That little segment this past RAW involving the wannabe divas lined up to use the mirror reminded me of one thing; no matter how numerous they are, none of them will ever be able to surpass WWE's biggest primadonna, Chris Jericho. I also realized something else; whatever I cook up in this story, it will pale in comparison to the embarrassment that was the Bikini Boot Camp. I think WWE may just beat me in sabotaging its own contest.
Oh, and MintyFresh has raised an interesting point. This is a self-insert, definitely, I don't deny that, but am I really a Sue? I didn't include a super-enhanced, ideal version of me, but just me under this pen name. In this story I am not after a stud, I'm not looking to work in WWE or dominate anything (just to help rectify something), and the story is not centered around me but focuses on the diva veterans. Sue-worthy? I don't know. Maybe I'll snag Rene Dupree and win the Women's title along the way and see how it goes. Kidding, I'm kidding.
As for excessive swearing, I've used the word 'fuck' a total of three times, four if you include the one I just typed. Factor in some ten thousand other words and I'd say they become near irrelevant, don't you think? Besides, I walk down the street during school dismissal time around here and I hear various four-letter words about three dozen times before I round the corner. As far as I am concerned, my story is still pretty tame to warrant an M rating.
With that said, here is the next chapter.
Date Uploaded: 08 July 2005
Part 3 - It All Goes Smoothly
Before Eric Bischoff could move much within the next two days, however, the girls were way ahead of him, and so a few things happened in succession.
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Alexis Laree and Angel Williams debuted off-screen during a house show. Seeing as the women's roster was pretty scant, they wrestled each other. Laree scraped through with the win, in deference to the fact that she had seniority.
The match itself was simply protocol and the crowd reaction was average, until Jonathan Coachman surprisingly came out, declaring that the bout had not been sanctioned. "Whatever modifications you and whatever help you two have gotten higher up to get out here, it did NOT include the match that you two just had!" he declared, climbing into the ring.
As both Alexis and Angel gave him confused and nasty looks, he continued. "Not only that, but Chris Masters is livid that you stole the timeslot that was allotted for him! Eric Bischoff may not be around, but ladies, we are talking a huge fine and maybe even suspension here."
The audience booed. Alexis adopted a baffled look. She asked for a microphone and it was given to her. "Coach, I don't understand," she said, looking to reason with him. "True the program changes were made just a few moments before the show started. But I know we handed in the necessary papers. Are you sure you didn't make a mistake?"
"A mistake?" Coach mocked. "No I did NOT make a mistake! I've been through tonight's card inside and out; you two are not on it!"
"Well then check it again," Alexis said icily, standing toe to toe with him. Behind her Angel nodded her agreement.
"Are you hard of hearing?" Coach mocked, glaring down at her. "Do you not realize that you're in a truckload of trouble? I know you two are new at all this, but just because you're under some special favor and are getting this probably undeserved boost doesn't mean that you can disregard rules…"
Coach could barely be heard over the jeers and disapproval of the crowd by then. Alexis and Angel had the people firmly behind them. The two women gave Coach absolutely poisonous looks at the slight on their talent, and only too late did he realize that what he had said was very wrong.
Quick as a flash Alexis had drew back her hand and smacked him across the face with the microphone. Angel followed up with a spear and Coach was on the mat with the two women stomping on him. As the crowd cheered them on, the two ladies picked Coach up and delivered a double suplex.
As Coach had writhed in pain on the apron, Angel patted her side and withdrew a piece of paper from her pocket. She blinked in mock bewilderment and took the stick from the mat. "Hey, what do you know, here's the program variation. I guess I must have forgotten about it."
Alexis shrugged. "Whoops."
The two girls looked down at Coach, who was groaning and clutching his head. And then they laughed, Angel dropping the slip of paper over this prone form. And then the two of them left, the crowd rooting for them all the way.
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Meanwhile, Pyper and her new accomplice Juice had been planting stink bombs in one of a wannabe diva's travel bag. The two of them had successfully 'borrowed' uniforms from two of the hotel chambermaids (both of whom were probably in a lot of trouble right now) and gotten the room numbers of the Diva Search contestants. The latter part was done by getting O-Gee to feign being lost and drawing the receptionist away from the desk momentarily.
