Summary: Sephiroth and Aerith's places are switched. I don't think I need to say more.
Warnings: Very, VERY strange, will eventually have shounen-ai (Sephiroth/Cloud, don't you people KNOW me?) Sephiroth's POV, starting just after the reactor goes BOOM!
Disclaimer:
Don't own FFVII... or anything else, except this idea. So don't steal it. I tend to be very... possessive... of my ideas, and I have hentai mind daemons galore to sic on you!
EDITTED: 08/08/05- it should be much better now.
Hello, and who might YOU be? My name is Sephiroth, before you ask... and my day has been insane. All I was trying to do was get to the church and pick some flowers for my adoptive mother's birthday (The church is the only place in Midgar flowers grow, you see, and I didn't have enough gil to get some imported. Stupid thieves.), when- out of the blue- there was an enormous explosion. Naturally, I hit the dirt- it's a good thing I wear a lot of black. And then, this blond guy with a huge sword (I mean the metal kind, you perverted fangirls --) comes barreling past, trampling me into the dust, completely screwing up my poor hair and nearly impaling me on the dagger I carry for self-defense (There are a lot of thieves around Midgar and, thanks to my hair, I can be mistaken for a girl very easily. That, and the piddly little thing was all I could afford. I repeat: STUPID thieves). Was I pissed? Ooooooh yes. I stood up with a growl and yelled at the guy, who was still walking away.
"What the HELL are you doing!" The aforementioned guy stopped, still standing with his back to me.
"Erm, sorry." There was an awkward silence for a moment.
"What happened, anyway?" I finally hazarded, wondering (to myself, of course) if he had anything to do with it.
"...The reactor exploded, obviously. It's dangerous to stay here- I suggest you leave." I shrugged.
"I wasn't planning to hang around anyway." I hesitated for a moment, then threw caution to the winds.
"By the way, my name is Sephiroth. Who are you?" The guy paused and turned back.
"Cloud. My name... is Cloud." And just like that, he was gone.
But wait! It gets weirder!
I had just reached the church, and I was hunting for some of those white daisies Mom likes, when something- or, to be more precise, someONE- crashed through the roof and fell into the flowers, crushing a large portion of them. You get three guesses who it was.
That's right. Cloud. Duh.
So there I am, with a bunch of crushed flowers and what I think is a corpse, and all I can say is, "Holy shit." This definately does not qualify as an average day. Considering that what I consider average entails running from the Turks, fighting thieves, trying to save enough gil for some materia, having it stolen, eventually going home, crashing into bed, and getting up the next morning to start the mess all over again, when I consider something not-average, you know it's 100 fucked up. It takes a lot to register on my weird-shit-o-meter.
However, I didn't exactly have time to expand on that thought, because then I noticed that the "corpse" was breathing. Great. Bigger problem. Now I have a guy who's probably mortally wounded, and not even a potion... Wait, if he blew up a reactor, he has some materia, right? Right? I hoped so, at least. Even if he WAS a stranger, I couldn't let him die. Not that I really cared, it's just that even in Midgar, it's not all that easy to dispose of a corpse without... inquiries being made. And I can't afford to be conspicuous.
Derailing that train of thought with an effort, I bent over and began rummaging his pockets.
'Ah-hah! Success!' I thought, gleefully holding the Restore materia up, then casting Cure on the blond, who instantly stirred. As soon as I saw him showing signs of awakening, I tucked the materia back in his pocket, then coughed quietly and nudged him with the toe of my left sneaker.
"Are you okay?"
He groaned.
"Can you get up?"
A wince, and a nod.
"Do you need some help?"
He shrugged noncommittally.
'This is not going anyplace fast.' I thought. I then leant over, and spoke slowly, loudly and clearly into his face.
"Do - you - speak - English? I am not fluent in idiot."
"Shut up..." He muttered, not making any effort to sit up, or even open his eyes.
"Fine, then, don't thank me for saving your life." I felt my eye twitching. "Ungrateful little prick." I began to straighten up, and walk away with my single squashed daisy, when a hand on my arm stopped me.
