Friday July 30th. 1:10AM
Tonight was the last night I spent with Rico. We're leaving tomorrow for Stoneybrook. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm pretty excited about going home. I'm excited to get back to normal. I have a lot more material for my artwork after this trip.
Flirtation.
Excitement.
Love.
Lust.
Pain.
Confusion.
Resolution.
Love.
Loss.
Ashley Wyeth would be so proud of me.
Tonight we had a party at Dawn's house. A going away party for all of us Stoneybrook-er's. Everyone was there. Dawn made sure that there was decent food there and not just health junk. Too bad we didn't have any birthday cake left. But I'd eaten most of that. How can someone settle for regular Snickers bars when there's cake around?
"How much louder does this stereo go?" Sunny asked, Green Day blaring over the speakers.
"Not any louder unless we want to get arrested for disrupting the peace," Dawn replied.
"Put on the Vanish tape!" Amalia said.
"No, don't!" Maggie shouted. "Put on one of Tyler's movies!"
"No!" Tyler shouted.
We all laughed.
I looked around me. I was thinking about how weird it was that we were leaving. I felt so at home here. Going back to Stoneybrook would be so boring. It would be like leaving a soap opera.
"Penny for your thoughts," Rico said, coming up behind me. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and kissed my temple.
"Just thinking," I said. "It's going to be weird to be going home."
"It's going to be weird without you."
"I don't care about disturbing the peace!" Sunny yelled.
"I do," Mary Anne said, covering her ears. Derek put his arm around her shoulders.
"Peace!" Dawn shouted.
Christian crawled behind the stereo and unplugged it. He stood up, holding the plug in his hand. "The stereo doesn't get any louder. However." He pointed to a guitar case in the corner. "We have can still have some entertainment."
Okay, maybe I'm just partial to musicians these days, but Dawn has really good taste. Christian sang a bunch of songs that we all knew, and then he made Maggie sing with him (he has a REALLY good voice. Way better than Rico, which Rico is the first to admit), and they sounded BEAUTIFUL.
But the best part is that he has this talent with coming up with silly songs off the top of his head. He wrote one about Dawn and how she moved about the country in a flyin' machine, and how she can't make up her mind where to live. It was really accurate. He wrote one about everything that Carol was doing as she put out more food. She kept telling him to stop, and he kept singing about her telling him to stop.
We were in stitches.
I could tell that Carol liked him a lot. I don't think Mr. Schafer felt exactly the same way, but what can you do? He's Dawn's father. Of course he wouldn't like her first boyfriend.
It was late that night, around nine when Rico took me out into the yard. It was really beautiful, even though you couldn't see the stars threw the smog, and it was hot, even for nighttime.
"Claudia," he said, "I just wanted to tell you how much this hole summer has meant to me. I've never felt about anyone like I do you. I guess you know that. And with you leaving tomorrow... I just kinda wanted to know where we stood? Or where we would stand once you're in Stoneybrook."
"I don't know," I replied. "I guess we have a couple of options."
Rico looked pained. "I know what they are. I've been thinking about them the past few weeks. I don't really like any of them. There's always the long-distance relationship."
"Do those ever work?" I asked.
"Sometimes. Some people can do it. Um, then, there's just being friends. And writing letters, and emailing and all of that."
"That doesn't sound that hot."
"I don't know what's going to happen," Rico said. "I don't know what's going to be happening with the band, and when school starts, we'll both be swamped and..."
"I don't think it's going to work out," I said, starting to get choked up.
He shook his head. "I don't think so either."
I sort of fell into his arms, crying. I'm crying now, just writing about it. I know, that no matter how long I live, I'm never going to forget Rico. He was my first, and there's nothing that can change that. He won't fade away like other boys I've dated. He'll always be 16 and strong, and wonderful in my mind.
I looked up at him and he was pretty misty-eyed himself.
"Let's go back inside," he said. I think he figured that he wouldn't cry if he was in front of everyone.
