Between The Lines

By: Maggz

Disclaimer: InuYasha and Co. © Rumiko Takahashi.

Author Note: Hey, guys! I'm updating now that I have the chance cuz I'll be leaving in two hours. Something unexpected came out and I'll have to be out of the house (possibly out of town too) for the next week, so that means no internet and no comp. And being the nice girl my mom taught me to be lol I didn't want to leave you hanging for another week. For those who wanted more InuYasha/Kagome action, here you go. Hope you enjoy it and please don't forget to review.

Till the next update,

Maggz

Chapter 12

Kagome was tired. Dead on her feet. She'd had an emotionally strange day full of ups, downs, and crazy in-betweens. First, waking up with Kouga in her bed, then feeling InuYasha's pushing off, on to a wonderful day with Kouga in the park, then to the club to have fun - singing with InuYasha, dancing with Kouga, Kouga storming off from her in a mad heat and then InuYasha again…

She sat on the steps outside the house, her eyes on the distant lights of the village. She could even see a bit of the University campus from where she sat and her heart ached for things to go back the way they had been even two weeks before. Yet something inside of her yearned for more… so much more. She felt as if she'd been set free somehow to run and explore with no restraints, no pull-backs. For the first time in her entire life she FELT her age, felt young and free, able to do as she wished.

And she wished for Kouga. She LONGED for him, ached not only in her deep physical self for him but in her very soul as well. She knew it wasn't love, it was much too soon for that. But she was curious, she felt things she'd never felt before when he smiled at her or held her close. Call her crazy, but she trusted him completely…

And who was to say it just couldn't be love if allowed to grow?

But what of InuYasha?

She'd gone back to him in the club after having dealt with a furiously jealous Kouga. She'd found him and noticed the surprised look on his face when he'd turned to her and look he gave her had hurt her down to her very bones. It was as if he'd expected her to be gone, had resigned himself to it and it had made tears burn behind her eyes.

"Wanna dance now, InuYasha?", she'd asked, reaching for his big hand with both her smaller ones.

"Sure.", he'd said and laid his cue stick aside at once, not even paying attention when Miroku shouted at him that he needed to finish the game. She'd found them a spot on the floor far away from the loudness of the music and had curled herself into him.

InuYasha. He made her feel safe and warm. She loved him like no other. She breathed deeply, pulling air into her lungs and let it out slowly as she hugged him.

"I thought you left.", he said as he pulled his arms around. Dear God, he felt as if he were dying inside. How he wanted to take her and hold her as he'd seen Kouga do, kiss her until he made her forget she'd ever kissed another.

"No, I wasn't gonna leave, InuYasha. I always dance the last dance with you, don't I? I always have… ever since I can remember.", she said and felt a lump come into her throat. He was unhappy and she could feel it. Would he talk to her about it if she insisted?

"Good, I've missed you these past few days, Kagome.", he mumbled and slid his hands down her sides to her waist.

"You went home, InuYasha… for one night. You've done that before.", she said and looked up at him.

He looked down at her, his eyes going to her mouth for a long time and she smiled at him.

"Are you jealous, InuYasha?", she asked softly, realization dawning on her suddenly. Was THAT what was wrong? Could it be? She moved her hands up to his face and cupped his cheeks bringing his face down near hers. He closed his eyes, feeling her breath against his lips, breathing in the smell of her.

"InuYasha? Don't hide behind those long eyelashes of yours. I'm immune, remember? I learned a very long time ago how to suss you!", she whispered.

He opened his eyes, so very close to hers and smiled gently back at her. Damn, but his heart was thumping like mad in his chest; he could barely swallow and his stomach felt all funny.

"Let's go, Kagome. Let's go for a walk.", he said.

She let him take her hand and walked with him from the club. He turned to her once they were safely outside and looked down at her.

"I need to do something and I… please understand but if I don't, if I never do it, then I'll never know… You'll never know… we'll-", he was stumbling over his words in his haste to make her understand but he was failing miserably and he knew it. Confusion filled her eyes, her face and he felt almost like crying. He was really fucking this up- big time- and he couldn't seem to stop himself.

