A/N: Hey! So, I've still been getting a lot of nice reviews, but some people have said some other not so nice things. Now I don't mind constructive criticism, because that helps me make my story, you know, better, in some way, but I got some people saying that my story wasn't believable or that the characters were all wrong. I'd like to point out that my story is FANFICTION. It is fiction. It is never ever going to happen. I wrote this because, after the 6th book, I was thinking, "Ha! I always read HG/SS ships, and now look!" and I thought it would be funny to write a really outrageous one that would never ever happen in the books! So if you're gonna say something not so nice in the review, at least make it constructive rather than insulting, kay?
Also, just an idea, I was considering writing a companion diary, you know, Snape's, but I don't know whether to or not! Let me know what you think.
May 24th
No. of N.E.W.Ts taken: 3 (And almost sure I passed excellently)
No. of times have considered putting self in mental institution: 17
No. of subjects hurriedly restudied: 2
Ugh. I think I was still drunk when I wrote last. Severus is NOT a cuddle bunny! Sure, I love him, for whatever twisted reason (I think it was the therapy that changed him, and now... he's irresistable) but he is in no ways a cuddle bunny. He's more like... Ok, it's clichéd, but he is really rather like a snake. You think you know him as the murderous, vile, loathsome little bastard, but then, he surprises you. He's able to slither his way right into your heart.
Argh! I am so lovesick, it is not funny. Am starting to not feel like old self. Must maintain inner poise... Hummmmmm...
22.46
Oh bloody hell! Why? Why? Why do I attract lesbians? First it was that 3rd year girl a while ago, and no, Heaven forbid, Professor bloody Trelawny? Ok, one: I never ever ever pegged her for a lesbian. Two: Why me? She hates me! I left her class and called her a fraud! Why, oh why is it always me?
Ugh. Too depressed to tell story.
22.51
Okay, fine. Was in the library, studying, of course, when she sat down next to me.
"Your auro is very busy, my dear, I sense that you have important things to be worrying about," she said dramatically. Well, gee, how did she know about the N.E.W.Ts? She's amazing!
"Yes, well, one does feel the impending doom of a very important exam," I snapped. She tittered in what she hoped was a mystical way. Why wouldn't she go bug Lavender or Parvati? And why was she in the library instead of the tower where she usually spends all her time?
"Yes, well, my dear..." she trailed off, having thought of no plausible prediction. Then she put her hand on my knee and squeezed.
"Come see me anytime my dear," she breathed. Then, she stood up and walked away, turning her head only once to wink at me.
Most disturbing on many many levels.
22.57
I have to stop Dobby from giving her cooking sherry. That's what it was.
23.01
Had to be.
23.04
Ummmm...
May 29th:
No. of exams completed: All of them, through some bloody miracle
No. of impending psychotic movie-slash-dances: 1
No. of times have considered placing McGonnigal in insane asylum to suggest such a thing: 42
Hurrah. McGonnigal has announced that on June 4th, the last full day, we will be having a movie in the Great Hall (Honestly! How muggle-esque! Especially since two of our five choices are muggle movies! What was she thinking!) followed by a (quote) "Grand Ball!"
Heaven help us.
Here are the movie choices:
1. The Wands Which Way: Romantic comedy drama in which four witches, two muggle men and a wizard find themselves falling in and out of love with each other, even though they've never properly met.
(Honestly! Should never mix muggle and magic movies!)
2. Out Of The Closet: A muggle horror in which a family are terrorized by the Thing In The Closet.
(At first, I believed this to be a drama with underlying messages of the fear of announcing homosexuality. Honestly.)
3. The Time Turner: Action/Adventure in whch a witch must singlehandly go back in time to save her husband, without changing anything else of the past. Of course has disastrous consequences. Can she right things?
(Wow. That sounds like the biggest load of utter bollocks. Couldn't they pick any good movies?)
4. Alohomora: What happens when a witch and wizard can't get into their apartment, even using alohomora? Why they go around to their friends houses! Follow this couple as they learn who their real friends are!
(Um... I can't even find words.)
5. Footloose
Ok, will not even put in the description they have for this movie. Why? Why do they smite us with Kevin Bacon dancing?
June 1st:
No. of times have worried for sanity of school population: 32
No. of times have tried to tell people of the underlying message in chosen movie: 6
No. of times have been laughed at re: above: 6
That's right. Out Of The Closet is the movie being shown in the Great Hall, followed by the ball. I really do hope this movie is a cross between a horror and my gay underlying meanings idea. Perhaps a gay man comes out of the closet, begging for nail varnish and terrifies the family?
Interesting...
You know, I often wish I had a gay man in my closet. I'd paint his nails, then he would get me steadily drunk.
Stage One: 21.30
"You're so lucky to have Severus, darling," he would say wistfully, "I can never find a nice man!"
Stage Two: 22.30
"Bastards! Hic!" he would say.
"Absolutely! Men hic are bastards! Will hic dump Severus tomorrow! More hic tequila!" I would answer.
Stage Three: 23.15
"I can't do it!" I would cry, tears streaming down my face. "I lobe Sheverush, I can't hic leave him!"
"You're right, hic, darling, you are sho sho right, hic! I wish I could find a man!" he would cry. We would hug each other and sob.
Stage Four: 00.00
"Right. Hic. We will find you a man, first thing tomorrow, we will hic find you a boyfriend... But first... I need to throw up," I would say, then rush to the bathroom. Gay man still crying, would nod and return to closet, to remove nail polish in preperation for tomorrow night.
Hurrah! We love the phantom gay man of my closet!