RR76: If anyone remembers this story, I'm updating it. So yeah.

Responses:

SaintH: Haha, yeah, I thought that'd be good.

Raven the Black Rose: INSANITY 4 EVER!

im in a kill people mood: Baaaaaaaaaad things will happen to Terra, just wait...muahaha.

EMBER91: BREATHE DAMMIT!

Yeah, and I still don't own anything, except Carson, blah blah blah...and I don't own the San Diego chicken. Or the bit in which he is incorperated into...or something.

NOTE: During the course of this chapter, the question may arise: What is a zonsphar? Well, suffice to say...I'm not telling.

In the wonderful land of the Room that Raven and Kitten Were In...

"I'm bored," said Raven.

"I'm Kitten! Hi Bored!" said Kitten.

"No, you're Dumbass," said Raven, rolling her eyes.

"I am? Okay! I'm Dumbass!" squealed Kitten.

"Ugh..." ughed Raven. The two sat in silence for a while.

"Soooooooooo...your real name is Raven, right?" asked Dumbass carefully.

Raven gave her a look. "Um, DUH."

"And...that's a kind of bird, right?"

"Um, DUH."

"A robin is a kind of bird too."

"Is this going anywhere?"

"And Robin's named robin, right?"

"Okay, is this going where I think it's going?"

"So you both're named after birds, right?"

"If you finish that analysis, I will murder you."

"...So that means you both lay eggs, right?"

"Well, I'm not sure about Robin, but I--hey!"

"I'm just asking! You don't need to--um, why are you looking at my like that? Why do you suddenly have four glowing red eyes? Why are black tendrils coming out of your cloak? Why are they slowly wrapping around my ne--ack."

With Starfire and Blackfire...

"So Starfire, just how far have you gotten with Robin?" asked Blackfire as she wrung the neck of a small fluffy beefsteak (...).

"What do you mean, dearest sister?" Starfire replied as she sharpened her machete menacingly.

"Well, you know, what exactly have you done with him? Come on, details sis!" Blackfire pressed, whipping out a notepad and pencil eagerly.

Starfire put down the machete and thought carefully. "Hmmmm...well, I hugged him once in Revolution...and I punched him playfully in Stranded...we hugged later on...and then we hugged in The End part 2...and...I guess that's it."

Blackfire's expression drooped. "So, you haven't gotten any farther than that?"

"Ummmm...nope."

"Not even hand-holding? Which generally comes before hugging, come to think of it."

"...No."

"So you haven't even gotten him in bed?"

Starfire turned bright pink. "Sister!"

"Well, I'm just saying, four straight seasons, and not even a kiss! By the time I hit transformation--lame job going through it by the way--my zonsphar gotten some sweet lovin' at least eighty five times!"

Starfire's eyes glowed green. "That is because you are a whore!"

"Oh yeah?" Blackfire snapped. "I'm not the one who can't get Robin to jorphoblox her!"

Starfire gasped. "You...take...that...back!"

"Haha, I'll bet he won't even do your zonsphar!"

"That's it!" Starfire raised her machete. "You do NOT mention Robin's refusal to give attention to my zonsphar!"

Back with Carson and Terra...

Carson lowered his shotgun and listened carefully. "You hear that?" Carson asked.

The bloody mess that was Terra suddenly congeled back into a flat chested hot pants wearing bitch stick that talks like it's the 70s and listened too. Faint cries of pain and the sound of starbolts and punches landing could be heard in the other room, as well as the sound of a machete whooshing through the air. "Yeah...sounds like Blackfire and Starfire. Ugh, Blackfire must have brought up Starfire's zonsphar..."

"Man, if Robin would just swallow his pride and give Starfire's zonsphar some loving..." sighed Carson, dropping his shotgun. "Honestly, if someone that hot wanted me that bad and all I had to do was pay attention to her zonsphar, hell, I'd be all over it. I guess Robin's just..." he searched his mind for a word.

"Stupid? Annoyingly self-rightious? A closet homo?"

"All of the above," Carson said with a laugh. He sighed once more (with feeling!). "I hate this. This is worse than the time I went to the Charger/Raider game."

Carson sat in Cannon Alley at Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego, California. He laughed as Brew Drees threw his fourth interception. "Chargers SUCK!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

Unbeknowst to him, the "World Famous" San Diego Chicken (tm) was still performing. His righteous fury boiled over and he flew into the stands and puched Carson in the face. Carson got to his feet and punched back, hitting the Chicken in the beak. The Chicken growled and grabbed Carson, throwing him into the uprights. Carson looked up just in time to see the Chicken body slam him into the ground. Carson moaned and felt his stomach lurch as the Chicken grabbed him out of the dirt and flung him onto the sidelines, spilling lemon-lime Gatorade all over him. Carson scrambled to his feet and blocked the next punch the Chicken threw, and drew his katana, swinging at the Chicken's neck. The Chicken ducked and kicked Carson's exposed stomach. Carson staggered backward and drew his revolver, firing wildly, and missing every shot. He threw the archaic weapon to the ground in disgust, and was suddenly hit in the head by something very fast moving and leathery. He looked down to see a football, and a plan formulated in his aching head.

The Chicken ran straight at him, roaring in primal fury. Carson reached down, picked up the football, drew back his arm and let it fly, straight into the hands of the Chicken. The Chicken looked at the ball, then looked up to see the Raiders defense rush out from the sidelines, straight at him. POW! Over a ton of combined muscle (and otherwise) fell on the Chicken, burying him in a sea of white away jerseys. Carson smiled weakly, turned and walked away. And from underneath the Raiders defense, a feathery wing balled into a fist...

"Come to think of it, Starfire's zonsphar isn't the prettiest thing on Earth, and she hasn't been the same since Mother Mae-Eye did that thing...

Terra covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh, I heard about that. She put that thing up her zonsphar...I swear, if someone did the same to MY zonsphar..."

Carson rolled his eyes. "Please. You don't have a zonsphar."

"What? Of course I do!"

"The animators didn't GIVE you a zonsphar!" Carson yelled.

"What? They did too!" Terra snapped, feeling the area where her zonsphar would be. She gasped. "Oh...my...God...you're right. I have no zonsphar!"

"I have no zonsphar!" a voice sounding suspiciously like Terras repeated. Carson held up a tape recorder, grinning wickedly. "Ha. I got it all on tape."

"You give me that!" Terra fumed, reaching for the tape recorder that held her confession to her zonspharless status. Carson held it just out of her reach. In desperation, Terra drew back her leg and kicked him square in the groin, only to hit something hard and plastic. "I learned my lesson from Raven," Carson said. (see chapter 5 of Ascension for details) "I'm wearing a cup."

Terra gaped. "What? But that's--you--your--my--I--UGH! I HATE YOU!" she shouted.

"I hate you!" Carson shouted back. They stared at each other for a few seconds...and then threw their arms around each other and started kissing passionately. After a moment or so of this, Carson broke off. "We SO need to get out of here," he said shakily. Terra nodded her agreement.

RR76: Don't hate me! Review please.