Disclaimer: Simple, I do not own CCS
Chapter Fifteen
Cruel Fate
Syaoran
I knew when I had her in my arms, I just couldn't let go of her. I couldn't let go of this little moment that neither of us had to really understand what was going on.
Hell, I never wanted to let go.
She was so small and tiny, and the curve of her neck smelled strongly like cherry blossoms. I dropped my head into the junction and inhaled.
I was just so frustrated and confused. Confused in a good way, I suppose. The way she intrigued me with the quirks in her personality- her undeniably quick mood swings. The way sometimes I get the feeling she's looking at me and seeing something so much deeper, but sometimes it seems she's so distant and lonely. The way I never understand how to act around her.
And no one could miss those green eyes that seem to remind me of everything I thought I could hide. Couldn't I? Green, my favorite color…the only place where I could think to myself that I didn't have to be just like him.
He hated green. I reveled in its emerald glow.
She was living proof those things were never better left alone. And somehow she always managed to pop up in my head no matter what. And whenever I was around her, she just had this ability to make me act different. Like I wasn't myself.
She continually brought that up, who was I anyways? The hottest senior, partier, laid back easygoing guy, son of famous track athlete, the next Tien Li.
I almost scowled, but let it slide with a sigh. "You drive me crazy…" I muttered.
"Same here…" I was surprised to hear her murmur.
……………………….
Today was probably the most awkward day that I have ever been through. Eriol and Sakura were both avoiding me. Tomoyo looked like a dead zombie, and Meilin was trying to get in bed with me. Misaki was bombarding me with voice messages demanding to know why I haven't been coming to her parties, or even replying back to her. I felt a headache forming, and that wasn't even the beginning of problems. Halloween break (rich kids, long vacations) was coming up, and that's when Sakura's Mom was having her funeral. So we had to go home because I knew that Mama would probably inviting half the kids that go to our school because she know all of their respectable parents. Concern twisted me- I doubted Sakura would be pleased to know that a bunch of people who didn't even know her mother would be at her funeral.
Jeez, God was sick and twisted because no one knew how fucking hard it was going to be for me get through the day.
But then again, I can't complain can I? I'm Mr. Laid back, who-just-doesn't-give-a-shit.
……………………….
Sakura:
There were so many things going on with my life,
that I couldn't piece any of it together. It was like waiting
helplessly by the side of the road under a building canopy, just
watching the rain fall, waiting for someone to pick you up, at the same
time enviously watching all the others ride home.
It was a painful wait knowing I couldn't search for
any answers to questions that haunted me. But things arrived soon
enough, but not as much to my consent.
Jeez, I wondered, if only things could be less complex.
If only Eriol wasn't gay, Tomoyo wasn't heart broken, and if I knew…if I knew truly why Syaoran made me feel so weird. It felt too cliché, too unreal to actually be true; the handsome prince and peasant maiden or what was more suitable to the situation would be to say "the social king" and "social outcast".
He confused me. Right after the kiss, there was such an awkward moment, it was as if we never stopped bickering. And even through out this whole time I just always manage to remember how it felt to have his lips against mine, and his hands through my hair or resting on the small of my back. Or how he smelled.
God, did he smell good.
It scared me, that I've never felt to quite attracted to someone before. I mean I had the crush on him and stuff, but that seemed so far away and childish. More like I was admiring him. He seems so different, like a whole different person up close up.
I thought randomly, he is like an onion, with all these layers. I realized that he'd forever be an enigma that I'd be struggling to figure out. What made him appear so casual as if he didn't have a care in the world to me before? I really couldn't have believed that, could I?
And then I thought he was snobby because he wouldn't go on the bus. I was downright wrong.
Although finally there was this part of Syaoran that he showed today. This side that was bitter but brutally honest. He showed me that I can't close my eyes to everything. How could I now deny that I have not been doing that?
I could do no more than to shut myself off from those things that have been being said about me. The things that sent me over the edge.
Just why couldn't I, for once, remember what happened?
It drove me almost to turning my hair gray. It was endless, this waiting, and I knew I couldn't even muster up the courage or patience to keep on waiting. I wanted to know now…
But every time I was just about crossing the border, demanding the truth from the façade, everything would fade away and something new would jump out at me. Some new mystery that demanded now just all of my attention and strength, till the point of exhaustion where I would just happily (in a sardonic way) drop dead.
And I never the thought this maze I would be traveling through would end. I never once thought that, but somehow in the deep sub conscious of my mind, I knew a tiny flicker of hope blazed.
Once again, everyone and everything was thrown out of proportion by my brother. Or more like half- brother.
Touya was home from Gods-knows-where from doing God-knows-what. Not that I cared anyways.
Mom's wake and funeral were this weekend right before Halloween. Hallo-fucking-ween. Get that. Hunh, just when the dead were waking.
And I somehow ended up engaging to a visit to the mental facility.
Not because this whole ordeal drove me crazy, mind you, but actually to visit…him. He who was the one who created my false front of no weakness- yet freakish cowardice and innocence of my oddities. He was the one who broke it, and then broke the spirit inside of me.
I couldn't even bring my lips to form that word anymore, not when it was never true to me.
But anyhow everything was really getting to me, the more I spent idle evenings thinking about it. Tomoyo was looking worse and worse, and no that I really paid attention- but Eriol looked pretty bad too.
Somehow even though I didn't want to talk to him or Tomoyo- I had to talk to one of them. I chose Eriol- because I felt breaking Tomoyo's heart into even tinier pieces would break my heart.
However fate was cruel and liked giving unusually cruel punishments. Tomoyo had approached me idling around in the courtyard because I had no class that time.
Her eyes darkened and her mouth was strict in a discliplined line. "Sakura," Her voice was cracked from what I guessed was lack of use. "We need to talk."
Just like that almost, my blood ran cold and I nodded.
"I thought you were my friend," She breathlessly accused, her eyes narrowed. "But you're just a dirty slut, right?"
I blinked at her stupidly confused. "What-"
"You were the reason Eriol broke up with me, weren't you! Meilin told me all about it…" Her eyes misted over, and a lump formed in my throat.
"How could you say that you trust her over me? Meilin doesn't have a clue what's going on at all!"
She scoffed, "I've known her longer than you, technically the question would be why wouldn't I trust her over you? Not that I trust you anymore anyways. But just tell me, why?"
My lips parted slightly in astonishment, "I'm a slut?"
"Don't play dumb, bitch." She said menacingly, "You kissed Eriol, and then you played sweet so you could kiss Syaoran too!"
My face flamed and the hairs on my neck stood up. "T-"
"Why did I even think about trusting you? You're just a sneaky bitch, Meilin was right, you'd probably mess up the whole Nicc'e company. And you probably did murder your mom, and pretended to have amnesia. You don't even belong here!" She shouted frustrated.
"I didn't- I don't want- " Tears stung at the back of my eyes but I couldn't let them fall this wasn't about me but she made about me. I couldn't believe what she said, she the only friend I've ever had. And she calls me sneaky?
Tears streaked her face, "You just dirt beneath my feet you know!"
I stood up, reaching for her shoulders, to shake her, to make her understand, to maker her listen.
"Don't touch me," She said raising her index finger to my face.
"Tomoyo, listen to me…" I pleaded my voice breaking.
"Screw you Sakura!" She said in a huff and left me.
Like I said, fate was cruel to me. I cradled my face in my hands and soaked it with my tears.
(A/N: MMMMMM sorry for the SHORT Chapter, but atleast it was SOMETHING, eh? Please r/r because after this is the REWRITING ERA..hehe and no wolf-eyes you did not offend me, just woke me up P bye ya'll)