Chapter 30 : Decisions
A man was standing in a clearing. If you could call him a man! Some people would rather call him a monster; others would only say that he had become a mixture between man and monster. The sun was shining and reflected itself in his strange slid-like eyes. Everywhere around him were trees. The whole forest was silent, not a single noise was heart. It was as if all the beasts had suddenly noticed a dark power in their territory and had hidden themselves from the Dark Lord. Not one single bird was chirping.
"Master?"
Voldemort turned around. In front of him stood a small person, cloaked in black.
"What have you found out?" asked Voldemort in his high-pitched voice.
"I have found a way to get Harry Potter. All we have to do is use his girlfriend as a lure. He would do anything to rescue her."
Voldemort grinned and clasped his hands together. "Excellent! And who is his girlfriend?"
"A certain Ginny Weasley…"
"Very well, you may go now!" Voldemort waited until his servant had disapparated, then he spoke to himself. "Ginny Weasley, so we'll meet again! Watch out my little friend, because I am going to catch you. The key to Harry Potter! It couldn't be easier!" Voldemort was laughing to himself and not so far away, the boy named Harry Potter woke from his nightmare.
Eyes wide open, he lay in his bed. His heart was racing and he tried to breathe normally. He knew for certain that this had been a real vision. Voldemort wanted to get Ginny in order to murder Harry. He closed him eyes and tried to sleep, but he found it impossible. His thoughts were returning to Voldemort and the vision about him. Who was the servant that delivered the news about Harry to Voldemort. At first, Harry thought about Snape, but Snape was taller than the cloaked person back at the clearing and Harry would've recognized his voice. It was nobody Harry knew, yet the voice had sounded somewhat familiar.
Harry was glad that today was Saturday. With his lack of sleep he wouldn't have been able to stay awake during a single class. He was the first one to arrive in the common room and sat down in a large armchair next to the fireplace. In his mind, his thoughts were again taking up the vision. '…Ginny Weasley…the key to Harry Potter!' The words were driving him mad and he felt a strong urge to scream. He tried to concentrate on something else, but it was a hopeless case. 'The key to Harry Potter!' Hadn't Dumbledore said something about Ginny being in danger while being Harry's girlfriend? If Dumbledore was right, this would mean that Harry had no other choice but… No! He shouldn't even be thinking about things like that. After all, he loved Ginny and she loved him. That was all that mattered to him. And yet he couldn't chase the thought away.
"Harry, you're already awake?"
Harry jumped. Behind his chair stood Hermione. He hadn't heard her coming down.
"You scared the devil out of me! Why are you sneaking around like this?"
"I couldn't sleep anymore" Hermione said, smiling. "I guess I wasn't the only one."
Harry nodded, but remained silent. He wasn't in the right mood for small talk. So they sat in silence next to each other. Harry was still pondering over the vision, Hermione was reading a book. More and more pupils came into the common room, greeted them and left through the portrait hole to have breakfast. After a while, Ron came down the stairs.
"Morning" he yawned and greeted Hermione with a small kiss.
"Shouldn't we go down and have something to eat?" asked Harry. He had to forget this whole thing. They climbed through the portrait hole and within five minutes they were sitting on the Gryffindor table. After a very quick breakfast during which Harry pretended to be listening to the others' conversation, they returned to the common room to pick up their homework. They went to the library to finish their essays. It took them a lot of time, but with a little help from Hermione and some books, they managed it anyway.
"Let's go, we're done" said Ron and headed for the door. Harry nodded and went to join Hermione and Ron as something caught his attention.
