Between The Lines
By: Maggz
Disclaimer: InuYasha and Co. © Rumiko Takahashi.
Note: I really got tired of FF (dot) net chopping all the format and url's so I'm not longer putting them in author notes. If you want to read the missing chapters go to my profile and join my mailing list... You can also search for my pennames at AFF (dot) net by Maggz and MM (dot) org by Mariangela. Enjoy the chapter and don't forget to review!
Chapter 19
Don't hold yourself like that
Cos you'll hurt your knees
Well, I kissed your mouth and back
That's all I need
Don't build your world around
Volcanoes melt you down
And what I am to you, is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you, is not what you mean to me
But you give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea
Don't throw yourself like that
In front of me
I kissed your mouth, your back
Is that all you need?
Don't drag my love around
Damn volcanoes melt me down
And what I am to you, is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you, is not what you mean to me
Give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask...
Damien Rice - Volcano
Kouga sat on the bench, his hands between his knees, head bent forward. He ached so strongly it seemed hard to even breathe. He hadn't a clue just how he had held it together long enough to seem "normal" around Kagome and InuYasha but it had nearly done him in. He'd kissed her quickly on the cheek just before he'd left the house, telling her he had to go see a friend and he'd catch up with her later that evening.
Her eyes had stayed on his; worried, guilty, confused and scared. He'd felt terrible just leaving her there to deal with everything she was feeling on her own but his own sanity was in question and if he didn't deal with himself first, he'd never be any good to her.
He wasn't angry at her, he was angry at himself. Angry for falling so hard, so fast, so fucking SOON after Ayame. He felt stupid, he should've known better. But every time he tried to convince himself of that, he would close his eyes and see Kagome's smile or hear her laughter, see the haunted look in her eyes that he wanted to only chase away. He still didn't know that it was LOVE but he knew he had fallen hard and fallen fast. She was in his blood, pumping thru his system, making him crazy.
He knew she had the same strong emotions in regards to him, he had no doubts about her feelings for him or the strength of them. All he had to do was let his mind drift back to the afternoon previous when they'd left the park, hungry for each other. She'd kept her eyes on him the entire time he was driving, had slid her hand over his thigh making him nearly cry; he was hurting for her, wanting her that badly. She'd even taken off her damned seatbelt when they'd nearly reached the destination he had in mind for ravishing her and gotten to her knees to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss his cheek. Whispering in his ear she'd told him how much she'd missed him that morning, how much she wanted to kiss him and love him, all shy talk about not mentioning love making gone from her lips. She'd kissed his ear, licked the lobe and sucked it into her mouth, making him swerve nearly off the road.
How much he'd wanted her right then. He'd been ready to just pull off to the side of the road and take her right there and be damned anybody that tried to stop them.
Aching. It was a familiar feeling…
Getting into the abandoned rest stop had taken some fancy driving but he'd accomplished it jerking off his seatbelt and pulling her with him into the small backseat of her car. He had tried to get her clothes off but she'd shied away and in the end, it hadn't really mattered. He'd been able to slide down his shorts and boxers as she'd unzipped her jeans, pushing them and her panties down to her knees.
She was giggling by the time he'd gotten himself arranged and the look of pure joy on her face had made him feel ten feet tall. It had been crazy but fun, sexy and sweet, all at the same time. He'd been laughing with her before they were done and had hated more than anything to take her back home when it had come time to do so.
He'd even started thinking of finding his own house, asking her to move in with him because living there, the three of them together in each other's face was just too hard, too cruel to all of them.
Now he sat, his head in his hands and wondered if HE was really what she needed because it seemed to him that he needed her far worse than she needed him. InuYasha had said she needed someone strong, someone who would never leave her, someone who could promise to stay. He WANTED to promise her those things but he didn't want to lie. Lying meant hurting and he'd sworn never to lie to anyone ever again after what had happened between he and Ayame. It just hurt too damned much.
The truth was he couldn't promise her those things because he didn't know what tomorrow would bring. He knew he had deep feelings for her, he knew he wanted to care for her and have fun with her. He knew he loved going to bed and shagging the hell out of her and he loved waking up with her in the mornings. He knew his heart would break if something were to go wrong between them but he could never promise her that he'd be there forever just the same as he'd never ask it of her.
He'd thought he and Ayame were forever and look what had happened there.
His cell phone rang just then, interrupting his thoughts and he grabbed it, looking at the number and smiling. It was her.
