July 12th, 10:55 AM (according to Justin's car radio clock)
I can't believe we're leaving already. I loved being at Lena's. She's so sweet. Her family is really nice too. You'd think my hand would hurt after writing so much the past few days, but it's all been so troubling. I thought this was a vacation from drama.
Last night Dawn and I got into another one of our fight... things.
"I can't believe Stacey," I said. "That she could do something like that."
"She's always been so much more mature than the rest of us. It's not surprising," Dawn said, sounding remarkably calm about the whole thing.
The idea made me feel sick in my stomach. Is that what happened when you date older guys? Would Derek want me to do that? (Not that we're dating)
"I mean, we're thirteen years old. Fourteen. How can people our age, Stacey, Claudia, even if they are more mature, how can they do that?"
Dawn shrugged. "It sounds disgusting to me, but to each their own."
"Dawn! This is our friends we're talking about. Can you even... I mean, imagine. Like Sunny with that guy at the club. She's fourteen years old. What could she even be doing with that guy? We haven't even gone through sex ed!"
"We have. Not that it makes what she did right. And who knows what she was doing."
"I wouldn't even know what goes where," I admitted. "Did you know that I still haven't even gotten my period?"
Dawn shook her head, looking a little surprised. Which I don't blame her. I know Dawn got her's right after she moved to Stoneybrook (the first time). Even Kristy has her's, even though it only started this past April. I know Claudia's had her's since she was 11. Which is probably why she got breasts long before the rest of us.
I sighed. "I can't imagine doing stuff like that with a boy. Logan and I dated for a year and we never did anything beyond open mouth kissing. I loved him, and I don't think I could have ever... done that."
"It's called oral sex, Mary Anne," Dawn said. (Which is hard to write even now.)
I started to get pretty angry then, but I let the comment go. "Could you even imagine what Dad would say if he found out I had... oral sex with anyone?"
"Logan would be dead." She smiled mischievously. "He doesn't even know that Derek exists."
"Dawn! What in the world would make you think that I'd even THINK about doing that?"
She started laughing at me. "I'm teasing!"
"Just because I'm so immature you think you can joke about it? Just because I've never touched a, a, a penis before, when you've probably had your fair share, because you know so much more about it than I do. I'm sorry if I'm so terribly immature and stupid that it's all a big joke to you. Maybe I should just be going back to Stoneybrook where I can just stay immature and not know anything going into high school!"
Dawn stared at me (probably shocked that I said "penis," because I know that I was). She opened her mouth to say something, but I stomped out of the room.
Later on that night (while I was stewing in the kitchen over Oreos and milk) Justin came in and sat down across from me. He took some cookies and simply sat there.
"You heard the argument," I said, breaking the silence.
He thought for a moment and said, "Not on purpose."
I shrugged. "It doesn't matter. It's obvious how behind I am."
Justin shrugged too. "I don't think so."
"Well, you're not supposed to get a period." I can't believe I said that! But I was in such a funk that I wasn't shocked by it. I just said it.
He laughed. "No, Mary Anne, I mean... I'm a virgin. I've never really done anything other than kiss."
"Really?"
"Look, everyone does things at different paces. I mean, hell, I'm sixteen. I just got my sexuality figured out. Could I have even comprehended that at thirteen? I don't think so. You're already ahead of the game. Plus, you're mature enough to know what you want and don't want to do. Most people aren't that smart at your age. Hell, most people aren't that smart at my age."
"So I'm not totally weird?" I asked.
He shook his head. "You're way ahead the rest of us."
"When do I start to feel that way?"
"I don't know. I guess it's different for everyone. I knew I wasn't happy, but then I realized that I was discounting half of the population. I had been trying to make myself not think about guys, thinking about Ducky. I've spent the past two years struggling with this."
I stared. "You've had a thing for Ducky for two years?"
Justin shrugged. "No, well, sort of. I'd be pushing away how I felt about guys for two years. I wasn't able to let myself think that I was that way. But when I really started to think about it, and think about him... I couldn't push that away. It was too strong. I'd go for girls, I think I've really loved a lot of girls. But really, it's been him. So I don't think I've honestly felt like I was on top of things until now. Sometimes you can do it yourself. Sometimes you need friends."
I felt a lot better. He's such a nice guy. Ducky's really lucky. However, it didn't make me want to forgive Dawn. How could she be so condescending? Just because she's been in high school for a year already, it doesn't seem fair to think that I know nothing.
Even if, truth is, I don't. And Dawn knows that. But it doesn't give her a reason to treat me like some stupid baby.
July 12th 9:42 PM
Well, coming back to Palo City wasn't without its benefits. Today was possibly the best day of my life. Ever, ever, ever. Let me start at the beginning. Because this day has just been fantastic.