"You guys go ahead. I have to check on some matters" he said thoughtfully. Ron shrugged and left the library with his girlfriend. Harry went closer to the bookshelf he'd noticed the moment before. He took a book and went to sit at a table in the corner from which he couldn't be seen. 'Spellmakers and their powers' was the name of a thick, leather-bound, brown book. Harry opened it and began to read: 'The ancient art of spellmaking is not a very common gift. Only those of true heart and immense inner power will be able to create powerful spells. Spellmaking cannot be learned in a lifetime. One is born spellmaker or one never will be. Not the bloodline is responsible for the transmission of the power. Only powerful witches and wizards can lay the craft into the spirit and soul of a new-born child…'
Harry skipped the following paragraphs and read the chapter entitled: 'How to create your own spells.' 'Spells aren't made by the wizards head. Theoretically, even the stupidest wizard or witch is able to create charms of enormous power if they are made full heartedly. Each wizard will be able to make the spells he is destined to make. The fashion of how the spells are made depends from the spellmaker himself. But most times, the spells come without an order, which doesn't mean that spellmakers should be waiting for spells to come. They have to try and find a way how they can intentionally create their own charms. They can do it either by old wand movements, changed incantations or The Old Language. However the spells are mostly created by the wizards' instincts in time of need. Some people need their wands to perform the charms, some their hands and some only the power of their thoughts to cast
self-made spells. Again, this depends from wizard to wizard. Famous spellmakers were…'
Harry had no idea at all what to think about this. If his own spells came by intuition most time, he needn't worry about them at the moment. But what would he do if there was no way out in dangerous situations? He had to find a way how to intentionally create some charms. As he thumbed through the book, another chapter struck his attention. 'How to protect the ones we love.'
Maybe this would contain an answer to his dream. 'If a spellmaker wants to protect the one he loves and wants to keep peril away from a beloved person there are some ways, though not extremely promising. Until now it is not known that any spellmaker created a spell strong enough to save an endangered person without his or her knowing. It is commonly said that without knowing of the danger, a person cannot be protected by the spellmaker or his charms. Would the danger be or come from the spellmaker himself, the only way to save the loved one is to destroy the tight bond between the spellmaker and the other person. It means lots of hurt feelings though, on both sides, but no charm however powerful can protect somebody who doesn't even know he and she is under protection. If the concerned person is aware of the danger, the spellmaker may try to protect him or her, but the success isn't guaranteed. There is only a small chance if the love between two persons is strong enough.'
Harry slapped the book shut. Everything he had read in the last chapter had been like a hard punch in his face. At the beginning he had almost been sure to have found the solution to all his problems. But the hope of being able to protect Ginny had vanished into thin air. He didn't doubt that their love was strong enough and still he had some doubts about telling her the truth. If not even a spell could keep Voldemort away from her. Only if he told her that Voldemort might try and kidnap her, there was a minuscule chance to escape. Everything inside Harry struggled against telling Ginny the truth. She had never faced Voldemort the way he had. She had seen Voldemort's human shape, a memory of Tom Riddle. She hadn't seen him last year in the Ministry of Magic. Harry tried not to imagine how Voldemort would enjoy torturing Ginny in front of his eyes to make him suffer. It was too dangerous. Harry couldn't risk that Ginny might be killed. If he told her, she might panic and she had already had enough trouble this year because of him. Maybe having him as a boyfriend meant to have bad luck and always be in danger. Maybe it even meant to live unhappily and Harry wanted Ginny to enjoy a carefree life.
So Harry chose the only for him logical and reasonable way: He had to break up with Ginny. They would both suffer under the separation, but at least Ginny would survive. Harry just had to make sure that somebody informed Voldemort about Ginny and Harry's break-up. Now he had to figure out, step by step, how he would talk to Ginny, which words he was going to chose and how to explain everything to Ron and Hermione.
Over dinner, Harry still followed his own thoughts. He tried to listen to his friends' conversation, but his thoughts always returned to him, no matter how hard he tried to push them away. It was impossible to ignore them and Harry knew that this was no joking matter. As they were back in the Gryffindor common room, Ron and Harry played wizards' chess and he managed to be sorrow-free for some time. Hermione sat next to Ron and watched them playing. After their third game in a row was won by Ron, Hermione broke the silence.
"Ron have you had any news from Ginny?"
Harry looked at Ron in surprise. He had asked Ron daily about exactly the same thing, though he had never received a satisfying answer.
"Well, Mom's send me a letter today, telling me that Ginny's fine and will be back some time next week. And Mom asked if you could help Ginny to catch up with her school stuff."
Hermione nodded. Harry wondered why Ron hadn't told them immediately when the letter had arrived, but Ron beyond any doubt, had simply forgotten to mention it.
"You miss her, don't you?" asked Hermione, looking at Harry.
"Yes, of course I do. I am glad when she returns soon" he said half heartedly. Ginny's return to Hogwarts would also mean the end of Harry's and her relationship. Harry excused himself, pretending to be extremely tired and went to bed. As he lay there, staring at the ceiling above his four-posters, he found himself very excited. He tried to fall asleep and after some time of rolling over in his bed, he managed to.
