Friday 7/16, 2:40 AM
I'm at Dawn's right now. I'm spending the night here. I've been doing some serious hanging out with my friends, since I haven't had the chance to really do that since Amalia's party. I also haven't written in here since then. I've been working double hours at the store to make up for my cut in pay. My last check had a 25 dollar bonus on it so Dad isn't as bad as I thought.
All that work A. Keeps me tired B. Keeps me worn out and C. Puts me in good with Dad. One out of three isn't too bad. Oh wait, yes it is.
Anyway. Tonight Dawn hosted a sleepover for all of us. Amalia and Maggie both declined the offer, and, of course, Ducky and Justin couldn't come because Mr. Schafer isn't THAT liberal.
Well, and then there's Claudia. It's three in the morning right now and Claudia still hasn't come back from her date with Rico. Mr. Schafer and Carol have no idea. They came in here (the rec room) last night at 10:30 and we told them that Claudia was in the bathroom. No questions asked, they went to bed.
Every now and again, we try calling her cell phone, but we just get her voice mail.
I first got to Dawn's at six-thirty right after I left Ducky at work (he was stuck there until closing at ten). I brought my stuff with me to work, so I didn't even have to stop at home. I was greeted warmly by Mary Anne, Stacey, and Dawn. Kristy was at Justin's.
"Hey, we just made some fruit turnovers," Dawn said as I dropped my stuff at the door. She gave me a look and I picked my stuff up and took it to the rec room.
"Lena gave us the recipe," Dawn continued as I came back into the kitchen. "We have apple, pear, and blackberry. I picked the blackberries myself."
I had the sudden mental image of Dawn in one of her peasant dresses, running barefoot through the woods dropping freshly picked blackberries into a wicker basket.
I stifled a giggle. "Sounds great."
About an hour or so later, Kristy came back to Dawn's, sweating like a pig, her clothes dirty and grass-stained. She grunted a sort of hello and headed straight for the shower.
"Justin must have worked her hard," Stacey said. "They get along really well, though, so it couldn't have been that horrible."
"And seeing Justin run around in a sweaty t-shirt for two hours?" I said. "Hello, that's not painful."
"When I was there with Ducky, Justin was running around shirtless," Stacey said.
"Oh man," I said, pretending to faint. I sat up straight. "I swear, if they ever break up, I'm going to... well, do nothing because then Justin would be Ducky's ex, and Ducky comes first, but I'd think about doing something."
Everyone laughed. Dawn looked pleased. I guess because I wasn't sleazing around in clubs and I'm thinking of my friends first or something. Which I always have. Sometimes.
"Yeah, Justin is really hot," Dawn replied, picking the last pear turnover off the tray. "I think we can all agree on that."
"He's good-looking," Mary Anne agreed carefully. "I don't know, I like blondes."
"Can't beat tall, dark, and handsome," I said, sighing a bit.
"So, Dawn," Stacey said. "How are things going for you with the guys?"
"What guys?" Dawn replied. "I haven't gone out on a date since I moved back here at the beginning of the school year. This guy Ducky was friends with hit on me one time. That's the closest thing to a date I've been on."
"You're kidding me," Stacey said, sounding shocked.
I didn't find it shocking. Dawn would much rather judge everyone else on their love lives than have one of her own.
"Nope. I haven't kissed a guy since Lewis. Remember, Logan's cousin?"
"That was ages ago!" Stacey said.
"I know." Dawn sighed.
Kristy walked down the hall into the kitchen with the rest of us wearing a clean tank top and clean shorts. Her hair was sopping, like she hadn't bothered with a towel.
"Kristy, you're going to drench the turnovers," Dawn said, obviously glad for a topic change.
"Sorry." Kristy grabbed a dish towel and rung her hair out in it. She sat down at the table and grabbed a turnover.
"How was it at Justin's?" Mary Anne asked.
Kristy shrugged. "It was fine. I don't think I'm going to have a problem making it on the lacrosse team. The coach can't be any worse than Justin. He's a slave driver."
"Were you two running around the yard shirtless again?" Stacey asked.