The party hadn't even missed us. Christian was still playing the guitar and singing "American Pie." He knew all the words. Well, I guess those were the words, because I don't know all of them and he's so good at making stuff up off the top of his head.
Rico and I started dancing, and laughing, but I couldn't help but feel sad. There wasn't much that I could do. The circumstances were out of our control. It didn't seem fair, but life isn't always fair. I've really learned that over this trip.
The party wasn't over until it was like 11:30. And that's when Rico and I really had to say good-bye.
"Even if we're not together," Rico said softly in my ear, "I'll never stop writing you. I'll never stop being your friend. I love you too much to forget you."
"I love you too," I said, crying again.
And he left. He just left. I don't think he could stand to be there anymore. Instead of us all going to bed, we holed up in Dawn's room for a while.
"I wish we'd all gotten to spend more time together," Dawn said. "It feels like you guys just got hear."
"I know," I said with a sigh.
"What are you and Rico going to do?" Stacey asked.
I started to sniffle again. "We broke up. It's just too much, we thought. Just... can't do it."
Stacey hugged me. She was the only one who really knew what I went through, and she's been so understanding.
"What about you and Derek?" Dawn asked, looking to Mary Anne.
"Um, well, we're going to try," she said, looking sheepish. "It's a little weird, but, you know. My problems with Logan was that he didn't give me enough space. Maybe trying the other way around could work."
"What are you going to tell your dad?" Kristy asked.
"My father is not going to know I have a sixteen year old boyfriend," Mary Anne said. She looked at Dawn. "And you better not tell your mom, because he'll find out."
Dawn held up her hands. "You have my word!"
"Christian is really great," Stacey said. "How'd you reel him in, Dawn?"
"My sexy demeanor," Dawn said, tossing her hair.
We all giggled.
"No, really," she continued, "I have no idea. Apparently he's sort of admired me from a distance all school year long. How weird."
"Not weird," Mary Anne said. "You just needed to find the right guy."
"Speaking of the right guy," I said, "how is it that Stacey didn't hook up at all on this trip?"
Stacey laughed. "I think I... I spent all this time away from Stoneybrook and away from New York. I think maybe I still like Ethan. Does that seem totally weird?"
"No," I said. "When you find someone who understands you, you just have to go with it."
"Yeah, I just... I sort kept thinking about him. And when I wrote him a postcard, I spent like twenty minutes trying to figure out if I should end it "Love" or "Your Friend" or what. When you put yourself through that, it must mean something, right?"
"Sounds like it," Mary Anne said, smiling.
"As long as you don't go back to Sam, knowing what you two did, I'm all okay," Kristy said.
"Kristy," Dawn said suddenly, "did you get any guy action this trip?"
Kristy's eyes went wide and she shook her head. "Nope."
"Liar!" Stacey said, throwing a pillow at her. "Spill it."
"You have to swear you'll never tell," Kristy said. "Especially you, Dawn."
We all got mutual curious looks and swore we'd be silent.
"I had a crush on... and kissed, once. Um. Justin."
"Justin?" Dawn repeated. "Ducky's Justin?"
Kristy nodded, looking miserable.
"You kissed Justin?" Stacey said. "No wonder you were acting so weird! I thought it was just from the sunburn!"
"What was the sunburn count?" Mary Anne asked.
"Seven times in six weeks," Kristy replied. "I don't know what it was. I couldn't keep the sunblock on enough. I'm so getting skin cancer."
"Don't say that!"
"Back up!" I said. "Justin? Did you like seduce him or something?"
Kristy rolled her eyes. "No, actually, surprisingly enough, it was mutual."
"Justin had a crush on you while he was dating Ducky?" Dawn asked.
"Sort of." Kristy looked a little embarrassed. "He said I was sexy. No one in my entire life has called me sexy. But he also said that he's with Ducky and Ducky lives here. Plus he's totally in love with Ducky, so it doesn't really make the much of a difference. Not in the end."
In the end. It was the end of our trip. We were going home. And as painful as it is to leave, I'm so happy to go home.