The next day, he woke from a surprisingly dreamless sleep. He didn't know whether he hadn't dreamt at all or just couldn't recall any of his dreams. Harry went down to the Great Hall and sat by his own. He wasn't in the mood for company at all and hoped that his friends would leave him alone. He finished his porridge and went up the marble staircase. Halfway up, he met Ron and Hermione who told him they were going out for a walk. He felt somewhat relieved to have time to think. Back in his dormitory, deserted by now, he sat on his bed and pondered over his future actions. He tried to imagine how it would be to break Ginny's heart. She would feel betrayed and disappointed. Maybe she would get over him and find herself a new boyfriend who wouldn't put her in danger all the time. These thoughts tortured Harry to the point that he returned to the library. Out of an inner impulse he checked on every single book he found about spellmakers and protection. He had to find a way out of this impasse. He internally refused to break up with his girlfriend. He loved her too much. There had to be another way. But every book, from 'Protections of every art' to 'Spellmakers and their greatest achievements' led him to the same conclusion. If he confessed to Ginny that she was in great danger due to him, there was a small chance of protecting her. But there was no way he could deliver such news to the girl he loved. He wanted her to live without any fear of being kidnapped and possibly killed. Forgetting him would surely be a smaller evil to cope with than facing Voldemort and being exposed to his tortures. If these were Harry's only choices, he knew exactly which one to chose. He had to give up his relationship to Ginny. Very deceived, he left the library. He tried not to let his emotions show on his face as he sat down in the common room with Dean and Seamus, who were having a conversation about Quidditch.
As Harry left the dormitory with Ron the following morning, he was determined to talk to Ginny as soon as she was back from hospital. He thought it would be better to tell her sooner than later. Ginny had now been exactly seven days away and Harry was sure that she wouldn't stay much longer in St.Mungo's. Ginny would want to come back, even if her mother tied her to the bed. He knew the stubbornness of his girlfriend and smiled to himself. He would miss everything about her, even her few bad sides. He sat down with Ron and Hermione and poured some orange juice into his goblet. He helped himself to a piece of buttered toast and had just swallowed the first bite as suddenly the world in front of his eyes went black. Somebody covered his eyes with his hands. Harry heard a low whisper next to his right ear.
"Guess who?"
Harry took the hands from his eyes, turned around and saw that they belonged to his girlfriend.
"Ginny… you're back!" he stumbled.
"Surprise" she said and squeezed onto the bench next to him. Harry still goggled at her as if she was a hallucination. Ginny had to laugh as she watched Harry's dull expression.
"I've missed you too. Thanks very much" she said playfully.
"Who told you I had missed you? I have had the time of my life" he returned jokingly. He felt strange talking to Ginny in that habituated sort of way. Ginny gave him a small peck on the cheek. Harry felt a longing desire to kiss her more passionately, but didn't dare to do it in front of all the teachers. He realised that he would have to make an enormous effort to control his feelings once he had broken up with Ginny. The bell rang and they left the Hall in direction of their classrooms. Harry took Ginny's hand and led her to a deserted classroom. He closed the door and looked at his girlfriend. She wasn't pale anymore and the bandage around her arm was away, though a small scar was visible on her forearm. Harry touched the scar softly. "Does it still hurt?"
"No, I hardly feel it at all."
She smiled at him and Harry noticed that she looked very fond of life and prettier than ever. He felt his knees weaken and knew he couldn't tell her right now to break up with him. She had only just come back to Hogwarts after her accident and wouldn't have the power to get over the shock. Ginny wondered why Harry looked at her in that strange manner and before she could do anything to slow him down, he had pulled her into a long intense kiss. She felt a longing power in her boyfriend, a power she also felt from time to time. After their lips had lost contact, Ginny smiled and whispered, eyes still closed: "Hello…"
"Welcome back", whispered Harry back.
Ginny promised to tell him everything about St.Mungo's in detail and rushed out of the room. Harry went to his classes, having mixed feelings about Ginny's return.
In the evening, they sat together with Ron and Hermione in front of the common room fire.