"What the hell did you put in these anyway?" Juice asked Pyper as she handled one of the items with gloves and the utmost care.
"A special blend," Pyper said, looking pleased with herself. "Rotten durian, which is bad enough in itself without being decayed, milk left out in the sun for a week, moldy bread and traces of Matt Morgan's sweat socks. That last ingredient had to be used in small doses due to its surprising strength."
"Eww…" Juice groaned, setting the stink bomb carefully between the cushions on one of the armchairs.
"That's nothing compared to what I sent Edge and Lita after that whole fiasco involving them and Matt," Pyper grinned as she pulled off her gloves. "Let's just say I was inspired by the whole 'Edge is feces' thing and leave it at that."
Juice wrinkled her nose in disgust and straightened up. The two of them had been busy all day placing the aforementioned stink bombs and tiny radios in discreet places in the remaining diva wannabes' rooms. No actual cleaning was done, of course, although they had to fake that whenever other hotel staff happened to pass by. O-Gee was outside as of the moment, playing lookout.
"Well that's it," Juice said. "You owe me big time for this, Pyper. This is even more risqué than that time you plotted to get Xzibit to 'pimp' JBL's ride."
Pyper grinned fondly at the memory. "That was a lot of fun, wasn't it?"
Juice thought about it. "Come to think of it, yeah it was pretty cool."
At that point O-Gee stuck her head inside. "Hey, are you guys done? I think some of the people are getting suspicious. Maybe the warning on our cart is tipping them off." The notice she was referring to said, 'WARNING: Biohazard Material. Inhale at your own risk.'
"Aw, crap," Pyper said. "Well, we're finished anyway. The girls should unwittingly set off the bombs at different intervals. And I've set the radios to turn on at inopportune times of the night in order to mess with their sleeping patterns. They'll be an absolute mess for Ivory tomorrow morning."
"Great, let's get out of here and in these uniforms. The chick I got mine from is a little smaller down the front and it's killing me…" Juice complained.
"Show-off," Pyper grumbled good-naturedly at her as they exited, Pyper grabbing her materials and a bunch of the hotel shampoo and bubble bath bottles as they ran off.
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"Trish, you do realize that it would be in your best interests to simply agree to our plan, right?" Azrael asked in a bored voice from her place in an armchair.
"Screw you, you infernal bitch," Trish hissed back, struggling painfully underneath Victoria.
The moment Azrael had arrived from Jamaica, she and Stephanie went their separate ways. While the billion-dollar heiress headed off to heckle the creative department with her abrupt return, Azrael met up with Victoria at the home of one rehabilitating Trish Stratus. After initial negotiations had gone awry, the tussle that followed saw Victoria knocking Trish onto the floor and sitting on her, pinning her down.
Now Azrael sighed. She knew this would be difficult. "Trish, I know the two of us have never seen eye to eye…"
"In a matter of speaking," Trish snapped, now giving up her struggles and opting instead to spit venom. "You've mocked me countless times, ridiculing my hair, my makeup, telling me not to insult viewers by pretending my breasts are real, actually told your worst enemy, Chris Jericho, that he could do better than me, even with his low standards, AND spread rumors about me having been born a man. Did I leave anything out?" she asked sarcastically.
"You forgot about that time Molly and I circulated pictures of you drunk and covered in nothing but Jeff Hardy's body paints."
Trish's eyes widened. "That was you? I'm going to KILL YOU!" she shrieked, once again trying to get to her feet.
Victoria held her firmly down. "Scream one more time, Trish, and I'll sit on your head! Now, considering I have you in a very vulnerable position, you might as well calm down and think about what we're saying here."
"Oh right, you mean willingly give up my Women's title?" Trish scoffed. "I've thought about it, and the answer is HELL NO!"
"Trish, come on," Azrael said, crossing her legs. "You're injured. You've been out for nearly two months now, and no doubt you'll be recuperating for a few months more. Why leave the Women's title hanging in limbo like that?"
"Nobody has beaten me for this damned title," Trish said adamantly. "For all I know this whole plot you've woven is just an elaborate lie to get it away from me and hand it to Victoria here!"
