(A/N: Okay, guys, I'm back in the house, I'm really sorry I had to let you wait so long, omg, I really let you WAIT LONG didn't I? I'm so damn mean..lol, sorry I just had a lot on my mind, and couldn't really think of much to write… D oh yeah, and I just noticed how in chapter like nine Syao says 'opening meet' omg! Its supposed to be the 'finally meet' of the season, omg, I'm so sorry! And no one caught that? It was a bad typo…lol…um…I feel stupid now…oh darn!)

Disclaimer: I don't friggin own CCS...got it Mr. Lawyer trying to make money?

Chapter Twelve

Forgotten Memories

-Sakura-

That night, Syaoran dropped me off at the grand staircase of the girl's dormitories, and by that time, we were both giggling hysterically, and extremely dirty with mud and other stuff.

And I thought about all this, while I made my way up the stairs alone, the silence of the halls kind of shadowing beside me. And as I neared my dorm room, I heard loud shrieking and shouting.

"What do you mean?" The voice was distinctly Tomoyo's.

A deep voice started, "I mean, Tomoyo, I don't love you…anymore…" There was a hysterical scream and a shattering noise.

To keep safe, I molted myself behind the door, hopeful to get in whenever the couple got out. I was not going to inside when this was going on. The whole situation made me nervous, and worried for Tomoyo. Hell, she was my only friend here, and it didn't sound like to me it was going too well for her. I knew that Eriol was bad news.

"Look, Tomoyo, try to understand…" He tried a calm, gentle voice.

"Understand what?" She shrieked. "That you think you deserve better than someone like me?" She dropped it off and than jolted again.

"Why?" He made now effort to answer, I could tell. "Is it because I'm not skinny enough? I'm not pretty?"

Suddenly she stopped. Her voice took on a dangerous low tone, "Is it because…" She began again, her voice just as vehement; "I'm not rich enough for you, Mr. Billionaire?"

"Tomoyo," He whined, "Come on babe, it's not like that, you know."

"Oh really," She said snobbily, showing me a side of sensitive, caring Tomoyo that I didn't know, "Then tell me what is it?"

He sighed deeply. "We just don't have chemistry. We don't click. Easy as that."

"It's not as easy that, you bastard!" She gasped. "How could you throw all that away so easily? Didn't you feel something?"

The door creaked slightly, and I peeked in, knowing how rudely curious I was. I saw Eriol stiffen at Tomoyo's comment and suddenly I smelt something. Smoke from a cigarette?

"Tomoyo, I just want to break it off." He said, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and exhaling loudly almost making me cough violently. But, That was almost.

"Eriol," Her voice now lacked the resentment, and soon was a mere pleading tone, "Don't you love me?" She faltered, and he caught her by the waist.

Slowly, she wrapped her warms around his neck, and leaned in, whispering another time, "Eriol…don't you love me?"

I turned away feeling as if I was watching something I shouldn't. Which I was. And it was something Tomoyo would've told me about if she wanted too. I felt horrible as I did before.

Horrible for the guilt I felt.

Horrible for Tomoyo.

Horrible for Eriol that he didn't realize his loss.

"Tomoyo," His voice was soft, but than suddenly I heard a scream and the door crashed loudly beside me. I jolted behind it, but as Eriol came stomping out in his anger, he didn't notice me.

Which was a relief, until I heard the very muffled cries coming for my dorm room. I entered hesitantly, not knowing how to handle Tomoyo's wild-out-of-control emotions…

"Tomoyo?" I prodded.

She looked up at me with her mascara and eyeliner streaked down her face.

A sob escaped her throat. "He doesn't love me anymore."

"Oh, Tomo…" I sighed and made my slowly towards her. Sitting next to her, I wrapped my arms around her and let her lean onto me.

"He-" She hiccupped, "Doesn't love me…"

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

How I slept varied a lot. Sometimes I fell asleep right away getting little flicks of insignificant memories, or sometimes I stayed awake all night thinking about Mom, Touya (where was he?), and hard as it is to admit, I thought about Dad too.

I wondered if Mom could listen to me, hear my questions and doubts, and I wished she could answer them. I wonder what happened to Touya, why he never came, and where he was. Lastly, and Dad. I knew I was all for forgetting him, because he ruined my life. But, he messed his own pretty badly too.

My nature just wouldn't let me stop thinking, was he okay? It was a tiny bit of concern. A little.

And yes, tonight was one of those nights, as I had mentioned before, that coerced me to stay up the whole dark hours with those thoughts cursing me. Along with the extremely inquisitive and worried doubt, of when Mom was going to have her viewing and funeral? I mean, how can she 'rest in peace' without it? Who would send her off?

As hard as it was to let her go, I knew I would hold on a part of her inside me forever. That part which I thought about a lot, but couldn't help but let my other doubts cloud me.

And I've always just wanted to know, what happened that night? What did I do? How did Mom die? Was it really overdosing of sleeping pills like the newspapers and magazines all were raving about? Was it my fault? Why didn't I call earlier as Auntie accused me off?

