Road Trip, YYH Style!
Chapter 11: Ninjas and Insanity, and Three Days to Go…
Solaris: Roses are red, violets are blue,
Flowers will die, and we will to.
But before I die, something you should know:
I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.
If you sue, all you will get
Will be a dime and a micropet.
Solaris's hands clicked rapidly on the laptop's keyboard. She hadn't pulled that thing out the whole trip, and now she was online, searching for something… but what?
"Solaris, what are you doing?" Kurama finally asked.
"Yeah, you've been on that thing all evening." Raccoon added.
"What are you doing?" Day reiterated. Foxglove, Rooney, Hiei and Jenks all breathed a sigh of relief when she turned to answer; finally, a reprieve from the clicking.
"You remember that ninja movie that was on when we got back from the water park?" Solaris asked.
"You mean the one Foxglove found after you told us that Sota wasn't an ordinary ningen?" Rooney asked, trying to figure out what that had to do with anything.
"I get it! You're searching for information on anything that can hold it's breath for long times and not be fazed by pressure!" Foxglove cried. Hiei and Jenks popped her across the skull.
"Guess again, muse!" Hiei sighed.
"It has nothing to do with Sota. It's more of a… ninja question." Solaris explained.
"A ninja question?" asked Jenks.
"Yeah. I watched all those high kicks and jumps and things they did in the action scenes of the movie, and I got to wondering…" she trailed off.
"Yeah?" Kurama asked, thinking she was going to ask if anyone else saw the wires. Hey, there was no way those guys could rise into the air that slow and hang there while everyone else was moving at normal speed!
"Why don't ninjas ever complain of wedgies?" she asked, ignoring the mass face fall. "I mean, you'd think all those high kicks… and stunts… you'd think at least one ninja would complain of a wedgie sometime."
"Maybe they can't get wedgies. Maybe it's a ninja concentration trick thing." Foxglove suggested.
"Nah, they're focusing on kicking their opponent's ass in style or secret. Or both." Solaris shook her head.
"Maybe they can't get wedgies." Foxglove insisted.
"We just went over this, my dear muse." Solaris sighed.
"No, I mean maybe they can't get wedgies because there's nothing to wedge." Foxglove said, staring at Solaris, who was staring back.
"You mean…" Solaris gasped.
"Yes, I mean…" Foxglove nodded.
"WHAT!" everyone else yelled; it wasn't their fault they weren't in on this twin/muse thing.
"Ninjas…" Solaris began.
"Go…" Foxglove added.
"Commando!" Both cried simultaneously. Then Solaris shook her head.
"Wait, wait, wait… I don't think they'd do that. What if those funky ninja suits tore down there? Wouldn't that be embarrassing?" Solaris asked.
"Ninjas don't give a damn! They're too busy fighting, and besides, they don't get embarrassed." Foxglove asserted.
"Hey, anyone can be embarrassed." Solaris shrugged.
"Except ninjas! Besides, I think those suits are super tough. So they can't be torn so no one ever sees a ninja's underclothes." Foxglove said.
"Or lack thereof." Solaris said in return. The two bickered back and forth in this strain for a while, then reached a mutual decision.
"Let's find a ninja to strip!" both declared.
"NANI!" was the mass reply.
"We're going to go strip a ninja. Laters!" both smiled as they headed for the door. Kurama and Hiei stopped them by grabbing the backs of the foxgirl's shirts.
"No, no ninja stripping at 11 o'clock at night." Kurama said sternly.
"Tomorrow can we go find a ninja to strip?" Foxglove asked.
"NO! Not now, nor will you ever strip a ninja!" Hiei shouted.
"But we're curious!" Solaris pleaded.
"Curiosity killed the cat." Raccoon quoted.
"Lucky for us we aren't cats." Solaris smiled.
"It didn't do wonders for foxes either." Day assured them.
"All right, we won't find a ninja to strip. But if we see one on the street, we can't make any promises!" Foxglove said.
"It's late. Let's turn in." Day suggested. All but Raccoon and Solaris left the room.
Just before Solaris fell asleep, she had to ask Raccoon something: "Did it hurt to get your ears pierced? I mean, my ningen form has pierced ears, but I was asleep when that happened."
"Not really. Incidentally, why were you asleep?" Raccoon asked.
"Some dolt in my theater company decided I'd look cuter as a ningen with pierced ears, so he called me out in my ningen form, knocked me out and pierced my ears. I beat him to a pulp when I woke up, and then, 5 or 6 years later, he decided to try the same trick again for a second set. And the results were repeated. But I only wear one of the second set in my right ear." Solaris explained sleepily, then passed out.
