Chapter 18: Learning to Swim
When Snape awoke in the morning, he awoke with a headache. He felt a throbbing behind his ears and thought they might burst. He got dressed and went to breakfast in a difficult mood. Then he taught his classes in a difficult mood. He even graded essays in a difficult mood. By lunch, even the Slytherins were staying out of his way. The headmaster asked what was wrong and he grunted "Headache."
During afternoon classes he named his headache Harry Potter. Why he didn't take anything to rid himself of this headache, even he didn't know. He wrote the memories he had seen in Harry's mind and placed it with other papers of his mystery. Though the mystery was solved, it wasn't. He still didn't know why he needs a menstruation potion. Also, he still didn't know who Harry Potter was? Why did he think of himself as a freak? Was it because of his chest? The boy was one hell of an actor and that maybe a danger for everyone associated with him. Snape was worried that he may try another attack with a memory charm. Also, trouble seemed to follow the boy everywhere.
He placed the papers in an envelope. He sealed it and placed it with rest of his magical envelopes. If anything did happen to him, the stack of them would appear in the headmaster's office. No one had known of them and no one ever would if he wasn't dead, in a coma, or oblivated. There were a lifetime worth of secrets in there and he was rather proud that he had deciphered them all.
He tried not to think of his scars and he tried not to remember how Harry felt during the rapes and the tortures. He refused to remember the boy's pain and guilt and shame. He didn't understand why his family would do that to him. He didn't understand how anyone could anything like this to a child.
That evening, he made a new list. This time of Harry's scars, blemishes, and injuries.
Scars--over most of body
Thin lines (most likely from knife)--linear, everywhere
Burns--upper arms, lower arms, neck, head by left ear
Bites--shoulder, neck, thighs, buttocks
Words (FREAK)--chest
Whip marks? (May caused by belt)--back--heavy and deep
How to remove them? --Potion, transfiguration
Best way? --Research needed
When scars removed from head need to regrow hair
Potion or Charm-research, which would be the best
Beauty supply store?
Need to do something about H's hair
Broken Bones
Right arm--once--forearm
Left arm--twice--by bicep and by elbow
Hands--looks uninjured
Fingers--repeatedly broken
Left thumb--shattered
Legs and Feet--look undamaged
Ribs-unsure
All need to be rebroken and healed properly
This needs to be done by a healer
Have to get enough trust going to get H to agree
Other
Left Nipple--removed
Can do nothing
Nose--repeatedly broken
Too much cartilage has grown scarred
Can do nothing
Right Eye--muscle damage
Need H to see healer about this as well
Malnourishment
Eating normally--potion to correct already given
H needs to gain weight--weight-gaining potion needed
Which one?
Needs a growth spurt--research
Things to do
Check for damage caused by rape
Need to wait for H to trust
May need healer
Check teeth
May need healer if not, potion
Check for internal damage
Need healer's help
Then Snape made another list of things to do.
1. Scars
2. Hair
3. Growth Spurt
4. Teeth if needed
5. Healer for all others
Research
Scars
Hair Growth
Growth Spurt
Child torture and rape--have to go to muggle bookstore
Snape's week passed by rather quickly. He made a potion called Fat Froth that slowed the metabolism and caused a person to gain weight. It was rather large flask and it had to be drunk all at one sitting with in an hour. It took 16 hours to make and he was grumpy from lack of sleep when it was done. The only way it did get done was with thanks to a borrowed time-turner. He gave it to Harry on Wednesday. Harry thanked him and left rather quickly after it was explained to him. The rest of his free time was spent gather information about scars removal and causing growth spurts. On Thursday, he found the only logical solution to the scars and he had to use his own bathtub to create a potion. This potion took four days to brew and its user had to soak in it for an hour each day until the scars had vanished. He had just enough time to make it for Harry's use on Monday night. He decided to go to a muggle bookstore on Saturday to find a book on child abuse, it was what the muggles had called what had happened to Harry, and see if the information could help him with Harry. He ended up buying three. Also, on that same Saturday he stopped by Diagonal Alley into a shop on beauty aids. After snarling at the shop keep for suggesting something for his greasy hair, he bought a few things for Harry.