"InuYasha? I don't UNDERSTAND! What is going on with you? You're acting like a total stranger with me! I don't see what the pr-", she started and then all rational thought left her brain. Her senses shut down, her heart stopped beating.

InuYasha had moved on her swiftly, taking her into his arms and pressing her back to the bricked front of the club. His lips were soft and warm on hers, kissing her like he'd never kissed her before. She may have even forgotten to breathe…

Her hands were pressed between them tightly, her palms against his chest as he slowly, sweetly, gently kissed her lips. She was very dimly aware of his fingers pulling thru her hair then his hands settling low on her hips as he pulled her flush against him.

He finally lifted his mouth from hers and looked down at her in the darkness. Her eyes were still closed, her breath soft on his face.

"You see what I mean? I HAD to do it. HAD to. If I didn't do it, Kagome, then we'd never know if anything was there. And I felt it, I know you did too. Please, just… don't say anything right now. Forgive me for pushing you back like that but I just couldn't take it any longer. I've wanted to do that for months and I just… I never thought it would work. I didn't think you were interested in me that way, I didn't want to run you off. I didn't want to… I never wanted- Oh, Kagome, please… please don't look at me like that…", he said as he pulled her to him and held her tightly. She clutched his t-shirt and held to him. He could feel the tremors as they shook her little body and he wanted to kick himself, he wanted to just cry.

"I'm so sorry, Kagome… so fucking sorry. Please forgive me- ah God!", he whispered brokenly into her hair as he stroked slowly over her back.

"I want to go home, InuYasha. Please, take me home…", she whispered.

He broke away from her, putting his arm around her shoulders, and walked silently with her to the car. She was quiet all the way back home, facing the window, her back to him. He reached out twice to touch her and put his hand back where it had rested before, in his lap. What good would it do to touch her, she obviously wasn't wanting it. So much ran thru his mind, excitement from the kiss, frustration regarding her reaction to it, fear that he'd scared her, and anxiety that he had lost her forever.

They pulled up outside the house and he cut the engine, leaving them sitting in the darkness of the car. She was still turned, her back to him, facing the window and he sighed deeply.

"Kagome, I'm sorry.", he said. "I don't know that I can say I'm really sorry I kissed you. Hell, I've thought about nothing but that for the last couple months but I'm sorry if it offended you. You know I'd never DO that. Beyond anything I love and care for you very much, you have to know that!", he said.

She felt like the walls were tumbling down around her and this time, it wasn't a nice feeling. It left her feeling very unprotected and scared. InuYasha had "crossed the line". He'd taken the security she'd always felt and held tightly to in him and he'd broken it. How could she tell him this without hurting him? He would never understand, not at all.

"Kagome, please speak to me. Say something. LOOK at me, even if it's to swear at me or hit me. I can't take this. I never meant to hurt you!", he said and touched her shoulder.

She turned to him and he saw the tears standing in her eyes.

"Why did you DO that, InuYasha? WHY?", she asked as the tears flowed.

"WHY? I wanted to Kagome. I needed to.", he said as he swept the tears from her cheeks with his fingertips.

"You can't DO that. It's not RIGHT!", she moaned, wrapping her arms around her middle while she rocked herself to and fro in the seat.

"Not right? You let Kouga have his fucking hands all OVER you? You let him FUCK you when you didn't even know him and you're gonna tell me it's not RIGHT for me to kiss you?", InuYasha's eyes grew wide. "That sucks Kagome and YOU know it! Damn!", he swore and pushed his hands thru his hair.

"I have NOT fucked Kouga. He has not touched me once inappropriately and he's YET to kiss me without asking first or giving me some type of CLUE that he was going to.", she said, her eyes flashing darkly.

"Oh, Kagome. Dear GOD. I've known Kouga way longer than you, sweetheart. Don't expect ME to believe THAT. I know what I saw and I saw him in your bed this morning! I SAW IT. Both of you were barely dressed and you were all over each other!", he stormed.

Kagome moved her hand to the door handle and jerked up on it. Getting the door open, she shoved it hard and stumbled from the car.