"WHAAAAAT?" I shouted. "BOTH of them?"
"Bra!" Kristy said. "I have a bra, it was a sports bra. And, yes, Stacey, we were. It's so hot outside, it's not worth modesty."
Stacey laughed. "I was teasing you. We were talking about how hot Justin is. You're the one rubbing up against him trying get the ball out of the net thingy."
I wondered then if it was just my imagination, or if Kristy was blushing.
"Ducky's lucky." Stacey looked to Kristy. "Did they finally kiss? Did Justin tell you?"
Kristy didn't say anything, so I spoke up.
"They did," I said. "Days ago. Ducky told me."
"Ooooo!" Mary Anne said. "That's so romantic."
"Romantic," Kristy echoed in a hollow sort of voice. "Yeah."
Finally, since no one else seemed to notice, I said, "Kristy, is something up?"
If looks could kill. "No, I'm fine."
"Man, Justin's abs must be rock hard," Stacey said. "They have such... shape."
Dawn started giggling and Mary Anne joined her.
Wait. What's that sound? I think Claudia's back.
Friday, 3:20 PM
I'm back at my house. After Claudia got back, things were a little crazy. But I'm going to start back where I left off.
We were sitting around talking about Justin, and Kristy very suddenly stood and left the room, taking an apple turnover with her.
"What's up with her?" Stacey asked.
Mary Anne shrugged. "Maybe I should go talk to her."
"Maybe she just wants to be left alone," Dawn said.
"Probably," I said. Disregarding my own words, I got up and followed Kristy down the hall to the rec room. "Kristy?"
She looked at me from her sleeping bag where she was currently lying on her stomach her head up enough so her mouth could reach the turnover. "What do you want?" she asked, her mouth half full.
"What's going on?" I sat down in front of her. "Is there something happening with you and Justin?"
The words just came tumbling out of my mouth. I hadn't even thought that. Not consciously. I felt my stomach drop out after I said it. What if Justin was cheating on Ducky? It would break Ducky's heart. He hasn't been this happy, probably since I've known him. He's gone through so much shit, a relationship that was just starting to take off couldn't even last a month because the guy he picked was cheating scum?
"No," Kristy said. I started to breathe again.
"Then what is it?"
"Nothing's going on with me and Justin. Just me." She shook her head and stuffed the rest of the turnover in her mouth. She chewed on it like she was trying to kill it. When she swallowed, she continued, "I'm... I..."
"You like him," I said, everything coming together.
She nodded, looking miserable. "I don't want to. I just want to learn how to play lacrosse. I don't need this. And I'm not looking for anything, I swear. I'm leaving in two weeks anyway."
"I believe you," I replied. "It's just... wow. I mean, I like Justin, but I couldn't think of him like that. Even when Maggie liked him, it was just he's really good looking, and that's about as far as it goes for me."
"Well, as much as I'd hate to admit it, Stacey was right. All that... closeness. When I should be concentrating on the practice, I'm concentrating on the muscles in his arms. Or his abs. Or..." Kristy dropped her face onto the floor. She mumbled something, but I couldn't make it out.
"What?"
She looked at me. "His butt."
I laughed.
"It's not funny! Today was the worst. We tripped and fell over and my hand landed right on his butt. It was so embarrassing. He didn't even notice."
"Maybe he gets it all the time."
"No," Kristy said. "He didn't notice because he loves Ducky."
"He LOVES Ducky?" I repeated.
She nodded. "He hasn't said it, but I know that's how he feels. You can tell when he talks about him."
Hmmm... interesting. However, I realize it's not MY place to tell this to Ducky. How am I going to keep my mouth closed?
"I should be shot," Kristy said.
"Why?"
"I can't ever be normal. When a guy wants to be with me, I shove him away. When I want to be with a guy, he has a boyfriend. This always happens. Well, at least the first one."
I shrugged. "All the guys I know think I'm a slut. And I am, it seems."
Kristy nodded. "I could be in your situation."
I grabbed Claudia's pillow and hit her with it. "Shut up!"
She laughed. "I'm kidding!"
"I know, but it's mean." I was smiling. "Do you want to come back to the party, now?"