He kept his eye on Harry and wasn't surprised that he had returned to his perfect façade. Weasley and Ganger continued to flank by his side. The morning after Harry had returned to Gryffindor Tower, the three throw him dirty looks that he pretended not to see. He wondered what he had told them.
One Monday, Harry showed up right after dinner in Snape's classroom. He whispered, "Good evening, professor. What would you like me to do?"
"Come with me, Potter." Snape snorted. "We are going to my rooms."
Harry nodded and followed. When they arrived, Snape gestured towards the bathroom. He nodded again and trailed him in. The bathroom was huge and the bathtub was the size of a small swimming pool filled with a pale red liquid. Harry watched him nervously as he poured two more bottles of fluids in.
"Do you know what this is?" Snape indicated the tub.
"No."
Snape snorted. He could tell the boy was very nervous so he decided to lighten the mood if he could. His trust had to be earned. "It's a bathtub."
Harry chuckled lightly.
He smiled. "I had a hard time finding a solution to your many scars. Most potions dealing with condition requiring many hours of soaking. I did some research and came out with this result. Pockmark's Potion is a pain to make but it will remove your marks slowly and effectively. You need to soak in this for an hour everyday until you scars are completely faded. From, my research it should be about a week for most burn victims' most terrible scars. But for you and yours, I'd say about a week and a half."
Harry nodded again. He noticed that he wasn't looking him in the eye.
Snape rolled his eyes. So the boy was trying not to talk to him at all. So be it. "Well, what are you waiting for. Get naked."
He stripped off everything in a slow pace. Looking in the distance, at something he couldn't see. He showed no embarrassment. His body looked young and healthy with a golden tan and fine toned muscles. He looked beautiful. The glamours were amazing.
"Well, take your glamours off."
Harry blanched. "But-t-t why?"
"So I can tell if it is working." Snape said. "A before and after comparison, if you will."
He said very low. "I don't think that would be necessary."
"It is so, do it!" The potion master left no room for argument.
Harry sighed and stared at the floor very hard. He waved his wand and the glamours were gone. In the place of the beautiful youth was a small unhealthy child covered in his sad horrid scars.
Snape looked him over once, remembering to keep his disgust to himself. Also, he kept his pity hidden. He handed a slimy looking knot of strings to him. "This is gillyweed. It will allow you to breathe under water for an hour. The potion is diluted in water so you will be able to breathe; I tested it myself last night. Take it, eat it, and jump in. And keep you head underwater so the potion can work on it."
Harry went paler than his sickly color. "How deep is it?"
"About eight feet, give or take a stretch."
Harry looked at him with his faded eyes. "I can't… I can't swim."
Snape didn't think of that. Sure, the gillyweed would allow him to breathe underwater for the next water but then what would happen. He would sink. The muggles never taught him of course and he wasn't surprised. He was disappointed in himself for not thinking about it and realizing that Harry would know how. He could think of only one option and he started taking off his clothes. He had enough gillyweed for two. He just hoped his dark mark wasn't visible tonight. It had been appearing and disappearing a lot lately. He would hate to have to explain it to him.
Harry asked and he sounded scared. "What are you doing?"
"Going with you, obviously." Snape said removing his pants. "That is unless you want to drown."
He relaxed. "Okay."
Snape nodded. He stood only in his boxers. He took some of the gillyweed and handed the rest to the boy. He steered him towards the tub and sat on the edge of it. "Put it in your mouth, chew and swallow. You will grow gills, don't worry. When we are in the water, I will guide you and teach you some of the basics of moving in water. Don't fight me, follow my lead. I won't be able to talk and neither will you. Do you understand?"
"Yes." He answered.
Snape sighed. "Good lets go."
They both ate their gillyweed and eased into the pool. Snape relaxed at once, having had done this before. Harry didn't and began thrashing, afraid he was going to die. He felt the gills growing in and he knew the boy did too because he calmed and stopped his trouncing. When he started rising to the top of the pool, Snape grabbed his legs and dragged him back to the bottom. There he held him and swam around a bit. He indicated him to move his arms and legs. At first, Harry didn't understand but then he understood and began miming his movements. At the end of the hour, he was swimming circles around Snape, much to his and his student delight. When the gillyweed started wearing off, Harry started to get frightened and began thrashing about again. Snape grabbed him and pulled him to the surface where they both panted and grinned at each other.
