--- --- Letting Him Go --- ---

Darkness was starting to fall over the countryside when they finally reached Jack's cabin. It seemed as if the world was laughing at her, rubbing her face in the fact that she had never allowed herself to visit him here although she had wanted to so badly. Somewhere along the way, he had stopped asking her to come along and she'd given up hope. Despite the fact that she'd still cared about him, she'd surrendered, given up on them.

Some time later, she had met Pete and had hoped that he would be able to fill the void Jack had left in her life but, even more importantly, in her heart. Pete. The man she was married to, the man to whom her heart should belong. So why did she feel as if she had died along with Jack? As if her heart had stopped beating the minute he had walked out of the SGC and out of her life so many years ago?

Once again, snow started to fall, muffling each sound. His cabin seemed to be the very image of serenity and peace, screaming straight into her face, 'This is what you've missed!'. The sound of their footsteps on the porch seemed hollow.

Teal'c opened the door with his spare key and the cold air inside made her inhale deeply. It even smelled like Jack. If it hadn't been for her friends, she would have rolled herself up on the floor, crying like a baby. But the steady grip of Teal'c's hand on her shoulder helped to fight the numbness that threatened to claim her mind. Suddenly, the grip on her shoulder fastened more tightly, holding her back.

"I believe someone is in here."

His voice was barely a whisper, as he crept towards the living room. The soldier in her, buried so long ago by the teacher and scientist she'd been forced to be, took over in a split second. Every nerve screamed at the sudden change from numbness to overdrive. She reached automatically under her jacket for the familiar outlines of her gun when she heard a sound coming out of the living room.

But her hands came back empty, reminding her that her weapon was gone. Pete had persuaded her that one gun in the house was more than enough. Steeling herself for what was about to come, she and Teal'c burst into the living room and stopped dead when their eyes fell on the boy sitting on the ground.

Big green eyes looked shocked under the long strands of brown hair hanging into his face. The amazing eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, tears still rolling down the boy's cheeks, glistening in the last flickers of sunlight through the snow. Suddenly, those green eyes widened in recognition, while Teal'c raised the obligatory eyebrow and a rather unusual smile.

"Jeremy Matthews, it is a pleasure to see you again."

"Teal'c?"

Surprise was palpable in the boy's voice. Sam thought him to be about fourteen or fifteen years old. Who was the kid and why did Teal'c know him? She was still trying to find an answer when she felt the kid's eyes settle on her.

"You're Sam Carter and," he nodded toward Daniel, "Daniel Jackson. And I guess you're Cassie. I'm Jeremy. Hi."

Finding her voice for the first time in what seemed like years, Sam was only able to bring a single question to her lips.

"How did you..." Jeremy's outstretched hand cut her question short, pointing to a picture hanging at the wall. She remembered the evening. It had been their 'we-kicked-Goa'uld-ass' party. They'd figured, after all those years of fighting, they'd earned the right to have a little shindig.

"He told me everything about you. He spoke about you nearly everyday..."

The teen's voice faded, sobs crashing his body. This sight was the last straw for Sam, her carefully constructed dam breaking in tiny pieces. Tears ran down her cheeks while her body shook violently. She hardly noticed Daniel pulling her into his arms, trying to calm her.

Damn. Why did it have to hurt so much? She had lost so many people in her life but she couldn't remember a time where she had hurt this much, not even after her mother's death. Daniel eased her over towards the couch as gentle voices in the background showed her that the others were engaged in a conversation. She willed her world to stay silent.

--- --- --- --- ---

The woman, Carter, had fallen asleep in Daniel's arms. Jeremy was glad that he wasn't alone now, even though he couldn't help but be angry with the two people sitting on Jack's couch. He knew how much they had hurt Jack but he also knew that Jack had forgiven them a long time ago and would want him to do the same. But, he railed inwardly, these two hadn't even been able to muster enough courage to call Jack or make contact somehow. If they knew... had known... Jack even only half as good as Jeremy did, they would have known that Jack O'Neill was the most stubborn person on this planet and that there was no chance in hell that he would give in first.

Yet Jack had cared about them a great deal. He had told him everything there was to know about his former team, especially about Sam Carter. Jeremy wasn't an idiot. He knew how much she meant to Jack. And the look on her face when she had sat there in Daniel's arms, reminded him awfully of the look on his mother's face when his father had died. That look caused cold shivers to run down Jeremy's spine. His mother had been drawn inward and she'd never returned to the world of the living.

Jeremy's gaze returned to the white envelope lying on the table. Surrounded by Jack's friends, he once more tried to force himself to open it. He knew exactly what was in there but he was afraid to see and read it. Somehow it seemed to make Jack's death more real. With shaking hands, he grabbed the envelope, his eyes staring unseeing at Jack's handwriting on the white.