When we got back around noon, I called Derek to see if he wanted to go out. He said yes and we picked me up (after me telling Carol where I was going).
"What do you want to do?" he asked.
"Anything," I replied.
"Do you mind taking a drive?" Derek asked. "I have an idea and I think you'll like it. I know this great place to eat."
"We can eat here, I don't need anything special."
He waved a hand. "Mary Anne, if you say yes, we can go somewhere special."
"Yes," I said, beginning to get paranoid. What if he was taking me to some hilltop overlooking the city to have sex? I've seen Grease, I DO know what happens in situations like that.
However, that's not what happened. We took a drive, but Derek took me to Hollywood! He parked his car and we walked to the Kodak Plaza. We strolled through some stores and then Derek took me to this really nice place called The Grill on Hollywood. It was fantastic, but really expensive. I wanted to split the bill, but he wouldn't let me.
Then we did some more shopping (I bought a birthday present for Claudia) and tried to peek into the Kodak Theatre, but it was too dark. We walked the streets, following some of the Walk of Fame (I pulled out my camera and took a picture of Snow White's star. I had no idea she had one) and went to Graumen's Chinese Theatre, which I've been to before, but it was still cool. I got some more pictures. I took Derek's picture with one of the big lion statues.
"This is so much fun," I said, as he took my hand. We went into a store that was full of little things that said "Hollywood" on them, and I bought a mini Oscar statuette that said "World's Best Grandma" for my grandmother.
"It's a lot more fun with you," Derek replied. I nearly melted he was so sweet.
We did some more walking and then WE GOT MUGGED. This guy tried to grab my purse and luckily I was clutching it and not just letting it dangle. He tried to grab it and run, but all he did was jerk me forward, practically pulling my arm out of its socket.
I screamed and panicked. Derek didn't, though, and punched the guy. Which made me scream again, but it was more out of shock. I know that Derek's really strong and big (he towers over me), but he's so gentle. What chivalry does to a guy! The would-be purse snatcher ran off.
"Oh my god, are you okay?" I asked. My voice was all panicked and screechy.
"I'm fine, I'm fine, are you okay, Mary Anne?" he asked. He sounded pretty panicky himself. "Is your arm okay? Are you hurt?"
"I'm okay," I said, crying a little bit. Just out of the scare.
"Do you have everything? Did he get any of it?"
I felt around in my purse. My wallet, camera, and cell phone were all there. "Seems okay," I replied. "That was just really scary."
He pulled me into a hug and held me for a few minutes.
"I think I'm ready to go," I said, sniffling a little.
"Yeah, let's go."
We went back to his car, and while we were walking there, I stopped dead in my tracks. "Derek! That's Cam Geary!"
You'd think after meeting Tyler, I'd know that movie stars are just like everyone else and I shouldn't treat them any different. Well, as much as I love Tyler's movies, I've loved Cam Geary FOREVER.
"Want to go be pushy and ask for an autograph?" Derek asked.
"Yes!"
We went over to him and my voice was really high pitched and my heart was pounding more than when we got mugged (with a day like this, I'm shocked I didn't have a heart attack). "Mr. GEARY?"
He turned and gave us that world-famous smile. "Hi."
"I love your movies," I said breathlessly. "And your tape. I had to buy it on CD because I wore out the tape."
"Thanks," he replied, still smiling. "Want an autograph?"
"YES!" I blushed bright red. Derek sort of snickered at me, but not in a mean way.
Cam opened up the briefcase he was holding and dug through it. He pulled out a glossy photo and a marker. "What's your name, hon?"
I couldn't speak, so Derek replied for me, "Her name is Mary Anne."
Cam signed the photo and handed it to me. His steady hand brushed against my shaking one. I nearly fainted. The autograph read, "To Mary Anne, Love, Cam."
Then Derek took my picture with Cam. CAM GEARY HAD HIS ARM AROUND MY SHOULDER AND I HAD MY ARM AROUND HIS WAIST. My life is really complete.
We got into Derek's car and I was staring at the photo.
"Oh man," Derek said, "you don't like me anymore. You're going to dump me for Cam Geary's photo."
I started laughing. "No, Cam Geary's photo doesn't kiss me back."
He grinned and he drove us back to his house. First we stopped at the video store and picked up a Cam movie on my request.
"He was holding a briefcase. He's, what? Sixteen? What kind of goof carries a briefcase full of photos of himself?" Derek teased me as I told the story to Ms. Thompson.
"Shut up!" I said, laughing. "He's an actor. He needs those photos for fans like me! I need to get that picture framed."
"Why don't you have it bronzed?"
I smacked his shoulder lightly.
As we curled up on the couch in his basement to watch the movie, I sighed happily, nearly in tears. "This has been the best day of my life."
Derek kissed my cheek and replied, "Mine too."
And it was. I'm going to bed happy. Very, very happy.