"I wanted to leave St.Mungo's much earlier, but Mom didn't allow it. She wanted the Medi-Wizards to check on everything that could be wrong with me. I wrote loads of letters to all of you, but Mom didn't send them away. She told me that I had to recover and that more visits from you would only cause disturbances. She stayed with me all the time and only left at night. I had to tell her everything about how Harry and I had made up with each other. Then of course she wanted to know everything about you guys too. She still seemed kind of disappointed that we didn't tell her immediately." Ginny finished her story and smiled at the three of them. "It feels so good to be here again. I felt so lonely and Mom bothered me with her silly questions and explanations about boys and girls in love with each other. She only stopped as I told her that we already had this talk with Fleur and Bill." She snuggled up next to Harry and closed her eyes. The smell of her hair was driving Harry mad and he pushed his concerns about still being Ginny's boyfriend far away.
'I'll tell her tomorrow' he tried to convince himself.
But the next day he knew that he wouldn't tell her that day, or the following day. Each night before he went to sleep, he was determined to break up with Ginny in the morning. By the time he woke up, he always found an excuse not to. For over two weeks, he suppressed his plan. Then one night as he was asleep, something happened that made him change his mind.
Lord Voldemort was again standing in that clearing of the noiseless forest. The full moon was shining down on him.
"Master?"
He turned around and looked at the creature in front of him.
"Any good news, my dear?" asked Voldemort in a voice full of human emotion, such as Harry had never heard him speaking in before.
"Yes master. The girl is back at Hogwarts. She has fully recovered from the attack and is still together with Harry Potter. When do you plan of taking her to us?"
"Very soon, you'll bring her to me. Harry Potter will see that he has no power to stop me from becoming the powerful wizard I once was." A shrill high-pitched laughter came from Voldemort's lipless mouth. His servant joined in to his laughter an instant later.
Harry awoke with a sudden gasp. He put his glasses on and noticed that Ron was sitting next to him.
"Are you okay?" Ron whispered. "You were muttering to yourself in your sleep."
"I am fine Ron. I just had a bad dream."
Ron nodded and lay back down in his own bed. Harry however got up, shouldered his Firebolt and went down to the Quidditch pitch. As he mounted his broomstick and soared through the air, it was already dawning. After a while, he descended and sat down on the stands. He couldn't concentrate on anything else than his new vision. Usually flying on his broom helped him clear his mind, but this time even that didn't work. Words like 'Ginny Weasley, the key to Harry Potter… It couldn't be easier', 'There's no way of protecting her anyhow without her knowledge' and the vision about Ginny being tied to a tree reappeared in his mind.
'And if we kept it secret? No that wouldn't work, because everyone knows about us and it would be too difficult explaining everyone that it was secret without telling them the truth. There is no other way…' Harry thought.
He was angry and desperate. "FUCK!" he cried out very loudly and didn't care if anybody heard him.
"Hi, may I sit with you?"
Harry looked up and saw Cho Chang standing next to him.
"Go away. I don't wanna talk to you" he snapped.
"Fine, I just thought I could help you with your troubles…"
"What could you know about my troubles?" he roared.
"I know that you are considering the thought of breaking up with Ginny", she answered loftily.
Harry stared at her. "How… how did you find out?"
Cho, who had moved away some steps, came back and took the seat next to Harry. She sighed and looked at him. "Oh Harry, isn't it obvious? Being your girlfriend means to be in danger. You-know-who only had to find out about you and her and then he would have the ideal weapon to destroy you."
Harry thought it over for some time. Dumbledore had already told him the same thing and if even Cho had figured it out… He guessed that it was time to act before it was too late.
"In my place… what would you do?" he asked Cho.
"I would break up with her. That's the only possibility for her not to be in danger".
Harry nodded. "If I'll break up, you won't be mean to her and tell her the true reasons, will you? She will be suffering enough without knowing the truth."
Cho nodded and looked into his pleading eyes. "I promise I won't tell a single soul and I won't speak to Ginny at all." She got up and hurried away.
Before she ran back to the castle Harry heard her shout over her shoulder: "Hurt her, Harry. Hurt her to save her, otherwise she will die."