-
The next day, Rooney had promised to take them out around Kyoto. Solaris and Foxglove were excited. But they couldn't get one thing off their minds…
"Do you know where we could find a ninja?" the two girls asked everyone they could. Only a brave (or stupid) few dared ask why, to receive the smiled answer "So we can strip 'em!" That generally drove them away.
"What is it, mating season? Trying to find someone better at sneaking around than you?" Hiei asked.
"Hey, do you want a repeat of the haunted hotel? Y'know, chapter six?" Solaris asked, holding a crowbar threateningly. "Besides, I'm an actress at heart, everything I do is over the top. Foxglove… well, I could say she's as klutzy as I am, but I'll just say she's protective."
"And for your information, it is not mating season." Foxglove said. "Or I'd be all over you like white on rice."
"I hope you mean hitting on him. I just got some bad images…" Raccoon said, shaking her head.
"She did." Solaris nodded. "And I think I got the same images."
They kept walking until they reached a small café, where Solaris and Foxglove stopped asking the ninja question for a while.
"How many more days of this hell do I have to deal with, Kurama?" Hiei asked.
"Just three, not counting the return trip." Kurama sighed.
"That is going to be a long three days…" Hiei replied. Solaris glanced over at another table, then tapped Foxglove on the shoulder.
"Let's ask her." Solaris suggested, pointing at a girl with long brown hair who was wearing a black shirt with a screen print of Inuyasha on it, baggy jeans, and sneakers despite the heat.
"What makes you think she'll know?" Rooney asked.
"She's got a guitar case, a suitcase, little music note earrings, and anime. How could she not know?" Foxglove noted, as if her twisted reasoning was perfectly logical. "Besides, she doesn't look like she'd run off screaming that we're crazy."
"Like the last 500 people we've asked." Solaris said as they got up. "Excuse me!" she called as they walked over. The girl looked up.
"Yeah?" she asked.
"Whoa, you look like Avril Lavigne!" Foxglove smiled. Solaris elbowed her muse.
"I get that a lot. But I'm sure that's not why you came over here." the girl said.
"It's not, my muse is easily sidetracked. We just came to ask if you'd know where to find a ninja." Solaris laughed.
"I'd guess at a dojo. Why?" the girl blinked.
"We're gonna strip 'em to see if ninjas wear underwear or not." Foxglove shrugged as if it were a perfectly rational thing to wonder.
"I'll join you, now I'm curious." the girl said.
"Great! By the way, I'm Solaris Moon, and this is Foxglove Adiea." Solaris smiled, pointing to the appropriate people.
"I'm Melody Tachusa Mackenzie Takenchi Miriko Takiashi." the girl said in one breath.
"Don't hesitate to call." Foxglove muttered.
"Let's stick to first names, shall we? Now let's go strip that ninja!" Solaris smiled. This time all three girls were held back by Hiei, Kurama and Rooney.
"Didn't we say 'no ninja stripping'?" Kurama asked.
"Oh, Melody, these are our friends. The red head is Kurama, the spiky haired goth-esque guy is Hiei, the one with the blue fox ears is Day, the one with the pierced dog ears is Raccoon, and the one holding you back is Rooney." Solaris introduced. "Guys, this is Melody." The captors released the captives.
"What brings you here, Melody?" Rooney asked.
"A wandering soul, a restless heart, itchy feet. Call it what you want, what matters is that I'm here." She smiled. "Just got here today and I don't intend to stay long. I'm headed for Tokyo."
"What a coinky-dink! That's where Kurama, Hiei, Solaris, and myself live!" Foxglove smiled.
"In fact, if you don't mind waiting three more days, we'll take you there ourselves." Solaris offered. "We're on a road trip."
"Hell yeah we are! We took the damned scenic route!" Hiei yelled as he stared at a map. Solaris pulled a small lighter from her purse and set fire to the map.
"We dun need no stinkin' map!" she said in a thick, fake accent.
"Why are you carrying a lighter? You don't smoke." Kurama said.
"I might and you might not know it." Solaris teased.
"I'd smell the smoke." Kurama pointed out, scowling.
"…Good point, moving right along! What do you say, Melody?" Solaris smiled.
"Sure, what've I got to lose?" she shrugged, missing Hiei's sarcastic 'only your sanity…' remark. The group set off through Kyoto again.
-
That night, it was decided that Melody would stay in the same room as Solaris and Raccoon, for the simple fact that Solaris had offered. Solaris was pouting about the ninja question and it's lack of an answer as Melody sat on the couch, tuning a black electric guitar with an anhk on it. Solaris headed to the room to change to her pajamas just as Raccoon entered the room. Suddenly, Solaris's shriek of terror rang throughout the room. The other two girls ran to the doorway to see exactly why Solaris had screamed: Sota was lying on the bed, a rose clenched between his teeth.
"How the HELL did you get into the room!" Solaris shrieked. He just smiled coyly.
"Who is this fool?" Melody asked.
