Title: Project from Hell Chapter 4
Author: Desidera
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Bakura/Malik, Seto/Yami, Honda/Anzu
Warnings: LIME
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh does not belong to me
Chapter 4
"Do you think he is still angry?", Malik whispered to Yugi.
The smaller boy looked ahead to where Bakura stomped into the school building, glaring at everyone who didn't keep at least a two-meter distance.
"He is. Definitely", he then answered. "What did you think? He has a hangover and is grumpy as hell because he embarrassed himself when his attack in the morning went wrong. You know how it is with his pride as the King of Thieves or something…"
"Hm", Malik agreed with a nod. "Do you think we're allowed to divorce during this project?"
"Go ahead if you want to get bad marks and fail."
"No! I didn't mean that! I was afraid he would leave the two of us all alone." Malik emphasized his words with a tearful sniff. "I don't want to be a single parent. He is being a jerk, though. Maybe I want to be a single parent then I could have you all to myself."
Yugi inched away from him a little. "Yeah…whatever you say. I do think I'll go with you to your classes today, I don't want to sit next to Bakura right now."
"Uhmm" Malik rubbed the back of his head. "I'm in every class with Bakura. I …kinda chose the same ones as he."
Yugi raised his eyebrow. "Deliberately?"
"No!" Malik assured him a bit too enthusiastically. "Why would I? He is being a stupid, sexy jerk!" Then his eyes widened and he put his hands over his mouth.
With a snicker Yugi walked ahead of him.
"Well, which class do you have first then?"
"Do you think he will kill me?" Jou wanted to know, trying to hide behind Yami.
The other turned around to give him a small glare. "Stop trying to hide like this, Seto isn't dumb. He can see you. And yes, I think he will. After all he didn't get his fun in the morning, which usually leaves him moody for at least two hours."
They both looked at Seto, who slammed the car door, locked it and proceeded to walk towards the school building. He had decided not to take the limo today but drive the car to school himself. In Jou's opinion the decision was a bad one. He was a fan of fast cars but this one was definitely no fun anymore, missing all the red lights, wheels screeching whenever they rounded a corner. This ride to school was actually what had given Jou the idea that Seto could attempt to murder him and only the fact that Yami was in the car too kept him from doing so.
"Do you think children can be given away for adoption during this project?"
"Don't worry, I won't let him do that"
"No, you don't understand, I'd love to be given away for adoption!"
Yami shot him a nasty glare.
"You know, I'm your mother but I'm not obliged to be your ally all the time. I can well arrange you to be shipped off to the North Pole and abandoned there. I am sure my husband would approve."
Jou took a step back from him. "Uhmm, do you get moody too when you don't have enough sex?"
Yami raised his eyebrow. "It happens now and then. Now, stop whining and let's go to class."
Jou sighed. "I guess there's not much of a chance of being in a class without Kaiba if I go with you, right?"
"Nope, not a chance in hell"
Seto couldn't help but notice that the other paired up student families seemed to have had a much luckier start than him. Everyone was chatting happily with their family members, laughing, and eating cake they had baked together. They seemed to consider the whole thing as a giant sleepover.
Anzu was even wearing an apron over her school uniform, while Honda was dressed decently for the first time in his life, clothes straightened out and smelling of washing powder. The sight of Ryou's hair left Seto feeling sick. It looked like Anzu had attacked him with the curling iron. He didn't look unhappy though. Or maybe he was just too nice to tell her to stop it.
Finally fourth period arrived and K banged open the door to the classroom, plopping down on top of his desk in a lazy manner while he scrutinized the students one after the other.
"You seem far too happy", he then commented sourly. "Parents – why aren't you tired? Five-year-olds tend to wear you out with their antics. Kids – why aren't you annoyed with sitting quietly at school for hours? Five-year-olds are nosy and want to jump around like crazy all the time. It seems you are not taking this seriously enough."
Two unmistakable growls could be heard from Seto and Bakura. K seemed to be cheering up immediately.