"Kagome, damn it. Don't you dare run off! I know that's your fucking GAME, your way of dealing with things but you're a little too old to be doing that now!", he shouted as he unfolded himself from the inside of the car and went after her. He'd forgotten just how fast she could run and she was running.

"Kagome! Get the hell back here!", InuYasha shouted as he watched her shoot across the street and into the darkness beyond.

She ran… ran fast and ran hard.

Fucking INUYASHA. Asshole INUYASHA HATE YOU, INUYASHA!

Her brain was screaming it to her over and over again. Why had he done it? Why?

She tripped over an exposed root and fell headlong into the rough grass, hitting her chin on a small stone as she went down. She saw stars for a minute and then felt big, rough hands seize her, yanking her up HARD.

"Don't you ever fucking RUN like that from me, again Kagome Higurashi, you HEAR me?", InuYasha was crying. Tears of anger and frustration ran down his face as he sank with her to the grass and buried his face into her hair.

"I love you, Kagome. I've always loved you. Forever. Didn't you know it? Couldn't you tell?", he bawled. Huge, heartrending moans tore thru his chest as he held her unyieldingly against him.

She sat stunned in his arms, hearing the words as they tumbled from him. He LOVED her? She knew that! She'd always felt his love for her and she loved him as well. But she didn't think they were speaking of the same kind of love. Yet in her heart… she knew…

He quieted soon enough but refused to allow her to free herself. Everytime she'd move, he would tighten his hold on her and shake his head, sniffing away fresh tears.

"InuYasha, I can't breathe. Let me loose a little.", she grunted softly, his hands were about her waist, squeezing her. "InuYasha, let me… please.", she insisted, twisting in his arms until she was facing him, half in and half out of his lap.

It was dark, but she was still able to see him, his face, his eyes and the tear tracks down his cheeks.

"What do you want me to say, InuYasha?", she asked him. "You want me to say I understand this? I don't. I love YOU, I have since I was ten years old but it's not… it isn't… it's not what the feeling is with Kouga. I don't know what I feel for Kouga-", she started but InuYasha jerked his head up and looked into her eyes, stopping her.

"I don't want to know what you feel for KOUGA!", he said. "I SAW what you felt for Kouga. It was and IS as plain as you two can MAKE it.", he said.

"I've NEVER slept with Kouga!", she said hotly.

"Don't sit there and tell me a lie, I SAW you two in your bed!", he said.

"And we were asleep. He SLEPT in my bed, yes, but that was all it was, InuYasha. SLEEP. I already told you, he's never touched me, not like what you think. And how could you say stuff like that about me… about HIM?", she asked. "YOU were the one that brought him to me. You asked him to move in without talking to me about it, you told him about my art project, you asked him if he would be interested in posing. It wasn't ME. But then when I finally accepted it and went on with it… THEN you decide I'm wrong. You decide I just sleep with whomever I LIKE.", she argued.

"How can you be attracted to him, Kagome and not me. Like… like THAT?", he asked.

"InuYasha. You've- I LOVE you. You have always been there for me. Always. I don't know what my life would be like without you by my side. We're bonded together, you know things about me nobody else knows but to turn all of that into something with SEX… I… God, InuYasha. I don't… Jeez!", she stumbled over the words.

"But once I started working with Kouga on this project, once I photographed him, once I SAW what was possible… I wanted to know more and more, wanted to SEE more and more. That's how I work, InuYasha and everything has just fallen into place from there."

"Then that's all I needed to know. Tell me, when we kissed, when I kissed you in front of the club, did you feel nothing at all, Kagome? Was it like kissing a brother? A friend? What?", he asked her.

"No, InuYasha. It wasn't like kissing a brother or just a friend. You took me by surprise. The kiss was nice. I'm just… I'm confused!", she said and put her face into her hands.

InuYasha put his arm around her and pulled her against his chest, stroking thru her hair.

"Would you rather I had kept my mouth shut, Kagome? Tell me that.", he asked.

