Between The Lines

By: Maggz

Disclaimer: InuYasha and C. © Rumiko Takahashi

Note: God, this was hard for me to write. Hope you enjoy it and don't hate me alter reading this chapter. Don't forget to review

Chapter 24

Kagome smiled at Kouga; he frowned. Tilting her head sideways, she looked at him and reached for one of the bags he held tightly in his fists. He drew the bag away from her and turned quickly, making his way to the back of the cottage.

"Kouga?", she said, following him to the bedroom she had pulled the quilts from earlier.

"Kagome…", he said, throwing the bags onto the bed and turned, his eyes looking deeply into hers.

"I know, it's InuYasha. You're angry and I don't blame you. Please, don't let it ruin our time here, Kouga.", she said as she reached for his hand. He pulled his hand back and sat down heavily on the bed.

"This has got to come to some kind of stop, truce, standstill- something. I can't pretend any longer that it doesn't bother me that InuYasha seems to be your every waking thought, Kagome. What's it gonna be? Me or him?", he said.

Her eyes went wide and for a moment she said nothing. She didn't really know WHAT to say. Had he just given her an ultimatum? Anger clouded her senses and thinking it was better if she just left him for a bit, maybe took a walk and cooled down. She spun on her heel and stalked out of the bedroom.

Kouga sat in stunned silence for a few seconds until he heard the loud banging of the cottage front door and just like that, he was up off the bed and charging after her. How DARE she leave him sitting there as she had without saying a word. He grabbed the doorknob and slung the door open before slamming it closed behind him and taking off down the steps.

She walked fast, even though she was barefoot. If stones, sharp sticks or anything else of that nature harmed the soles of her feet she wasn't feeling it. She only knew she was deeply, deeply scared. Kouga was asking her to choose between he and InuYasha, something she just couldn't do. If she lost Kouga she just didn't think she could go on. He had awakened something inside of her that she hadn't known existed; he was her lover, her teacher, her passion. Without him, what would she be?

InuYasha, on the other hand had been with her through every situation in her life that had called for a friend to lean upon. Being without HIM was unimaginable; it was like asking her to just cut off her arm and throw it away. Impossible; she couldn't do it.

Losing both of them seemed to be a very real possibility at the moment and all she could feel was that it was entirely her fault. If not for her things would've been so different.

She had no idea how long she walked before she felt his hand on her waist, gripping hard and pulling her back to him. Stumbling backward, she fell into him and with a grunt, he fell to the ground, taking her with him. He held tightly to her as she struggled to get free of him, cursing him loud and clear.

"Let me GO… NOW!", she shouted as she grabbed his hands, pulling them up at the wrists and pinching him hard.

"OWW! Fuck it, Kagome! NO, not until you answer me. Don't you EVER run out on me like that again, do you hear me?", he growled, flipping her underneath him so that he was now straddling her as she lay on her back against the grass.

"Get yourself OFF me and get outta my FACE or Kouga, I swear I'll hit you where it hurts! I mean it… right now! I hate you… I hate you… I… fucking HATE… YOU!", she sobbed as her fists beat at his thighs. He pulled her hands from him and pressed them to the ground, his face inches from her own.

"Shut UP and listen to me for a minute. Please!", he said very lowly. She stared at him, her face a mixture of fear, anger and bewilderment.

"You can't make me choose, Kouga. I will NOT choose. If you make me choose then I'll leave. I'll leave BOTH of you. I'll take myself out of this fucking situation I've gotten myself into with you two selfish bastards and I won't EVER contact you again. I mean it.", she shouted up at him.

"Kagome, listen to me.", he said, reaching for her and pulling her up into his arms. "Do you think it's fair that you just made love to me in the most intimate way possible inside that cottage, yet your fucking cell phone rings and it's INUYASHA, and the last thing I hear you say before you ring off is letting him know you LOVE him? IS it fair? Is it? How is that supposed to make me feel? You just tell ME that!", he fumed.

"You know I love InuYasha and you know how I love him.", she said. "It's no threat to you, Kouga. It's not the same at all!", she said, trying to move away from him.

"No, that's where you are wrong, Kagome. I DON'T know how you love InuYasha- I don't think YOU even do. Why don't you just tell me HOW you love him? Make me understand it, Kagome, because I fucking can't!", he said.

