Thrumming her fingers against the steering wheel to the unheard tune in her head, Sara drove away from the glittery neon-lights and honking horns of motorists seeking a good-time. She was in no hurry, requiring thinking time, time that was easily acquired by driving. It was one of her favorite getaways, usually with the windows down, hair blowing in the rushing wind and the radio blaring out some innocuous tune. But tonight, her mind thoroughly clouded, she hadn't spared an extra thought to turning on the radio.

She cringed as she looked back on how she'd left Aeric in the hotel room. The look she received after telling him she couldn't stay created an ache in her heart. She could see the way she felt reflected in his eyes. But she couldn't let herself stay the night while these feelings were rampaging through her. It wasn't fair to him and it quite frankly wasn't fair to her. So, when Aeric opened his mouth to disagree, Sara had pressed her fingertips to his lips, stilling anything he may have wanted to say and inched closer to the point that both of their bodies were barely touching. The warmth shared between them mingled with the cool desert air sweeping over the balcony, sending a shiver to course through her. All she wanted was to snuggle close to his warmth and let him hold her throughout the night. It was a frightening feeling really, to have it this close and realize that you can't allow it. Not yet, at least.

"I need to think some things over. I'll come by tomorrow," she whispered.

"Sara..."

She shook her head and walked away. Leaving a stunned Aeric slumped against the railing of the balcony. It tore at her heart. And now, as she replayed that scene over and over again in her mind she became angry. If Grissom had left them alone earlier, they would now be snuggled together under the covers, the sweat cooling in the aftermath of their lovemaking.

The problem was she could understand what Grissom was doing. Giving a man an ultimatum and then watching it become a reality would garner a reaction from anyone, and depending on the man and his feelings, that reaction could be any number of things. How could he not react? I pushed him into it, she thought.

Now, she had to wonder what Aeric's reaction was going to be. Tonight, she'd taken another step further on her road to self-discovery. No, self-recovery was more like it. Over the years, she'd grown into a woman she no longer knew or could even understand. Following a man and staying at his heels like a lost puppy that had found a new friend. She cringed literally at the sight her mind conjured up. What had she become in all these years?

Bright lights further up the road caught her eye. Turning on her turn signal as she approached, she pulled into the gas station, parking on the side of the building where it was slightly secluded but still well lit. She didn't get out but remained in her car, still thinking about her two men.

And that was another thing. Her world was now revolving around not only one man, but two.

It was like her arms were stretched out from her sides, a rope tethered to each wrist and she was being pulled apart in the middle without any resistance on her part. What if she did? Resist that is. What if she pulled them in – as she moved forward, rather than one side or the other?

Something in the image her mind conjured up sparked an ember within her, an ember full of fierce determination. She remembered time, long ago, when she burned with intensity of will, and of living. Her trip to India and her encounter with Aeric had reignited the flame only for it to nearly be extinguished when she'd returned home to Las Vegas.

She could leave, but that wouldn't prove anything. Sara Sidle didn't run from her fears; she faced them head on, denying them power over her. Five years she'd spent in this city, five long years. It was time to put them behind her.

As the red gold sun rose over the desert surrounding Las Vegas, Aeric slept, though fitfully. Rolling onto his back, he covered his eyes with his forearm, effectively blocking out the now blaring morning sunlight from the balcony doors. He'd thoughtlessly left the drapes open earlier that morning when Sara had left with no explanation.

God how he'd missed her. Rubbing the sleep and newly formed moisture from his eyes, he threw the covers back and got out of bed, heading straight for the bathroom. Turning on the water in the sink, he leaned on the counter staring unseeing into the mirror.

He'd thought of nothing else but seeing and touching and kissing her since returning to the states. It never occurred to him that not calling her or writing to her before showing up would create such frustration, for him and for her. He could see the confusion in her eyes, but what he also saw, which shocked him, was the sorrow that darkened those beautiful brown eyes. He couldn't argue after that. He let her walk out, wishing with every step she made that she'd stop and stay with him.

