Em: Wow. 6 reviews. Not bad for my first chapter, ne:3 Another Vin drabble because Vin needs love. (nods) Yep yep. Next chapter will be a Jinx drabble, then possibly a Krew drabble after that!
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The clock at the bottom corner of the computer says '2:56 AM'
2:56 AM already?
Why am I still awake? Why am I still here? I can't go home now. It's too dark…
I hate the dark…
But this isn't my fault.
I can't sleep sometimes, so I have to completely wear myself down to utter exhaustion before drifting off.
Sometimes that doesn't even work and I'm left to lay in bed and just think until I just pass out from over-doing it.
And then there's all the work I have to do. If I'm going to get paid, I have to stay up, later and later so I can get more and more work done. I keep telling myself 'just 20 more, just 30 more…' but it's never enough. I stay up too late no matter what I do.
I'm starting to look too old, too tired. It's like I'm not me anymore, like I'm some completely different person.
And my damn paranoia doesn't help either. All the stressing I do doesn't help me at all, and my paranoid ways are probably half the reason I can't sleep at night.
I don't handle stress very well, so I pour it all into my work until I collapse onto the consol. I've slept on the floor countless nights because I exhausted myself to the point where I couldn't find enough strength to just go home.
… Like tonight.
My job itself isn't very helpful to my condition. Working for the Baron isn't exactly a stress-free job, and on top of that it's up to me to keep the entire city safe. Plus the fact that I'm technically a traitor to the man I work for and I have to hide it under all the stuttering I do.
That's no walk is the park.
I thought I'd be ready for it. The late nights, the stress.
But now I'm constantly looking over my shoulder if I'm having a slow day in the Power Station, even though I know nothing is there. Sometimes I get scared that my computers will malfunction because of over-usage and explode, killing me and taking down the walls in the blast.
Tch. As if that's likely.
I've checked these computers a thousand times over and there's no chance of that happening.
…
So why am I so scared that it will?
It's because working here makes me paranoid. I heard the last guy who worked here quit because he was too over-stressed and paranoid that he actually started seeing things. Now he's in some hospital dealing with electro-shock treatments because he went schizo.
I told myself I was too smart for that.
Heh.
Don't I wish?
Keeping busy is all I can do from going completely off the deep end, even though I'm so close it frightens me.
Not like that's any surprise to anyone.
I flip a switch and all the computers in the room shut down, except for the main one. It's so odd, the silence in the room without all the buzzing and whirring of the computers.
I crack my knuckles to break the deafening silence. It's a bad habit I've picked up over the years. It's no wonder I've got arthritis and a minor case of carpel tunnel. Considering how long I'm on my computers for.
By the end of the day my hands hurt something terrible, but it's nothing I can't deal with. That pain keeps me grounded. And on days when they're being particularly objective, I have pain medication stashed away. It makes me jittery, though.
Not jittery like I normally am, jittery like I've just downed 5 cups of black coffee.
I've been taking those pills more and more since that Jak guy's been coming around. Something about him just… creeps me out. I know he's Torn's best guy, but he's the biggest outlaw in the city and if anyone caught him anywhere NEAR the Power Station… well, let's just say I'd be suffering something worse then electro-shock treatments.
Hell, electro-shock treatments sound like heaven compared to what I'm sure the Baron'd do to me if he ever found out I was "one of the Underground's best informants" as Torn had so eloquently called me.
Jak's actually pretty useful- he's gone and taken out metal head eggs countless times for me; albeit begrudgingly. But I can't help but feel nervous around him. Moreso then anyone else.
And not to mention the annoying rat on his shoulder. Every time he comes in here I get even more stressed out because I just KNOW he'll break something if I take my eyes off him for a second.
Besides, I've heard about Jak. How he changes into a monster. A manifestation of the dark eco that the Baron so brutally pumped into him during his stay in prison.
Yeah. I know all about that. I helped supply the Baron with the eco he used for it.
That's why Jak makes me nervous. Because that dark eco in his body makes him at least 4 times stronger then a normal person. And scrawny little me can't protect myself from something like that. I can't protect myself from anything, really.
Is that why I'm so afraid? Because I can't protect myself from Jak, or the Metalheads, or the Baron if he finds out when I've been doing?
Imagine, dying at the hands of the Baron instead of being ripped apart by the Hora-Quan like I'd always thought would kill me.
Hm.
Hora-Quan.
That sounded MUCH less scary then 'Metalheads.' Probably because no-one used that terminology, and because 'Hora-Quan' is never used, it kind of helps me to forget the horrible destructive power they have.
And I know all about their destructive power.
I'd done so much research on the Precursors that I'd HAD to research the Metalheads too. They scared me and intrigued me, and being an intellectual, I had to know all about the monsters that haunted my dreams. Maybe that way I'd find some way to protect myself. As if all my knowledge about them would produce some weakness.
I suppose I can save that theory for tomorrow, considering I'm practically dead on the consol and my arm is numb. And I have to get back to work in 5 hours.
…
I think I need some pills.
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Em: It took forever for me to figure out how to end it. I had up until "…and my arm is numb" and I couldn't figure out what else to write. Go figure only two more short sentences would end it. :sighs: Anyway, here's drabble number 2. Jinx's drabble is next, watch for it!