Once again this is looking much longer than I initially expected it to be. I'm trying to hurry it along, while inspiration is still sticking around. I'm hoping to end this in about two more chapters after this.
Oh, and with the draft and massive lay-offs the rosters I'm using for the shows are shot. The timeline of this story takes place before the final 'blockbuster' (was that what they called it?) draft that shifted eleven superstars (most of whom were fired as well) around away from the cameras. For the sake of minimizing confusion, though, I've decided to stick with the final changes. So Rene is back on RAW and Regal is bafflingly on Smackdown!
And Myth, you asked why Pyper, O-Gee and Juice have such weird names? Well, Pyper is the penname of my sister, and O-Gee and Juice (no relation to Juvi Guerrera) are actual nicknames for my youngest sister and cousin respectively. I guess weirdness just runs in the family.
But enough rambling. Here is the chapter.
Date Uploaded: 11 July 2005
Part 04 - Stirring Things Up
"Lita was so not part of the plan," Angel said grumpily, crossing her arms and dropping into an armchair. "And Candace didn't even take the bait! All right, so the that one was an unsure bet in the first place…"
"I honestly thought she wouldn't be interested," Victoria said, mashing a stress ball between her hands. "What with her disgusting displays of affection with that grinning gecko, Edge, I didn't think her head would be on the title hunt."
The two of them along with Alexis, Trish, Ivory and Stephanie were in the latter's hotel room, having discreetly entered at different intervals to hold this meeting. Now Stephanie lounged in the other armchair as Alexis took the last of the drinks from the table.
"You're kidding me, right?" Trish said from her place on the sofa. "Lita may be preoccupied with two absolutely psychotic men right now, but like most of the women in the promotion, she realizes that the Women's Championship is the lifeblood of the female roster. Of course she'd want it."
Victoria blistered at that, not appreciating being told off. "I figured she'd want to ease up on that knee too. So I was a bit off, okay?"
"Well, nothing we can do about that now," Stephanie said calmly. "We all consciously decided to keep Lita out of the loop, but she's found her way in, albeit obliviously. It should be easy to deal with her in the long run anyway. Leave it to me."
"All right," Alexis said, settling into the sofa beside Trish. "At least Christy's fallen for it, and hopefully she doesn't figure out this is a setup before next RAW."
"There's little chance of that," Trish said, smirking. She turned to Ivory. "So, Ivory, what happened during your little round with the Diva Search contestants?"
Ivory grinned, perching on the bed. "Well it wasn't pretty, I can tell you that," she said. "Jackie suplexed one of the more delicate ones, Simona, I think, and that wiped the girl out. Completely. She just kind of lay in the ring and begged to be excluded from the rest of the segment."
Alexis and Trish roared with laughter at that, but Victoria was mildly disgusted. "And WWE expects girls like that to secure spots on the roster? Jesus Christ."
"We had wardrobe problems with the girl named Summer," Ivory said, continuing and rolling her eyes at the memory. "Not that she was wearing much in the first place, but the absurd bikini bottom she had tore the moment Gail gripped it and pulled. I had to scream for the cameras to be turned off and a robe."
Even Stephanie was chuckling along with Angel, Alexis and Trish by now. Victoria still didn't look amused.
"Some of the girls did manage to suck it up and go through all the rounds we put them through," Ivory went on. "One, Elisabeth or Ashley, I can't quite tell, even went to the point where she tried to adapt a stoic look every time she took a fall. That stopped when Gail reminded her that in an actual match, she would have to sell those moves."
"And so did she start doing it?" Angel asked.
"She didn't need to. Jackie nailed her with a powerslam that apparently hurt a lot, judging from the way she rolled around for a while in acute pain."
"Well at least the ache will give them some food for thought," Victoria said, looking satisfied.
"I'm not saying that some of them won't improve with adequate training," Ivory said fairly. "Most girls do, with the possible exception of Stacy Keibler. But I highly doubt the idea is to put them in OVW after they win and keep them there for a year or so."
"No, the moment one of these bimbos win it's lingerie pillow fights on RAW," Alexis said sorely.
"Don't look so pessimistic," Stephanie said. "If this plan of ours works just fine, none of us will have to stomach another degrading match ever again."
At that moment her mobile phone rang. She picked it up. "Stephanie McMahon."
"Steph, I have bad news," Azrael's voice immediately said, sounding extremely agitated from the other end. "Guess who's going to be the special guest on Carlito's Cabana next RAW?"
"Who?"
"Me."
»»»
Eric's brainwave had gone something like this. The next morning, after processing in the necessary changes to the next show's card, he called in the two stars that both bafflingly held interview segments on RAW, Carlito Caribbean Cool and Chris Jericho.