Snape helped Harry out of the tub. He grabbed his wand and used a cleaning spell to remove any excess potion left on him and the boy. He slowly and gently touched the scars on Harry's face. The boy flinched and pulled away. He did it again but this time he didn't pull back. The scars there were lighter than before but not by much. He asked him. "They are getting better. Would you like to look in a mirror?"
Harry touched his face and smiled faintly at the different texture. "No, I don't like to look at me without them?"
He nodded and handed him a bathrobe. "You'll have to come back every night until they are gone."
"Yeah." He used his wand and restored his glamours. "I'll be back tomorrow after every else has gone to bed. I'll see you later, Professor."
Snape glared at him. "No, you remember our little talk. You have to talk about this and you will. This is the last time I'm reminding you, do I make myself clear."
He sighed and looked down. "Yes, I know."
He ushered Harry to the sitting room. Then he poured them both fire whisky. "Sip this, don't chug."
Harry took a sip.
Snape sat in his chair and decided to go with the easiest topic he could think of. Harry didn't seem reluctant last week to talk about this one, so he said. "Let's talk about starvation today."
"Okay," Harry nodded. "What would you like to know?"
He sighed. "Tell me about a normal meal at the Dursley's?"
He played with his glass. "When I was little, I got to eat almost normal like other kids, just less. My cousin, Dudley, he ate like four bowls of cereal for breakfast everyday. I got a half a bowl with no milk just water."
Snape asked. "Didn't you think that was weird?"
Harry looked confused. "What do you mean?"
"That he got all this food and you didn't."
"Not really." He shrugged. "He was so much bigger than me. I just thought he needed more food. My uncle is bigger than my aunt and he eats more. I just thought it was logical."
Snape finished his glass and poured himself and Harry another one. He knew alcohol loosened lips. "Understandable, kid's logic. Did you ever ask them why?"
He cringed. "Oh, no. You don't ask questions in that house. Number one rule."
He mentally noted that to ask about in the future. Then asked. "Did it get worse?"
"When I got older and started going to public school, I got free lunches there, whole big lunches, and I was so happy. I thought I was getting bigger like Dudley. I thought… Well, any way, when Aunt and Uncle found about all the food I was getting at school, they stopped feeding me at home. I hate school holidays and weekends because I got hungry."
Snape nodded again and noticed that Harry was slurring a little. Two glasses and he was tipsy. He almost smiled, this way he could get more information out of him.
He had noted to himself that Harry was happy about the food, not because he was hungry but because of something else. He decided to do guess work about and inquired. "When you thought you were getting bigger like Dudley, what did you think your Uncle and Aunt would feel?
"I thought they would be happy and might love me or at least like me." Harry snorted. "They had a thing of being proud of Dudley because he was so big. They called him a strapping healthy lad or some other crap but really he was a great whale. Fattest boy, I have ever seen."
Snape smiled but he wasn't sure why. "What did they do other summer or winter break?"
He sighed then drank the rest of his drink. "I go the leftovers of every meal, which with my cousin and Uncle Vernon, it wasn't much. Sometimes I would get old food that was almost bad."
"Did you ever try to steal food?"
"Yeah, when it got bad, I did." Harry looked down. "Sometimes they caught me, sometimes they didn't. Once, I ate out of the garbage."
Snape refilled their glasses again. He had a feeling that the once was many times and the old food he got was spoiled food. He asked him. "Did it get better or worse when you got to Hogwarts?"
He started laughing but there was no mirth there. It sounded cold and bitter and it made him shiver. "Better, hell no. Much worse, everything got much worse."
"Did you get to eat at all this summer?" He didn't know why he asked this. It just came out of his mouth.
"The Weasleys and Hermione sent me food, not much just snacks. I told them that Dudley was on a diet and my Aunt Petunia made the whole family go on this diet too. They even sent me birthday cakes along with Sirius and Hagrid. I think they saved my life with their cakes." Harry sighed.