"Sota. From what I know, he ranks right up with Solaris's old boss, the nuns who tried to kidnap her, and country music." Raccoon explained.
"Nuns?" Melody asked incredulously.
"She'll explain later if you ask." Raccoon sighed.
"Sota, several things must be cleared up right now: I hate you with all my heart; persistence is getting you nowhere except a one way ticket to hell; going shirtless is only sexy on a finely-toned body that isn't gleaming from fake tan, and you aren't sexy to begin with. I can only think of one guy I'd like to see like that, and I don't have to worry about it, since he won't. Now…" she growled and hauled him out of the room by one ear, "GET OUT AND LEAVE ME ALONE, NUMBSKULL!"
"So that's Sota…" Melody blinked. "Persistent little idiot, eh?"
"Yeah. Now I am getting ready for bed." Solaris said between clenched teeth, trying to calm down.
-
Later that night, Solaris woke up from a dream about the water park incident and couldn't go back to sleep. She left the room to see if another ninja movie was on when she saw Melody at the door. "Hey, what's up? Don't tell me you're going out in your pajamas." Solaris said, pointing at the red tank top and baggy red pajama pants, smiling at the whimsical penguin and snowflake pattern.
"Are you a guard dog or something?" Melody asked.
"No guard dog, try fox. Demon fox." Solaris smiled.
"Ah. You make no effort to hide the ears and tail?"
"Not unless I'm in Tokyo, where I know a lot of ningens who know me as a ningen."
"I see. Well, yeah, I did intend to go out." Melody admitted.
"If it's okay, I'll go with. I can't sleep." Solaris smiled nervously.
"Sure, fine by me. One girl in pajamas prowling a hotel is ridiculous, two and no one cares." Melody shrugged. The two girls set off prowling the pretty-well-abandoned hotel. Solaris noticed an 'employees only' sign on a door.
"Hey, that looks intriguing. Let's check it out." Apparently Melody had noticed it too.
"You don't think they'll hear our footsteps?" Solaris asked.
"Looks like the carpet continues down the hall, and even if it doesn't, we have house shoes. No one will hear us." Melody said, then tried the door. "It's locked."
"I can handle that!" Solaris smiled and pulled a paperclip out of nowhere. Soon the door was standing open. "First floor, sporting goods, cleaning supplies, hotel stuff." They entered the back halls of the hotel, the darkness closing in as the door shut.
"Now it's my turn. Can you pull anything out of nowhere?" Melody asked.
"Yeah, pretty much."
"I need a candle." Melody said. Solaris pulled a candle and candle holder from nowhere, wondering why not a flashlight. "Great." Melody said as she felt the cold metal candleholder in her hand. Suddenly two lights appeared: one was the candle, the other was a small flame at the tip of Melody's finger. "Good silver." She examined the candleholder appreciatively.
"Thanks, 30th birthday present. Wait, you have fire powers?" Solaris questioned in a whisper.
"Yeah… Wait, 30th! You only look 16, how old are you anyway?" Melody asked in shock.
"148, 149 in May." Solaris answered. "Just keep the age thing a secret. Only a few people know how old I am, and I don't want to get thrown in the looney bin. Even Reikai prison would be a good alternative."
"I will if you'll do the same about my fire powers." Melody nodded.
"Deal. I'm 16, and you don't have fire powers." Solaris smiled. "Now let's get to exploring, shall we?"
The two wandered around the labyrinth of halls, up and down service elevators, until they heard another noise.
"Are you sure?" came a familiar male voice.
"Yes, I smelled her scent in here! Geesh, you are the wimpiest guy I know!" Ai's voice this time.
"Ai!" Solaris hissed.
"You know her?" Melody asked.
"I sure do, lord knows I wish I didn't. Quick, blow out that candle, hand it here, I'll try to find a flashlight, and if I can't, you can follow my aura if I go fox. Pulling off your house shoes may help too." Melody did as she was told as Solaris tried and failed to find a flashlight. Ai was getting closer.
"Oh, screw it!" Solaris said as she became a fox. –Follow me.- She said through telepathy. Melody nodded and followed the dark light of Solaris's aura.
"Ai, you didn't have to say that…" the guy whined.
"Good God, why'd I run away with you! You're a wuss, you aren't the brightest thing in the world, and you hit on other girls…" Ai hissed.
"I'm cute and you love me." The guy had a smile in his voice.
"Sota, I'll give you the cute thing, but I don't love you or I wouldn't be contemplating leaving you in this stinking human-infested hell!" Ai growled.
-Ooh, trouble in paradise…- Solaris commented.
"I smell her! Down this hall!" Ai cried.
-Melody, if I told you to sneak away, forget it. Run like the hounds of hell are on your heels!- Solaris said.