"Close, but not quite," Victoria said. She gestured to Azrael to show Trish a piece of paper. Azrael complied and held it out in front of the blonde's face. "See that, Trish? That was an official statement from the creative department to strip you of the title themselves and hand it to Christy Hemme, the last person who challenged you for it. And it would have happened, had Azrael, Stephanie and I not stepped in and had it scrapped."
Trish scanned the document incredulously, pulling one hand out from under Victoria to clutch it. "That's insane; I don't believe it."
"Believe it, chick," Azrael said, settling back into the armchair. "And if you don't stop being so difficult, they'll resume pushing for this happen. Now you have only two choices; give the title to us and Victoria will face Alexis and Angel in a triple threat match for it next RAW, or hand it to the idiots who drew up this document and watch Christy Hemme strut around with it."
"So what'll it be?" Victoria asked fiercely.
Trish had become numb, and not just because Victoria still had her pinned down. Giving a growl and saying, "Get off me," she slowly pushed herself up to her knees as Victoria let up. There was a silence as Trish glared at the two other women. And then she cautiously held out the Women's Championship, which she had been clutching to her chest all this time.
"But the moment I get back, I want a title shot," Trish said sternly. "One on one, no questions."
"You got it," Azrael said. "But hang on to it a little longer, there's something else we want you to do."
"And what's that?" Trish demanded.
Azrael and Victoria grinned.
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"I did not get a wink of sleep," complained Cameron. "After I had gotten hotel management to clean up the stench in my room, every time I put my head on the pillow this shrieking bird call would come out of nowhere!"
"Same here," Elisabeth said, punctuating it with a loud yawn. "Only mine was this blaring car horn. I tried changing rooms but the hotel said that they were fully booked."
It was bright and early the next morning, and the final eight chosen to remain in the Diva Search had turned up for the sudden extra round Ivory had called. All of them were bleary-eyed and yawning after every few minutes. Coffee and concealer had tried to do its best, but it wasn't doing much in the way of keeping them awake or hiding those bags.
They were in a small gym, with a ring placed in the middle. All around crewmembers were making the last few adjustments to their equipment. Coach and Christy were nowhere to be seen, and considering how tough Ivory was the day before, this worried the girls.
The door opened and Ivory walked in, followed closely by two other women. A few of the contestants visibly started, recognizing them to be former WWE divas Gail Kim and Jacqueline. "What's going on?" Ashley wondered out loud.
"Ladies, good morning. Nice to see that everyone's punctual," Ivory greeted. She was met with half-hearted mumbles and another yawn or two. Ivory hid a small grin. Pyper had been thorough. "Today, as you can probably tell, we're going to have a crash course in wrestling moves, just to see who can easily get the feel of things. Call it Wrestling 101, if you will."
Some of the girls perked up at that, others looked wary, some paled considerably and still others continued to blink sleepily.
"I believe you're all well-acquainted with the women with me today," Ivory continued. "This is Jacqueline and Gail Kim; I called in a favor and the two of them will help out during this round."
"Hello," Gail greeted pleasantly enough, while Jacqueline merely smirked in their direction.
Calling in the two of them had been met with a lot of apprehension within the women already in the plan. "But everybody knows that they've been released," Angel had said. "Having them suddenly show up for a temporary gig is not only going to fuel rumors, it'll arouse suspicion and before we know it somebody exposes it all and everything blows up in our face."
"Paranoid much?" Azrael said. And then she sighed. "You have a very good point, though."
"Well I don't see how I can get this done on my own," Ivory said adamantly. "Victoria will be at the arena in the next state, Trish hasn't been cleared by her doctor and Lita has been raising a lot of eyebrows lately. And no, Torrie and Stacy are nowhere on my substitute list."
Annoyed, Victoria had then turned to the member of their group who wielded the most power. "Well, Stephanie? It's your call."
Stephanie idly stirred her coffee as she gave it serious thought. And then she nodded. "What the heck, we've come this far, let's go for it."