"Why did you tell them this?"
Harry gulped his drink. "What and tell them the truth. Nah, better this. They know my family hates me. The Weasleys saved me once during second year. After they did that, Uncle told me no more food, that I cost too much. I couldn't go through that again, not after third year. It was horrible. Like my insides were screaming all the time. Horrible. Wouldn't wish that one anyone."
Snape took a sip of his drink. He silently fought the urge to scream. The Dursley were terrible indeed. "Let me get this straight. When you were little, they did feed you but not a large amount. Then when you went to school, they only feed you when on school holiday but just enough to keep you alive. They stopped feeding you at all because the Weasleys took you before second term. Why did they Weasleys save you? Do they know?"
"No, they don't. My letters and their letters were being intercepted by a house elf. They were worried. The twins and Ron stole their Dad's car. They saw the bars on my windows and how skinning I had gotten. At the time, I wasn't as good with my charms as I am now. So they took me and I was glad. Great people, the Weasleys."
Snape agreed and told Harry that. "But why were there bars on my windows?"
"Good question. Hell if I know. They put them on when I got my Hogwarts letter, I think they were scared I'd run off or something. No idea. I still wonder about that. They put locks on my door and a cat flap on too. They hate me but they don't want me to go. Weird people."
"So you have your own room." Snape arched his eyebrow. "You mumbled something about a cupboard."
Harry smiled brightly. "My cupboard! I still miss it. It was right under the stair in hallway. Lovely place! When I got my letter, they put me in Dudley's second bedroom. I loved my cupboard, it was just big enough for me and I…I don't think you'd understand, and it was safe. It was mine. My bedroom is terrible. Bad things happen there."
Snape did understand. It was his and his alone. It was were he nursed his wounds, where he starved but it was his. It where he dreamed and where he slept. It was his and he understood that very much. No else liked the dungeons but Snape did because they were his and they were safe from bullying Gryffindors.
He looked at the clock, it was after midnight. "Harry, I think we talked enough tonight. It's time for you to return to your tower."
Harry smiled. "I'll be back tomorrow about 1 in the morning. Will you swim with me again?"
Snape smiled back. "Of course."
His smiled brightened and Snape felt something warm in his chest. The boy headed towards the door but he stooped him and handed him a bag. "Harry, these are some hair care products. It should make it healthier."
Harry smiled again but this time a little sadder then disappeared into the night.
Snape thought carefully about what he learned about Harry. He forgotten to check his teeth and scolded himself for it. He drank another glass of whiskey and got into his bed. He dreamed a being in a cupboard wrapped around a crying boy. He whispered sweet soft things to comfort him. The cupboard's roof was shining with stars like the great hall's roof.
The rest of the week, Harry came every night and they swam together. They never really talk about anything. Snape decide not to force anything and Harry wasn't free with his words. They did talk lazily about the school and quidditch but nothing of substance. Snape felt that he was getting more comfortable with him and they did joke in a Snapish way, full of sarcasm and innuendos. By the end of the week, Harry could swim by himself but he did always asked him to join him. The scars were almost gone, as the potion faded them away. Snape was personally glad that his dark mark never did make an appearance.
By the next Monday, the lighter scars were gone. All that was left were the thicker and deeper scars like the ones on his back on the words carved into his chest. After their swim, Snape poured them both fire whiskeys and asked Harry to join him in the sitting room.
"We are going to talk about your aunt tonight." Snape informed him.
He nodded.
Snape rolled his eyes. "Well. Tell me about her."
"She is very thin and tall. She likes gossip; she likes to spy on the neighbors. She likes everything really clean."
He thought this over. Harry wasn't being very informative about her. He sipped his drink and asked. "What is your first memory of her?"
Harry thought about this. "Hmm, I think it was sick with the chicken pox. She wouldn't help me like she did Dudley. I remember being itchy."
Still not very informative. "How does she treat your cousin?'
"Oh, she loves him. Calls him her 'Ickle Dudleykins' or something like that. She spoils him bad, gives him whatever he wants. For his birthday, he got 46 birthday presents and most of them were really expensive."
