Sunrise, Sunset
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII belongs to Squaresoft/Square-Enix. Me no own. You no sue.
A/N: Helloooo..! This is my first fic, so please tolerate! I would really appreciate it if I get reviews and/or constructive criticism, so hopefully I can improve! Pretty please?
Sunrise, sunset. Sunrise, sunset.
How many sunrises and sunsets have past since he'd left? She'd lost count – and hope. For a while after he had left, she still held hope. Hope was a dangerous thing; that's what she had learnt anyway. Having hope means that you expect something to happen. In a sense, optimism is good, but what happens if that something doesn't happen? Hope hurts, because it makes you fly high, then drops you down. And the higher you fly, the more pain you will feel when you hit the ground. It kills. So why hope?
She had counted the sunrises and sunsets when he left. Everyday. Everyday she had waited for him. And soon, she half gave up. So when a new day dawns, she only half-expected him to come back. It wasn't much, but there was still hope. But that expectation slowly fades away, until there is nothing. That was exactly how she felt; nothing.
When all hope is gone, despair grasps you. That's what happened to her. Her friends worry of course, but how could they fill the void inside her that could only be filled by him? The answer is, they can't. She walks around smiling at everybody. That was how she used to be. She still is like that, only now her smile is merely a façade. She used to listen to other people's problems. Now, she has too many of her own to cope with.
Everyday, she gets up, and continues on with her life. No matter how much she hated it, she still had a life. She was alive, but only physically. Her soul was dead. It had been barely alive before he had left, and when he did, it was dying. The hope was killing her. Now, her soul is dead. Everything seen is a mere mask. The smiles, the laughs… Those weren't hers. Her own smiles and laughs had died with her soul. She puts on her mask everyday, hiding herself from other people. The mask hides her true self, her inner feelings. Deep down she was hurt, but no one ever saw her hurt. It was unseen by mere human eyes. Besides, covering her hurt was one of the things she could do best; after all, she had been doing it all her life, trying to be strong for others.
She used to watch the sunrise and the sunset everyday, and she would count how many of them went by until he would return. But he didn't. So she had given up counting long ago. The sunrises and sunsets that had past used to mean her hope ebbing away. Now, the sunrise is just a beginning of another day, and sunset, the end. It held no particular meaning.
Her life was a routine, one that she goes through every single day. Nothing ever changed, and she was tired of it. What she wanted was a long, deep sleep, where nothing would arouse her, nothing would bother her, and she could be alone. She wanted eternal peace; death. Many feared death, but to her, death is not the ultimate evil. It wasn't the last page of the book; it was merely the beginning of a new chapter. She was longing for it, for that new chapter. But it didn't come.
These thoughts were the ones she was mulling over tonight. It was way past midnight, and she was thinking back to the good old days, wishing if those days would ever return. Probably not. She revisited the memories of her childhood, and she thought of her friends, her family, and him. How could someone you care for so much destroy your life? Tears threatened to spill. She held them back, shutting her eyes, wanting everything to go away. This happens every night, and every night she would hold it inside. Why should tonight be any different?
She opened her eyes. I hate him. That was not entirely a lie. Deep down, she wanted to blame someone or something for his leave. All this time, she had blamed herself. Now though, something else inside her was blaming him. Her alter ego? Whatever it was, it released a little of her self-frustration. She had been waiting – how long? She wasn't sure, but however long it was, it was too long. She's had enough.
She had always been there for him, she had always taken care of him, and she had waited for him. But when was heever there for her? Where was he when she needed him most? She knew her feelings for him had always been one-way; unrequited. But they were friends. He said so himself. He told her she was his best friend. The only friend that stuck by him through his ups and downs. So why isn't he here now?
She threw her covers aside, and sat on her bed. After a moment's hesitation, she got to her feet and turned on the light. Looking into the full-length mirror in her room, she saw a pale woman looking back at her. The woman had long, dark hair that reached her knees, and a most unusual eye colour. Her eyes were the colour of red wine; burgundy. Staring into her own eyes, she realized just how much grief had taken over her. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, and they had bags under them from lack of sleep. Her face was thin and pale, a sign showing that she hadn't been eating well.
She closed her eyes again, sighing, thinking. For a while she stood there, thinking. But thinking hurts. She opened her eyes, then stepped into the bathroom, turned on the light, and carefully took out a dagger hiding in the small bathroom cupboard. She looked at it. It was shiny, reflecting her own face as she gazed at it. More than once had she contemplated of taking her life with it, but all those times she had failed to do it. Maybe she wasn't brave enough, maybe she still had hope, maybe she was scared, but something had held her back. She took a deep breath. She's had enough. No more. She couldn't stand it.
She held up the dagger with one trembling hand, looking at herself in the bathroom mirror. She didn't hesitate. All those times – all those sunrises and sunsets – she's done waiting. Taking a deep breath, she held up her long, beautiful hair with her other hand, and with one swift movement, she felt the dagger slice through her thick locks. Her remaining hair fell back into place, now only just below her shoulder blades. Suddenly, she smiled. It was the first time after he had left that she had genuinely smiled. He had loved her hair, she knew that. He loved her long, dark hair, and that was the reason she kept it that way. But now, looking at her newly cut hair, she couldn't be happier. She imagined what he would say if he saw her now. He would probably be shocked. But somehow, that thought gave her an odd sense of satisfaction.
Feeling newly emancipated, she looked at the hair in her hand. Her hair had always been a part of her, and feeling part of it gone felt as if a part of her was also gone. Her smile grew wider. That part was the part of her that wouldn't let go of him. It felt as if the past had stopped haunting her – he had stopped haunting her. She dropped all of that hair in the rubbish bin. Then she carefully put the dagger away, studying it closely one last time before she put it back in its rightful hiding place.
Slowly, she walked out of the bathroom, and opened her bedroom window for some fresh air. There was the slightest tinge of yellow in the distant horizon – sunrise. She closed her eyes, letting the gentle breeze ruffle her hair, and gently blow her face. When she opened them, she saw the sun rising from its deep slumber. It painted the sky a subtle mix of red and gold, and it had her breathless. She could hear the birds awaking, the roosters crowing, and some few fellow human beings stirring.
Sunrise.
For many days, she had counted.
Sunset.
For many days, she had hoped.
Sunrise.
For many days, she had waited.
Sunset.
But enough is enough.
Sunrise.
So now, she smiles, thinking that she might just begin that new chapter of her life after all, at the beginning of a new day, along with the sunrise.
A/N: Eheheh... I hope it wasn't too bad.. . I didn't mention the characters' names on purpose, I kinda like it that way.. Anyway, please review!