Typically these sorts of thoughts sent me into a series of silent sobs, out of guilt, sadness, and pain. But, now I was so used to enveloping the loud cries, and muffling tears by holding the sheet over my mouth. And then as the sun rose and the day came, I forced myself get rid of those thoughts. At least I tried. I tried not to let that darker part of me, that weaker part of me show itself in the sunlight and be exposed in front of everyone. But, it usually made me crabby. Moody. Bitchy.

Obviously that's how people thought of me now, I thought, as I pulled my covers of my bed closer to me. I bit my lip, and glanced outside the window.

No rain fell. No pit pat could be heard. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I suddenly felt my stomach cave and my body and mind become dangerously hollow.

I turned my face over to the cooler side of the silky satin covered pillow, and let a lone tear fall, a tear that had no specific reason.

There were so many things that I wanted to know. So many questions I had. So many doubts of myself, that I could literally feel myself slipping away and into permanent hibernation. I feel like I was locking myself up, and throwing away the key this time around. I always used to lock myself up, whenever I didn't want to talk, or didn't want to face anything. But, now I feel different about it.

I feel strange about everything that's been happening lately. My life has just become such a mess, that there has been this totally irresistible urge to analyze it.

And then there's Syaoran. I mean, if I were to know I'd meet him earlier, I would of flipped with joy and all that great stuff. But, now, I mean, I don't know. He's just so confusing. What really does he want with me?

"You should laugh more…" It's what he said. Why would he say that? Why would he even remotely care about me?

Why?

It doesn't make sense. The feelings I have around him don't make sense. Since, my infatuation only limited to a mere crush, I just thought he was cute and I admired his personality – from afar that is. But, now, he makes me feel so overdramatic, extra bitchy or girlishly happy. I just don't get it. I mean I've never felt so weird around someone, or have let anyone let me feel so weird. It doesn't make sense. I don't care what people think. I don't care what they say (as long as they don't glare and whisper about it…) But here I am thinking about Syaoran over strenuously and what goes through his little mind.

It was crazy.

Stupid.

Ridiculous!

Yet, I really couldn't deny, that whenever he touches me, however remote possibility that has been, it feels good. (even the brush of fingers or something…) And you couldn't help but get lost in eyes like his. His gorgeous amber eyes, that seem to swirl endlessly in a deep…

Oh god. Listen to me rant and rave about his eyes. And how makes me feel. Like I couldn't be any more confused!

A soft shuffling of sheets, interrupted my thoughts and in a matter of seconds Tomoyo was sitting on my bed.

"Sakura," She started as I half-heartedly made the attempt to sit up on the bed next to her. I felt a little light headed, but I ignored it and ignored my thoughts about Syaoran and his eyes and what could possibly going on through his mind at this moment…Damn, I was doing it again.

To cover it up, I pretended to be tired and annoyed, that I was sleeping and she had disturbed me, "Tomo, it's like three in morning. Err, at night. Or whatever…"

She looked at me, a frown cascading her small face. "Yeah, I know, but I really needed to talk to you…"

My attention suddenly piqued. "Mhmmm?"

"The song, Sakura, do you remember the song?" She asked, vaguely.

Although I didn't need specifications verified, " Yeah, how come you never said anything about it?"

"Well, it's like this…" She took a deep breath, "We're cousins, you know?" I nodded, already having figuring out that we were related this afternoon-evening at Lynn Acres.

I waited patiently for her to start, but it looked like she was having a bit of trouble. She took a deep breath and finally was on track.

"If you didn't already know this…you're mom was a.." Here she paused and then said softly, " hooker,"

When I made no effort to contradict or acknowledge this bit, she continued,

" And so well, she'd stay at our house whenever she had to go out.." I cringed. I did not want to hear the rest now and I was about to make an attempt to stop her, but Tomoyo was oblivious to it. A sick feeling settled in my stomach, even at the thought of Nadeshiko, who even though I thought I accepted her as just a biological mother, and no more, I couldn't help be just a little…emotional on the subject.
How it could it not? I have been living a lie for all the sixteen years of life, always wondering why I never felt liked I belonged, that I should be somewhere more special, and so it was kind of crushing to find out about my true background. My colors. Me? It was terrible and I couldn't handle it at all. My chest heaved, unanimous with the way my mind felt. Trapped, since here Tomoyo was telling me, something I had wanted to discover, and learn eagerly before, but now, would rather be doing anything else.

"-And, well, the song came from how before we went to sleep, she would sing it to us…" She finished her fragmented sentence.

I waited for her to continue, knowing positively she wasn't done. She couldn't have meant that I remembered a lullaby sung to me when I was that young. She had to explain more.

She read my mind, "My mom, as you know, was a famous singer in the eighty's and ninety's. Sonya, they called her."

I raised my eyebrows, but smiled a little. I think I had actually heard Mom listening to some of that Sonya's stuff before. Except whenever I asked her about them, she shook her head sadly, as if Sonya Daidouji was dead. It was quite crazy, until I realized she stopped abruptly in the music industry, and as gossip told me, she couldn't be held by her contract to it since she went missing.

Wow, missing.