Snape nodded. For a moment, the size of a blink of an eye, he felt bad because he thought that it was Harry who spoiled like this. "What did you get for your birthday?"
Harry blinked very fast for second, and then said. "I got one of Uncle Vernon's old sweat shirts."
The potion master thought he must have gotten something else, something unpleasant, but didn't say anything. He wouldn't push this time, trust had to be earned. "What does you aunt think of you?"
"She doesn't like me."
"You could go into a bit more detail, you know." Snape snorted.
"She hates me." He smiled sadly. "She yells at me all the time. She says I never do anything good enough. Can't do a damn thing to her satisfaction."
"Explain."
Harry rolled his eyes. "I could scrub the kitchen floor for six hours straight and it's still not good enough. She's a bit of a neat freak. One speck of dirt and she goes ballistic. Yells and yells at me but not at Dudley or Uncle Vernon. They can track mud in all over the place and I get yelled at for it"
He refilled his and Harry's drink. The boy finished his drink after this little outburst. "You do a lot of cleaning?"
He laughed. "Since I was three."
"Can a three year old clean?"
He laughed harder. "I could."
"What does she have you do?" Snape sighed.
"The usual. Vacuum, sweep, dishes, laundry, dusting, scrubbing, and any thing else that one does cleaning a house." Harry listed.
"Do you cook?"
"Nope, Aunt Petunia wouldn't let me. Something about poison her family and stealing their food." He murmured. "I'll give one thing though, she can cook. Almost as well as the house elves here."
"Yard work?"
"Sometimes but rarely. She didn't like the neighbors to see me." He stated.
"How long does it take for you to do all these things?" He asked.
He stretched lazily. "Usually all day, but sometimes she was nice and let me have off. It was usually once I started bleeding all over the floor but the idea is very comforting."
Snape was started at the easy admission from him. Normally, he had to fight tooth and nail to get the simplest answers from him. So it seemed Harry was learning to trust him. "Did she know?"
"Know what?"
He stated. "What they do to you? Your cousin and uncle."
Harry was quiet for a moment but he could tell that he thinking about it. "She had to have. She never talked about it with them or me. It was like a don't ask, don't tell policy. Though I don't think she would have stopped it if she caught them doing what they did to me. She likes them better."
Snape nodded. "She shouldn't have liked them better."
"I don't blame her for loving them." He pulled and played with his hair. "It's her husband and her son."
The potion master began to push a little. Harry needed to learn this wasn't his fault. He needed to realize what they did was wrong. "So. It doesn't mean that she couldn't have loved you too. There is plenty of room left in someone's heart."
"None for me." He whispered.
"No, you're wrong." He sighed. It was a start but nothing solid yet. "In your memory she was yelling at you. Calling you a freak. Why?"
Harry blanched. The silence was intense.
"I suggest you don't try to lie to me again. I am losing my patience and can always whip out my wand." Snape sneered. He could see the gears in the boy's head moving, trying to come out with the best answer. He wouldn't be lied to again and threatening always did have a way to make people tell the truth.
"I'm not ready to talk about it."
Snape nodded and said. "Very well. Let's call it a night."
Harry smiled faintly. He looked very much relieved. He finished his drink and stood.
"One more thing, Harry. Come here and remove your charms. I want to check you teeth for damage." He said.
The boy shyly walked up to him and lowered the charms. Snape lifted his chin and he opened his mouth. The teeth were all broken and chipped. Some were missing and others were cracked. The boy needed to see a healer about his. So he asked. "Do they hurt?"
"Sometimes. I just try to eat carefully so they don't."
He nodded. "If need anything for the pain. Let me know?"
He turned the charms back on and smiled. He leaned forward and for the first time, Snape realized how close he and the boy were standing. Harry seamed to be waiting for something. Snape had no idea what but he was starting to feel uncomfortable. His mouth felt dry and his stomach felt heavy and flighty at the same time.
"Good night, Professor." Harry said and disappeared into the corridor.
"Good night, Harry." Snape whispered to the empty room.