed their graceful crash in his mind.

Kyle: Oh you have to be kidding me! Her!

Kyle smacked his forehead once again.

Kyle: OWW!

He sat lazily in one of the plastic lunch room chairs, almost grumpy from his discovery as the room emptied.

Kyle: This is NOT going to go over well with him.

Then Kyle smiled.

Kyle: But on the plus side, I already know her name, and where she lives!

He jumped up onto the table and screamed for joy, his weight caused the foldable table to collapse under the force of his jump.

Kyle: OWW! … ugh, damn it.

Getting half way to his feet he sighed from relief that no one was around to see him biff it.

Kyle: Maybe, she has B lunch! I'll skip 4th period, and wait here for her.

But she never showed, not even for C lunch.

Kyle: Maybe I imagined it all. No that's not possible, because then I wouldn't have figured out who she was.

Kyle headed to 6th period with his head hung low.

Later…

Lydia cuddled her bag as she exited the school entrance a few minutes early then the bell. Suddenly she saw a long haired man in a dark grey and light grey striped suit sitting on a bench with his back to her.

Lydia: Beetlejuice? BEETLEJUICE!

Lydia ran towards him calling out to him.

He stood and turned as her voice reached him. Before he could get a glance at her, she had her arms wrapped around his waist.

Lydia: OH BEEJ, I had a feeling the summoning would work, I felt that it would!

Endri: What the hell? Who are you?

Lydia let go of his waist immediately and looked at him.

Lydia: Who are you?

Endri: I asked you first. I have the right to know first since you hugged me and all.

Lydia: My name's…Lydia Deetz. So you don't know me?

Endri: Now that I look you over again, yes I do know you.

Lydia: (But he looks so much like Beetlejuice. But taller.)

Lydia: How do you know me? Do you know Beet-

Endri: You're that girl whose house we investigated.

Lydia: Are you guys following me!

Endri: What are you talking about? I'm here to pick up Kyle from school.

Lydia: As in agent K? He REALLY goes to my school! My day just keeps getting better.

Before Endri could fit in another sentence Lydia stormed off towards the bike rack.

Endri: Sheesh must be her time of month too. Everyone around here is so edgy.

Endri waited for Kyle to walk through the doors.

Endri: Come on kid we got three hours.

Endri looked at his watch then at the school doors.

Endri: We're burning day light. Where is he?

Kyle came from the other corner near the bike racks and noticed the Jeep parked out front.

Kyle: I can't go home yet, I haven't found her-.

Kyle looked over to his right and saw Lydia unchaining her bike.

Kyle: HEY!

Lydia looked up and saw Kyle running to her.

Lydia: Now what!

Kyle slowed down to a walk as he approached her. And smiled with the most charming smile he could muster.

Lydia: What do YOU want? My birth certificate?

Kyle: I'd settle for your phone number.

Lyida: You mean you don't already have my phone line tapped?

Kyle: Look, we aren't from the F.B.I. were, sigh, supernatural investigators. HEY, I'm just being honest.

Lydia raised one eye brow in distrust.

Kyle: Can we start over? Hi, I'm Kyle, Kyle Bennington.

He reached his hand out for a welcoming shake but Lydia just glared at him.

Endr looked to his left and saw Kyle trying to shake her hand.

Endri: What the hell is he doing? …oh god, don't tell me that's her.

Lydia: What do you guys want with me?

Kyle: Aside from our business, I'd settle for a friendship.

Lydia: Well I have nothing to share with you about my supernatural experiences.

Kyle: That's fine. How about we talk about something more interesting? Like you favorite restaurant? (Wink)

Lydia couldn't help but smirk at his persistence.

Lydia: Are you asking me out on a date?

Kyle put his hands in his pockets and looked around nervously as he smiled with guilt.

Kyle: Yes.

Lydia: Then … no.

Kyle paused in surprise.

Kyle: Why not?

Lydia: My decision is final, no negotiations. See you around. I have my eye on you.