The frustration of not having her by his side throughout the night hit him like a wave and pulled him into the now where the steam from the still running water rose and misted the mirror, obscuring his reflection. Shrugging heavily in an attempt to shake off the unwanted feeling, he bent over the sink, cupped the water and splashed it on his face and neck. The heat reawakened his senses, bringing him back to the land of the living. He repeated his actions a second and third time before reaching for a towel. It was then that he heard the faint knocking. Hoping it was Sara, terrified at the same time that it wasn't, he rushed to the door, throwing it open to see his hopes renewed.

She stood before him, unsmiling and yet not solemn. It reminded him of when he'd first glimpsed her on the plane to India and then again last night when he'd been shown to her table. His joy at seeing her must've been quite evident, for she now wore a brilliant smile.

"Hi. May I come in?" she asked.

"Please," he said with a flourish of his arm into the room, indicating her welcome.

Her smile lingered as she ducked past him and walked further into the room, taking in the rumpled sheets and the steam billowing out from the bathroom. "Were you taking a shower?"

Aeric looked at her bewildered, and then followed her glance toward the bathroom. "Oh, no, just the sink faucet. Just a second, I'll be right back."

As he walked away she turned to the balcony, approaching it in almost the exact same steps as the night before. As she looked out over the city, the sun shining on her face, she was reminded of waking up her first morning in Kolkatta and letting the sun warm her skin. Her eyes closed, letting the sights and smells take over her. She breathed in the scent of the air, but opened her eyes, not so much in surprise, but sobering revelation. India was long gone and so was the fantasy. The difference was enough to make her eyes water in loss of so much. A lone tear escaped the well of liquid in her eye.

The heat from the rising sun was not all that warmed her skin. Aeric stood behind her, close enough for her to feel him and to know that if she turned, she'd be in his arms instantly.

Instead, Aeric's arms gathered her close, cocooning her from her deep thoughts. He gently asked, "Are you going to tell me what's going on?" around

She shook her head, her hair caressing his face like a fan of feathers. Turning in his arms to face him, she let him pull closer, her arms sneaking about his waist, "I don't want to talk. I don't want to think. It only gets me into trouble when it's personal. I'm too tired to think anyway."

"You didn't go home?"

She shook her head, letting it fall to his chest as she snuggled closer and closed her eyes.

"I thought..."

Sara lifted her head, mere inches from his beautifully tanned face. "You thought what?"

He shrugged and ducked his head, somewhat embarrassed to have voiced his thoughts. "I thought that perhaps you wanted... other company."

At the mere mention of 'the other person', her heart skipped a beat and filled with dread. The mixture didn't sit well with her. "Aeric, I drove. Okay. I had to think. I'm being pushed and pulled so that I don't know where my footing is anymore." She pulled from his arms and stalked away, her hand on her head, cradling it as if she needed to support the heavy weight. Near the bed, she retrieved her purse from the floor then swung back around. "Maybe I should just go home and sleep."

But she didn't want to. And her hesitation was all the encouragement Aeric needed. Approaching her like he would one of the wild animals he photographed, he tenderly gripped her arms, asking for her full attention. "I'm sorry. Stay, please. I didn't sleep well as it is. I think we can manage to make it dark enough to sleep."

Wanting to stay, but ambiguous yet as to her feelings in regard to the two men, she remained frozen in her spot, staring into his dark brown eyes and his dazzling smile, while he caressed her arms soothingly. It was enough to make up her mind. "Ok."

Aeric kept to his word and within minutes they were both sound asleep. While she slept for several hours, Aeric awoke after only a couple. Watching her as she slept had been one of his favorite pastimes when they were in India. It still was. He couldn't help it. She slept on her stomach, her arm cradling the pillow beneath her face – relaxed and serene, all signs of stress removed, giving her a carefree appearance. Her hair spilled softly across her shoulders and his fingers twitched with wanting to caress.

When his eyes started drooping again, he lay next to her, hand beneath his face, continuing to watch her until finally he succumbed to the pull of slumber.

