Revan quietly slipped out of her room, moving to the galley for a bite to eat and some caffa. Carth was slumbering at the table, one arm bent to cradle the side of his head and the other stretched out diagonally across the table.
Although she had not expected him to be sleeping, she was not surprised to see him there. She had felt his presence in this room for the past hour as she put the kids to bed. She moved around quietly, not wanting to disturb him, as she prepared her snack and beverage.
She took a seat across from him, one that gave her a view of his face. She ate silently, watching him as he slept. He still looked so handsome. A few locks of hair fell softly over his forehead. Her gaze moved to his strong jaw line, to his facial hair that made him look so sexy. She reached out towards him, unable to resist the urge to touch him.
He jumped up before she made contact, his hand immediately moving towards his blaster. "Revan! Force you scared the hell out of me."
He ran a hand through his hair and looked at her. Revan's smile reached his eyes and he chuckled, "How long have you been sitting there?"
"Long enough to be unable to stop myself from touching you." She smiled as she rose, bringing her plate and mug to the cleaner.
He waited for her to finish before bringing her into an embrace, his hands resting on her waist as he brushed his lips over hers. Her head fell against his chest, "I'm worried about Juhani."
"I know and I hate just sitting here waiting. It's putting you and Aaron in danger, if something happened to either of you I'd never forgive myself."
She moved away from him slightly, "Carth, it's not just Aaron" she spoke with a troubled voice. "I, I have a daughter too, Ariana." Even though she wasn't in his hold any longer she could still feel his body tense.
His mouth set in a flat line and his eyes narrowed, "I cannot believe this Revan. We're in a serious situation here and you fail to inform me sooner about lives I am responsible for!" he replied tersely.
"I'm sorry" she said timidly.
"So –" he took a breath "– anything else I should know?" he was ready to explode and she didn't want to tell him anything more while he was like this.
"Carth I tried to tell you yesterday and today things" her voice trailed off. It would have been so easy to say that it had been him who insisted on waiting. He hadn't wanted to hear when she had tried to explain to him yesterday. But she knew that would have angered him more. Instead, she fell back to the words that seemed to come from her mouth so often, "I'm sorry."
Standing there in silence for awhile, she gathered the courage to continue.
She had to make Carth understand what her state of mind had been like when she was on the Star Forge. "I grew up with Malak, we trained as Jedi Padawans together. I adored him." She paused and bit at her bottom lip before continuing, "We were lovers, even before the Wars." A gasp escaped his lips.
His confusion turned to hurt, "You never said you remembered anything from your past."
"I've only recently … We were going to leave the Jedi, get married, raise a family." She laughed at the absurdity of it now. "The war came and then, then we fell to the Dark side" she finished in a whisper, "and all that became impossible." Carth gasped again.
"Pretty shocking huh?" a touch of hysteria crept into Revan's voice. "Well, it was for me too."
"Why are you telling me this?" Carth stared at her, he didn't blink.
Revan felt her eyes well with tears, "Because their father, the father of my children … I believe it is," her voice hardened, "Malak."
He let the name sink in and a look of horror covered his face. He was appalled at what she was telling him. The thought made him sick.
Revan looked away, afraid to see that look on Carth's face again.
His voice finally came, though it was weak, "When did it happen?"
"On the Star Forge, I was lapsing in and out of consciousness. I heard your voice," she looked up, pleading with her eyes to make him understand, "I, I thought I heard your voice. I was confused."
She blinked off hot tears, afraid to move her hand to brush them away, "I believe I was dying and that, somehow, Malak gave some of his life to me." She scoffed at the double meaning of her words. "And then when I woke, I just went crazy. I killed him and I didn't think twice about it" she paused, "at least at the time I didn't."
"He raped you!" Carth tried to keep his voice steady as blood was pulsing through his body. He felt his temples begin to throb. "That bastard!" She felt Carth grip her arm before relaxing his touch.
He wanted to hold her, comfort her, place a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Instead he was filled with disgust. With himself, with Revan, with Malak, with the whole unpleasant situation. He turned and stalked off.
Of all the scenarios Revan had envisioned this was not one of them. She almost longed for him to lash out at her. She wanted to receive his anger, in all its fury. Instead he had given her a look of revulsion and simply stomped off.
Her legs buckled and she fell to the floor, sobbing violently.