The Nightmare

part 2

The Nightmare was the beginning of it all now that I look back on it. Why couldn't she tell me about it? I might have been able to do something. If she just didn't want to worry me she was just stupid! Why didn't she just tell me? Was she was too proud to admit something was wrong with her or The Baby? Stupid. Mother of the year, her. No chance for it now.

I was worried after the first Nightmare. She'd never woken up like that in the night before. She was sure it was just something random. It happens sometimes, you know? I didn't think too much of it.

When I came in the door that day I could see she was nervous. Wringing her hands and shaking. She stood before me and kept her distance. When the news spilt from her beautiful mouth I was stunned. My mind was a blank slate. I sank down to the floor. She crouched in front of me.

"John?" she asked. "John, what do you think?"

What did I think? I couldn't think. Period. She held one of my hands in her small, delicate ones.

"How long have you known?" Stupid, yes, but I needed time for my brain to get back into gear.

"Since last night."

Ah, I'd thought, maybe that's what brought on The Nightmare. This was all new to her, she was worried and her mind went into overdrive. It was logical.

We talked about our options. She didn't know what she wanted, but when I said what I wanted she agreed with the decision. I wanted to keep The Baby. I told her that she would be a good mother. I knew she would have been. I hoped I could be a good father. I didn't have the best model in the world. After all, I told her, we aren't getting any younger. Why not start now?

That was it. We were gonna have a baby. When she smiled I couldn't help it; I smiled too. Smiling was addictive. We were happy.

I was happy throughout her short-lived pregnancy. I thought she was too, even when she was looking ill and probably feeling just as bad as she looked. I had the feeling she was some sort of zombie when I was away, but when she was with me she always smiled and things were almost all right. There was something in her eyes, though, that said otherwise.

The last night we were together was normal. Lately she'd been coming into bed after me. She'd been having The Nightmare pretty often, but I was a deep sleeper. I don't think it even woke her every night. When she came to bed I put my arms around her. She was tense. I moved closer to her and was asleep before I even knew it.

She never woke up. I should've known something was wrong. I could see that something was different but us having a baby was different enough to blind me. I thought the pregnancy, The Baby, and everything would be just peachy. I was blind. I still can't say her name without feeling horrible.

When I got up in the morning I had to take a piss. I got up without even looking at her. I did my business and noticed dried blood on my right hip. I checked myself. I wasn't cut anywhere. I ran back to the bedroom and saw the huge red stain under her. I grabbed her and tried to wake her up but it was no good. She was already cold. I clutched her body. It was the most pain I'd ever felt in my entire life. I'd gladly go back to Hell if I didn't have to feel this. It was the most I'd ever cried. I cried so much I threw up. I cried so much I went hoarse. And I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. My insides felt like they were going down a drain. It was horrible. I felt like I was drowning. I couldn't breathe. I passed out. If I could trade, I would. Nothing can bring her back. Nothing can bring The Baby back. Nothing can make us a family again. I'll never be happy again. I'm lost now. I've got no one, nothing.

When I woke up I saw Chas looking down at me. I'd never seen that look on his face before. It was a mixture of sadness and anger. His shoulders and wings slumped. There were trails of tears running down his face. He knew what had happened. He told me that the police were called and her body was already gone. Most of all, he told me who did it.

AN: I didn't plan on doing a second part, but you talked me into it… BTW, I hate writing softie-John. I listened to "Goneaway" by The Offspring while writing the last part. If you've never heard it I suggest you check it out. It's sad. I'm going to write a third part, but it won't be posted for a while. I'm going away for a week and a half. If someone wrote a Constantine/Devil's Advocate crossover it would be awesome!