"I is running out of quotseys."

CheeseFromJupiter

Chapter Seven

A little Q&A and therapy.

Link is standing, facing the audience. Bob is dancing and singing on a stump in the background.

"Ah!" Link said. "Hello. I am here to answer a question that has plagued you fans for years – If the series is all about me, why is it called "The Legend of Zelda?" Well, to answer that, I have absolutely no bakbone!"

"Link!" Malon's voice came from off screen. "Come and polish my boots!"

"Coming sweet-pea!" Link cried happily, skipping off to appease Malon's demand.

"And don't call me that!"

Meanwhile, the Sergeant is still on the phone with The Narrator. Remi and the rest are slumped down against the walls. The budgie/canary is sleeping contentedly in it's cage. A wolfos out in the distance howls, bringing everyone back to their senses. A skeletal hand breaks through the ground. Everyone cowers behind Remi.

"What the…" Remi began. "Hey!"

"Boo!" The stalchild said, leaping out.

Remi blinked and raised and eyebrow. "Is that it?"

"Er.." The stalchild shifted about uncomfortably. "Unfortunately, yeah."

"Oh.. So, do I, um, act.. Surprised?"

"That would help."

"Okay.. Ah. Help me. A monster, save me." She said blandly.

"Don't bother." The creature sighed. "It's been like this since I was a child.. All the others picked on me.."

"Erm.. There there."

"Ooooh, why am I so pathetic?" The stalchild wailed sadly.

"Hang on, I'm sure it isn't your fault." Remi said slowly.

"No. I know whose fault it is. Mama, why didn't you love me?"

"You have to get over it." She snapped sternly. "The sooner you do, the scarier you will be!"

"Thankyou, Miss!" The monster exclaimed tearfully. "You've solved all my problems!"

Remi was was about to turn and leave, when she heard a voice behind her.

"Ahem.. Excuse me?"
Remi turned, only to see another stalchild. "Um.. Hallo?"

"Yes, well, my name's Franny, and I suffer from anorexia."

"Oh." Remi said, confused. "Really?"

The current characters fade out, and we find ourselves in a large space age control room, with lot's of shiny machines, all whirring and buzzing, covered in buttons and complex looking controls. A small man with huge glasses and a bald head sits in front of a computer that fills an entire wall. He has a map of Hyrule on the wall, with pins marking where the canary was last seen. He has a picture of his family on top of the computers monitor, and is currently clicking around on "Dirty" websites. The door swings open and the King of Hyrule strides in, flanked by his two body guards, Bert and Ernie. The man quickly changes it to a complex and dull looking page of non stop words and figures.

"What's the situation with the canary, Sam?" The King asked.

"Not good, sir. The tracking device seems to have lost the signal. I assume they are out of range."

"Ah.. They are clever fiends indeed, escaping the might of my stupendous tracking tower!" He shouted, pointing to, "the stupendous tracking tower", a potted plant wrapped in tinfoil.

"Er.. of course they are, sir."

"Ah. What do we intend to do now?"

"Well, sir," Sam began. "We could sit down and reason with them, or…"

"Release the cuccos!" The king yelled.

Bert and Ernie gasped.

"But- but- Sir.. I don't think.."

"Release them!" He snapped.

"Yes sir.." Sam whimpered, terrified. His hand trembled over a large red button. He slammed his fist down on it. Lights start flashing.

Hundreds and thousands of feet up in the sky, there is a spaceship. It is large and chrome, and it has a chicken emblem on it's side. It floats in midair, before we see the inside…

Hundreds of cuccos scurry about in little silver spacesuits. Occasionally, one will eat a liquefied oat meal, their preferred space meal.

"Mornin', Mike!" One cucco said to the other.

"Ah! Salutations, Joseph!" The other greeted him happily.

"I say, I can't wait to get out and about in Hyrule again!"

"Ah, me too, my friend. The fellows here are awfully nice, but nothing beats the cool, crisp air of Zora's Domain!"

"No, dear boy, it's the lively, bustling atmosphere of the market for me!"

Suddenly, an alarm goes off and a siren starts.

"What ho!" Joseph crowed joyously. "It appears the king needs our services!"

A cucco sitting on a computer chair spun round to face them all. "Okay, boys. This is the moment we've been waiting for! Let's do this thing!"

The cuccos grab ickle tiny helmets and threw themselves out of the ship.

And as they spiral down to Hyrule, The Ride of the Valkeries plays.

An: That's the longest chapter so far! I hope you enjoyed it – I certainly found it the most fun to write! Please review!

Reviews

Uber Spoonz: Thanks a lot for your reviews! Its always a pleasure to read them!