Lydia rode off with a smug smile.

Kyle: I got my eyes on you, heh heh.

Kyle headed over to the jeep not sure if he was just rejected completely or if she was playing hard to get. Either way he was overjoyed that he was able to talk to her. He ran over to Endri with enthusiasm.

Kyle: Endri! She-

Endri: Is simply out of the question.

Kyle: OH, I knew you'd do this.

Endri: Oh really? Am I so predictable?

Kyle: When it comes to me being any fraction of happy, yes you are.

Endri: You can't date her, we're investigating her. What if she's an enemy?

Kyle: Look if I date her, she'll open up and share her secrets with me.

Endri: Oh please, you're saying that to convince me you're doing this for reasons other then hormones. As if you've ever put any real effort into our search.

Kyle: I have! I made the gadgets didn't I! That takes a lot of research and time mind you! I don't just pull them out of cereal boxes!

Endri: Could have fooled me.

Kyle's face went bright red with anger.

Endri: I'm just joking. Look I'm just giving you hard time. If you REALLY like her, and think she's of some importance, then you can go ahead and try to date her. But from the looks of it Bo peep knows what a wolf in sheep skin looks like.

Kyle: Whatever. Let's go home I'm in the mood for pork chops suddenly.

Endri: I know you are. I suppose you'll want it wrapped in bacon too?

Kyle: How'd you know?

Endri: You always ask for it at the last second. We can stop at the store, my treat for choking you and all I guess.

Kyle: Seems fair enough.

Endri: You get to clean the dishes though, let's not forget you were at fault too.

Kyle: Just drive, I'm sick of looking at this school for today.

Samantha and Lacey watched the busses drive off as they walked home.

Samantha: What a bunch of sheep. Hey Lace, you know what tonight is?

Lacey: Um, it's not your birthday is it?

Samantha: Of course not! That's not until October. You know that.

Lacey: Sorry, I'm just kind of spaced out. I never even got to see him today.

Samantha: Sometimes I swear you're a guy, always thinking about the opposite sex.

Lacey: No this is different, I'm a hopeless romantic, there's a big difference.

Samantha: Sure. Well anyway, the moon will be half full tonight, perfect for conjuring the spirits who are preparing for the full moon. And we can rent all kinds of scary movies, you know, have a sleep over, like when we were 13.

Lacey: Really? I guess that sounds fun. Yeah sure, come over to my house, and my mom will make us a bunch of goodies. And we can try and connect with lost loved ones. I like when we do that. It's like finding old memories that suddenly come to life.

Samantha: And I was worried you were beginning to loose interest in the craft. Silly me. Let's stop at the gas station and stock up on junk food.

Lacey: OK!

Samantha: (Finally got her mind off of that retarded jock for brains.) Nothing says "happiness" to a depressed girl like ice cream and chocolate.

Lacey: Amen!

Boy: Excuse me.

Samantha: What do you want Jock s8#!

Boy: Hi, sorry my name, well just call me B-man. I was wondering if you saw a white haired guy come this way?

Lacey: You must mean Kyle. No we haven't seen him today. Sorry.

B-man: Thanks, sorry to bug you.

Samantha: What a freak job. Who is he kidding with that gothy-punk-jock look? He's going to find himself in the middle of a lot of stereotypical drama. I just hope I get a good seat to the show.

Lacey: If he cut his hair, and put on some thing a little less dramatic he'd be kinda cute.

Samantha: HA! I knew it you're a sex fiend! It's not just for Kyle.

Lacey: (sarcastically)HA HA…can we drop this? Just because you hate men doesn't mean I have to.

Samantha: I don't hate all men, just the morons at school. I have my turn ons, and none of them go to our school.

Lacey: OK get realistic, Marlyn Manson, isn't coming to Peaceful Pines to date you.

Samantha: Hey, I'd settle for a look-a-like. Who says I want to date any way?

Clerk: 12.95, thank you.

Lacey: man that's a lot of junk food.