It was a twist later when he woke to find her leaning on her elbow, her hand temptingly stroking his chest and her smile rewarding him for waking. His hand caught hers, stilling it and tugged her down upon his chest. He didn't miss the hiss that she emitted or the sudden straightening of her back. "You alright?"

"Uh, not sure, I think I have a knot in my lower back –probably from all that driving."

"Well, let me take a look at that for you," he offered, an unmistakable twinkle in his eyes.

After helping to settle her on the mattress, back on her stomach, he began a tender exploration of her tense muscles without restriction because of her backless dress. "You know this might take a little work. I brought a present for you and was planning on giving it to you later this evening, but it might be put to good use right now."

"Let me guess. Oil?"

"Good guess." He chuckled and rolled to the side of the bed and grabbed a bag that was on the near chair. Minutes later he set to work releasing the knots in her muscles.

A while later, her stomach twitched as warm, caressing fingers massaged the scented oil that fell from the intricately inlaid bottle onto her skin. They ignited a flame that spread through her body, inching their way lower still until smoothing the dark thatch of hair at her juncture. With each stroke of his fingers he brought her that much closer to the edge. He'd managed to do this numerous times during the last hour and each time he'd surprised her by not letting her crossover that chasm.

"Aeric," she whimpered, her fingers desperately clutching the damp sheets beneath her.

"Shh," he shushed. "Just relax. Close your eyes."

"I… I can't. It's too much." Her lashes fluttered, but did not close until she buried her face against her arm and bit her lower lip to hold in a yelp.

Suddenly, he removed his hands and she gasped from the loss. She could feel the heat of him as his body leaned over hers. Twisting her head back to look at him, she saw a glint of laughter in his eyes. "Sara, you really must learn to relax."

"I was relaxed… a half hour ago. Now, I'm just coiled up tighter than a spring." She wanted his hands back on her, but she didn't know how much more she could take.

"I can fix that," he chuckled.

"I know you can," she spat out exasperated. Foreplay was one thing, but this… she didn't know what to call it. "Please, Aeric."

With a quick shuffle of their bodies, he was soon cradled between her thighs, his manhood pressed against her belly. Her body quivered from the sensations once again flooding through her body as his hand cupped her breast. His mouth followed close behind and suckled the taut nub.

She lightly trailed her fingers over his back to rest in the length of his hair, entwining them within the dark strands. Her moans of pleasure encouraged him to continue. "Aeric… mmm… oh, yes." Again, she gasped as his hand roamed down the side of her body, now slippery from the oil. Pushing her legs further apart, he rubbed her inner thigh and heard her gasp as his fingers found her little nub, stroking it feverishly as he filled her.

This time she didn't try to hold back her cry of pleasure.

Lying spent from their heated exertions, they snuggled, and their bodies pressed firmly together facing each other, their limbs tangled possessively.

But although her body had relaxed and found release, her troubled thoughts returned with a vengeance. During her peaceful sleep, her nightly fantasies played merrily with her sanity and she awoke fitfully.

The bed was still warm where she reached out and felt for Aeric, but he wasn't there. The sound of running water grabbed her attention and realizing that he was in the shower, she lay back, clutching the covers to her chest. The dreams had been so vivid that she woke with absolute certainty that she'd find Grissom lying next to her, his chest bare, the sheet haphazardly covering his lower extremities, or he'd be resting on his elbow, leaning over her and watching her sleep. And instead of disappointment, she'd been hopeful.

The turmoil had taken its toll on her. The tears slipped from her eyes and she swiped at them furiously. She didn't want Aeric to see them. She didn't want Aeric to see her at all.

Stunned at her sudden conclusion, she scrambled from the bed and dressed frantically. She couldn't face him. Finding the pad of paper she'd seen earlier, she scribbled a note and left it on his pillow.

By the time she made it to the lobby, her heart had quit racing and she'd caught her breath. The guilt at leaving Aeric like she had began to settle heavily in her belly. It was with great difficulty that she made it through the lobby doors without turning back.