Please Leave Your Name And Phone Number

by Super Shayde

A really stupid fic about what I think certain character's answering machine messages would be. Cute and unbelievably lame. [TO BE CONTINUED]

1. Ooh, A Vermicious Knid!

Answering Machine Messages

Summary: A cute, REALLY stupid little fic of what I think Harry Potter character's answering messages would be.

Ron Weasley –

"HELLO? HELLO? HOW DOES THIS THING WORK? HARRY – HARRY – HOW DO YOU DO THIS? HERMIONE – C'MON – HELP – PLEASE? HELLO!"

"Ron – Ron, stop it! Just turn it off – just make a new one – here, I'll show you –"

"HERMIONE, I CAN DO IT MYSELF!"

"You were just complaining about it and now-"

(Harry turns machine off.)

Voldemort –

"Hello...I am LORD VOLDEMORT! Leave your name and address and PREPARE TO DIE. (Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.)"

Sirius Black –

"Hi – you've reached Siri – I mean – you've reached the phone of somebody who is NOT AN ESCAPED CONVICT. I repeat, NOT AN ESCAPED CONVICT! Please leave a message and I'll get back to you."

Luna Lovegood –

"Hello! This is Luna – oh, wait, I think I see a Vermicious Knid!" (CRASH.)

Severus Snape –

"This is Severus Snape. Whoever you are, I most likely despise you. Politely do not leave a message and burden me even further."

Gilderoy Lockhart –

"Hello, this is Gilderoy Lockhart, five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile award, Dark Arts Fighter Extraordinaire, Amazingly Amazing Writer, Handsomest Bloke on the Block, and Order of Merlin, Third Class! Forget about yourself – just think about me, of course."