"Ah, that's much better! You are angry? Wonderful. What can you tell us about the basic aspects of family life that drive you crazy? We are doing social learning here! What about you start, Chan Bakura?"
"There is no such thing as family life", Bakura growled dangerously. "My lovely wife and child are still alive, and that's that." Both, Malik and Yugi moved away from him a little.
"You are no fun," the substitute complained. "What about you, Kaiba Seto? How do you like your kid?"
Seto looked at Jou, who yelped and tried to hide behind Yami again. The CEO smirked.
"I'm an authority by nature. Do you expect me to have problems handling a child?" he smoothly drawled.
K was not satisfied with that answer. "That's because your child isn't acting like a child. It is the basic problem of the project! Kids – you are not acting like five-year-olds as you are expected to do. You're not whining, you're not complaining, you're not screaming, you're not running around in class, you're not causing trouble. You are boring, all of you!"
With a flourish the teacher produced his water gun, pointing it at Ryou. "What did you do when you were five?"
The white haired boy eyed the threat warily. "Uhmm, I was a rather quiet kid, I guess. But I got angry every time someone….well….someone tried to….take away my…little furry stuffed rabbit."
"Awwww!", Anzu cooed, while some of the other students laughed. They received a splash of water into their faces and the laughter turned into a collective shout.
"You are absolutely right, Bakura Ryou. And that is why every one of you kids will now receive a stuffed animal that you are supposed to carry around all the time. You hear me, no exceptions. Whoever loses it or pretends to have lost it will be rewarded with a week of detention and a new stuffed animal. Parents are allowed to take them away, but I wouldn't advise them to do so, since you are supposed to give them hell if they do. All of you, remember those animals are every kid's heart and soul. They may talk to them, feed them their lunch, bathe them, whatever. If you are afraid of losing them, attach them to a chain and fix it on your clothes. I don't care how you do it but you absolutely have to carry them around with you all the time."
Discussions and angry shouts erupted while K smirked, hopped off the desk and left the classroom. When he returned a few seconds later he was pushing a shopping cart in front of him that was filled with stuffed animals of all kinds and colors.
"Alright, children, get over here and find you a friend!"
Indeed, some childish streak seemed to break through at the sight of the cart and all the kids were suddenly excitedly jumping up and racing each other to get the best animal. They were shouting at each other and fighting over little balls of fur.
Ryou was shoved back and landed on his butt, a cute white cat with green eyes staring up at him. He happily cuddled his new toy and went back to Honda and Anzu while everyone else was still screaming murder.
"He was mine!", Yugi yelled at a girl twice his size. "I got him first! Besides he doesn't like you at all! Look at him, he's already looking sick!"
The girl looked at the teddy in her hands that she had been holding above her head. "Nonsense!", she answered shrilly. "He's been green all the time!"
Suddenly she discovered a baby blue duck behind him and went for it with a battle cry, dropping the green teddy onto the floor, where Yugi picked it up and comforted it.
"Poor little one, she dropped you. But I'm here for you now…"
"And what did you get?", Yami asked Jou, who looked absolutely furious as he stalked back to their joined desks.
"Don't ask", Jou grumbled, and threw his animal onto the desk.
Seto looked at it and smirked. "A little brown mutt. Who would have thought it?"
"Alright, class", K finally interrupted the shouting, looking extremely pleased with the chaos he had caused. "You all have your stuffed little friends? Good. This is only part of the fun, though. I stated before you look far too happy, all of you. From now on the kids will be acting like five-year-olds, all the time, with no exception. Got it? I warn you, I will personally supervise this."
The class stared at K. The teacher stared back. The loud ringing of the bell finally interrupted the staring contest. Malik got up first and stretched provocatively, drawing everyone's attention to his bare stomach. Bakura growled and grabbed his 'wife's' hand to pull him away from the number of hungry stares he received.
Suddenly there was a loud, angry scream that made the startled girls jump and some boys press their hands to their ears for protection.
In the middle of the class stood Jou, causing the horrible annoying sound, whining, "Wahhhh, daddy, I don't wanna go to class! I wanna go home! Take me home and read a book to me! Waaaaah, daddy, you're baaaad!"