And thus Gail and Jacqueline were here. The cameras had started rolling and all the women were in the ring, finishing their warm-ups. Once they were done Ivory spoke again, "All right, one of the most basic things a wrestler has to learn is how to take a fall. Gail, Jackie? Would you help demonstrate?"
"Sure," Gail said. She turned to Jacqueline. "I suplex you, right?"
"Hey, you lost the coin toss," Jackie joked back.
Gail gave a mock sigh. "All right."
And to the horrified eyes of the eight contestants, Jackie then proceeded to hook Gail's arm around her neck and deliver a swift snap suplex, the impact of which made the ring bounce under the wannabe divas' feet. A few of them took a step back.
"Oh, my back, the pain…" Gail moaned from the floor as Jackie stood up. Jacqueline rolled her eyes while Ivory laughed. "I'm kidding," Gail said, grinning and springing back to her feet. Some of the contestants offered weak laughs.
"So," Ivory said, turning back to the eight ladies, "who wants to go first?"
All of them looked hesitantly at each other.
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Monday Night RAW. Victoria grinned as Trish Stratus' music hit and the buxom, blonde diva strode out to a huge cheer from the surprised crowd. This was it.
"Please welcome, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada; she is the Women's Champion, Trish Stratus!" Lillian introduced in the ring a broad smile on her own face. She had been informed of the intervention and was delighted about it.
Trish walked stiffly down to the ring, although relieved that her slight tussle with Victoria had not hurt her back any further. She entered with one of the officials holding the ropes open for her, and then took the microphone Lillian handed to her. She then faced the crowd with a smile on her face.
"As you all know when I was unfortunately called out due to injuries, I happened to bring the Women's title along with me," Trish began.
"You know, I hardly noticed," King mused, getting over his delight at ogling Trish in the ring once more.
"You and the rest of the population more preoccupied with the Diva Search," JR commented.
Back in the ring, Trish continued. "Well it's been brought to my attention that the title can't remain dormant for as long as I'm out. And so, it is my decision to relinquish the Women's Championship and have it up for grabs in a diva Battle Royal to all the eligible women in the back."
Trish was of course lying through her teeth, initially having no intention of giving up the title in the first place. But then the audience didn't need to know that. She moved to talk again but then Victoria's music hit.
The raven-haired woman stalked out, revved up and completely in her persona. She slid into the ring, glared at Trish, and then asked for a microphone of her own. "It's about time, Trish," she spat out. "I've been hanging around uselessly and getting into two-bit feuds since you went and took the title with you."
Trish crossed her arms with mock irritation, playing her part perfectly.
"But what's this about a diva Battle Royal?" Victoria scorned. "Who's left for me to take on? Lita? Please, she's too busy running scared stiff from Kane. Christy? She isn't in my league. There's no one left. I'd say you should just give me that title right here and now; I'm the only one who deserves it!"
And right on cue music once again played. Trish and Victoria turned to the stage to see Alexis Laree and Angel Williams come out, both eager for their first segment on WWE programming. The crowd cheered for them, which was definitely a good sign, and they also made their way down and climbed into the ring.
"Hang on just a minute there, Victoria," Alexis said, having gotten a stick of her own. "You seem to have forgotten that, although you think you're on top of the women's division now, the two of us didn't come along just to play valet."
Victoria looked at them and then snorted derisively. "And what makes you think you two greenhorns have any right to challenge for the Women's title?"
"We more than qualify, and you know it," Alexis said defiantly.
Angel took the mic from her. "Why, Victoria? Afraid of a little competition? Scared that somehow these two 'greenhorns' will show you up?"
Victoria rolled her eyes and gave then a cocky smile. "It'll be a cold day in hell before that happens. Well, I haven't had any challenge in the last few months or so; you two will do just fine. I'll see you at the Battle Royal."
Trish frowned. They were wrapping up this segment too quickly. She saw that Angel looked agitated too. Where was that bimbo?
And to their relief their prey took the bait. The up tempo music that was Christy Hemme's theme sounded, and the last year Diva Search winner bounced out to a considerably louder welcome. Victoria's face twisted into a sneer and Alexis gave her a sharp look.