"I have a better idea. C'mon!" Melody whispered, then lifted the kitsune from the ground and ran.
"She became a fox! And I smell something else…" Ai growled.
"Human?" Sota asked.
"No, definitely not human. More fiery, charcoal-y, sorta singed, and yet, classy. Sorta like… roast royalty." Ai said.
"Oh, I read about that in a rare treats magazine. Is it any good?" Sota asked.
-They eat humans? Yech! I'll take hamburger over human any day. And chocolate chip pizza over hamburger.- Solaris said in her mind.
"Hm… pretty tasty. Depends on how you like them: Singed, well done, or burnt to a crisp. I personally like mine well done. But it's a real delicacy now. Pity it's not still the feudal era." Ai mused.
-Uh, Melody, I'd love to hear your great idea!- Solaris panicked.
"Simple: we hide in something that covers our scent." Melody whispered.
-How? It's not like we'll just find a laundry basket full of towels or something!- Solaris cried. Just then, Melody stopped in front of a basket of old towels. –Then again, we could just have the devil's luck on our side.- Solaris said. The fox and the girl dove right into the basket, Melody covered them with just enough of a space so that they could breathe and see, but not be seen. Ai came up just then, but she looked different. Two black cat ears stuck up from her head, and she had a black cat's tail. Her nose looked a little snubbed and slightly pink. Sota looked the same as normal.
"I smell her up to here, but then the scent is…gone. All I smell now are old towels, ugh!" Ai said in disgust. "Nasty!"
-How ironic. That's just how I feel about their eating habits.- Solaris quipped. Melody stifled a laugh.
"Darn it… I wanted her tonight." Sota mourned.
"Oh, shut up, you big baby! You'll have her soon enough. Though why you want her is beyond me…" Ai growled.
"I've never had a kitsune before." Sota explained. Ai growled and hit the laundry basket.
"Dammit, stop whining! You'll have your chance. In the meantime, let's go back to bed. Damn alarm going off… stupid security officers… made me break a nail…" Ai groused.
"Poor darling…" Sota murmured as they left, once again the suave gentleman. The two girls waited until a little bit after the footsteps faded, then they climbed out and Solaris returned to her normal self.
"Roast royalty? Jeez, and I thought Kuwabara was gross!" Solaris griped.
"Didn't know I smelled like that. That's… disturbing." Melody said, as if she were thinking aloud.
"You're a princess, aren't you? The scent was of royal blood, wasn't it?" Solaris asked.
"I'd appreciate that being kept a secret." Melody sighed.
"Sure. By the way, this never happened." Solaris said in a tone that implied that no one needed to know about this.
"Deal." Melody nodded. When they got back to the room, Solaris quickly found the alarm attached to the door facing and smashed it.
"Stupid spying wise-ass little cat demon… and that Sota… may they both die and rot in the deepest pit of the Makai." Solaris declared, then muttered, "And the ninjas for not somehow answering my question."
"You still wonder about that ninja thing?" Melody asked.
"Hell yeah I do! I'm calling a psychic hotline, psychics know everything." Solaris declared and pulled out a phone book and her cell phone. Soon she had dialed a number and began to speak. "Yes, I have a question: Do ninjas wear underwear or not? ...No, this is not a prank call!… Listen, lady, d'ya know or not!… You do? Great! Hold on a second!" Solaris cheered. She held the phone away from her ear and turned the volume on it up. "Okay, talk to me." Just then Foxglove entered the room.
"Could hear you yell across through the wall. Is that a psychic hotline about to answer the ninja question?" Foxglove asked. When she saw the nod, she joined the other two girls.
-I See… I see a ninja, and he is wearing… Oh! It can't be!- the psychic gasped.
"What! What can't it be!" all three gasped.
-I see…An 'image not found' sign!- The face fall shook the whole floor, but luckily didn't wake anyone.
"ARE YOU SEARCHING THE NET!" all three girls cried in fury.
-Maybe.- the psychic answered. The only one who took any action was Solaris, who in a fury ended the call.
"You Suck Raw Eggs." She scowled as she put the phone back in her suitcase.
"It's beginning to look like we'll never know the answer to our question." Foxglove sighed.
"Well, not tonight anyhow. Tomorrow we'll find a dojo and a ninja to strip. Oyasumi Nasai!" she yawned as she headed for the couch. The other two foxgirls shrugged and headed their separate ways.
Solaris: staring at a cell phone bill Holy… So that's why it was so high. Stupid psychic hotline…
Kurama: You brought it on yourself. I thought you'd seen ads for them before. At 3 bucks a minute…
Foxglove: And the lesson today is that no matter who provides your cell phone service, be it some big company like Cingular or Tracfone that you pay each month or whenever you buy minutes, or you get your service paid for from a budget in your name in the Reikai, psychic hotlines are still a rip off.