Disclaimer: Yeah I know, and how many times would I tell... I don't own ccs...

Chapter 5: Unspoken Pain

It's alright. No. It'll never be alright, I'll never be alright. But I have to pretend I'm alright, for their sake…for my sake. I don't want them to take away this pain. I don't want them to remove my memory again. I don't want to feel incomplete again, if it has to be this way let it be. I'll never ever exchange my memory of him to be happy again, because I will never be…with or without my memory of him.

"Are you sure about this Sakura?" Touya asked her sister.

He could feel her pain, he wants to take it away by erasing her memory but she refused. His sister could really be stubborn at times.

"Sure about what niichan?" Sakura asked her brother innocently. Indeed, she looked very pretty ay her pink kimono.

"Idiot! You know what I'm talking about!"

" If you're talking about Tomoyo and Syaoran's wedding…well of course I'm sure that I'll go. Tomoyo expects me to be there." She said trying to smile.

Today was Tomoyo's wedding. Sakura couldn't help but feel the pain in heart. This should be a happy day for her, because it's the most awaited day for her best friend, but she isn't happy at all and she's really guilty about it.

"We could say that you're sick so you can't come."

"BAKA! If you tell her that I'm sick she'll be worried. And besides I don't want to lie to her." Sakura said with a frown.

"You already did, Sakura. Another lie is fine. I'm just worried…"

"You don't have to worry about me niichan" she smiled. "Of course I want to see my best friend getting married. I helped in preparing for this, and besides what's a wedding without a bridesmaid."

"I'm not worrying about you, idiot! I'm worried that you can't help yourself and wail in there, ruining Tomoyo's wedding. She'll be really depressed about that." Touya teased her. Of course he's worried about her sister's feeling more than everything else, he just can't help teasing her all the time.

It was a very beautiful day and flowers start to bloom. Indeed, spring is a fine season to get married. Sakura and the others were busy chatting with everyone. She's with Rica and the others talking about how the wonderful the place is and how excited they are for the wedding. Eriol can't help it but look at his friend. He knows that behind those smiles and laughter is a cherry blossom's heart being pounded a torn apart, no into pieces.

"How is she doing Eriol?" Yukito asked him. You could see in his eyes that he's really worried about his best friend's brother.

"She's not fine, I can tell it in her eyes. She tries to act natural but I can feel the pain stabbing her Yukito. I thought Touya would ask her not to go?" Eriol replied.

"He did, he really insisted but she won't listen. Have you ask her about…umm… you know?"

"I did but she refuse. Anyway Li's mother would persuade her. I hope she'll say yes. If she don't then we'll force her again." Eriol replied with a frown.

"May I speak to you Sakura?" a voice asked her from behind. It came from a beautiful Chinese woman, Li's mother.

"Hai!" She answered. "Why does she want to talk to me. Could it be? No! I won't let them." Sakura thought.

Still surprised, Sakura followed her in an isolated place where no one can accidentally hear their conversation. She's still worried of what she will do.

"Sakura, perhaps you have an idea what I'm going to say. But before anything else I want you to listen." She said, this is going to be very difficult. " You know that up to now Syaoran doesn't remember anything about his past… about you."

"Hai."

"And he don't care about it anymore when met Tomoyo. Tomoyo's memory is also removed like yours. You're the only one Sakura that knows about the truth in your past… and we're all afraid that it's slowly killing you inside."

"If you want to erase my memory about my relationship with your son, I'm really sorry but I don't want you to." Sakura interrupted, her vision is slowly becoming hazy.

"Sakura, we are just concern about you. I really don't want to, but I know that you're feeling pain stronger than before. We want you to move on with your life, to be happy. You will never tell the truth to Syaoran I know because you love your best friend and you don't want her to feel the pain you're having right now. I know you also love my son and you don't want him to suffer in choosing between you and Tomoyo. I know how hard it is to hide your pain, we can remove it if you want to.

" You know you can never do that." Sakura simply said. "You can remove my memory but not the pain that I have. When you erase it seven years ago, I never became happy."

Syaoran's mother was surprised to hear that. Does that mean that what they did was useless? This puzzled her for quite sometime and then she smiled. She understands why.

"Yes I can't say that I'm hurt but I can still feel the pain unconsciously… in my dreams. I know that there is something in me,in my life…I just can't figure out what. I bothers me for seven years, and I don't want to suffer that dilemma again." She sighed. It's really hard to express herself and control her tears at the same time.

The she continued." I want his memory to stay with me forever even if it hurts a lot. You don't know how much I'm having, but please let me experience this pain. I don't want to regret that I forgot the love that I feel for him."

"But this will make you miserable Sakura. I know you're strong, but can you handle the pain? Don't you want to be happy? I know that maybe someday you'll forget or you'll move on, but it'll take a long process. We love you and we care for you, we don't want to see you hurt. We can make the process shorter for you, if you'll just let us do what's necessary."

Sakura sighed. It's becoming a lot harder for her to control her emotion. Yes, she's right all of them are right, they can make her pain dissolved at once… she's only stubborn to admit it. Finally she said, more to her self than to Syaoran's mother.

"Someday this wounds will heal, just let me have this now… It's my only memory of him…my only reason to go on with my life…to move on without the fear that I'm missing something."

poor Sakura...she has to witness her love and her bestfriend to get married with each other... TT

pls. post your reaction about my story guys...tnx.