Harry knew exactly what he had to do, but still something in him tried to fight off the thing he was about to do. Slowly he went back to the castle. He quickly finished his bowl of cornflakes and went to look for Ginny. He didn't find her in the common room, but instead of her, he saw Ron. His best friend informed him that his Hermione and Ginny had just gone out for a walk. Harry had missed them by some minutes. It was only at lunchtime that Ron and Harry were joined by their girlfriends.
"What kept you so long?" wondered Ron.
"Girltalk", cheered Hermione.
Ron shook his head and continued eating. They finished together and left the Hall.
"Ginny I have to talk to you in private, immediately." Harry headed for the Room of Requirement, Ginny following at some distance. He closed the door behind her and thought about how best to begin. He sat down on a couch and she sat down next to him. As Ginny wanted to kiss him, he turned his face away and pushed her hands back.
"Harry what's the matter with you?"
Harry tried to concentrate on his plan and looked serious. He wanted to get over with it as quickly as possible.
"You look so sad. Has anything bad happened? Or has somebody put too much salt into your lunch?" she said jokingly.
"Why are you always making fun of everything? Can't you be serious for once! I am dealing with important troubles and all you do, is joke about it!"
"I am sorry" she faltered. "I'll try to be more severe from now on."
Harry got up and paced up and down the room, Ginny still sitting on the couch.
"I don't know if you have noticed, but some things between us changed since you have come back from St.Mungo's."
"Harry, what are you talking of? What changed?"
"In the few days you were away, I realised, that my feelings for you aren't as strong as they should be."
"But you love me, don't you? Harry! Don't you love me anymore?"
Harry tried not to look at her. It was very hard to tell her all this. "I don't think it would be fair, if I continued being your boyfriend when my feelings for you are fading away. We have to end it."
Ginny sprang up from her chair, tears shining in her eyes. "If this is a joke, it's a real bad one and you'll better stop now, because I won't listen to you any longer" she replied in a shaking voice.
"I'm sorry, but this is not a joking matter."
"Don't you see a chance for us? If we would just separate for some time, then you could think about your true feelings for me. We can try some time later if you want a pause" suggested Ginny.
"No Ginny. It doesn't make any sense at all. There is no other way" said Harry, unnaturally hard.
"What do you mean? I don't understand. What do you want?"
"I want us to break up. We have to put an end to our relationship" Harry answered.
"But why?" asked Ginny frantically. A look of horror stood on her face and she felt very weak.
"Because I don't love you anymore" responded Harry with less force in his voice than he had intended to. He didn't dare looking at Ginny while speaking these cruel words to her.
"I beg you pardon! This is ridiculous. IF you wouldn't love me, you hadn't saved me from that fire and you wouldn't have protected me from that Influenza Charm. You wouldn't have made this wonderful love oath to me during Christmas holidays. This is insane!" Ginny blurted out.
"But it's the truth! Maybe I tried to convince myself that I loved you, but that's not the case. It's over now."
He tried to keep his face straight. He couldn't risk that his true feelings gave him away. It was very painful to tell Ginny these things. But if he had to go through hell to save her, he would do it.
Ginny wiped her tears away. "I am sorry Harry, but I don't believe you" she stubbornly replied.
"Whether you believe it or not, I am no longer your boyfriend!" He wanted to get out of this room as quickly as possible.
"Repeat it: Tell me you don't love me" she commanded.
Harry spun around and stammered: "What?"
"Come on Harry! Don't be a coward. All I am asking for is that you look into my eyes and swear you don't love me anymore!" she challenged him.
Harry froze. His plan had nearly worked neatly. He had expected anything but this. How on earth could he face her and lie to her about his true feelings for her? With all his might, he concentrated on Cho's face, imagining her standing in front of him instead of Ginny. He heard himself speak: "Ginny, I don't love you!"
He looked into her eyes. The words had been of an incredulous iciness. He saw the effects his words had caused. Ginny's eyes began to water, but she tried to wipe her tears away. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he had hurt her. Ginny's whole world was collapsing. She straightened, strode past him and threw a small silver object across the room.
She faced Harry and pressed out through gritted teeth: "I – never – wanna – see – you – again! And you can have your fucking ring back!"
She slammed the door shut and ran away as fast as possible.
Harry went over to a corner of the room and picked up the small silver ring he had given her on Valentine's Day. He guessed that it was really over between him and Ginny. He sat down on the couch again and stared into the fire, asking himself over and over again: "What have I done?"