"Hi, Kagome.", he said softly.
"Kouga, where are you?", she asked. "You've been gone forever. Look, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you.", she said, her voice breaking.
"Kagome, you haven't hurt me. I'm fine, trust me. Are you ok?", he asked.
"No, I need you. I want you here with me. Please.", she cried brokenly.
"Where are you? At the house?", he asked.
"No, not at the house… Just driving… not sure.", she sniffed.
"Pull over, Kagome.", he said.
"Huh?", she asked.
"Pull over on the side of the road now.", he said and sat up straighter on the bench. He did NOT want her getting herself into an accident by being so upset. He'd never forgive himself.
"Ok.", she breathed after a minute or so.
"You pulled over, baby?", he asked.
"Mmhmm…", she uttered.
"Good, that's my girl. Now, listen to me. Take a deep breath and look around you. You know this place where are you?", he asked.
"Well, my God!", she whispered in wonder.
"What is it?", he asked. He didn't know whether to be alarmed or amused. She blurted things out like that, sometimes from out of nowhere.
"I'm at the rest stop, Kouga", she said.
"From yesterday?", he smiled.
"Yeah, what do you make of that?", she breathed.
"That you want my body again.", he said lowly and she gasped and then giggled.
"Maybe I do… Where ARE you, Kouga?", she asked him yet again.
"In the park, baby. I'm in the park.", he said.
"Wait right where you are.", she said.
"What are you doing, Kagome?", he laughed.
"I'm coming for you. Just stay where you are and stay on this phone. Talk to me, gorgeous.", she said and he smiled in spite of his pain.
She kept up a constant babble about school, her classes, the project, everything; their weekend trip, how excited she was and more until he was just as breathless as she was. His heart was pounding, she was coming for HIM, it was HIM she wanted and he so wanted her.
"Kouga, just where are you AT in this place?", she asked.
"On the bench, where we sat the other day…" he said and looked around for her. It was growing darker by the minute and he could barely make out the shapes around him. The park was virtually deserted so he felt sure he'd be able to spy her easily.
"Jeez, you want me to get my exercise in, don't you!", she said.
"Where did you go?", he asked.
"To the basketball court. I thought you would be there, what have you been doing?", she asked.
"Nothing. Just… well, nothing, Kagome.", he said and sighed.
"When I find you, I'm gonna kiss you senseless. I'm gonna hug you and squeeze you till you can't breathe. I'm gonna straddle you, sit down on you and put my arms around you and you know what…?", she whispered into the phone.
He could feel the beat of his heart against his ribs and his excitement grew the longer he waited for her.
"What, Kagome? What else?", he whispered back.
The phone went dead in his hand and his mouth dropped open.
"Kagome? Kagome? Where are you? Kagome?", he called out and punched her number back into his phone. His eyes were wild, looking around the shadowy park. Where WAS she? He got up from the bench, his heart in his mouth, his hand gripping his cell phone, not getting an answer.
"Kagome, where did you go?", he called as he started to walk toward the direction of the basketball court.
He saw her then, walking slowly toward him like a beautiful ghost out of the darkness. The knocking of his heart should have slowed but it didn't. It sped up until he felt himself grow dizzy. He stood his ground, unable to move, relief washing over him in a flood. Had he been afraid she'd left him, was teasing him? Was he just afraid she'd been hurt? He wasn't sure…
She took her time walking to him and he let her, content to stand back and see her fully emerge in front of him thru the darkness. She'd worn a dress, that much he could see. It was loose and flowing around her bare legs and he smiled, unable to stop himself when he noticed her feet bare as well. Tomboy till the end, he thought but oh so much girl there too.
She was smiling, her face serene as she reached him and took his hands in hers.
"You… where?", he choked out. He felt foolish but unable to help himself, tears had formed behind his eyes.
"I saw you, Kouga. I just wanted to watch you. I was OK…", she said and brought his hands to her lips. She closed her eyes, pressing a kiss to the back of each hand before turning them both over and kissing the palms as well.
"You scared me. I thought you left- Oh, Kagome!", he moaned and pulled her to him roughly, holding her against his aching body. She melted against him; her fear, pain and confusion leaving her and that's all that mattered at the moment, that she was safe, he wasn't gone and she was his.