Mitch had dropped by a couple of hours ago, handing the letter to Jeremy. He had felt sick to the stomach and his guts had twisted painfully. Jack had known Mitch since the time they both had been boys and Mitch had begged Jeremy to come with him, had told him that it wouldn't be good to be alone at such a time, but Jeremy had refused. After all, he wasn't alone. In the end, Mitch had simply left the letter and his phone number. He had told Jeremy to call any time and the boy had nodded dutifully.

Determined, he finally ripped the envelope open. It was now or never. His look fell to the words, the black strokes of Jack's handwriting covering the paper. God, how he missed him already. Jack had been like a father to him, helping him when no one else was willing to. He had seen what no one else had seen and Jeremy owed everything to him. Shaking himself out of his silent reverie, the boy focused on the letter again.

Behind him, he felt Daniel move and heard a soft yawn. Four pairs of eyes settled on Jeremy. His voice was shaky when he finally began to read out loud.

"Dear Jeremy,

When you're reading this, I'm... yeah, dead. See, you know me, I'm not good at this stuff. I hope you're not alone at the moment. Is Teal'c there? Maybe even Daniel and Carter?

Anyhow, the cabin's yours, as well as an account at the bank. It should be enough to allow you to go to college. I'm sure you'll do great. You are one of the smartest people I've ever met, hell, maybe the smartest. And that means a lot. If Carter's there, you might have noticed that."

Jeremy stopped one moment to look at her. A small smile twisted her lips, so faint that you easily could have missed it. Daniel's head nodded in his direction, urging him to continue.

"I'm sure the guys will look after you. Despite everything, they were my family and you'll be a part of theirs as well. I know they'll be your family. You'll get along pretty well with Daniel and Carter. Believe me, you'll like them, once you get to know them better but, then, you already know just about all there is to know about them, don't you?

I'm sure you'll do great, whatever you decide to do with your life. You gave me a second chance at being a father and I like to think that I didn't screw up again. I'm sorry you have to go through this but believe me, I'll always be around. Keep that in mind, son."

Jeremy's voice caught in his throat and he stopped reading for a moment. It seemed as if Jack was far better at writing such stuff than actually voicing it. When Jeremy started again, the words on the white paper floated through the unshed tears.

"Teal'c, I'm leaving you my world famous pancake recipe. Yeah, I know it's not much but, truth be told, I couldn't think of anything else and, for a guy who's as constantly hungry as you are, I thought that would be appropriate. If there's anything you want, take it. But I guess you've already got the best things, like freedom for your people... I'm glad that I was at least able to give you my help with that much for your friendship through all those years. I'm honored to have fought at your side. Take care, big guy.

Daniel, you'll get my truck. This old rusty thing you call a car isn't even worthy to bear that name. I know for sure that you've been late to more meetings than I could've ever been. Don't think, I don't know that the chairman of Earth's Stargate Committee has nearly blown several treaties, because of that cripple he believes to be a car. Now you won't have an excuse. You'll also get my chess set. I know you liked the style. What was it? 17th century? It was in the hands of my family for as long as we can remember. I guess I never told you how much I appreciated your work. I really did. You helped me see reason when I needed to and I can never repay you the years you gave me. Thank you, Daniel.

Tell Cassie she'll get my 'Simpsons' collection and my Play Station. I know she'll like them. I'm sure she's a good Doc (at least insofar as I didn't have to suffer from her needles). I know Janet would be proud of her. I still think of her as the little girl we brought back from Hanka. And I'm so damn proud at how she has handled everything life's thrown in her direction, proud of the woman she became. Make sure she's okay.

Well, Carter, Sam, I've been sitting here for a long time, wondering what to give you. You'll get my telescope. Although constantly working with the stars - and blowing them up on rare occasions - you've never really been able to just see their beauty. I hope you will finally realize that there is more to them than just... matter and anti-matter, and protons, and neutrons, and all that stuff. You'll also get my mother's watch. I'm afraid it's not worth that much but it was her favorite.

And, this way, you'll always know what time it is. It has always been about time, hasn't it? We were never lucky with our timing; hell, we had a worse timing than Daniel and that's nearly impossible. But, then, doing the impossible was part of the job, timing be damned. There are still many things I should have said to you but I never got around telling you. Or, to be more precise, I never had the guts. I wish I had. Anyhow, I hope you're happy, wherever you are. And I hope Pete loves and respects you as much as you deserve it. God knows, I always will.

So, I guess it's goodbye now. I'll miss you all.

Jack."

Jeremy's voice broke with the last word. Behind him, he could hear muffled sobs coming from the couch. He hated to appear weak but he couldn't help some tears running down his cheeks as well. Jack's face when he'd broken through the damn ice burned behind his closed eyes and Jeremy was sure that he would never get rid of that vision, no matter how hard he tried.