Samantha: We'll enjoy every last pound of it too.

They proceeded to walk down the street and into the sub-division. Samantha screamed out a curse word to a car that nearly hit them on their way in.

Back in the Neither world… a few days later.

The Monster form across the street sat at the bar sipping a hot chocolate in his red long-johns.

Uncle N: Nephew, I got something to run your way.

M.A.T.S: What is it?

Uncle N: Poopsie isn't getting along with Enigma, Nor she to Poopsie.

M.A.T.S: Well why not?

Uncle N: Follow me.

He escorted his Nephew to the stables. Uncle Nowhere pointed over to Gravedigger's pen. To the Monsters across the streets surprise, Poopsie sat cuddled in between the large arms of Gravedigger. His mouth fell open as he was about to take a drink of his cocoa, spilling it into his crotch. But the shock of this site was more dramatic then the searing pain from the cocoa.

M.A.T.S: You mean Poopsie likes other boy-dogs!

Uncle N: What! No I say No! Poopsie is a girl!

M.A.T.S: How could this happen, I picked out a boy pup when I got Poopsie.

Uncle N: Well, I may have mixed up the dog you picked out for one someone else did, or grabbed the wrong one.

The Monsters Nephew gave out a relived sigh.

M.A.T.S: Well at least my dog didn't turn out to be a non-breeding dog. So, is the pup still going to be a smaller?

Uncle N: Oh yes of course! Maybe a bit bigger then originally planned, seeing how these two decided to get together, but, all in all it won't be very big at full maturity. But for your own safety I don't recommend leaving until Poopsie has her puppies. That way Gravedigger won't get upset about the separation. He's not the type you want to upset.

M.A.T.S: Won't he get mad when I take Poopsie and a puppu?

Uncle: Oh no! Once the male has done his job of studding, he protects the mother until she gives birth. But, if Poopsie doesn't deliver young then he'll try again. So we'll leave them until Poopsie is ready.

M.A.T.S: If you say so.

After a few days of traveling in Saturn, Beetlejuice and his grandmother were ready to grab something to eat. Beetlejuice and Prunejuice arrived at dawn. As soon as the sunlight hit the city, they both gawked in astonishment.

Bj: Woah. Place sure has changed a lot since I was last here…HOW LONG WAS I GONE!

GPj: Well we were traveling for about three days time in Saturn, because you lost my lantern! I'd say roughly 2 years.

Bj: 2 YEARS!

Claire: 2 years! I'm like totally suppose to be a junior in high school right now! OH MY GOD! Have I missed the PROM! How am I going to explain to everyone that I was kidnapped and taken to Africa!

GPj: Don't worry Son, I'll take care of her, you go get your powers back or whatever it is.

Beetlejuice flew down the even more deranged streets of the New Neitherworld.

Prunejuice blew some powder from a pouch on her side into Claire's face.

Before she could think, Claire fell asleep.

GPj: Now to get you home.

A few hours later, in the outer world, a couple of paramedics discovered Claire lying on a stretch bed.

Paramedic: Holy cow! Who left her sitting here! Get her into E.R.!

Claire woke up a few hours later in a hospital room.

Claire: Like, where am I? What a head ache! OW!

The nurse came running in.

Nurse: How are you feeling sweetie pie?

Claire: Like, I feel crappy what do you think?

Nurse: How many fingers am I holding up?

Claire: Well, you're wearing press on nails, and the third one in is shorter then the others.

Nurse: Um, ok, good enough. What happened darlin?

Claire: I was kidnapped, and taken to Africa.

The Nurse starred blankly in disbelief.

Nurse: Well, ok dear whatever you say. You're back here in the U.S.A now.

Claire: Good.

Nusres: What's your name?

Claire: Well duh! Look at me. Don't you know who I am? Im…Im…I don't remember!

Nurse: Oh dear. I'll go get the doctor! Stay calm, we'll figure this out!

Claire: Like, you're damn right you will!

To be continued…"Missing Persons" Part one