"InuYasha is my best friend, Kouga. He's been my best friend since we were kids. I TOLD you that. Yes, I love him but I love him like a brother. He's my sanity, he's my rock. Without InuYasha I really don't know where I would've ended up or how I'd have been.", she said.

"Well then, have you KISSED your "brother" since you moved into the house with him, Kagome?" he asked.

"We kiss all the time, Kouga. It's just how we show affection, nothing intimate… just… kiss.", she said.

"Have you kissed him since you've kissed ME?", he asked.

Her eyes flew to her lap and then back up. He knew the answer and he also knew she wasn't being completely honest with him.

"Tell me, Kagome. We have either got to get past this or make a decision of how to best deal with it.", he said.

"Yes.", she said, her eyes bright on his.

"When and how?", he asked her.

"When and how WHAT, Kouga? I don't understand the question!", she said, her eyes bright.

"When did he KISS you and what kind of kiss was it? You just told me he's kissed you since you've been with me- kissing me, right? He asked.

"Yes, the night after you left the club, when you came home to wait on me, he kissed me out on the sidewalk.", she said.

"When it took you forever to get home, the night I was waiting for you and fell asleep?", he asked.

"Yes…"

"Is that all? Did anything else happen?", he asked.

"He told me he loved me. Told me I should give him a chance." she said.

Kouga lifted her abruptly from his lap, sitting her down on the grass and got to his feet. As she watched him, he walked to a huge tree by the drive and punched it with his fist, cursing loudly as he did. She shut her eyes and tried not to cry, her heart was breaking into a million pieces it seemed.

"You wanna give him a chance, Kagome? Be my fucking guest! Give him a fucking chance- the BASTARD!", he shouted as he walked back toward her. She shrank back into herself, her eyes never leaving his face.

"Any more kisses, anything ELSE?", he asked.

"I'm not saying anything else to you, Kouga, not about this. I'm not upsetting you further and I'm not going to upset myself either. You're scaring me.", she said, tears welling up in her eyes.

"So what you're saying in not so many words is that he HAS kissed you more than once since you and I have been together? I fucking KNEW it!", he growled. "I'm going to find that son of a bitch and I'm gonna rip his balls off. I swear to the GODS! I asked him if he had any claim on you and he said NO, he told me to do as I wanted and I fucking DID. Now he decides he wants you when he sees we're getting closer! Fucking LOSER!", he growled, the veins standing out in his neck.

"Don't, Kouga. Don't DO that. Don't talk about InuYasha that way.", she said, her heart pounding. She knew how Kouga made her body sing, knew she wanted to get to know him better, THOUGHT she might even be falling in love with him but he wasn't going to talk about InuYasha and get away with it. Not when it was just as much her fault as it was InuYasha's.

"You know what I think, Kagome? I think you just need to go to your best friend, get it out of your system and then decide WHO you'd rather BE with 'cause I can tell you, it ain't gonna be the two of us, baby. I'm not into sharing and I won't share you. I won't have his mouth all over you anymore, Kagome. It's not right and you know it. I can see it in your FACE!", he said.

"I- I don't understand.", she said as she got to her feet in front of him.

"Kagome, I think I'm falling in love with you, deeply. But I'm scared you don't know your own heart. I think you might just be in love with InuYasha and you don't even know it. I can't take the chance that you are IN love with him and lose my heart to you. Take the chance that you might just turn around one day, realize you ARE in love with him and leave me. I can't even stand to think of it.", he said.

"I'm NOT in love with InuYasha, not like what you are accusing me of!", she cried, "and I'd never hurt you, Kouga. Never!"

"Not on purpose, Kagome.", he said softly. "I know you have feelings for me that are strong. I know that sometimes you aren't sure if you can handle what you feel for me. I see it, Kagome, and I want to be there to help you through it all. But I can't DO this and risk losing you if you don't even know where your true heart lies. I can't make you mine or make love to you… Or just LOVE you and then have you turn to him for what you think I'm not capable of giving you.", he said.

His voice was calmer now, his blue eyes wide and honest. He reached for her hand and she let him take it, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I DO love you, Kouga" she whispered.

"I love you, Kagome but this… whatever… it's stalling us and it's gonna continue to do it until you get it figured out.", he said and pulled her against him to stroke over her back. He could feel her body trembling beneath his touch and he closed his eyes and held her; he was aching but he had to know.