She was pushing him back to the bench and he started to laugh. He loved it when she played. The backs of his knees hit the edge of the bench and he went down into the seat at once. She stood above him, her hands resting lightly on his shoulders, her lips curved into a pretty grin. Not saying a word, she lifted each knee and placed one on either side of him squeezing his thighs with hers.
Her hands moved from his shoulders, up his neck and to his ears teasing him there, lifting his hair and combing it with her fingers. He felt her slide herself fully against his stomach and he reached around her, holding her hips gently, not wanting her to move an inch from him.
She lowered her face to his pressing her forehead against his own and closing her eyes as her fingers locked behind his neck.
"I'm sorry, Kouga. I'm sorry for the way I behaved last night. I'm sorry for the stupid, fucking dream. I'm sorry…", she sighed.
"You don't have to say you're sorry, Kagome. I wasn't mad at you… just… well, confused I guess still am.", he said and kissed her lips. She let him go and looked into his eyes.
"Don't be confused. I want you.", she said gently and pressed her lips to his yet again, letting her tongue slide over lower then upper one. He made a sound not even realizing it himself and gripped her even more tightly.
"Come with me.", she said against his mouth and tugged at his hand. He quirked a brow at her but asked no questions, letting her take the lead. It seemed as if it was what she needed to do, HAD to do for herself and even for him.
He smiled when he noticed where she was headed, to the little grove of trees where she'd asked him to climb one of them while she snapped pictures of him sitting there. He pulled back a bit and she turned to look at him, trying to see him in the dimness.
"Where are you taking me and what are you gonna do to me?", he asked, his breath coming fast.
"In here. Hurry, come on!", she said, laughter escaping her as she pulled him along with her. He followed; it was all he wanted to do.
When they had reached the tree that he had climbed that day, she stopped and turned to him, still holding his hand tightly.
"Want to love you.", she said breathlessly and threw herself against him, her arms wrapping around his neck. He picked her up, turned her and braced her back against the tree trunk. She let him go, looking into his eyes and then closed her own.
"Do you love me, Kagome?", he asked her, surprising even himself with the question.
"I think so but how do I know, Kouga?", she asked.
"I… well, I think that if you love somebody they're all you ever think of, it's only them you want to see happy, you care more about them than you do yourself, you can close your eyes and smell their scent, relive the taste of their skin on your tongue… you can hear their voice and smile at their laughter. Does that sound right?", he asked her, tears welling into his eyes.
"Yeah, beautiful. So, how did you know? Is that what you felt with Ayame?", she asked him. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and shook his head, his fingers squeezing hers.
"No, it's what I feel with YOU, Kagome. You…", he said as he looked at her.
"Me?", she asked, her eyes glowing.
"Yeah, why do you sound so surprised, baby?", he asked.
"I'm just… wow!", she smiled and he grinned and cupped her chin in his hand.
"Me too, I'm just wow…", he laughed.
He slid his hand down her thigh and pushed the skirt of her dress up. Sliding his fingers underneath the whisper softness of the fabric, he touched warm skin and felt her shiver.
"You looked so beautiful when you came to me, like an angel, a sweet little fairy of the night.", he whispered hoarsely. His emotions were tangling and he didn't know how long he would last before he either sobbed or laughed hysterically. He found he was sure he could go either way.
"Kouga…", she murmured.
"Kagome…", he smiled and lowered his mouth to hers.
She took the kiss from him and led the way to what came next. It was slow and sweet, made more lovely by the fact that they were in a place that was special to the two of them. It was as if something had been sealed, some kind of trust. She wished it could go on forever; him whispering sweet love words into her ear as he pushed himself up into her, her bottom and back rubbing against the tree trunk. He held her tightly to him when he came, a soft groan escaping into her opened mouth. Dropping his head onto her shoulder, he left it there as she played with his hair, dropping kisses onto his temple and the top of his head.
"You're so sweet.", she sighed as he slid out of her and zipped up his jeans. He stood against her as she cleaned herself, holding her close, kissing her nose, her eyelids and her chin.
"I'm scared.", he said gently as she moved herself into his embrace.
"I'm scared too. I've never done this, felt like this… so soon, so strong.", she replied, looking into his face.
"Do you trust me, Kagome?", he asked her, brushing her hair back from her face.
"Yes, Kouga, I sure do. I trust you.", she smiled.
"I want to try to be what you need.", he said.
"You don't have to try, Kouga, you already ARE.", she said, touching his lips with her fingertips.