Harry's Letters

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the sudden vision which is explained in the first letter. Go Chuck Norris!

Summary: Everybody is a little off, but Harry who still calm. Onward!

Harry Potter was not a normal boy, but that doesn't matter right now as he had a large number of letters waiting for him. He began reading and replying right away.

Dear Harry,

You will NEVER believe what I dreamed last night! Voldemort was running around cackling maniacally. He was wearing a red beanie. I don't know why, but he totally was. And he looked kind of like Chuck Norris. When did I even see Chuck Norris? Anyway, he had all his dark magic with them. They looked like midnight blue smurfs with black hats and trousers. Their shoes were purple and sparkly in a menacing way. They were toilet papering houses at Grimmauld Place and he was cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West. Oh dear. My head is just pounding away like a war drum. That potion was stronger than usual. I wish you were here to hear my giggle. I mean, manly chuckle. I think I may try flying. Think happy thoughts right? That chair looks like a good place to start.

Check you later,

Moony

Dear Professor Lupin,

Are you feeling alright? I think Snape must have put something in that potion. You should test it before you take it again. Please don't try flying in your current state and if you have, you number the number to my house. I'll send somebody to take you to St. Mungo's because I don't think you should try Apparating either.

With concern,

Harry

P.S. I thought you should know that the Voldemort in my dreams now looks like Chuck Norris in a beanie. He seems more likely to beat me up for littering than to kill me for anything. Thank you. I can sleep better now.

Dearest Harold,

Dost thou feel thy best? I am doing splendidly. Sir Ronald has professed his deepest love for moi. Since then I have been drawn into the language of Shakespearian theatre, though not in all entirety for I cannot rhyme. Isn't it absolutely spiffing? I should go now as this is more boring than Quidditch.

Fare thee well,

Hermione

Dear Hermione,

Harry is not short for Harold. Everybody saw the, er, profession coming. That is all I have to say.

Harry

Harry like OMG,

What up? Hermy is like totally mine. So freakin' cool huh? Like wow! It's like so totally awesome in its totally total awesomeness of totality. Do you know what I'm saying? It's like wow, you know? I'll let you go now cuz I need to like stare at her and some junk.

OMFG,

Ron

You frighten me more than Voldemort does.

Dear PlayWizard,

I was worried when I, uh, read your magazine, if you know what I mean. I don't think some of the pictures in there are supposed to be in there. One of the Hogwart's professors, Minerva McGonagall-

Harry then dropped the letter before reading further, sealed it, readdressed it, and sent it off to the right people. "Oh perfect!" he said turning slightly green. "Now I'm gonna have nightmares about Voldemort "Texas Ranger" and . . . ew, no."

(A/N: The author has disgusted herself and is going to stop now. I may try some more letters later on if you like them. I haven't got the slightest clue how to use "dost", "thou", and all that. Ignore that and review. I'm taking requests.)