"Gentlemen, I need one of you to question a special guest on your program next show," Eric began, lacing his fingers together on the desk.
"Couldn't you have told us over the phone, Bischoff?" Jericho snapped, a half-eaten croissant in hand. "I had a lot planned for this morning, like getting highlights and a manicure."
"Yeah, and Carlito was looking forward to—wait a minute, highlights and a manicure?" Carlito said, looking at Jericho with a mix of incredulity and amusement.
"You have a problem with that, junior?" Jericho snarled back.
Eric Bischoff shook his head. "Listen, this is important. This person will be completely unexpected and hopefully make some sense out of all the changes we've been having to the women's card lately."
"There were changes in the women's card?" Carlito asked flatly while Jericho checked his reflection on one of Eric's shiny paperweights.
Bischoff frowned impatiently. Trust these two not to notice. "Yes. And not that you two would care, but it's been a pain in the ass for me."
"Well then stop blabbing on and on and get to the point," Jericho snapped. "Who is this person you're talking about anyway?"
"She's not with the company, but I believe you two may have encountered or heard of her. Her name is Azrael," Bischoff said.
At that Jericho promptly choked on the last bite of his croissant. He gave a strangled noise and bent over, as if he would retch onto the floor. Coughing, he slowly started to turn an alarming shade of beet red.
"Wholly shit, call paramedics, do something!" Bischoff yelled, getting up. "We can't have a man down for the next taping!"
Carlito, startled at Jericho's reaction, leapt to his feet but, like Bischoff, seemed uncertain at what to do. It was only when Jericho clutched at his shirt collar and pulled that Carlito wrapped his arms around the older man's midsection and effectively performed the Heimlich maneuver. With three thrusts the soggy pastry shot out of Jericho's mouth and smacked against the wall.
With the crisis over, Bischoff plopped back into his seat with a relieved sigh. Jericho gave one least dry heave and collapsed into his. Carlito sat back down quietly himself, muttering something along the lines of, "That wasn't cool…"
"Azrael?" Jericho gasped out. He was about to fly into a tirade about that unholy, conniving, self-absorbed bitch when he stopped and looked to Carlito on his right. And then he got an idea.
"Listen, if you're thinking of throwing up on Carlito, you better think again," Carlito said, catching his glance.
Jericho shook his head, adopting a grateful stance. "No, no, man, you saved my life. Thank you."
Bischoff and Carlito blinked. This was a surprise.
"No, I mean it, Carlito," Jericho said, straightening up. "And I know it's a small token, but I'm not going to squabble with you over who gets to interview this special guest of Eric Bischoff. You take Azrael; have her on the Cabana."
Carlito looked stunned. That was way too easy. Then again, he had dislodged a croissant from Jericho's windpipe.
"That settles it then," Bischoff said wearily, too tired to argue. "Azrael will be at Carlito's Cabana next RAW."
Jericho managed not to show his immense relief.
»»»
"This is INSANE," Azrael was saying back at the present. "With all those stupid rumors that somehow found their way around the Internet, I've been linked to what's going on. And I'm sure Bischoff wants to expose it all by having me on the fucking Cabana!"
"All right, Azrael, calm down," Stephanie said.
"What's going on?" Victoria asked.
Stephanie relayed it to them as quickly as she could, even as Azrael griped about how much this phone call was costing her. "It's a cunning move on Eric's part," Stephanie had to admit. "But I'm going to see how he was given the go ahead to do this without my approval."
"Yeah, we can't let this happen," Alexis said. "With the way Azrael shoots her mouth off when she's riled up, the plan will get uncovered for sure."
"I CAN hear you, you know!" Azrael's tinny voice snapped from Stephanie's mobile.
"Well she does have a point," Trish couldn't help but say.
"You know, this may not be such a bad thing," Stephanie suddenly said.
"And how is that?" Victoria asked skeptically.
"Right now, Christy is still considered a face," Stephanie began slowly, thinking things through. "The Diva Search contestants are being treated as babyfaces too, like they're a good thing. Most of the people are still backing Christy, if not the diva wannabes, up. Now we need to have the audience on our side. Alexis and Angel as faces, or neutrals in the least, is helping, but other than that interest in this entire thing is sorely lacking."
"Keep going," Ivory said cautiously.
"Well it would do well to have a spokesperson," Stephanie said. "I could do it, but I'm busy enough as it is behind the scenes, and WWE programming isn't exactly begging for my sudden return either. Azrael has enough charisma, and as a fan speaking to the fans, she could strike a chord."
"You forget, this is Azrael," Angel reminded. "She's rather antagonistic and therefore whatever reactions she gets will be unpredictable."