"Honestly, yeah. I know it sounds selfish, it IS selfish. But you waited to share this with me, to tell me you have feelings for me other than our close friendship. You WAIT until you see I'm becoming more involved with Kouga THEN you decide to spring it on me from out of nowhere. Are you sure it's not just jealousy InuYasha? Are you sure it's not your over protectiveness showing up?", she asked.

"No, Kagome. I know the timing sucks but ever since you came to live with me, ever since you showed up that day, I've wanted to tell you that my feelings had changed. Only, I wasn't sure how to tell you, wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to lose you forever.", he tried to explain.

"You'd never lose me, InuYasha. No matter what, I'd never want you out of my life. I couldn't bear it.", she assured him.

"If that's the case then why can't you give us a chance? If you can't think of ever being without me, if you LOVE me, if you need me in your life then why can't you just give you and I a chance?", he asked.

"Kouga. That's why.", she said softly and looked down at her lap.

"Let's go.", he said and pulled himself up, looking down at her. She was sitting on her bottom, looking up at him, tears standing in her eyes. He didn't understand and she didn't know how to explain it.

"InuYasha, I can't just forget about Kouga. Just because you suddenly decide to TELL me you have these feelings for me, you want me to push him away… forget what's there?", she asked. "How fair is that? What kind of a friend ARE you that you'd even think of that?", she asked. "I do love you, I can even say that if the circumstances were different I might could THINK on you and I… might could give us a chance but no, I can't do that now. You know me well enough to know I don't go into anything lightly. What has happened with Kouga might seem fast to you, might seem rushed. I agree, the time has been short. But there's something there, InuYasha. LOOK AT ME!", she said and got to her feet. He'd turned his head away from her as she spoke and it angered her.

"I'm sorry, I know you don't WANT to hear this but you HAVE to understand. I can't… I won't push Kouga out of my life because of my love for you. Don't ask me to choose, InuYasha. Please. If you love me, you wouldn't ask me to choose.", she said.

"And if you loved ME, if you needed ME in your life as much as you say you do… if I had a place there you wouldn't HAVE to choose. You'd know where you belong. I'd never leave you, Kagome. I swear to God, I'd never hurt you. I'd always be there as a friend, as a lover… YES, as a lover. I'd do anything in this world for you. BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!", he said.

"Think about it, I won't make you choose, Kagome. But I can't say where things will go from here until I know where your heart is.", he said.

"My heart is with you, InuYasha. I love you very much. I always have and I always will. But there's room for more than one in my heart. I'm growing into something with Kouga, I don't know where it will take me, I don't even know what he wants but this… THIS… Kouga… I have to do it, I HAVE to. Please understand, please.", she said.

"I… I'm going back home. C'mon, you need to come too. It's late.", he said.

"I'll come back in a minute, InuYasha. I need a few minutes alone, ok?", she asked.

"Not out here.", he said.

"Yes, out here. Go on, I'll be there. Just give me a few minutes by myself.", she said.

"I'm waiting for you on the front steps.", he said.

"Ok, that's fine. I'll be there.", she said and turned her back on him.

"I DO love you, Kagome. You might not feel passion with me but it doesn't mean you never would. I dream of you being with me and I love you even more because of that.", he said.

She was silent, her thoughts already turning inward, going to that place she went when things weren't going as they should. There wasn't much else he could do or say now, she had to work it out on her own.

He left, going back home to sit on the steps, his forearms propped on his thighs, his head down… waiting…

Kagome heard the sound of his receding footsteps as he walked out of the wood and toward the house. Leaning back against the tree behind her, she closed her eyes and tried to calm herself. The things he had said to her, had he meant them? Was he sure? What did it matter? And would he leave her if she couldn't reciprocate? The very thought made her physically ill. She'd never been without him in her life… ever…

But she didn't want to think of him in any other way. It wasn't fair and it threw the feelings she had for Kouga out of kilter. She was tired, emotionally drained as well as physically wrung out. No coherent thought seemed possible. Not now. Her only consolation, if there could be one, was that she had been honest with him even if it had hurt, she'd been honest.

She turned and walked back toward the house.