A terrified Seto Kaiba turned around to glare murderously at his "son". Jou stopped for a moment to give him a lazy wink, before he started anew, causing most of the students to hurriedly leave the room.
"Bad daddy, I don't wanna have no more classes!"
"Curse you, I will send you to the Shadow Realm!"
"You won't get a chance to do that, you moron! I'll pin you to the door with those little knives of yours!"
Yugi's eye twitched. With a sigh he put his pen down, brought his hands up to his temples and rubbed them softly. The lines he had just written blurred before his eyes.
"The Family Project Diary of Yugi Motou. Day One. Official first day after the announcing of the project.
I think I might slowly be going crazy. Yesterday I thought it couldn't be worse. My "parents" were making fun of me, playfully hitting on me, leaving me alone in the dark without so much as a teddy to cuddle. But today they are constantly trying to murder each other, ignore me, interrupt me, overlook me and stumble over me and Ludwig (that's how I called my green teddy in reference to Jiichan's favorite composer, Ludwig van Beethoven). Currently they are fighting over who is going to do the washing up. An hour ago it was about who was going to cook. In between I had to keep them away from the steak knives. This way I ended up doing the cooking of course, and as it looks right now, I will be lucky enough to wash the dishes as well. Great. I wonder if I should call my Yami and just tell him to mind crush them both. See how far this has driven me? I'm becoming psychotic and murderous. I think I'm going to cuddle Ludwig some more and…."
"You won't do anything, you freak! I'm going to make you lick those dishes clean with your tongue!"
"Oh, so you are fantasizing about my tongue?"
"I'm fantasizing about cutting it out!"
"You…"
"Stop it!", Yugi screamed exasperatedly. "I'm washing the dishes, just stop this!"
Both Malik and Bakura stopped and turned to look at him.
"Awww", Malik then cooed. "You are so independent and mature, Yugi. I'm so proud of my little hobbit boy"
Yugi slammed the kitchen door right into their faces, leaving them to themselves in the living room. Bakura scratched his head, a bit miffed at having no reason to fight anymore, since he had secretly enjoyed it a lot. He glanced at Malik out of the corner of his eye. When Malik looked back at him, he quickly averted his eyes.
"Well", Malik said slowly. "What are we doing now?"
Bakura shrugged. "Ryou gave me this PlayStation racing game for Christmas, so he could read in peace. Want to try it?"
"Sure", Malik nodded and followed him to the sofa.
Half an hour later, Bakura threw his controller down onto the floor with an enraged scream.
"Damn it, you aren't supposed to win! This is my game!"
Malik grinned. "Well, seems you just never had a decent opponent. Beat by your own wife, how pathetic…"
"Arrrr!"
Snarling, Bakura lunged at him and they both tumbled off the sofa, onto the floor.
Malik hissed in pain as Bakura's elbow sank into his stomach.
"Get off, you son of a bitch!"
Bakura, lying on top of the other, was a bit taken aback. "Are you hurt?", he demanded, almost worriedly, searching his face. The blonde stared up at him, as they both suddenly realized their positions, their legs entangled, their lower bodies pressed together, their faces so close they could feel each other's breath.
'How pathetically cliché!", Bakura thought, memorizing the color of Malik's eyes.
"Get off!", the other suddenly cried, voice higher than usual, taking him by surprise at pushing him onto his back, before he got up and strode out of the room without looking at him. A slow grin spread over the former Tomb Robber's face as he distractedly stared off into space.
Had he not been preoccupied with thoughts of a certain blonde, Bakura might have noticed the dark figure standing on the roof of the neighbor's house, binoculars in his hands. The stranger gave a lazy snort as he put down his spyglasses.
"Yugi…That kid is too nice for his own good. I hate those boring people. No, Chan and Ishtal won't get away that easily. It's time to interfere…"
The afternoon at the Kaiba mansion was fairly quiet with everyone doing their homework. Jou was struggling with math, trying to draw an ellipse freehandedly since he had lost his compasses. When he was done, he looked at his book, which stated he should find the elliptic equation. Jou furrowed his brow and scratched his nose.