"Once again, I CAN hear you!" Azrael shouted.
"Yeah, but she'll have Carlito opposite her," Stephanie said, smiling. "And Carlito is generating a lot of heat lately. Azrael can't possibly come off as a bad guy in an altercation with him. Thankfully we didn't get Jericho; that would have been a disaster."
"Tell me about it," Trish muttered.
"This could still blow up in our face," Victoria warned. "But if it works we'll have the push we need." She turned to the phone, as if seeing Azrael there. "Azrael, do the show. Lie, manipulate, sweet-talk, I don't care what you do; just make sure we come out smelling like roses afterwards. And for God's sake, don't piss the audience off. "
"Easy for you to say," Azrael muttered. "All right, all right. Now hang up before I end up paying an arm and a leg for this phone call."
Stephanie ended the call. The women looked tensely at each other. What with the debut of the Diva Search contestants on air, Azrael's sudden appearance on Carlito's Cabana, and the battle royal for the Women's Championship, things were going to be crucial for next RAW.
»»»
"Pyper, pack your bags, and tell O-Gee and Juice we're going for a short trip," Azrael rumbled as she dropped her mobile phone into her pocket.
Pyper looked up from where she was on the couch, absentmindedly flicking channels over and over again. "Don't tell me we have something to do for the sabotage again," she whined. "I thought our part was done. I already repacked all my materials in the lab and locked them up. Now I wanted to concentrate on finding Jericho's new postal address; he changed it again on me."
"Quit griping and get a move on," Azrael snapped. "We're getting front seats to the next RAW show. You can do whatever sordid research you want there."
"Really? Sweet!" Pyper shot to her feet and fled from the room, no doubt to hurriedly toss stuff into five suitcases for a four-night stay.
Azrael sighed. She did not like this idea. After a moment of debating whether to get out of it, she shook her head in resignation and then went to pack as well.
»»»
Prior to the much-awaited RAW show a few notable things happened.
To keep from anyone getting suspicious, Stephanie pretended to butt heads with Eric Bischoff regarding Azrael's appearance on Carlito's Cabana. Ultimately the Billion Dollar Princess conceded that there was nothing she could do, much to Bischoff's smug pleasure. If he had not been so pleased with himself over his supposed victory, he would have noticed that Stephanie had at least a dozen little loopholes that she could have used.
Christy Hemme actually came up to Ivory and asked for some coaching prior to her big match. Ivory was left literally speechless in utter astonishment, but after a beat was able to offer a lame excuse and point her to Al Snow instead. She wasn't going to meddle with this one.
Jericho sent Carlito a barrel of apples, encouraging him to use it for his next show with Azrael. He also saw fit to give the IC Champ some 'helpful' suggestions, like telling him to needle her, show her who's boss. Carlito was a little surprised with Jericho's over zealousness but foolishly decided to take it in stride.
Stephanie also made sure production made a big deal about touting the five-way battle royal for next show. Victoria, Angel and Alexis mentioned it during house shows, interviews, whenever they could. Pyper and Juice hyped it on the Internet, Pyper almost getting banned from several message boards due to spamming. Interest in the match began to increase, and by Monday talk about it had risen over the main event. Everything was on the way.
»»»
RAW. The crowd buzzed like it was any other show. Backstage, at least for the women in on the plan, tensions were higher than usual.
After the first match, which pitted Shelton Benjamin against Rene Dupree, the former picking up the win, the onscreen debut of the Diva Search contestants began. Audioslave's 'Be Yourself' played as the eight women walked out, most rather stiffly from aching muscles. A chorus of boos greeted them. Even without the sabotage the Diva Search was unpopular enough.
"… The lovely Simona!" Coach introduced as the girls filed out. Simona herself rather limped out, giving weak smiles to the crowd.
In the ring, Ivory shook her head a little in exasperation. Her 'training' had been a week ago. Surely they still couldn't be sore from it.
Before the others could be presented, though, the music was suddenly yanked off. After a beat Britney Spears' 'Toxic' replaced it, the sickening rhythm reducing the crowd to even louder jeers. The contestants and Coach looked bewildered.
Backstage and away from the cameras and the eyes of the audience, Azrael walked away from the music room with a satisfied smile on her face. Desecrate Audioslave, would they? Not with her around. Now to find Rene and shave off that godawful facial hair and sideburns…
Back out in the ring Coach had recovered and finished calling the contestants up. They now stood with him and Ivory, Christy not being there due to warming up before the big five-woman battle royal. "Now ladies, you each have thirty seconds to introduce yourself to the audience," Ivory said.
"But we're going to put a little twist on things," Coach said, making Ivory turn to him with a glare. "To really grab the audience's attention, you're going to do it in your bra and panties."