As Christy moved towards the ring she lost her smile and attempted a look of all business. Already with a microphone in hand, she began talking. "I'm sorry, but I believe that Trish said the Battle Royal is open to 'all the eligible women in the back.' With that being said, I can't believe you have the nerve to start treating this like a triple threat match."
"Why, Christy? I don't see any other suitable women in this ring other than Trish and she's injured," Victoria pointed out scathingly.
Christy seemed surprised at that, but she caught herself and scowled. "You seem to have forgotten, Victoria, that I was the last contender for the Women's title, and thus I immediately qualify. Plus I've had more than a few matches and I've managed to come out on top in most of them."
"Only because Molly was forced to job to you," Alexis muttered under her breath.
Victoria looked like she would say something rude but Trish stopped her and spoke instead. "You know, she does have a point," she said, making Christy smile. "She is on the women's roster and she meets all the criteria to vie for the Women's title."
Victoria rolled her eyes as Angel jeered at this.
"So it's settled, then," Trish said, announcing it to the crowd. "Next week it will be Christy versus Angel versus Alexis versus Victoria!"
The latter three women turned to give Christy ominous smiles at that point. Christy blinked, suddenly getting that same feeling when Ivory had sat down with her and Coach at the panel; this was NOT good. Trish said something more but was surprisingly cut off when 'Lovefurypassionenergy' blared from the speakers.
"Oh shit," Victoria growled off mic.
Lita walked out on the stage, a displeased leer on her face, coming down the ramp to face them. She talked as she moved along. "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait… you girls weren't seriously thinking of leaving me out of the running, were you?" she climbed into the ring. "I am a two-time Women's Champion; I get precedence over this hyperactive cheerleader," she gestured to Christy, who scowled again, "and these newbie punks who are green around the sides!" she indicated Alexis and Angel, who looked annoyed.
"Lita," Angel said smoothly. "Frankly I'm surprised you're interested, considering you have other problems of your own to sort out. Specifically a near seven-foot, monster of a problem."
"Yeah, go run back and make out with Edge," Victoria said, mostly unthinkingly. "We don't need you here."
Trish nudged her in the ribs the slightest bit as Lita bristled. The crowd loved that, though, and let out another roar.
"We seem to be multiplying," Trish joked, as Alexis tried to keep herself between Victoria and Lita. "Anybody else in the back who thinks they should be in the battle royal? Any takers? No?" When nobody else thankfully strolled out, she turned back to everyone else. "So it's final! Next RAW there will be a five-way battle royal with Christy, Angel, Alexis, Victoria and Lita, for this!" she held up the belt she hadn't wanted to part with. "There will be a new Women's Champion!"
Angel and Alexis shot death stares at an equally seething Christy, as Lita and Victoria glared daggers at each other. It was going to be a brutal match.
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Azzie's Blog – Plotting World Domination since 2002
So Influential; Little Ol' Me?
Greetings to all four of my readers.
There have been rumors flying around that I am somehow involved with the sudden boost in the women's division in WWE. True I have ranted about the matter like a madwoman on crack, but allow me to set the record straight. I have not been mixed up with the sudden jump of Alexis Laree and Angel Williams to the main RAW roster. I know nothing about Ivory's surprise addition to the Diva Search panel. And I most definitely have nothing to do with Stephanie McMahon's sudden reemergence.
But I am just as pleasantly surprised as you are with these turn of events. And 'w00t!' at the possibility of a new Women's Champ by next week too.
So until then, I remain indifferently yours.
Azrael
Previous Entries:
The Diva Search Contestants are all whores. That being said, what's on the other channel?
I thought I came close to a infallible plan for world domination, and then I realized it was just how to solve world hunger. Well, back to the old drawing board.
WWE cuts more wrestlers from its overcrowded rosters. Bye guys, see you at TNA.
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And in Eric Bischoff's office the GM of RAW sat in his chair and looked pleased with himself. In front of him, on the screen of his computer, was Azrael's little blog. He had been trying all day to run around and keep this apparent women uprising contained, but it had pushed through anyway.
But now he was presented with what he considered was a foolproof plan to topple the insurrection in one fell swoop. Still smiling sinisterly, he reached for his phone. Next RAW was going to be very interesting indeed.