He drew some circles on his paper, then hummed softly and tapped his foot, looking at his ellipse and waiting for enlightenment to come.
Seto Kaiba's left eye twitched. Mokuba gave his brother's lover a meaningful glance. "Jou", Yami stated warningly.
With a look of perfect innocence the blonde boy lifted his head from his book. "Huh? Oh – right. I will be good mommy."
The tapping of his foot stopped and the four of them returned to work.
Half a minute later, the annoying sound returned, the humming now louder than before.
"Jou!", Mokuba softly kicked his foot beneath the table and received an indignant look from the other. Again the room was quiet.
Suddenly a little brown stuffed dog was making its way over the table right up to Seto.
"Woof!", Jou imitated a barking dog, drawing Seto's attention to his stuffed animal that his hand was now holding in front of the other's blue eyes.
"A poor little doggie asks for help for his best friend. Please, won't you tell the little doggie how you find an elliptic equation?"
Seto wrinkled his nose.
"The little doggie looks like he has been dropped into a mud puddle."
"That's actually what happened to the little doggie." Yami threw in. "As well as its owner. I had the pleasure of washing your son. You, my dear husband, didn't even notice, being preoccupied with your company."
Seto gave him a dark glare. "Which is my duty and right. Don't forget I'm earning your money."
Yami opened his mouth to retort but Jou interrupted him.
"Will you help Muddy now, daddy?"
"What?" They both looked at him in confusion.
"The doggie. Muddy, the mutt. Won't you help him?"
Seto stared at Muddy, the mutt, then looked helplessly at Mokuba, who simply shrugged his shoulders. With a sigh the young CEO snatched Jou's math paper and glanced at it. Both his eyebrows rose.
"What is this? It looks like a human body cell."
To his horror, Jou started to cry. "Mommy, why is daddy being so baaad?"
Yami pressed his hands to the sides of his head and clenched his teeth.
"Alright, alright", Seto conceded. "This line here is a, and this is e. Now the equation is …"
Half an hour later Jou was done with his homework due to his "daddy's" help, but was now swinging his feet back and forth, obviously bored, while everyone else was still working.
The blonde boy let his eyes wander from one parent to the other, then yawned widely and started to complain.
"Mommy. Moooommy. Mommymommymommy…."
"Stop it, Jou", Yami ground out.
"But I'm bored, Mommy!"
"Well, you will just have to go and play alone for a while. Look, take Muddy over there and show him how well you can watch the TV"
Jou sniffed dramatically. "You don't care about me at all! Why don't you love me, Mommy?"
Yami's head snapped up and he looked wide-eyed at his "son", who made sure to turn his expression into a cute pout and then, when he noticed Yami falling for it, let his eyes become large and a bit teary.
It was suddenly very silent. Mokuba and Seto lifted their heads and looked at Yami who was still staring at the blonde. Slowly, Seto cleared his throat.
"Uhmm, Yami?"
But his lover was already getting up. "Alright, Jou, I'm going to play with you. What do you want to do? Paint a picture? Have a car race with Mokuba's little red toy cars?"
"A race!", Jou cried happily, jumping up.
While his younger brother was snickering madly, Seto's mouth was half-opened in surprise or even shock. "What are you doing, Yami?", he demanded. "You can't really be giving in to this little brat! You can't have mother instincts now!"
For that he received a dark look from his "wife" before he turned around to leave the room with Jou.
"No", Seto moaned, "No, this can't be true. Mother instincts. Next we will be adopting. No way. No way. No, no, no…."
"Where are you? I will rip you to shreds and throw them out of the window!"
"You asshole, I'll sue you for abusing your wife!"
"I'll do more than abuse you, be sure of that!"
"Oh, you'll rape me?"
"No, fucking hell, I'll kill you!"
Yugi sat behind the sofa, wondering if it was a safe enough place to be and praying none of the knives would accidentally go astray and kill him instead.
Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door. The two enraged Egyptians didn't even notice. Carefully, Yugi scanned his surroundings, but just as he stuck his head out of his hiding place, a small steak knife swished past his ear and he quickly ducked again. No chance of getting out and opening the door. There was another knock. He was half hoping it was Yami outside, coming to save him. Another knife stuck wobbling in the sofa cushion right next to him. At that point Yugi didn't care anymore who was outside, he just hoped that whoever it was would get in and save him, so he gathered all his courage and shouted on top of his lungs, "THERE IS SOMEONE AT THE DOOR!"
The two psychos stopped mid-movement, knives still raised, ready to throw. At that moment there came a deep voice from outside the door.
"Open the door, this is the youth welfare department! We heard of a serious case of child abuse and we demand do be let in upon the instant!"
Malik and Bakura both gaped at the door, looked at each other and finally hurried to open it.
They were greeted with insane laughter.
"Ahh, now this was fun! Finally I'm getting some fun here! You should see your faces!"
Outside there stood K, holding his sides and laughing his ass off. They stared at him. When his laughter died down K straightened up and stared back. It was silent for about one minute until K gave a bright grin and strode into the room.
"Alright, where is little Yugi?"
"I'm not little", Yugi mumbled indignantly, crawling out of his hiding place.
"Oh, yes, you are little", K objected. "You are a five-year-old, remember? Or at least you are supposed to be, because you are not acting like one. I told you I was going to supervise this personally."
Yugi's face went positively red. "Try being a five-year-old in this crazy household! Those two are worse than five-year-olds! They are murderous and crazy, and they have no sense of responsibility!"
"Well, then they will have to learn it." K shrugged. "Don't care about the household, you are supposed to be a child and those two will have to get used to being parents and accepting their responsibilities." He leaned closer. "I'll give you some advice. Follow me in the living room and leave those two here to kill each other. I'll show you how to act like a little brat. And then we'll see if they still have the time to plot murders…"
Yugi nodded excitedly, grabbing Ludwig, the teddy and following K out of the room. This left the Egyptian boys alone with each other once more, and without a reason to fight.
"Let's play cards?", Bakura suggested weakly.
"Sure", Malik nodded and followed him to the sofa.
Five minutes later the door opened and K stepped out, beaming brightly and waving at them before he left Ryou's apartment as quickly as he had come. Suddenly there was a terrible crash in the living room. Bakura paled.
"Not the Egyptian vase I stole from the museum!", he whispered, then stormed off for closer inspection, Malik on his heels. They both came to a stop in front of a pile of broken clay. Next to the pile Yugi was sitting, sucking on his hand that he had stuck into his mouth, the other one holding Ludwig, hair messy, wet from the water that had been in the vase.
With a small moan Bakura sank to his knees in front of his broken goods.
Yugi took his fingers out of his mouth. "Ooooops", he said innocently.
"Sing the song again, Mum", Ryou demanded impatiently, clutching his little stuffed cat.
"Alright, one more time", Anzu sighed and started to sing. "It was down by the Sally-y Ga-ardens, my-y love a-and I did meet…."
Somewhere in the bathroom Honda was desperately looking for some cotton wool to stuff into his ears.
"Once again, Mum, pretty pleaaaase! And then I'll sleep." Ryou gave Anzu his best innocent puppy eyes and she gave in.
"But this is the last time! It was down by the Sally-y Ga-ardens…."
Honda groaned and tried to hide somewhere in the shower.
"Mum….I can't sleep, please one more time…."
And finally Anzu screamed.
"Go to hell, my throat is sore!"
The Kaiba mansion was quiet and dark. There was only one room still illuminated. It was the kitchen where there was still someone sitting at the table trying to figure out a math equation.
Seto casually leaned against the wall, watching his lover brooding over the problem. He had spent the whole afternoon playing with Jou, then had bathed him with Seto watching from the door, making sure his boyfriend didn't touch the other too much, and then had brought him to bed. In addition to that he had been ignoring Seto, supposedly because he had not helped much. The CEO snorted. After all he had had enough work with the company.
