Disclaimer: If only he was mine for but a moment. But no not mine.
Born Into Emptiness
Ah, but I get ahead of myself now, don't I? I have spoken of the gypsies, but have not yet spoken of my great emergence into this world. Cold and empty was the heart of the first woman who looked upon me in repulsion, the first person I saw upon entering this world. She decided with but one look at my face that no mother could love a monster such as I- Since she had the dubious honor of being that mother, she did not even hold pity for me, just a deep-seated contempt.
She knew she would abandon me, from the day I was born. Why it took her so long to accomplish the task I am not sure. Maybe it was guilt, considering she was a good Catholic woman, who wondered if it might be a sin to rid herself of the repulsive beast she had given birth to. But finally she did decide it was time to leave me behind.
I remember it was hot and we were traveling to our summer home. The carriage she had rented to take us there stopped outside a thick stand of trees. She asked me ever so kindly to step into the woods and find her some fresh berries that we may have a snack. For me this seemed a rare moment of acceptance on her part. I was eager to please. So very eager to please.
But as I emerged from the woods carrying the berries I had found, I found that the carriage was gone with everything I had known of my former life. I realized then that she had tricked me, and that the one moment of pleasure I had clung to so desperately became the greatest pain my heart had ever felt.
I don't really understand why if affected me so greatly. I had never had a happy childhood. The family I was born into was a well-to-do family, and my parents had everything they could have ever dreamed of, except for a normal child. Instead of the pampered life they had meant to bestow on their precious child, they instead sentenced me to a childhood of secrecy. I was locked away in the attic, where no one would see me, and on the rare occasion that I had to leave my home, I was given my first and only present from my parents. A mask to wear, to cover these hideous features.
But my abandonment had affected me. I had always hoped against all hopes that someday my mother would see the beauty hid deep inside my soul, and then she would learn to love me. That just maybe she would be able to reach down and touch my scarred face one day, and not flinch at the touch. That maybe one day she would look at me and I would see compassion in her eyes instead of repulsion, or that never-ending emptiness that was so often present there.
But that was not to be. And that is how I came to be found by the gypsies passing by. A child of the wilderness, born into emptiness. An emptiness without Love.
Child of the Wilderness
Next chapter 'Learn To Find Your Way In Darkness'. And I promise I haven't forgotten Lost Love. I'm working on the first chapter as we speak.