Rodeo
Inspiration: Garth Brooks
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the song Rodeo, or Wrangler jeans.
Summary: Harry is rodeo wise, Hermione loves them cowboys, everybody admires Ron's bravery, and he's terrified.
(The song is in bold)
His eyes are cold and restless
Ron looked around with wide eyes, kind of like a cat chased into a corner with a pitcher of water. "Why am I in cowboy clothes?"
Hermione didn't meet his 'OMG, water!' eyes when she answered, "It's definitely not because Wrangler butts drive me nuts."
His wounds have almost healed
Ron rubbed his bandaged cheek and turned to Harry. "Why did you hit me with that 2x4 anyway?"
"Chicks dig scars."
And she'd give half of Texas
Just to change the way he feels
Hermione looked up at him with imploring eyes, like a cat being chased with a pitcher of water looks at the owner. "You're not really going through with this are you?"
"Go through with what? Harry still hasn't told me why we're in America, why these guys are making me wear chaps, or why I have this slip of paper that says "Widow Maker". Did I win a prize?"
"Oh Ron!" gasped Hermione. "You are so brave!"
She knows his love's in Tulsa
Ron suddenly gets slapped. "How could you choose that wench over me?"
"Er, sorry."
She knows he's gonna go
Well it ain't no woman flesh and blood
It's that damned old rodeo
"How could you choose this stupid game over me? I thought we were stronger than that!"
Harry placed a comforting hand on Hermione's shoulder. "It's not a game, it's an obsession. You can't compete with that."
Well it's bulls and blood
Ron, who by now was extremely confused, looked round in time to see a gate swing open and a huge, rampaging mass of painful death come bucking and twisting out of the chute. "Bloody hell! Why is thatbloke on its back? Surely he didn't mean to go up there." At that point the cowboy got thrown over the bull's shoulder and fell over a horn. "Oh, that's not right."
Harry watched the rodeo bull fighters as they pulled the guy off of the generally pissed off bull. "And they call me a hero. Those are the bravest men I have ever seen." He saluted the nearest clown as he shook his butt at the enraged animal.
It's dust and mud
It's the roar of a Sunday crowd
As the next rider was announced, the crowd went wild. A huge sign bearing the words "Weasley is our King" could be seen.
As a look of horrified dawning spread across Ron's face he asked, "They didn't just call me did they?"
It's the white in his knuckles
When a group of cowboys, including the king of rhinestone cowboys, Draco Malfoy, came over to get him, he screamed and held on to the fence as tightly as he could.
The gold in the buckle
Malfoy's dinner plate sized buckle caught the lights in just the right way to shine a blinding spotlight directly in Ron's eyes. He let go of the bar to shield his face and the Slytherins in cowboy hats drug him off to the chutes. His last coherent thought before he started kicking and screaming was this: "At least they didn't make me wear pointy-toed boots like Malfoy's."
He'll win the next go 'round
They threw him on top of a truly evil-looking black and white bull with giganterous horns.
"You'll do fine, Ron. Do you want to know why?" said Hermione.
He nodded.
It's boots and chaps
It's cowboy hats
"Cuz you're damn sexy like that!"
Hermione slapped Goyle. "That was my line, stupid."
It's spurs and latigo
It's the ropes and the reins
A rope was forced into his hand as they strapped equipment to the snorting Widow Maker.
And the joy and the pain
And they call the thing rodeo
She does her best to hold him
When his love comes to call
Hermione started to jump up and down like a psychotic cat trying to catch a yo-yo. "Oh, Ronald, don't do it! You could be killed!"
"Okay! Just get me off . . ."
Harry solemnly cut him off. "The man's put his mind to it. There's nothing you can do now."
But his need for it controls him
And her back's against the wall
And it's "So long girl, I'll see you."
When it's time for him to go
"No, no, no, no. I want off. Please, Hermione, help me!"
You know the woman wants her cowboy Like he wants his rodeo
"I know you love it, Ron, and I love you. 'If you love somebody, set them free.' I learned that from Hogwarts: A History."
Well, it's bulls and blood
The gate swung open and Widow Maker lurched forward.
"Oh . . . bloody . . . hell!"
It's dust and mud
The bull twisted and turned, bucked and kicked, causing dirt to fly everywhere.
It's the roar of a Sunday crowd
"I love you, Ronny!"
"DAMMIT, Goyle!"
It's the white in the knuckles
Ron held on tight as he thought, "I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die!"
The gold in the buckle
A whistle sounded and the crowd went insane as Ron tumbled off and landed, miraculously, on his feet and ran like mad. Fortunately, this is how the professionals do it.
He'll win the next go 'round
"96 points?" shouted Harry. "He won! YEE-HAW!"
It's boots and chaps
It's cowboy hats
"I'm so proud of you! And Wrangler butts do drive me nuts!" screamed Hermione.
Goyle nodded wisely.
It's spurs and latigo
It's the ropes and the reins
And the joy and the pain
The pale red-haired cowboy fell over from the shock and grinned up at them all. At that point, the bull decided to be make Ron likeaTuff Hedemanand brought it's hoof crashing down on a, uh, very sensitive area causing a scream that shattered Harry's glasses.
And they call the thing rodeo
It'll drive a cowboy crazy
It'll drive the man insane
(Next Weekend) "I am the greatest! Y'all watch me win another buckle. Woooooooooo!"
And he'll sell off everything he owns
Just to pay to play her game
"Entry fee? I have a magical wand and a hyperactive owl. Will that work? No? How 'bout a prefect's badge too? Wicked!"
And a broken home and some broken bones
Is all he'll have to show
Ron lay in a hospital bed with a body cast on. Hermione was in the middle of a long-winded conversation. ". . . and that's why cowboys are hotter than other guys. Anyway, you sold my books to pay, so it's over."
"Ah, crap."
For all the years that he spent chasin'
This dream they call rodeo
At the finals, our freckled cowboy picked up a guitar and microphone and said, "One more time!"
Well, it's bulls and blood
It's dust and mud
It's the roar of a Sunday crowd
It's the white in them knuckles
The gold in the buckle
He'll win the next go 'round
It's boots and chaps
It's cowboy hats
It's spurs and latigo
It's the ropes and the reins
And the joy and the pain
And they call the thing rodeo
It's the broncs and the blood
The announcer . . . announced, "Next up, bareback bronc riding. Y'all give it up for Harry Potter!"
Wha! said Harry as the supreme rhinestone cowboy and his cronies in pointy boots made their way over to him.
Hermione hopped down from the shoulders of the two country singers (we'll call them Joe and Kenny) carrying her. "Oh, Harry, you're a cowboy? I love you!"
It's the steers and the mud
And they call the thing rodeo
(A/N: It makes me disturbingly happy to call Malfoy a rhinestone cowboy. Please review! Not all of them are going to be song fics. What do you want to see next? I'm open to suggestions.)