She nodded. We went back into the kitchen.
We talked about things OTHER than Justin until it was dark and then we went into the rec room and Dawn put in a House on Haunted Hill and we sat there in the pitch black screaming at all the right moments. I'd seen it before, but it was still fun to watch. Mary Anne spent more time with her face covered than watching it.
When the movie was over, Dawn held up another dvd. "Anyone up for The Ring?"
"No!" Mary Anne cried.
"You don't have to sleep in the room with the TV," Stacey muttered.
Dawn laughed. She looked at the clock and stopped laughing. "It's after ten and Claudia isn't back yet."
Not long after that Carol and Mr. Schafer asked where Claudia was and we covered for her.
We put in The Ring (Mary Anne insisted that we leave the lights on this time), and after it was over, it was after midnight. Claudia still wasn't back.
"I'm worried about her," Dawn said. "It's one thing to be late, but... this is really late. I'm going to call her and see where she is."
We kept calling, but just getting her voice mail over and over again. We watched another movie, but no one was really paying attention to it. I don't even remember what it was. Some romantic comedy.
By two when that movie was over, Claud still wasn't back.
"Should we go out and look for her?" Kristy asked.
"No, if Dad realizes that that more than one of us is missing, he'll go crazy. And we'll never be allowed out," Dawn said. "I think we should just wait."
"But what if they got into a car accident or something?" Mary Anne said, wringing her hands. "What if they're dead?"
"And what if they just fell asleep watching a movie?" I said. "That happens, you know."
She looked a little sheepish. "Yeah."
"So what do we do?" Stacey asked.
"Stay here, I guess," Dawn replied.
We sat around for a while, not really doing anything. Kristy started writing in her journal, and then we all got the same idea.
Then, after three in the morning, Claudia finally came back to the Schafers.
"Where the hell have you been?" Dawn asked in loud whisper. It was the same tone she used with me at the club. Dawn will make a great mother someday with that tone.
"I was out with Rico," she replied. "We lost track of time."
"That seems to happening a lot lately," Dawn replied. "We lied for you tonight. And all you do is treat us like we're some kind of sub-species to Rico. And excuse me if we're trying to be your friend, but you have no right to take advantage of us like that."
"Then don't cover for me next time," Claudia said nastily. "I can take care of myself just fine."
"Claudia, we do that because we're your friends," Mary Anne said.
"We're worried about you," Stacey added. "Just talk to us, Claud."
"It's none of your freakin' business!" Claudia shouted.
"Quiet!" I hissed. "You're going to wake up Dawn's parents. Or Gracie."
Claudia quieted, but she was still being as bitchy. "Look. What I do when I'm out is my own business. You don't have to lie for me. I can take care of myself. I don't need you guys, and I certainly don't need some near stranger who's some kind of whore," she said, pointing at me, "trying to control what I do. I don't need any of you digging into my life. It's my life and I don't need you guys fussing about me or worried like you're my parents or something."
I felt stunned. She might as well have slapped me. I thought I knew Claudia pretty well. I didn't ever expect her to say something like that to my face.
"We worry about your because we're you're friends," Mary Anne said again. "We care about you."
"Well, then stop!" Claudia flopped down on her sleeping bag and didn't even bother with her shoes this time.
"Claudia," Dawn said in a very firm voice, "you better get your act together."
"You don't have to keep anything from us," Stacey said. "We're your friends. We're not going to judge you."
I think I heard Claudia start to cry then, but I wasn't sure. I'm still not sure.
"It's not worth it," Kristy said. "She's being impossible. Like three year olds we baby-sit for."
"I think we should sleep," Mary Anne said in a soft voice.
"You're right," Dawn agreed.
And now my hand is about to fall off. But before I stop writing and don't write again for a week, I'd like to remind myself, for when I read this again later, that I'm really worried about Claudia. I don't think she would have said those things to me if something wasn't REALLY wrong. (At least I hope not)
Maybe I am starting to look at things beyond myself. Maybe this is good for me. I think Dad's noticing too. Who knew that doing the right thing would get his attention?