Late July 1st/Early July 2nd
Resolution leads to Confusion leads to Resolution
You went to the Vanish practice today. You went to see Justin. Sunny went with you. She's been wonderful about everything, and being your friends like she always has been. How is it that you've only know Sunny for a year? Less than a year. It feels like ages. Like you've known her your whole life.
Justin is another story. You don't know what you're doing. You've never dated anyone before. You've never even had a girlfriend, let alone a boyfriend. It's been one day, and you've already gotten yourself confused.
You pick up Sunny, you go to practice. You see Justin, tuning up his guitar. He looks up and smiles at you. You smile back.
"Whooo, give me some of that sweet boy lovin'!" Sunny exclaims in a whisper.
You shush her with a look.
"When are you going to tell everyone? It only took like three seconds for Rico and Claudia to let everyone know they were dating, at that point they weren't even dating. Plus they live on oppostie sides of the country."
"I know, I know," you mutter. You look at her. "For some reason, Justin doesn't want anyone to know. Not right away."
"You told me."
"And I'm beginning to regret it. But I had to tell you. You're my best friend and I had to tell someone." You smile. "Besides, I was happy. I still am."
"What I can't figure out is why he doesn't want anyone to know."
Sunny shrugs.
You get to hear Maggie's new song. You're 99 sure it's about her Dad. She's always said that Hollywood ruined him. You hope he knows it's for him when he hears it. And that he's not offended by the swearing, which seems so un-Maggie, but then again... perhaps it is.
After practice you're standing outside with Sunny, and Justin comes up behind you.
J: Hey
D: Hey
S: So how are things going? You guys sounded great, and I can't wait to
hear Maggie's new song played out for full. I wasn't being nosy,
really. I was seeing if she had internet on it, which she does. I
didn't mean to find her journal. That just happened.
J: Yeah.
D: Mmmhmm.
S:
Oh, so the other night I was out with Mary Anne, and I picked up this
guy, Cody, and he was a total ass. Luckily we were with Derek Thompson,
you know him? He's in your year, Ducky. A really nice guy. I think he
and Mary Anne hit it off.
D: Wow.
J: Cool.
This went on for a while. Finally, Sunny just says, "Justin, Ducky told me, and I'm not telling anyone, but I just want to let you know that I think it's fine, and cool."
"You-" Justin begins.
"She's my best friend. I couldn't not say anything," you reply.
He pauses and smiles. "I guess that's all right."
"So why aren't we telling anyone?" Sunny asks.
"Because... well, um, can Ducky and I talk about first? And then he can tell you about it later." Justin doesn't sound like he's digging in that you told Sunny. He seems like he simply wants to talk to you about it first.
"Sure. Want me to catch a ride with someone else?" Sunny asks. For being blunt and outrageous, Sunny knows when it's time to back off.
"No, I drove myself, so we might as well meet somewhere else later," Justin says.
We agree on a cafe, and you drive Sunny home.
"You guys don't seem very coupley," she comments.
"Well, we've only been "coupley" for a day. Give it a rest. It needs time to..."
"Fester?"
"Grow."
"Ah."
You drop Sunny off and she's making kissy noises at you as you drive away that make you laugh. Then you drive to the cafe, and wait for Justin. After about five minutes, and half of your Coke later, he comes in.
J: Hi
D: Hey. You want something?
J: No, no, I'm good. I kind of just want to talk.
D: Ok
J: Um, a couple of days ago, I had a confrontation. With, uh, James Kodalay, you know him?
D: The creep who dated Amalia.
J: Right. he confronted the band, actually, but took his rage out on me. Spit on me, actually.
D: Oh my God, are you okay?
J:
Yeah, yeah. According to Amalia, he had called me all sorts of gay
slurs and stuff. And the reason I didn't want to tell anyone about us
is because... I didn't want you to have to go through with that. To
deal with assholes like him. I was ready to say something to you, but
after that, I was so screwed up, and I dind't want that for you. But
then there you were outside my house, and-
D: I sort of ended up there on accident.
Now, Ducky, you are something. He's telling you this heartwrenching story, and that's all you have to say?
J: I thought by not telling anyone, it would protect you. Protect us both. But I see now that it's just not going to work out.
D: (panics) So, it was a one day experiement?
J:
What? No, Ducky, I mean not telling anyone. I don't think we should be
ashamed, or feel like we have to hide it. Your friend Sunny showed that
to me tonight. That there are people who think it's a good thing. When
their friends find someone.
D.
J: So I think that we shouldn't worry about hiding it. And we can deal with assholes together. A team.
D: A team. I like that.
Justin reaches across the table and puts his hand over yours. It feels good. You feel a jolt run through your stomach, and you can't help but grin.
You need to remember to give Sunny a hug.
It's quite possible that you and Justin are now coupley. We walked out to our cars, holding hands, and when we got to your car, he looks at you.
"What's your real name? I mean, it's not Ducky, is it?"
"No," you laugh, "it's Christopher."
"Christopher. Does anyone call you that?"
"My mom. Sometimes."
"Does anyone call you Chris?" Justin asks.
"No, not at all," you reply. You wonder where he's going with this.
"Can I call you Chris?"
"What? Ducky isn't hot enough?" you joke.
He puts his hand on your face and leans very close, in fact his face is right in front of yours, and you think he's going to kiss you, and you'd actually like to kiss him quite at a lot, but it doesn't happen. He simply whispers, "Ducky is plenty hot enough." He pulls away. "I don't know, I thought it would be nice. To call you my own nickname. But that's so like you, to have the typical nickname be so special. You make everything that's so normal seem special."
You really wish you could make poetry like that off the top of your head. It would be nice to say something that sweet to him one day. All you say is, "Heh... you can call me Chris. I'd like that."
While the outside world still sees you as Ducky, someone sees you as Chris. Which is sort of weird, because no one has called you Chris since your first grade teacher, and it annoyed the hell out of you then. But somehow, when Justin says it, it's not annoying. It's special.
It's nearly two AM now and you haven't even noticed that you've been writing so long. It's probably time to sleep. It's far past time.