"Leave your damn math books alone. I didn't have you in the morning because of this moron. I'm getting withdrawal symptoms already."
"Go masturbate." Yami suggested coldly.
Seto sighed. "Alright, since I assume your royal pride won't let me assist you I will just sit here and wait till you are done" He flung himself down into the chair next to Yami and stared at the math book. After a while his eyes traveled up Yami's hands and slender forearms, over his shoulders and his firm chest up to his wild hair and his face. He watched Yami's eyebrows draw together in concentration whenever he tried to figure something out and he was fascinated by the graceful movement of the pen in his lover's hand.
Annoyed, Yami looked up. "Why are you staring?", he demanded.
"Oh, nothing", Seto answered, still looking at the pen, then continued matter-of-factly, "I just noticed I don't look at you enough. I touch you so much I tend to forget to really look."
Yami stared at him, mouth half open. Only then did Seto realize he had said something romantic. To hide his blush he abruptly stood and turned around.
"Well, I'm getting myself a drink. Want some too?"
"Sure", Yami answered, still stunned. When Seto walked out of the room, his lover put down his pen, rested his head in his hand and watched him with a soft smile on his face.
They spent another ten minutes in silence until Seto had finished his drink. Yami threw a sideways glance at his boyfriend.
"You know what?", he then suggested, "Go up to the bedroom and prepare everything, I'll be done soon and follow you."
Seto stood and left the room without a word, and Yami shook his head, still smiling.
Half an hour later the crimson-eyed boy made his way up the stairs, yawning widely. On his way to the bedroom he stumbled over some of the cars Jou had left lying around and heatedly cursed his "son", which caused Seto to stick his head out of their room, one eyebrow raised. Yami hurried to get to him, mumbling an apology.
However, when he opened the door to the room his mouth fell open in amazement. The whole room was full of violet flames, dancing everywhere, on the desk, on the cupboard, on the windowsill. It must have been some trick, since the flames didn't seem to burn anything.
"What is this?", he whispered in awe.
"A hologram", Seto whispered back. "I programmed it right now out of boredom. Do you like it?"
Instead of an answer, Yami turned around and grabbed his face, pulling it down so he could greedily kiss him.
With his foot Seto closed the door and dragged Yami over to their shared bed, ridding him of his shirt at the same time. The other managed to remove Seto's turtleneck as well, but when he opened the fly of his pants, he felt Seto push him down onto the sheets and sit on top of him.
"Mmmm", Yami purred and ran his hands up and down the other's firm thighs. He received a hungry stare from passion-filled, blue eyes before Seto leaned in, and licked his right earlobe, sucking it into his mouth. Then he moved on to the right, enjoying Yami responding with impatient squirming beneath him, which increased the friction in just the right places.
When Yami was panting softly, Seto moved back up and smirked at him, then he started rubbing his crotch against Yami's. The smaller boy threw his head back and moaned softly, grabbing Seto's hips and trying to pull him down some more. One hand was even bold enough to slip underneath Seto's pants and stroke the soft flesh of his ass, moving closer to a certain place.
Seto gave a loud, rumbling moan when Yami's fingers found the right place and as they pressed into him a tiny bit, he rocked back to get more of them.
Distracting Seto in this way, Yami took him by surprise as he suddenly reversed their positions and started to pull off Seto's pants while the other was doing the same to him. With a lazy wink Seto was now the one to insert his fingers, one after the other, making Yami moan as he moved them around a little, making him scream when he thrust them into him.
Finally Seto pulled out of his lover, both of them now naked and aching for each other and stared deeply into Yami's eyes, in which the violet flames were reflected.
"You are so hot when you ride me", he murmured seductively and smirked at Yami's intense cry of pleasure as he finally joined their bodies.
In the light of the holographic flames they moved together, slowly at first, then faster, as Seto grabbed Yami's hips while the other clutched Seto's shoulders for support until he gave a scream and came, trembling violently. A few seconds later Seto followed, moaning his lover's name.
Satiated, they finally went to sleep, the hologram still glowing violet all around them.