"I don't know what I have to do to prove it to you. I don't know… don't know anything anymore.", she whispered against his chest.

"Kagome, I'm not doubting you care for me very much, baby, not at all. I KNOW what I see when I look into your eyes but so much of you is tied up with InuYasha that I have to know. Do you LOVE him? Could you ever love him, WANT him?", he stopped and looked down at her, raising her face to his so that he could look into her eyes when he spoke.

"Tell me it's none of my business and I'll leave it be but Kagome- have you had sex with InuYasha? Have you two ever made love?" , he asked her.

She blushed ten shades of pink, her eyes dropping as his fingers slid underneath her chin, needing for her to maintain eye contact with him.

Lifting her eyes to his once more she shook her head.

"You haven't? I thought you two dated before InuYasha left to go to college.", he said as a huge weight settled into his tummy.

"Dated? I don't know that we ever dated, Kouga. We've just always "been". I mean, he IS my best friend; I'm not lying to you about that. If there's ever been a crush between the two of us, I've not realized it or known it. He's never said ANYTHING like that to me until just recently and I really thought and still DO think it's because he senses you are becoming important in my life and that threatens him. It's nothing more than THAT!", she said.

"You don't know that.", he said.

"What DO I know, Kouga? Anything? Or do you and InuYasha think you have to make all the decisions for me? Am I that THICK to you?", she asked and pulled away from him once more, turning to walk back toward the cottage.

He watched her walk away from him a second time and put his head in his hands for a moment, trying to gain a bit of perspective. He was trying like hell to ignore his emotions and concentrate on what was best for them as a couple. Was what he wanted to suggest to her even sane? She'd think him crazy, he was sure of it.

Kouga followed her path back to the cottage and went inside. She was kneeling in the floor, tidying up the mess of quilts they'd lain upon and he knelt down beside her, studying her face.

She looked up, smiled at him and continued to fold the quilts until she had them stacked one atop the other.

"Stop, baby- just… please, come here…", he soothed as he pulled her down into his arms, resting them both atop the stack of quilts. She lay quietly there, her arms around his waist, her head resting against his bare chest. How had things gotten so messed up? He'd looked so forward to having her all to himself, so how had it gotten fucked?

Or had it been underneath all along?

"Kagome, please don't hate me. I can't bear it. I want US, trust me on this but I want US as a sure thing, and I'm not sure, not until you go back to InuYasha and talk this out.", he said softly as his fingers pulled through her hair.

"You're treating me like a whore, Kouga.", she said and he jerked in response as if she's slapped him.

"I've NEVER treated you that way! NEVER!", he insisted, drawing back to look at her.

"You're sending me to InuYasha and I know what you want me to do. I KNOW it. Why don't you just SAY it!", she said, her face set into a hard mask of hurt.

"You want me to say it? OK, I want you to go back to InuYasha. God help me but I want you to sleep with him and I want to know if he makes you feel things you never felt with me. I want to know if he can make you feel like I can. I hate myself for this. I can't believe I'm sitting here asking you to go to him when all I want to do is keep you far away from him. But it's not fair, Kagome. Not fair to you, or me, or even InuYasha if this isn't resolved. If you and I are meant to be together we'll be together and I'll KNOW, I'll really know that it's US all the way with nobody to come between us. If it's not, then I'll know I did a good thing for you and I'll get passed it.", he said.

She stood then, looking down at him, tears rolling down her face.

"I never thought you'd do this to me. I thought you were falling in love with me and I trusted you, Kouga. Whoever said LOVE was sure? Whoever told YOU that it always had to be safe. You're killing us before we even start by wanting to be certain of things that you have no right to be certain of. You are pushing me on InuYasha and if that's what you want, I'll go. If this is how you want to be rid of me, if my NEEDING you is suffocating you so much and this is the only way you know to be rid of me, I'd much preferred it if you'd just TOLD me, Kouga.", she said and turned away, walking back to the bedroom to grab her bag.

"I never said-", he started and the words just stuck in his throat. Was this the best way for it to be? Was this how he'd find out?

"If you love her set her free, is that it? God…", he moaned, fighting with himself to keep from going after her once more.

"Let her go, just let her go. If it's meant to be she'll come back. Oh, God, Kagome.", he whispered to himself.