I don't remember my childhood very well. Yet I do remember certain events.
I never knew my father. Yet my mother constantly told me how much I resembled him. My mother... truly the most wonderful personin the world.She was everything a good mother should be. She would even sacrifice her life for me. In fact, she did.
It was just another day in the polluted city of Midgar. I was small, around five or six. My mother had taken me out with her while she went shopping. Everything seemed so normal, I was not expecting anything. I didn't see the man. But I remember hearing gunshots. That horrendous sound. My mother's piercing scream as shetried to protect me from the madman'sbullets. What had I done to provoke him?
In an act of unconditional love, my mother shielded me. Gave her life for mine. The utter shock I was in, a mere child,trying to awaken my mother's still form.
I didn't understand it then. Standing at my mother's grave in confusion, wondering when she would come back and tell me, "I love you, Vincent," once more. I was delusional, but aren't all children?
I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle. My uncle was an abusive drunk. I can still remember how frightened I was when he held a beer in one hand and a belt in the other. My aunt was a timid woman. Anyone could manipulate her easily, my uncle did just that.
I was abused until I wasat a breaking point. I couldn't take it anymore. I was barely ten when I decided to run away. I packed the few clothes I actually had and of course, a picture of my mother. My beautiful, loving mother.
I managed life on the streets like the other countless orphans. Risking your life for the tiniest scrap of food, doing anything for money. I thought those hard times would end when I met with a gang.
They said they would help me. I believed them. After joining them, I became involved with drugs and alcohol. Yet the police could not do anything to me, because of my young age.
I knew what I was doing was wrong, but after the drugs I felt like everything was fine, I was on top. Yet that was another delusion of my fairytale world.
Things became more tough over time. We were soon involved with crimes, something I had not planned. I hated it. I wanted my life to end. So I tried.
I put the pipe away and decided to face my demons the only way I could think of. Suicide. I had the barrel against my temple, the metal cool against my flesh. Yet my hand was trembling. I was reminded of mother. Is this what she wanted her son reduced to? She died for this? A weakling who wanted the easy way out, killing himself?
I then noticed the hot tears streaming down my face. Uncontrollable sobs, whimpers. Just wanting to be free. I let the gun drop to my feet, emotion wracking through my body. I wanted out of this endless nightmare. So desperately wanted.
Over time with my gang I became the leader, working my way up. I had people working for me now, I was the one giving orders. Through that period of my life, I lost emotion. Nothing really seemed to matter anymore, just as long as I survived. Survived for my mother.
I don't know when or how, but I was caught one day. We were together casually, smoking pot like always. I was nineteen.
I remember hearing a siren. It seemed like that of a police car. The next thing I knew, I was being thrown in the backseat. It wasn't a police car. It was ShinRa.
They told me they could turn my life around. By then I didn't believe anybody. But I took the job, having no other option than to face my charges.
I didn't like the work. Once more, I was working for somebody else. I didn't like that. But I managed anyway. I was stoic, emotionless, the perfect Turk. At least I was in control when I held the gun in my hand, my finger on the trigger. I felt like God when I shot, deciding the fate of the being. If I couldn't take my own life, I might as well take another's.
I had been working for ShinRa for quite a while, gradually adjusting. I was assigned a job in Nibelheim, the Jenova project. I would serve as a bodyguard for two scientists, Prof. Hojo, and of course, Lucrecia.
When I first met Lucrecia I was astonished. She reminded me so much of... my mother. The smile I never thought I would see again.
We never really became close, yet I still felt I loved her. That is why I was so appalled at the project. Injecting her unborn with Jenova cells... monstrous. Yes, I did indeed kill many, but I always justified it. Was that wrong? I do not know, but risking your life and that of your unborn's is wrong, correct?
Perhaps I was reminded of my mother. The woman who would do anything for her child.
My emotions were coming back. I was angry. Hojo... he... justified it. Saying it was in the name of science. Also, doing this would make Lucrecia happy... but when did I start caring about other people's feelings?
I couldn't take it. For the second time in my life, I thought of suicide. But once again, I remembered my mother. And this time, I had something else to live for. Lucrecia...
I decided to make the wise choice this time, do what I thought was right. Everything was turned upside-down by Hojo though...
He altered me. Why? To simply prove it could be done? Or was there something more? He put me to sleep in that mansion. Sleep... mine wasn't restful, though. Haunted by my past and new abnormalities. But I mostly though of my mother... and Lucrecia. Was Lucrecia like my mother?
At this I always wondered. I knew the answer was no, though. But even if they weren't in the slightest alike, I'd still love them both.
And the child that never had a chance...
Sephiroth.
My past, my regrets, my sins. Will I ever be forgiven? In repentance, I shall help to save the world, but that would also mean destroying the child of my beloved. Would this be yet another sin to add to my collection?
Yet he would get peace. Peace that he was stripped of before birth.
I cannot justify death, now can I? I am not God. I am merely...
Vincent Valentine; sinner.