The men cheered, the women booed, overall the reaction from the crowd was varied. Ivory glowered at Coach. She had been against that idea all along, but apparently hadn't been able to stop Coach from opening his big mouth. She made a mental note to make something unpleasant happen to him within the evening.
"So, let's start it," Coach said. "Ashley?"
Ashley, the blonde who wore a backwards baseball cap, moved to the front and took the microphone. The timer started. "My name is Ashley—"
That was about as far as she got before a round of popcorn hit her on the face. Before anybody could figure out what was going on, more food was lobbed in the direction of the ring; chips, crackers, some fruit and nuts and more. The source was three girls in the front, two teens and a kid, all gleefully tossing food at the contestants.
"Yeah, bulls eye!" Pyper said triumphantly, nailing Summer with a fistful of peanuts. Beside her, Juice and O-Gee chucked whatever crap they had bought outside at the food stands.
Cameron got hit with a half-open bag of chips. Kristal turned only to have yogurt fly into her hair. Leyla was splattered with soda. Even Coach was victim to a flying wiener. Ivory, who had known what was coming, moved quietly to a safe corner in the ring. It wasn't safe for long as the rest of the crowd, realizing what was going on, inevitably got into it as well. Before security could run over and stop Pyper, O-Gee and Juice, a barrage of food and drinks came soaring from all angles. Ivory quickly got out of the ring and sat with Lillian to watch the spectacle unfold. Sandwiches, beer cans, plastic soda bottles, and an assortment of candies and whatnot started to pelt the eight contestants and Coach. Utter pandemonium ruled.
By and by Coach got his wits about him and managed to hustle the women out of the ring and back up the ramp, where people got in a couple of good shots as they went. The throwing slowed and then stopped. The ring was a mess and the people were hooting, loving it.
"That's a protest if I've ever seen one," Lillian said to Ivory, who nodded with a satisfied smile.
Pyper reclined back in her seat with a pleased grin on her face. All their stash was gone. "That was so worth it," she said.
"I wanted to keep the licorice," O-Gee whined.
"We'll buy you more outside," Juice said patiently.
All three of them froze when big hands clapped on their shoulders. They turned to see three burly security guards glaring down at them. There was a slightly comical moment of silence before Juice cleared her throat and managed a small, "Yes?"
"You girls are leaving," the first one said gruffly, ordering them to their feet.
"You're kicking us out?" Pyper shrieked. "Why?"
"Why?" the same guard bellowed back at her. "That's why!" he jerked a thumb towards the ruined ring.
"Oh come on, half the food there isn't ours!" Juice protested.
"Save it, out of the arena, NOW," the second guard said as the three of them began to force the girls out to the aisle.
A few members of the audience saw what was happening and began to boo. Workers had started to file out from the back to clean up the ring; fortunately it was a taping and so, even though they had to move quickly, they weren't completely pressured.
"But we're special guests of Stephanie McMahon!" Pyper yelled loudly. A fan girl outburst was looming.
"Oh yeah, prove it," the first guard snarled.
Pyper hurriedly fished out an ID badge from her pocket and handed it to him. The guard took it and eyed it critically. Unfortunately, Stephanie had not been able to hand them VIP passes before the show and Pyper had tried to compensate by scribbling on a small piece of cardboard with a magic marker. It's no wonder the guards didn't buy it. Juice groaned and slapped a palm to her forehead.
"Very funny. Now move it," the last guard snapped, beginning to pull a frightened O-Gee away.
And Pyper lost it. She shrieked, she swore, she fired barely coherent insults from where she refused to budge and caused a huge commotion. Two more guards hurried over to shut her up and Juice saw, to her utter amazement, that the crowd was actually rooting for her.
She nudged O-Gee. "Act like Pyper!" she hissed.
"Act like Pyper…?" O-Gee echoed, bewildered. This went against all the times Azrael had threatened to stuff her head down a toilet if she ever mimicked Pyper's insane antics.
"Just trust me!" Juice said. And she proceeded to fight back as well against being dragged out, screaming and causing a ruckus. After a beat O-Gee followed.
"What are those three doing?" Lillian wondered to herself as she and Ivory stood up to see what was going on.
"Making idiots out of themselves," Ivory said. "And doing a good job of it."
Finally the guards had to haul the three of them out of their seats and out of the arena, Pyper still flailing madly, O-Gee in full tantrum mode and Juice with her fists raised triumphantly in the air, the audience cheering for them; three no-names who had more than made their point. Lillian and Ivory burst out laughing as the three of them, along with the guards who lugged them along (four to Pyper by now), disappeared outside.