"Wait... Aren't you that Sephiroth guy I ran into earlier today?"
"We have a winner! Johnny, tell our contestant what he's won!" Ah, I love my sarcasm.
"Erm. Okay..." Either he's stupid, nonplussed, or has a skin thicker than reinforced mythril. I jerked my arm loose and began walking again, when...
"Thank you." I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to see Cloud standing in the remains of the flower patch, smiling faintly. An answering grin crept up on my face.
"You're welcome." I opened the door to the church, walked out... and ran smack into Reno of the Turks.
"SHIT!" I leapt back, slammed the door in his face, and begin running like Hades himself was after me in the opposite direction. He's nice enough when he's alone- we've gotten drunk together more than once- but this time, he had goons with him.
"What's wrong?" Oh, shit, Cloud. If I leave him here, the goons'll have him tortured for information, then kill him because he "knows too much."
I made a quick decision, ran back, grabbed him by the arm, and dragged him out the back door as the goons bashed the front one open.
"Shit shit shit shit shit..." I chanted, shoving blondie up the steps to the roof. In my distraction, I missed a step and crashed through the rotting wood to the floor below, landing on my butt directly in front of the goons.
"OH SHIT!" The first of them began to lunge at me, but just as he was about to lay hands upon me... a barrel smacked him on the head.
"What the...?" I looked up, to see Cloud poking his head over the edge, another barrel just leaving his hands.
"What the HELL are you waiting for? Hurry up and run!"
'I'll be damned,' I thought, 'Spikey actually has some guts.'
"Goodbye, ugly!" I kicked the limp hand of the goon off my ankle and scampered away up the steps as the barrel smacked Reno over the head, stunning him. I winced in sympathy- 'he's going to have a hell of a headache'- then tripped on the top step, landing ungracefully on my face, at blondie's feet
"You okay?" Cloud asked, offering me a hand, seemingly concerned. I ignored him, stood up, and began brushing myself down, commenting,
"Only thing hurt is my pride." I allowed myself the luxury of a grin. "Thanks, though. The memory of the look on that idiot's face will provide me with laughs for several days." Cloud grinned back.
"You're welcome. Now, um..." He paused and scratched his head sheepishly, "...How do we get away from here?" I made a disappointed face and clucked at him.
"Tsk, tsk, some rescuer you are." I looked around, got my bearings, and grinned. "Haven't you any imagination at all? We jump!"
"WE WHAT!" He squeaked.
"Jump." I grinned at Cloud, walked to the edge of the roof, turned around, and twiddled two fingers at him. "Ta-ta!" I then stepped backwards, off the edge, landing kneeling on the next roof, which was less than six feet below me.
Cue pounding feet. A moment later, Cloud leapt off the edge, over my head, and onto the other side of the roof, barely avoiding falling to his death. I rose to my feet, applauding sardonically.
"I've never seen anyone jump that far. Well done!" A moment later, I found myself on my butt, holding my aching jaw. I was amazed- I didn't even see him move. Nobody could naturally be that fast...
"That was not funny." Cloud fumed, rubbing at his hand.
"Yeah, you know what? Bite me." I retorted, standing and hopping to the next roof, still rubbing my poor jaw.
"No thanks." There was a soft rustle-thump as Cloud jumped after me, gauging his leaps a little more carefully than I because of his height deficiency. Yep, he was short. Of course, everyone's short when you're as tall as I am (6'1", and proud to be so), but even by NORMAL standards, he was SHORT.
Unless he was a girl... I had to repress a snigger at that mental image. Cloud in a dress! All of a sudden, a thought occurred to me.
'I just met the guy, for all I know he COULD be a transsexual.'
I snuck a glance at him as I slid down a beam to the ground, and sighed. 'Oh, planet. What HAVE I gotten myself into THIS time?'
O.o; Is it just me, or is this a screwed up idea? Anyway, R&R, tell me whether I should write more or just give it up.