"So, it was one of her songs, and maybe that's where you heard it…" But I knew there was much more Tomoyo wanted to say when I heard the distinct wobble in her voice. Because, that's when I knew, she didn't really come to tell me about the song. That was just a pathetic excuse I realized feeling stupid for not opening my eyes earlier in all my self-centering thoughts. I should have known today's incident was still bothering her.

"Tomoyo," I urged placing a hand gently on her shoulder. I was not a person who could make others feel at ease, since I don't usually feel at ease with anyone. But, right now, more than anything else that was invading my mind, I really wanted to help Tomoyo, with her hurts, and make her feel better.

Right now, it was much more than just friendship that held us together, since finding out we were cousins…it gave me a sense of loyalty, obligation, and love to her, as a sister would. In this short time, without even knowing I have pledged a sisterly oath of friendship to her, and I wanted to keep my word to it.

After all, isn't that what friend's do for each other?

Talk.

I had no experience what so ever in this area, but if Tomoyo needed it, I would somehow rise up to it. But, it would take a lot more than that, I noticed when she turned her head away from me.

"Tomoyo?" My voice was as soft as it could be.

"Sakura," Her voice cracked, "He doesn't love me."

"Tomoyo," I repeated not knowing how to help her broken heart, but I soon enough I learned that all I had to do was listen and be there.

"I've known him since I was six, Sakura.. It was always me, Meilin, Syaoran, and Eriol. Through elementary, middle, and high school here." She stopped to catch her breath.

"I've always loved him. Then, he told me he loved me too freshmen year…but I just knew it was too good to be true.."

"I think he loved you too…" I said quietly.

"Loved…" She moaned, "Oh Sakura, he doesn't love me anymore! It's past tense! No more…no more us…"

I pulled her head onto my shoulder and petted her long dark hair as she cried breathlessly.

"He's my one and only…there's no one else for me…" Her sobs resided.

I tried my best to soothe her, "Tomoyo, you have loads of time to find the right person. Someday, somehow, somewhere, you'll find the person who'll love you to no ends…" I broke off noticing her silence. Frankly, not being the best at giving un cliché advice, I was embarrassed at what I said. Although, strangely, I was saved the knowledge of what she would have said to my stupid words. Tomoyo had somehow fallen asleep on my shoulder, her breathing coming in quiet steady paces.

I was confused at her behavior, but learned on early of her odd actions. At least in sleep, she wouldn't have to deal with her pain and her sorrow.

Gently, taking caution not to awake her, I removed myself from her, and let her head rest on my pillow. Looking at her porcelain face, her delicate features, her similarly genetically placed 'mole', I saw something. My vision suddenly grew hazy as insignificant memories flew past me.

"Under the stars…" A long black haired woman sang sweetly. "That shine so bright…"

"Under the moon…benevolent light…" Her voice was sweet, embracing at the paining sides with love, slowly lulling a small baby girl to sleep. Her bright emerald eyes, gradually grew droopy with each note. A large car suddenly blinded the woman's eyes, and she stood up from her porch.

"Stealth and sly…" She continued to sing, as the sharp cold air of the evening cut through the hitch in her throat, "Indiscreet…Time flies by…but we will meet…" Her voice faltered, and a tear dripped from her amethyst eyes.

The baby girl was pulled tighter to her chest, and through a broken voice she sang a little more" Where we go…mystery…"

Suddenly the woman cut her singing, and beckoned to the black car, "Yelan..?"

A woman with regal features appeared, her large amber eyes disciplined to show no emotions.

"Hand me the girl…" Her voice was harsh and cold.

The other woman, equally beautiful nodded, but before doing so, whispered in the babies' ear, "Where we go…"

"Sonomi! Stop dallying. Give me the child, so I can clean up this mess once and for all." Yelan demanded.

The woman in question bit her lip and handed the tiny, baby girl into the stranger's arms.

"A mystery…" My eyes flashed open and I realized I was singing to myself. My throat went dry as I stumbled around a bit and grabbed the bedpost. I looked around at my surroundings. Tomoyo was still sleeping. And I was still in my dorm room.

What had just happened to me was not shocking in any way. I have been receiving this little flashes, UN important ones. It was normal, well; books in the library said so anyway.

Although, what was unsettling, was what my temporary memory loss caused me to remember. I had a feeling the black haired woman, was Tomoyo's mom and I was the baby. But, where were they taking me? Why was Yelan involved?

What exactly did she mean when she said she would clean up this mess once and for all?

And the song…each verse strung me into a hypnotical fantasy…

And instinctively I had the urge to finish the unended lullaby…

My voice was barely above a whisper in the coldness of the upcoming winter…but I sang anyways…

"No one knows…"

"It's history.."

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(A/N: Hope ya'll enjoyed that SHORT yet long awaited chappie…sorry about the lack of Syao-chan's appearances…boo hoo, well I guess he'll be in the next chappie or something like that? I'll try! Lol, anyways, if you're confused about the whole Sakura getting memories, it's because her mind has a habit of pushing harmful memories into the back of her mind, so as what happened with her amnesia since chapter five…so, then now with all these little things locked away her mind had become vulnerable sort of, and little things were now able to trigger forgotten memories…make sense? Or not? Sorry…blah, I suck at explaining…oh well, please don't forget to drop some love!)